Brutal Boy by Selena

six

Royal Dolce

I should have known she’d push me. I should have known she had something up her sleeve when she let me kiss her, when she kissed me back like she fucking needed it. I should have seen it coming. After everything I did, everything I said, I knew she hated me. That’s why I said those things, after all. It’s why I did them. I should have fucking known.

I don’t grab for the bridge or try to recover my balance. I don’t pivot and dive into the water to ensure minimum impact. If I really fucking cared about falling, I’d do that. Instead, I wrap my arms around Harper, because if I’m going down, she’s coming with me.

I feel her lurch forward, and then her hold gives out, and she’s wrenched away from the ledge by my weight. I feel her struggling in my arms, but I only hold tighter, like she’s the last thing in the world I have to hold onto.

I had a sister once, but I lost her.

I had a brother who protected me once, but I lost him.

I have two brothers left, and if they’re capable of it, they still care. They’re required by the laws of blood brotherhood. But I didn’t protect them, the way I promised King I would. They’re worse off than Crystal, worse off than if I’d been the one who disappeared that night. I can’t do anything about that now. Thanks to me, they are who they are. But they’ll keep on being that without me.

Harper, though… She won’t go on being anything without me.

The water hits us like a slap, and then we’re under the surface. She’s thrashing in my arms, but I don’t let go. I hold onto her like a last breath, and together we sink into the cold dark oblivion of the river.