The Boyfriend Rivalry by Milana Spencer

9

Curtis: Ice Cold

I am going to die.

Yesterday, I didn't touch the ocean at the beach, only dug my feet into the damp sand, so I didn't know how cold the ocean would be, and fuck, it is so cold that I'm surprised there aren't chunks of ice floating on the surface. At the moment, though, the temperature of the ocean is the least of my problems. Above me, I can't see white swirls of light penetrating the ocean, only darkness and strange shapes. My lungs hurt. I need air, and I'm under the boat. My life jacket helps me break the surface, but there's no space for me to breathe.

I need to get out of here.

Kicking my legs furiously, I swim in the direction I think will take me away from the boat. I'm an okay swimmer — I swim in Easton Grammar's swimming carnival events when no one else volunteers — but I can't concentrate now because I am in the ocean. I can't see because water is rushing into my eyes, and I'm terrified I'm unknowingly close to a shark. And if not a shark, what about a stingray? An octopus? A jellyfish?

There's an explosion of light, and I break the surface of the water, no longer trapped under the boat. In front of me, Liam bobs in his bright-orange life jacket, pushing the boat the right way up.

He's saying something, but his words are garbled, and all I can do is blink the droplets away from my eyelashes. I want to scream for help, but I can't open my mouth.

Liam pushes the sailboat the right way up and pulls himself into it. He sticks his hand out, and I take it, and he pulls me into the boat. I don't know how long the process takes, because I feel as if I'm in a daze the entire time. Once in the boat, I stumble into my seat. In my periphery, Liam walks to his, each footstep squeaking like a wet mop.

"Well, that was colder than expected," Liam says after a moment.

I stare at him, the ringing in my ears fading away. His lips are spread, and there's a strange noise coming from his mouth. He's laughing like a manic.

"Y-you did that on purpose?" It's hard to speak through the chattering of my teeth.

"Yeah, I —" Liam catches sight of me and his laughter fades. He moves closer to me. "Um. Are you okay?"

My laugh is deranged. "Oh yeah, why wouldn't I be? We almost died."

"We didn't almost—" His voice cuts off, and the next thing I feel is the pad of his fingertip swiping under my eye.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, shifting away, arms wrapped around me. My clothes are soaked and water drips down the hem of my clothes into the bottom of the sailboat, which is covered in a thin layer of seawater. Brilliant. When I get sick, Liam's footing the bill. Well, Australia has health care, so it won't be that expensive — so he can pay for the medicine. And the therapy sessions.

"Curtis, you're…" Liam is so close to my face, I can see the shades of light brown in his eyes. "You're crying," he finishes.

I slap his hand away — his hand with those long fingers and dark blue nail polish. "What the hell? No, I'm not. Get away from me." I sniff, and the sound is disgusting. I wish I had a tissue.

Liam's brow remains creased, but he leans back. "Look, it's okay, we're safe —"

"Shut up!" I snap. "It's not okay, you almost killed us!"

"I didn't think you'd get so scared," he says. If I didn't know better, I'd say he sounded regretful.

"I wasn't scared," I lie.

He doesn't believe me. Instead, he gestures to his soaked hoodie. "I'd give you this, but it's useless at the moment."

"I wouldn't want it anyway," I say. "Leave me alone."

After a moment, Liam does, walking up to the sails to adjust it so we're following the rest of the group. He shouts out a short conversation to a nearby sailboat who witnessed our capsize and laughs that we're fine. Later, he sits down to take his hoodie off and wring the water out of it. He shakes his head like a dog, spraying water everywhere. I can't stand the sight of him.

"Why would you do that?" I bite out ten minutes later when I've stopped shivering. The sun has emerged from behind the clouds, so there's some nice warmth on our faces, but our clothes are still dripping. "To punish me?"

"Curtis…"

"Because you hate me?" I ask, voice more venomous.

"I thought it would be fun."

"Yeah, I bet it was, seeing me —" I cut myself off, and remember Liam wiping tears from my eye. Fuck him. Fuck me. I might as well throw myself off the boat.

"I don't hate you," he says.

"Yes, you do."

This time, he can't deny it.

"What did I ever do to you?" I mutter.

"Curtis…" he begins, sounding as exhausted as I feel.

"Right," I interrupt. "I started dating Kennedy, and apparently that's a crime." Especially because you're in love with her yourself.

"She's my best friend." Liam's voice remains controlled, which pisses me off, because I'm almost shouting, like a crazy person.

"Oh really? I didn't notice," I say.

"I don't want her to get hurt," Liam says.

"Why the hell would you think I would hurt her?" I demand. "You don't even know me. We hardly spoke before Kennedy and I started dating, so whatever your preconceived notions about me —"

"Remember Jennifer Grant's birthday party last year?"

I blink at him. Did he hit his head while capsizing? "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Do you remember it?" he repeats.

"Well… yes." Jennifer Grant, a girl in our year level, has a huge party every year, during the Easter holidays. Her house has a swimming pool, which is too cold to swim in, but every year someone gets so drunk and inevitably falls into it.

"I remember it too," Liam says, face almost expressionless. "I was with a group of friends when you walked over, looking very pleased with yourself. Naturally, the guys asked you what happened."

My stomach turns. I had a few drinks that night, but I still remember what happened.

"You didn't say anything explicit — what a gentleman — but everyone could figure out what happened between you and Elizabeth in the toolshed."

My skin grows warm, but I stamp down the embarrassment with anger. "So what? I didn't know you were so interested in my sex life."

He raises a single bored brow, which only makes me feel more embarrassed.

"It was just a hookup," I explain. "Is that the evil sin you're talking about —"

"I don't think you witnessed it, but there was a fight that night. Between Elizabeth and some random girl from another school, I don't know what her name was."

I pause. Blink. Raise my head. "I think it's Melanie you're talking about."

"They fought like crazy. Melanie said she was your girlfriend and Elizabeth was a homewrecker. People found it quite entertaining."

I sigh and rub my forehead. I didn't see what happened, but people were talking about it when the term started again. Elizabeth gave me a couple of dirty glares. "I never said I was her boyfriend," I say. "Melanie and I… we weren't dating."

He stares at me. "I overheard her talking to her friends. After the fight had finished, and she had a few scratches. Don't know why she fought Elizabeth when it was your fault."

"It wasn't my fault," I say.

Liam ignores me. "I would have run as soon as I saw Elizabeth had coffin acrylics." He waves his hand, and those stupid blue fingernails glitter. They're so goddamn distracting. "From what Melanie said," he continues, "it sounded like you were one Prince Charming. Is that wrong? Did you not lead her on?"

I stare at Liam for a while. This conversation is stupid, but I know what he's building to, and I want to refute that.

I think about Melanie. Her school required her to do 40 hours of volunteering, so she spent one month at the shire with me. She was nice. She was pretty. I thought it was just a casual thing, but in my heart I know I should have been more clear. I shouldn't have complimented her so much or asked about her day. I never intended on dating her, but I didn't want to ghost her, so I just planned on texting her less and less after her volunteering finished.

I shouldn't have done that, but I didn't want to be an asshole. And then I was an asshole, anyway.

"I could have dealt with it better," I admit.

Liam's lips spread into a grim line. "Maybe she was naïve. But you know who else can be naïve? Kennedy. I'm not saying she's stupid or a pushover, because she isn't, we both know that. But she's never had a boyfriend before, Curtis. I don't want you to mess around with her emotions, or only use her for sex before abandoning her."

I shake my head. "I'd never do that to Kennedy."

"But you'd do it to someone like Melanie?"

This conversation is almost enough to make me forget about how cold I am. "I know I was an asshole."

"I was so shocked by the whole thing. I mean, look at you," Liam says, gesturing at me. "Good grades, teacher's pet, responsible, polite…"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that girls don't expect you to hurt them. But you can. And you have."

My stomach twists. I think I feel even more shame and guilt because it's Liam saying this. If someone else was admonishing me, I doubt I'd feel as bad. Which is dumb. I shouldn't care about his opinion, even if his points are valid.

"I know," I say. After a few minutes, I continue. "I know you won't believe me, but I won't hurt Kennedy. Have you… talked to her about this?"

Liam waits a second to answer, eyes appraising me as he tortures me. "Yes."

"And?"

"Well, she's still dating you, isn't she? The things teenagers do for lust."

I take a moment to take that all in — that Kennedy knows, and she's never brought it up with me. The things teenagers do for lust.

I clench my jaw. "We're not together just because we're horny."

"Aren't you?" Liam replies.

I open my mouth, but before I can respond, Liam continues. "Not that I'm judging. Kennedy will do whatever she wants with you, she's made that very clear. And it's not my place to interfere, so I won't."

"You won't interfere?" I almost laugh, thinking of all the times Kennedy had to cancel plans on me because Liam insisted on taking up her time, on all the times Liam interrupted us and gave me the evil eye, all the times he would have bad-mouthed me to Kennedy.

"I've tried my best to be civil this entire holiday," Liam says, standing up. "So you can rest easy knowing I won't meddle with your relationship anymore. I've promised."

"I…" I don't know what to say to that. Am I supposed to thank him? No way. And yet… now that he's recounted that Elizabeth and Melanie story, I understand where he was coming from.

Liam heads towards the sail and I call out. "Wait."

He turns.

"Do you believe me?"

Liam raises a brow. Fuck, this is humiliating. I can't stop myself, though. I have to know.

"I regret what I did. I'm not that person anymore and trust me, I'd never, ever hurt Kennedy like that."

Something flashes through Liam's eyes — maybe surprise at the way I'm almost grovelling. But then his expression softens. "Yeah," he says. "I believe you."

I nod, and Liam turns away so I don't have to suffer in the awkwardness of that moment anymore. Something in me unfurls, and my body no longer feels so heavy. I don't know why I care so much about Liam's opinion, but I do, and I've cared about it this entire time.

#

For the rest of the sailing trip, Liam and I don't talk. I sneak glances at Liam, trying to guess what he's thinking while he looks out at the ocean, a tiny line in his brow. Even when the girls drift near us and wave, Liam's wave is limp and distracted.

We return to land, and once everyone steps out of the boat, I see a fair number of people with soggy clothing. When the girls spot Liam and my wet clothing, they jump up to us.

"Did you capsize on purpose?" Kennedy asks, looking into Liam's eyes for a moment before getting her answer. "You did."

"Erin!" Bonnie whines. "You should have let us capsize too!"

"No way. That water was freezing," Erin says.

"So cold," I say. While I've dried off a bit, I'm still eager to get home and change my clothes.

"Besides, would you have wanted to spend all morning putting on makeup and doing your hair — just to capsize?" Erin asks.

Bonnie grumbles.

We follow William's instructions to finish up with the sailboats and take our life jackets off. After a farewell talk, they invite us to make use of the outdoor bathrooms if they're wet. Liam and I didn't bring spare clothes so there's no point going there.

There's also a cafe at the sailing club, and while others are hungry, everyone decides to go straight home for Liam and my sake.

"I'm sorry," I say as we walk to the car, knowing it'll be a while before we can eat. But in my defence, it wasn't my idea to capsize.

"I can sit in the front," Liam says, and glances at me.

I nod, and everyone piles into the car, Bonnie sitting in the back, besides Kennedy. I look at the back of Liam's head as the car drives on the ocean road. I wouldn't be surprised if he's sitting in the front for my sake. It's like he said — he's tried to be nice the entire trip. Maybe we could stop being enemies.

"Hey, do you want me to turn on the seat warmer for you?" Erin asks.

"I've already got in on," Liam answers.

"Seat warmer?" I echo.

"There're heaters in the driver and passenger seat," Bonnie explains. "It's so nice on a cold day, warms you up quickly."

Or maybe Liam's sitting in the front isn't an act of kindness after all, but him being a selfish motherfucker.