Loyal Lawyer by Lauren Runow

Chapter Twenty-Three

Oliver only stayed until bedtime last night before Sebastian brought him back to Lauryn’s house, so she could feed him. When Sebastian arrived back home, I questioned telling him about Shawn, but he was exhausted, so he crashed right away. Today, he was up early, catching up on work stuff before heading back to see the baby, so I decided to head down to the office even though it’s Saturday. I don’t have much going on but figured I would play with some new recipe ideas.

When I enter the office, I notice the alarm doesn’t sound off from my entry, and when I check to see why, I jump at the sight of Shawn sitting at the long counter in the dark.

I grab my chest, hoping the weight of my hands might possibly keep my heart from jumping out of my body. “What are you doing here, sitting in the dark?” I ask as I try to calm my breathing and turn on the lights.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” he responds in a tone I’ve never heard from him.

His head is down, either too heavy to lift or the lights are too much for his eyes. I turn off half the lights. His head stays put.

I set my purse on the counter and then walk over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

He tilts his head my way. I see just how horrible he looks—bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath them—and it freaks me out. My easygoing employee looks like he’s been through hell.

“Shawn, what happened?” I ask, my voice laced with concern.

“I went through the calendar some more and matched the dates with when I was hooking up with Lauryn.”

My heart, which I thought was going to jump out of my chest earlier, now feels like it just stopped beating.

When I don’t say anything, he lets out an audible sigh. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”

“Do you honestly think Oliver is your son?” I ask barely above a whisper.

He nods his head vehemently, and that’s when I smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Are you drunk?”

He lifts a bottle of Jameson from between his legs. “Bottoms up!”

I lean back and take a breath, not sure how I feel about this situation. On one hand, I walked in on my employee when he shouldn’t have been here, and to make it worse, he’s drunk. Yet at the same time, I feel sorry for him, and I guess I’m thankful that he felt this was a safe place for him to come and work through his problems.

I pull out a stool and sit next to him. “Tell me about the time frame.”

I grab the bottle from him since he’s had enough. Thankfully, he doesn’t fight me.

He crosses his arms over the counter and lays his head down. “We met at the lodge at Camelback Mountain. It was the afternoon, and everyone got lit at the bar. She and I got to talking and never made it out to the slopes for the second ski run of the day. Instead, we went back to my hotel, where they had this awesome—”

“Martini-shaped hot tub. You mentioned it.”

“She thought it was hysterical, and it’s probably the only reason she went home with me. I was pissed when she said she was going back to the city to see her boyfriend. You know me—I do not get involved with girls in a relationship. Shit always goes south. I remember the boyfriend was a lawyer. Funny how you forget details until the moment you need them, and they suddenly come flooding back.”

“I’m guessing your fling was around thirty-six weeks ago now.”

He nods, and I close my eyes, wishing this weren’t happening.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles.

I wrap my fingers around his elbow and give him a tug, so he sits up and faces me. “You can’t do nothing.”

He grits his teeth and stares up at the ceiling. “I know. That’s why I’m here. Drunk. I came here because I wanted to blame this place. If I didn’t work here, I’d have had no clue this baby was even born.”

“But you do know. So, now, you have to face it.”

He snaps his face toward me. “I will not be a father to this kid.”

I blink, shocked at his demeanor and praying it’s more the alcohol talking rather than the real Shawn because this is definitely a side of him I’ve never seen.

“If it’s yours, then you won’t have a choice.”

I jump back when he slams his fist on the counter. “I’m not ready to be a parent. I don’t want this.”

All I can think about is the difference between Shawn and Sebastian. Here’s Shawn, acting like a fool over the thought of Oliver possibly being his, while Sebastian has embraced it with so much love and excitement that I don’t know if he’ll ever recover if he finds out the baby is not his.

My phone rings, and when I see Sebastian’s face, my stomach drops.

“Don’t you dare say anything.” Shawn sits up, pointing at me.

I glare at him and swipe the call. I can understand the shock of maybe being a father, but his reaction is really starting to tick me off.

“Hello?” I answer, trying to act normal.

“Hey. I was going to grab lunch. Want me to bring you something too?” he asks.

I smile at how sweet this man is, especially compared to the guy sitting next to me right now.

I take in a breath and know I need to rip off the Band-Aid, or this will eat away at all of us. But it needs to come from Shawn.

“Sure, I’m at the shop. I’d love it if you could bring me something here.”

Shawn grabs my arm with his eyes wide open, but I push him off of me. He needs to pull up his big-guy boxers—if there is such a thing—and face the music.

“Perfect. I’m actually right around the corner from you already. I’ll be right there.”

We say our good-byes, and Shawn grabs the bottle from me, takes a swig, and then drops his head to the counter again. Right now, I don’t care what he does as long as it doesn’t include running out that door.

The silence is deafening as we wait for Sebastian to arrive.

For twenty-four hours, I’ve contemplated talking to Sebastian. I’ve been a coward because it’s too hard a conversation to have, especially without Shawn being one hundred percent certain that the timeline matches. Now that I know it does, that there’s a real possibility that another man could be the father, I can’t see how we don’t have the conversation, no matter how difficult it will be.

“Are you going to tell him, or am I?” I ask after a few minutes.

“You,” he grumbles.

I let out a breath, feeling uncomfortable about having to be the one. “I think it’d be better, coming from you.”

“Yeah, well, I’d rather ignore the situation altogether, but somehow, my life is fucked up enough to have Karma bite me right in the ass. I knew I should have stopped playing the field. The game eventually catches up to you.”

“You need to man up, Shawn.”

“I thought I was. I finally got a full-time gig at my dream job, decent cash in my pocket, and I was gonna get an apartment.”

I want to smile at his dream job comment, but I know that’s not what I should be focusing on right now. “You’re not losing your job, if that’s what you’re worried about. Mistakes happen. It’s how you deal with them in the end that matters.”

I run my hands through my hair and go over the thousand possible ways that I can break the news to Sebastian, and they all make me coil in a pool of nerves. My body starts to shake, and my hands turn clammy when I hear the back door open and watch as Sebastian walks through.

Shawn groans with his head still down while I say a silent prayer to myself, hoping this goes smoothly.

“Hey, beautiful,” Sebastian says as he leans in to give me a kiss. For a man who has been going nonstop on little sleep, he looks immaculate in his blue V-neck T-shirt and khaki shorts.

He stops short when he notices Shawn still leaning over, basically laying on the table. “Everything okay?” He points to Shawn and then looks back at me.

I inhale a deep breath and then go for it. “You might want to have a seat.”

Sebastian eyes the two of us while he pulls up a stool and moves the food he brought to the side, sensing this is not a casual conversation to have over a meal.

“I-I …” I stutter with a swallow. “I don’t know how to say this.”

He sits up tall, bracing himself. “Are you breaking up with me?” His eyes narrow in confusion.

“Oh God. No.” I grab his hands and give them a squeeze. “I’m so sorry to give you that impression. I love you very much.” I pause as he smiles in relief while I rub my lips together. “I’m telling you this because I care about you.”

His smile drops slightly, and his chest rises. “Does this have anything to do with Shawn being drunk and half-passed out in your kitchen?” he asks slowly.

I glance to Shawn, who’s still lying here with his head down. I close my eyes and turn back to Sebastian. When I open them, I see the man I love, and I don’t know if I can crush his soul like this. Maybe it is better if we just don’t say anything. It’s obvious who wants this child and who doesn’t.

“Amy, you’re freaking me out here. What’s going on?” Sebastian asks.

“I just—”

“Is this your baby’s mom?” Shawn holds out his phone to Sebastian, keeping his head down.

Sebastian looks at me and then at the phone with his eyebrows pinched in. “Yes,” he says like he’s not sure if that’s a good answer or a bad answer.

Shawn brings the phone back to himself, swiping a few things before holding it back up to Sebastian to show the picture of Shawn and Lauryn at the ski resort the day they hooked up. “The date on this photo, is that around when you guys conceived your baby?”

Sebastian doesn’t bother looking at the phone. He keeps his eyes glued to me. I watch as the wheels in his head turn, making his softened face harden into a tight-jawed bite of anger.

“What’s going on here?” he asks through a tense jaw.

My breath staggers. “I was making you a surprise chocolate bar yesterday, and Shawn recognized the Deveraux name as a woman he hooked up with.”

“When?” His tone grows defensive as his hands retreat from mine.

I sigh and shrug. “I’m so sorry, Sebastian, but the date lines up. There’s a possibility Shawn is Oliver’s father.”

Sebastian stands so fast that the stool he was sitting on gets thrown back and falls on the ground, making a loud thud that startles me in the quietness surrounding us.

“Did you just shrug while standing here, telling me that this guy”—he points to Shawn but keeps his sight glued to me—“might be the father of Oliver instead of me?”

My mouth parts to speak, but I stammer. My eyes look down and up and all around, as I’m unsure of what to do or say. “This is an uncomfortable situation. I don’t know what to do with my shoulders.”

“Then, use your voice and spell it out.”

I cross my arms and then drop them before lifting my chin and looking Sebastian in the eye. “Shawn slept with Lauryn at the time she conceived Oliver.”

Sebastian places his hands on his hips and shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable.”

I raise my hands to put on his chest, but he pushes me off. I gasp in surprise.

“I’m not trying to upset you. It’s just … if there’s a chance Oliver is—”

“No!” Sebastian yells. “You are not going to assume this baby isn’t mine because your deadbeat employee can’t do fucking math. Oliver is mine. I’m his father.” He pounds on his chest.

“But don’t you want to at least think about this? What if—”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” He steps up closer to me. The man who is always cool and controlled has fire in his eyes. My larger-than-life Leo, my optimist, the commander, has a dark side. A place of scorn and stubbornness. “You never wanted Oliver. You said you were okay with it, but you never were.”

“How dare you say that when I have done more than most women in this situation! I’ve sat idly by while you basked in this time. I’ve been supportive, devoted.”

“Then, why are your clothes still here when I have an empty closet, just waiting for you to finally take the leap? There never was a world where you and Oliver slept under the same roof. You were always the first to say that you shouldn’t be a part of the baby planning, shower, birth. You’ve excused yourself from everything, and it’s never been for me. It’s for you. You’ve always wished he never existed. I bet a piece of you is excited with the prospect that he could be Shawn’s.”

He paces a step and then looks back at me before continuing, “You never gave Oliver a chance, and you never gave me one. I never had a hundred percent of you. You always had one foot out the door, ready to run. I just could never figure out if it was me you were unsure of or Oliver. Now, I know it was both.”

“Sebastian, that’s not entirely true.”

He closes his eyes and lets remorse cover his face. “The fact that part of that speech was true is enough to break my heart.”

The tic in his jaw tics, his face as sharp as granite. With a hardened stare, he walks toward the door.

“Please, don’t leave,” I beg, but it’s no use.

Sebastian storms out, leaving me breathless—and for the first time since I met him, not in a good way.