Claimed by Vicki Lewis Thompson

Chapter Thirteen

Josie had always told herself that Jack made love with his whole being, and that proved he was committed to her. But after his answer to Alex’s question last night, she wasn’t sure that devoting himself completely to lovemaking was as significant as she’d thought. Maybe he’d done that with all his girlfriends. Perhaps she was no more special than any of the others had been.

There was one way to find out, but she wouldn’t think about that now, as she lay naked and panting on the blanket while Jack kissed every square inch of her body. She wouldn’t think at all, because Jack was by far the best lover she’d ever had the pleasure of sharing a blanket with. Not that her list of partners was very long, but she had a hunch that Jack would head the list for the rest of her life.

He also had the most impressive package of any man she’d known. She hadn’t paid proper attention to that package in the past two days. As he rose to his hands and knees and reached for a condom at the edge of the blanket, she flattened her palm against his chest. “Not yet.”

His muscles flexed under the pressure of her hand, and his voice was low and seductive. “But I want you.”

“Soon.” She pushed against his chest, urging him to rise to his knees as she scooted into a sitting position in front of him. “First, I want this.” She wrapped her fingers around his rigid cock.

His sharp intake of breath told her he might not mind the delay all that much. His groan when she cupped his balls told her that he might actually be happy about the delay. When she used her tongue to lick the single drop of moisture from the head of his penis and he tunneled his fingers through her hair to clutch the back of her head, she knew that he was in total agreement with the delay.

As she made slow, sweet love to him in this intimate way, she realized why she’d craved touching him like this. It was now, when she had complete control of his reactions, that he became the most vulnerable. Raw needs surfaced as his breathing grew ragged. Each moan was more intense than the last. She wondered if this time he would abandon himself completely. In their six months of lovemaking, he never had.

He didn’t today, either. Gripping her head more firmly, he eased away from her. “No more.” His voice was hoarse. “I loved it, but no more.”

He couldn’t let go, not even here, where no one would know but her. And that, she realized, was what had hurt the most when his father died. She’d wanted to hold him and soothe the agony he was enduring. But he hadn’t allowed her to be that close. He hadn’t allowed himself that comfort.

As he put on the condom and guided her back onto the blanket, she looked into his dark eyes. They were hot with passion, as she knew they would be, but he was back in control. She was the one who would be vulnerable now, the one who would lose control.

And she did, helpless to stop her body from responding to his smooth rhythm, his urgent kisses, his deep, thorough penetrations that brought forth cries of ecstasy from her kiss-swollen lips. Beside her, the stream echoed the liquid sound of his cock sliding in and out, driving her closer and closer to oblivion.

She gazed into his eyes, looking for a connection that went deeper than this bodily one they shared. For a moment she imagined that she saw it — a temporary glimpse of vulnerability and need. But then it was gone, replaced by fierce determination to give her the perfect orgasm.

That single-minded focus soon had her arching off the blanket. He made her come, and then he made her come a second time before he finally gave in to his own climax.

As he shuddered in her arms, she held him tight and wished… but no, there was no point in wishing that Jack would be different. Instead she wished for the strength to do what she must.

* * *

Jack had given it everything he had, but he could tell as he and Josie dressed that all his efforts hadn’t fixed whatever was bothering her. He could always try again, but they were a little short on time for that, and besides, he didn’t have much confidence a second go-round would make any difference.

Yesterday she’d been glowing as a result of having sex with him, but today she seemed… sad. That was the only word for it, and it sure as hell wasn’t the reaction he was looking for.

But he wasn’t the kind of guy who relished asking a woman what was wrong. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, anyway. So instead, once they were dressed, he offered her brownies.

“Thanks.” She took one out of the bag and stood beside the stream while she ate it. “These are good. Did Sarah make them?”

“I think so.” Jack polished off one of the brownies, and Josie was right. They were delicious. Too bad he wasn’t in the mood to enjoy them. “Mary Lou does most of the cooking because we feed such a crowd, but every once in awhile Sarah likes to get in there and bake something that’s just for the family.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah, it is. Ready to mount up?”

“No.”

Uh-oh. Here it came. He braced himself.

“I want to talk about why you call her Sarah.”

He relaxed a little. Maybe this wasn’t going to be a Big Discussion, after all. “It’s like I said the last time we talked about this. The name Mom means something different to me than it does to other people. My actual mom left, so I don’t have good memories to go along with calling somebody that. Better to use Sarah.”

“Logical.” She crouched down to rinse her fingers in the stream.

“It’s how I feel.”

She dried her hands on her jeans and faced him. “Is it? Or is it how you think?”

“I don’t get what you’re saying.”

“I believe that explanation is what you think, but I doubt very much it’s what you feel.”

“You’re talking in circles, Josie.”

“Let’s go at it from another angle, then. I’ve heard several times that Sarah would love to have you call her Mom. She’s wanted that for years.”

He gazed at her and tried to figure out what she was going for. “I guess she still doesn’t understand my reasons.”

“I think she does, Jack, and that’s the problem. You’re a smart guy, and you’ve rationalized this beautifully, but the fact is, by refusing to call her Mom, you’ve maintained a distance between the two of you.”

“There’s no distance.” Anger rose in him. “I adore that woman.”

“Then why not make her happy? Why not call her what she’d rather be called?”

“Because it would hurt!” He drew in a sharp breath. He hadn’t meant to say that. “What I mean is, it—”

“What you mean is that it would hurt,” Josie said quietly. “And you are deathly afraid of being hurt.”

His body clenched, beginning with his jaw and going all the way down to his toes. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe not. But I do know one thing. This wall you’ve built around yourself so you won’t get hurt again the way your mother hurt you, and the way your dad hurt you when he died — that wall is high enough to keep me out, too. Until you’re willing to tear down that wall forever, I won’t be in your life.” She crossed to Destiny and untied him from the tree. “We’d better be getting back.”

Panic gripped him. “Josie, what the hell are you saying? What damned wall? We just made love!”

“I always thought that’s what we were doing, Jack, which is what kept me hoping that we had a future together. But I think we were just having sex.” Turning away, she mounted Destiny in a smooth move worthy of a more accomplished rider.

This conversation couldn’t be happening. Everything had been going along so well, except for last night’s set-to with Alex. But Josie hadn’t referred to last night, so he didn’t think that was the problem.

He walked over to Destiny and took hold of the horse’s bridle. “Josie, don’t do this. Give it time. We’ve only been back together for a few days.”

She gazed down at him. “How much time should I give it, Jack? Six months? Been there, done that. I didn’t like the way Alex interrogated you last night, but it made me aware that you really don’t know how you feel about me.”

So Alex and his damned questions were behind this, after all. Jack hated these kinds of confrontations, but this one was in full swing. He needed to find a way to turn it around. “I was put on the spot last night and couldn’t think very well. But you know I like being with you. That should be obvious. We have a great time together.”

“I’m sure you like being around your stepmother, too.”

“Of course I do. She’s a terrific woman.”

“And she wants to be your mother, in word as well as deed.”

“Damn it!” Jack blew out a breath. “What is so all-fired important about the name I use for my stepmother?”

“When you figure that out, maybe you’ll understand why I’m calling it quits.” She glanced at his hand, which still clutched Destiny’s bridle. “Let me go, Jack.”

“This is no good, Josie. We have the wedding coming up in a few days. Everyone expects us to—”

“Don’t worry about the wedding. I’ll be fine, and so will you. Neither one of us is capable of ruining the big day for Morgan and Gabe.”

“Couldn’t we just go on as we’ve been doing? Why are you making such a point of this now?”

She looked into his eyes. “To borrow your words, because it hurts. It hurts a lot, Jack. Now let go of the bridle.”

He decided there was no percentage in keeping her here, so he backed away from Destiny. Josie had made up her mind about him and the stupid wall she was convinced he’d built around himself. What a crock.

He didn’t have a wall around him or he never would have been rolling around on that blanket with her. But nothing he said would sway her at this point. Well, unless he suddenly agreed to start using the word mom when referring to Sarah. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out what that had to do with anything, and he wasn’t about to be railroaded into something that would feel damned awkward, especially after all this time.

Watching Josie ride out of the clearing was a surreal experience. A horrible experience, to be honest. His chest tightened up and he felt short of breath. For a brief moment he wondered if he was having a heart attack, although that was ridiculous. Heart problems didn’t run in the family, and he was a healthy thirty-two-year-old.

That left him with the obvious conclusion that he was reacting emotionally to having Josie cut out on him. That was also ridiculous. He’d done fine without her for ten months, and he could do fine without her again.

But if that was true, how come there was this massive ache in his chest? In addition to that, he thought the top of his head was about to come off. He hadn’t had a headache in months, not since… the day his dad died. That was the last time he’d felt this bad.

But that had been different. He’d lost his only remaining parent, so of course he’d feel… Jack paused when he realized the phrase he’d just used. His only remaining parent. Strictly speaking, that was true, and yet Sarah had been the equivalent of a parent since he’d been four.

He didn’t think of her that way, though. She was just… Sarah. Why Josie was so hung up on that was a real mystery to him. But he and Josie were done now, for sure. Totally finished. She’d left him.

She’d left him.Jack sat on the ground and stared at the spot where she’d disappeared down the trail. She’d left him. His chest tightened up again, and the pressure behind his eyes was intense. Maybe he’d just sit here for awhile, until the pressure went away.

It would, eventually. He remembered that from the day his father died, and again, at the funeral. The pressure would build up until he thought his head would explode, but if he just waited it out, he’d be okay. All he had to do was sit here awhile.

* * *

Josie let Destiny pick his own way along the path while she swiped at her brimming eyes. She’d managed to keep a lid on her emotions until she’d ridden away, but now the tears kept coming. She needed to get them under control before she got back to the barn.

She also needed a story to explain why she was coming back ahead of Jack. Nobody would believe her, though, no matter what she said, unless she told them the truth. She could always go with that. What a novel idea.

But in the process she had to calm their fears about a wedding fiasco in the making. If Sarah happened to be home when she got there, she’d talk with her. That might or might not help, but Sarah, who had been married to a man very similar to Jack, and who dealt with Jack himself on a regular basis, might be the only person who would understand.

Once Destiny came out of the trees and the open meadow stretched ahead, Josie nudged him in the ribs. Because he was homeward bound, he took off immediately, cantering across the meadow. The wind whipped the tears away and the excitement of riding this powerful animal soothed her aching heart.

Halfway back her hat blew off, but she kept going. Someone would find it, and if not, it was only a hat. A hat was easy to replace. The love of your life, not so much.

Then again, she’d better hope Jack wasn’t the love of her life. If so, she was totally screwed. Jack, near as she could tell, was a lost cause. She might have been speaking Chinese back in the clearing for all the effect her words had on him.

At least Alex would be happy about this. He’d probably congratulate her on making the right decision. And she had. She definitely had. But even good decisions could hurt like a sonofabitch.

When she came within sight of the barn, she slowed Destiny, but instead of walking him, she urged him into a trot. Although she still bounced at first, she found the rhythm and rode up to the barn rocking gently in time with the horse. She was proud of that.

Unfortunately, nobody was around to notice. Dismounting, she tied Destiny to the hitching post. Now she really did have to go up to the house and find someone, so she could report that she’d brought the horse back. If that someone turned out to be Sarah, so much the better.

She was in luck. When she rang the doorbell, Sarah answered. She was dressed in the kind of outfit Josie associated with Sarah — jeans and bright-colored western shirt that contrasted nicely with her medium-length silver bob.

Her hair.Josie realized with horror that hers was still down around her shoulders and had to be a tangled mess by now. Pair that with her red eyes from crying most of the way here, and she probably looked like a pitiful waif.

But there wasn’t much she could do about that now except straighten her shoulders and lift her chin. “I wanted to let someone know that I brought Destiny back and he’s tied to the hitching post down at the barn. I haven’t learned how to unsaddle a horse yet, or I’d have—”

“Come in.” Sarah reached out and took Josie’s arm as if to make sure that instruction was followed. “What’s happened?”

“Everything’s fine, Mrs. Chance. Don’t worry about the wedding. Nothing will happen, I promise.”

“Please call me Sarah, and I’m less worried about the wedding at the moment than about you. Did Jack say something? Do something?”

“No. Jack hasn’t done anything wrong.” Josie stood in the large living room with its beamed ceilings, mammoth rock fireplace, and Native American rugs hanging on the walls. Comfy leather furniture was grouped in front of the fireplace and a wagon-wheel chandelier hung from the ceiling. She’d only been here a couple of times, but she’d always loved this room.

“Come on back to the kitchen. Let me get you some coffee, tea, water, something.”

Josie allowed herself to be guided down a hallway to the left. She remembered it led to the kitchen and dining rooms, both the large one where the hands and any guests ate, and the small one for the family. She’d been invited to one family dinner, but Jonathan Chance’s disapproval had ruined the meal for her.

“I apologize for the way I look,” she said. “I wanted to let you know about Destiny, and I totally forgot about my hair.” She had no idea how to explain why her hair was in this state, so she didn’t try.

“Don’t apologize. I feel somewhat responsible for this because Gabe and I are the ones who suggested the riding lessons. I was hoping… well, never mind.” She led the way through the large dining room, empty at this hour of the morning. Four round tables that could seat eight were set for lunch.

Which reminded her that she couldn’t dawdle. Andy and Tracy could open Spirits and Spurs without her, but she didn’t like to be gone without telling them where she was. “I can’t stay long,” she said as she followed Sarah into the kitchen where Mary Lou presided over the industrial-sized stove. Josie smelled chicken baking.

“I hope you can stay long enough to tell me what happened.” Sarah moved to the counter where a large coffee pot sat. “Mary Lou, you remember Josie Keller from Spirits and Spurs.”

“Sure do.” Mary Lou turned. “You were also out here for dinner last summer.”

“I was, and it was delicious.” Josie tried not to think about that ill-fated family dinner where Jack’s father had made it plain she wasn’t welcome.

“I appreciate that.” Mary Lou met her gaze and smiled. “You look as if you could use something to drink.”

Josie discarded the idea of asking for whiskey, straight up. “A glass of water would be great.”

Sarah gestured to the coffee pot. “We have coffee. We can make tea.”

“No, thanks. I really do have to get going.”

Sarah brought her a glass of water and pointed to a chair at a small side table. “Sit a minute. Catch your breath.”

Josie hadn’t realized how shaky she was until she sank onto the straight-backed chair.

“It’s plain that you and Jack had a fight.”

“Not really.” Josie gripped her water glass like a lifeline. “But I’ve decided that we’re just not meant to be.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows. “It’s really none of my business, but I’d love to know why you think that.”

“Don’t get me wrong.” Josie had to remember this woman loved Jack as a mother loved a son. “Jack’s a terrific guy. But he seems to hold something back, if you know what I mean. At least with me, he does.”

Sarah’s blue eyes softened in sympathy. “He does that with everyone, honey. Even me.”

“I know.” She caught herself. “I mean, I figured he did.”

Sarah traced the grain of the wood in the old oak table. “I was hoping you might break through that barrier he’s erected.”

“I don’t know how.” She paused. “So I’m giving up.”

“That’s too bad.”

“But I want you to know it won’t affect the wedding. I promise you that. I’m sure you can count on Jack, too.”

“Oh, I’m sure I can.” Sarah looked wistful. “But this would have been a great opportunity to… well, never mind.”

“I wish it could have worked out.” Josie thought that was the understatement of the year.

“So do I, Josie. So do I.”