Loyal Lawyer by Lauren Runow

Chapter Eight

Knowing how Sebastian dresses and after seeing his office, I assumed his apartment would be in a luxury high-rise. I’m a little surprised to see he lives in a brownstone in Rittenhouse Square.

I walk up the stone steps and look for his name on the directory for the proper bell to ring. Only there is no directory. Just a lone doorbell. I ring it and wait.

He appears at the door, looking as dapper as ever. His dress pants are still on from a day at the office, and his shirt is buttoned up with his tie tight. Those chocolate eyes are molten, serious, taking my breath away.

“Am I dressed appropriately?” I motion to my jeans and beige sweater with a suede-and-metal buckle on the collar.

He stares at me for a beat before giving a closed-mouth smile. “Yes, of course. You look great. I just got home. Much later than I had hoped. Something came up, so I had to meet a friend, and the time got away from me.”

I follow him into the vestibule, which leads right into a living room with beautiful, intricate woodwork. There’s a staircase to the left and a kitchen in the far back.

“This is your place?” I surmise. Obviously, it’s his place. He invited me over. I’m just shocked because everyone else I know who lives in a brownstone rents a floor. “I’ve never known anyone who lived in a full brownstone before.”

“Yeah. It’s a lot of home, but I like the space.”

“It’s extraordinary. The ceiling moldings are gorgeous.”

“Thanks.” He hands me a glass of white wine that he grabbed from the kitchen and brought back to me quickly. “I had a company come in and renovate the space back to its original architecture. The last owner had wallpaper everywhere. Pastel pink and golds. It was … interesting.”

I giggle as I brush my hair behind my ear. “I’m sure it was a sight to see.”

He’s staring at me, smiling, yet there’s almost a hint of sullenness behind his eyes. “I’m going to get changed. Make yourself at home.”

A gray dog about twice the size as Lady Featherington comes running up to me and places his paws on my knees.

“Duke, down,” Sebastian commands in his deep vibrato, but I wave him off.

“That’s okay. I love dogs.” I rub Duke’s head and say hello to him. “You are a very handsome gentleman, Duke. Hopefully soon, I’ll have a friend for you to play with.”

I grin up at Sebastian, who is staring at me with a blank expression. I raise a brow and tilt my head. He gives me a small smile in return and then jogs up the stairs.

I rise, Duke at my heels, and take a moment to familiarize myself with Sebastian’s home. The walls are cream with walnut moldings and millwork throughout. His couches are leather, but there’s softness to the space from added throw blankets, pillows, and a wingback recliner in the corner, next to a built-in bookcase.

The fireplace is in the center of the room with a mantel full of photos—Sebastian with his father at a football game in one frame, he and his mother on a beach in another. There are various family and friends in other pictures. From the smiles on their faces to the way their arms are around each other, the laughter, and even the one of him dancing with a group of people, it’s easy to see he’s a family man. Someone who loves and is very much loved.

I bring my tote bag into the kitchen and place my wineglass on the granite. I brought the soup in a giant Tupperware, so I search through the cabinets for a pot to warm it up in. In minutes, I have the bisque heating, and I’m taking the makings for a Caesar salad out of my bag.

It’s nice, being in Sebastian’s house. He has a candle burning and music playing low. I take a sip of my wine while I add all of the ingredients into a porcelain bowl I found.

Once everything is in place, I lean back on the counter and start to wonder where Sebastian ran off to, as I assume men can change out of work clothes pretty fast. I take a second to see if I hear a shower running, but there’s nothing.

Just when I’m about to start heading his way, I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, so I pick up the spoon to make it look like I was busy and not sitting here, thinking I should go search for him.

“Sorry that took so long. I, um …” He clears his throat. “You seem to have made yourself at home.”

“I know my way around a kitchen, so I was able to find all I needed.”

His eyes crinkle as he steps toward me, placing one hand on my hip and pulling me into him with his other splayed on my back.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” he breathes as he leans down to briefly kiss me.

His lips are warm, his hands firm, yet there’s a pause in his purpose. There’s something different about this kiss. Our last was pure lust and passion. This isn’t an invitation, like I felt before from him. It almost feels like a question.

If he has to wonder how I feel, then I’m not showing him enough. How we ended our date had nothing to do with alcohol or horniness. It was all him, and I want every inch of what he has to give me, as I plan to give him every inch of me.

I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me. My chest is pressed up against his firm one. My fingers dance in his hair and work their way down the side of his neck and glide onto his pecs. I bounce on my toes, lightly lining my groin up with his, moving up and down ever so gracefully, so he knows exactly what I want from him tonight.

He kisses me long and hard, the kind of kiss that leaves me breathless.

Until, suddenly, he pulls away.

“We’re going to burn the soup,” he says.

I pause in question and then turn back to the stove, where my bisque is still on a low simmer. “Oh. Yeah. It’s okay. I don’t have it too high. But it’s probably ready. Can you grab some bowls?”

He walks over to a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen. His side profile is on display as he grabs the bowls. I look for that dimple, the one I’ve come to adore, but I haven’t seen it since I got here tonight.

“How was the rest of your day?” I ask, seeing if I can get a glimpse into his mood.

He said he got home late tonight. Maybe a horrible client has his mind distracted.

He fumbles with the bowls, nearly dropping one of them. “Almost had a chance to show off my juggling skills for you,” he jokes awkwardly.

I let out a heavy breath, feeling like something’s up. He smiles lightly, and it relaxes me a little.

“You know how to juggle?”

“I have a few party tricks up my sleeve.”

I smile and stir the soup, talking loudly as he walks into the dining room with the bowls, “Perhaps after dinner, you can show off a bit. I’ve never met a man who could juggle, aside from the performers near the carousel in the summer. Shawn loves to walk over and is just dying for the day they drop something. I keep saying he’s wasting his time, but I think the guy is just a giant kid who wants to watch the performers without admitting he likes them.”

I laugh at my own remark, and it trails off into silence. My long tirade goes without a response.

I set the spoon I’m stirring with down and walk into the dining room. Sebastian is standing near the table with his hands on the back of a chair. I watch as he takes a deep breath. His back is arched as his head faces down.

“Everything okay?” I ask, placing my hand on his arm.

He looks up, seeming surprised that I’m standing here. His face is drawn, and his eyes have lost a little of that sparkle. He stands up tall at the sight of me and gives a sad smile.

“Sorry. I have a lot on my mind,” he says, not in the sure tone he normally has.

I take a step away and stand near another chair. “If you had a shit day at the office, I don’t want to pry, but I hope you know I’m here if you need to vent.”

A small smile graces his lips as he takes a large breath in and then exhales deeply. I wait as he stares over into my eyes. He’s not just looking; he’s searching, seeking something from this connection we share, yet I’m not sure what he needs from me.

“Do you …” I point toward the front door. “Do you want me to go? It’s okay if—”

“I don’t want you to go.” He takes a step toward me and grabs my hand.

“Okay. Then, what’s going on?” I tilt my head to the side and place my hand on his cheek.

His jaw has a light stubble that is coarse under the pad of my thumb. I lean into him, making sure he knows I’m here if he needs to talk.

His chest rises and falls.

He drops his head.

He grips my hand tighter while his other weaves into my hair as he caresses my face.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the kind of connection we have, especially this soon into a relationship. Last night, at dinner and then at the club”—he closes his eyes, tilting his head to the side, smiling before opening them back up and looking at me—“that was the best date I’d had in years.”

I return his grip, pulling him into me. “I feel the same way. In fact, I wanted to jump your bones last night. You’re the one who stopped it.” I try to lighten the mood.

He lets out a soft chuckle and stands up straight, glancing down at me so I can see his face. “I kicked myself the entire way home for doing that.”

“Is that what this sudden mood change is about? Do you think we’re moving too fast? Are you not used to these kinds of feelings?”

He closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale before opening them again. “Opposite really. This is what—you are what—I’ve always wanted in my life.”

There’s a pause, and I lean back, realizing I’m about to get a but thrown in my face. Every second that passes, my stomach knots even more, like it’s wringing out a towel and every last drop is being expelled with nothing else left to give.

“I got a call today,” he finally says as he drops my hands, making the words he just said sting even though I have no idea what they mean.

I step back, realizing there’s no reason for me to still be this close to him. “Is everything all right?”

He raises his eyebrows in a wishy-washy way as he takes an inhale. “Yes. No.” He shrugs. “It all depends.”

I place my hands on the table behind me, needing to do something with them. This feels like a very intense conversation, yet I barely know this guy. “Depends on what?”

“I got a call from my ex-girlfriend.”

My breath hitches. There’s only one reason why a man would let a woman know he got a call from an ex-girlfriend. At dinner, he made it seem like his last relationship had fizzled out. From the look on his face, there’s clearly unfinished business. She wants to get back together, and he’s willing.

As a woman who has already been cheated on, I’m not ready to hear the words he’s about to say.

He hesitates for a second before standing tall, lifting his chin, and declaring, “She’s pregnant.”

Okay. Maybe there are two reasons he’d get a call from an ex. I did not see that coming.

I purse my lips as I take a slow inhale through my nose, letting those two words wash over me.

“I take it, the baby is yours?”

He nods. “I would never question a woman who says the baby she’s carrying is mine.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. I just … I don’t know. I guess it’s just the normal question people ask.” I let out a nervous laugh and run my hand along my head, feeling like an insensitive jerk. “How far along is she?”

“Fifteen weeks.”

“And she’s just telling you now?” My tone is anything but coy or non-accusatory. Fifteen weeks is a hell of a long time to hang on to a bomb of information like that.

He nods with a grimace. If he’s upset at her for keeping the news from him for this long, he’s not letting on. “She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep it.”

“I hope, at this point, she’s keeping it.”

He nods again, and my stomach drops.

I finally meet the man of my dreams, and he’s having a baby with another woman.

There’s a rapid uptick in my heart, and my hands get clammy. I’m nervous, and I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I’m unsure of my own feelings in this very moment, and I don’t know how to process them.

A baby.

With his ex-girlfriend.

Sebastian is going to be a father.

I twist my lips to the side, biting on the inside as I will myself not to show how upset, albeit confused, I feel.

He backs up to the wall and lets his weight crash against it. His head rolls back as he looks up at the ceiling.

“She’s scared,” he says. “Anxious. She didn’t know if she wanted to be a mom on her own. She’s a career woman. Bright, intelligent, and climbing the corporate ladder. She’s also the type who has a plan. Marriage was part of it. She called this afternoon and asked me to come by. She wanted to know what I thought she should do.” He lowers his head and grins. “I told her I want the baby. I can’t let her terminate my child or raise it without my full support. I promised that I would be there for her every step of the way. Monetarily, physically, emotionally. I’m all in.”

All in.

I swallow hard, trying not to let the tears that are building behind my eyes fall. “Does this mean …” I start to ask but am unsure exactly what I’m asking.

He steps closer to me and holds out his hands, and then he drops them in surrender. “It means, I spent the entire day walking around Philadelphia, feeling a mixture of anger, excitement, confusion, and elation. And I came to the realization that I’m happy. It might not be what I expected, but life doesn’t go as planned.”

“That’s good.” I give him a shaky smile. I feel like a fool for wanting to ask, but I do it anyway. “Do you want to be with her?”

He sighs. “No, I don’t, and I feel like an asshole, saying that.”

“You’re not an asshole for being honest. Is she the girl you told me about at the bar? Who you dated for six months but she wanted to see other people?”

“She is. We went our separate ways. It wasn’t like some big blowup or anything. There just wasn’t that spark.”

I look into his eyes, and I see that spark he’s talking about. That’s what we have. It’s bright and powerful. Magnetic even. But sparks fade if there’s nothing there to burn.

“So, what are you going to do?” I ask.

“I’m gonna be there for Lauren,” he says without skipping a beat.

I have to respect him for that. No matter how much I wish this weren’t the case, it is.

“She’s having my baby, and I’m going to be there for my child.”

Lauren. The ex has a name. It’s a pretty name. A pretty name for a girl who is having who I hoped was my boyfriend’s baby.

A baby.

Wow, I can say the word in my head over and over, and it just feels surreal. If Lauren waited this long to tell him, she must have been distraught over the decision. I’m sure it didn’t come lightly and that she had many sleepless nights filled with anxiety. I don’t envy her for the decision she had to make, but I respect her for the willingness to be a single mother. She’s going to need all the support she can get. And the best support would be from the father of her child.

“What does this mean for us?” I ask, not sure if I want to hear the answer.

He sighs. “That’s up to you. Amy, I want you to know a huge part of my day included thinking about you. What we have and where it’s going. I’m trying to figure out how to make sense of it all. How I can explore this thing between us and be a father.” He pauses and blinks a few times as he straightens his back and smiles a full-dimpled grin. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a father.”

This tiny burst of energy comes out of him with that revelation. It’s sweet even though it makes my heart sink a little.

That smile softens as he looks at me in earnest. “I don’t want to lose you. I really want to see where this goes, but I understand that this is a lot of baggage. When we met, I didn’t realize I’d be a package deal.”

I almost want to laugh. His honesty is so forthcoming. My dear, wonderful, loyal Sebastian is laying his cards out on the table. He’s going to be a father with another woman, and if I want to keep this relationship going with him, then I have to accept it.

I haven’t even slept with the man. I don’t know his favorite color or how he likes his eggs in the morning, but I have to make a decision right now if I want to be part of his new little family.

It’s endearing and crazy, all at the same time. He’s doing the right thing, and damn if that isn’t sexy. But there’s a woman who needs him right now. A woman who is carrying his child. If I didn’t text him that day, he’d probably still be with her tonight, consoling her, helping her … maybe even seeing if he could love her at some point.

I search around the room, wondering how my night went from so high to so low in a matter of seconds.

“This is a lot to take in,” I finally say. My mouth feels like cotton.

“I completely understand.” He holds up his hands, like he’s not trying to push.

I walk back to the kitchen and glance at the soup that I was so looking forward to, but I’ve totally lost my appetite now.

“Maybe I should go,” I say as I grab my bag that I brought everything in.

“You don’t have to.”

He reaches for me, but I step back. Not because I don’t want Sebastian to touch me—I do—but if I let him, I’ll just lose myself in him, his scent, his kisses.

“No. I should.” My words are abrupt.

His eyes widen in surprise by my dismissal. My intention was not to come off that way.

I lower my shoulders and take a deep breath, staring up into his soulful eyes. “Sebastian, I’m happy for you. You’re going to be a father, and that is probably the coolest thing in the world. This is just a shock to me, and that’s a problem because this isn’t my story. It’s yours and Lauren’s, and you don’t need me to crowd up the emotional pool I’m sure you’re swimming in right now.”

I lick my lips and continue, “And the truth is, I’m crazy about you. Like, wildly insane about you. Earlier, you said you’ve never felt this connection. Neither have I, and it’s amazing, but, you see, I just had a broken heart, and I’m still mending myself over that.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He takes a timid step toward me.

“I know you don’t. And I don’t believe you would—intentionally. This news of yours is big and exciting, and you need to focus on that. I want you to take the time to figure out what you want without thinking about me. If there is any chance you and Lauren want to be a family, I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“I don’t want to be with her. Our relationship is over.”

“You say that now, but just give it a minute and make sure that being with her isn’t what you want in the end. It’s better to put the brakes on this thing between us while it’s still fresh instead of possibly ending it later with someone getting hurt.”

His brow furrows, and there’s hesitation in his breath. I watch as his hands slide in his pockets.

His head bows down, and he nods with a heavy exhale. “If that’s what you think is best.”

I purse my lips and nod. “Okay, well … thank you again for helping me with my old landlord. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” His tone is laced with formality. “Here, I’ll walk you out.”

“No. Um, don’t worry about it. I’ll let myself out if that’s okay with you.”

He steps back. His smile is turned down, and for a moment, I want to run over to him, but I don’t.

I meant what I said. A heart will surely be broken, and I’m afraid it will be mine.

“Congratulations,” I say when I get to the door. “The baby is lucky to have such a wonderful man as his or her father.”

He smiles lightly.

I’m gonna miss that dimple. God, I’m gonna miss this man.

“Thanks.”

I close the door behind me and rush down the stairs. If I thought breaking things off with Sebastian was going to save me from getting hurt, I was mistaken. It’s only been a moment, and my entire soul feels like it’s been shattered.