Psync by Zile Elliven

Chapter Ten

Eli

“How does it feel to have everyone here call you Haruka instead of Yamada-san when they first meet you?”

“Probably about how it would feel to be called Talosa-san instead of Eli.”

“So, different, but not bad?”

“More or less.”

Eli had been peppering Haruka with questions about what it was like to live in a different country. Since he’d only left the country once—for a weekend school trip to Montreal—Eli had a never-ending supply. For someone who had come off as a total jerk the first time they’d met, Haruka had surprised Eli by patiently answering every single question.

“So, when you—”

Haruka placed a kabob stick on Eli’s already full plate.

“Thanks. Anyway, what do you do when—”

“It’s not there to look at. It’s there to eat.”

“I already ate.”

“You ate one beef skewer.”

“It was really big.”

“I had five.”

“You’re bigger than I am,” Eli said grudgingly.

“No more questions until you eat more.”

“But—”

Haruka pushed Eli’s plate toward him. Eli didn’t pout. It was definitely a manly frown he leveled at the plate in front of him. Definitely.

He took his fork, stabbed a grilled vegetable, and stuffed it in his mouth, chewing with exaggerated motions all while maintaining a very manly frown. Which, for some reason, made Haruka look like he was doing everything he could not to laugh.

“Hey, you two, I finally found you!” Alice sat down next to Eli with a massive pink smoothie in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other.

“We weren’t gone that long.”

“What are you talking about? The sun is going down. Nate and I have been texting you for over an hour.”

Eli pulled out his phone and saw he’d missed fifteen texts and five calls. “Oops.”

“We were starting to wonder if Haruka had kidnapped you and smuggled you back to Japan.”

Haruka rubbed his chin and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “You are small enough to fit in my suitcase, chibisuke.”

“I’m not—you’re—ahhhh, you both suck.”

“You think I suck? Just wait until Nate gets here. He freaked out when you vanished on us.” Alice picked up her phone, and Eli peeked over her shoulder to watch her type a message to Nate.

mAlice: Found our lost nerdling! We’re at the picnic table under the big pine trees

“Is he mad at me?”

“No, I don’t think it’s you he’s mad at.”

Eli took a bite of the pita bread Haruka had just placed in his hand. While he chewed, he scrolled through his missed messages. The ones from Alice were fairly cheerful inquiries about his location, but the ones from Nate went from curious to concerned to the final one that just said:

NatetheGreat: Where the fuck are you????

“Hey, are you okay? Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Nate dropped his backpack onto the table with more force than necessary, then dropped down on the other side of Eli.

“I’m fine, I just forgot to check my phone.” A lump of prickly rock began to form in Eli’s stomach. What was going on? Nate never got mad—at least, not that Eli had seen. “Are you okay?”

“No, I don’t think I am.” But Nate wasn’t talking to Eli. He leaned forward, put his hands on the table, and faced Haruka. “We were being nice and giving you a chance, not giving him away to you.”

Eli’s fingers started to harass the first hangnail they found. “Wait, Nate—”

Nate spoke right over Eli and pushed himself up until he was halfway across the table and looming over Haruka. “You don’t know him. Not like we do. Events like this aren’t good for him.”

Haruka gave him an impassive stare. “I don’t think you should be speaking for Eli.”

Eli’s cheeks were so hot, he was surprised they weren’t glowing. He dug a nail into the sad, abused hangnail and felt it grow wet. “Really, this isn’t a big deal, Nate.”

Haruka pushed a water bottle over to Eli, nudging him with it until he took it in his hands. Eli immediately got to work dismantling the label.

“It is a big deal, Eli. I’ve seen how you are in crowds. You need someone with you who knows you and can help you if something happens. I never should have let you go with him. What if something happened?”

“Calm down, brother bear.” Alice got up and put a hand on Nate’s shoulder.

“If something happened, I would have helped him like I did last time,” Haruka said, evenly.

“Last time?” Alice and Nate said at the same time and turned to Eli.

“What happened last time?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

This was too much. Everything was suddenly way, way too much to handle.

Eli stood up. “I’m not a child. I know I have, um, problems, but I don’t need someone with me all the time. I can actually take care of myself.” He carefully placed the water bottle down in the shredded pile that used to be its label. “I like having friends, Nate. Friends are good, but I don’t like when people talk over me or for me.”

“I wasn’t . . .” Nate trailed off and stopped. His lips were a thin line.

“Eli, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Alice. Please excuse me, everyone. I’m going back now.” Eli bowed slightly then turned and fled.

He made it just out of sight before the hyperventilating started. He leaned against a tent pole, slid down, and just let it happen. It was dark enough now that no one would notice him having a tiny breakdown—hopefully.

He’d done a fan-fucking-tastic job of things just now. And he’d been having the best day, too. Now, he may have just alienated his new friends all in one go.

Perfect.

And he’d just begun to think Haruka might not be a jerk after all.

But . . . he hated it when people treated him like he was helpless.

His throat tightened and burned.

Breathe. Just focus on breathing, Eli. You can do this. You’ve been here before.

He fumbled in his pocket for the pill he’d put there for emergencies, but it was gone. It must have fallen out when he took out his wallet earlier.

He closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and tried to allow himself to fall into the rhythm of the ambient sound around him. Vendors closing up their trucks, students discussing where to go next, faint music from across the quad. He could do this. He was a pro.

For a time, he worked to lose himself in the soft sounds of nighttime and the not-so-soft sounds of humanity as it bustled around, cleaning up the fair.

When he opened his eyes again, his breathing was much steadier and no longer high in his chest. Good job, Eli. Well done.

Movement down the mostly empty aisle in front of him caught his attention. Even if it was too dark to recognize faces, Haruka’s outfit was distinctive enough to make out and his gait was impossible to mistake.

Haruka had gone back to the Tea and Calligraphy tent.

Eli watched as he spoke to someone in the tent for a time. It was too dark to tell what he was doing, but when Haruka finally turned to go, a flash of light from a passing car illuminated Kate’s face.

He’d been talking to the redhead with the cute mole.

Eli pulled himself off the ground and headed for his dorm. He was so done with this day.

He didn’t want to think about Haruka, or Nate, or anyone, so when his phone buzzed, he didn’t look. He just turned it off. He was a big boy and could take care of himself for the ten minutes it took to walk back to his room.

So what if his legs felt like rubber? So what if random noises in the dark caused him to jump? He was oversensitive right now. He knew how to deal with it. All he needed was a good night’s sleep, and he’d be fine.

:Fucking dammit.:

For once, Eli didn’t startle at the Voice. Instead, he couldn’t help but agree.

“Me too, Voice . . . me too.”