Of Thorns and Beauty by Elle Madison

Chapter Nineteen

Iturn our exchange over and over in my mind, dissecting it piece by piece, yet still, I come up wanting. What was said and all that wasn’t is spinning in my head like a carousel that never stops.

I am already tired of playing this game. Of waiting for him to soften or change or to explain anything about this horrid, frozen, soulless place.

Weeks go by, and Einar doesn’t join me for breakfast. I’ve taken all of my meals in my room, alone but for Khijhana.

Even Sigrid has been keeping her distance, though the way she gingerly helps me dress and insists on brushing my hair tells me there is no ill-will between us. There’s only a wall of secrets that neither of us can seem to breach.

I groan for the millionth time, and Khijha rubs her massive head against my neck, nearly knocking me backwards on the bed.

The chalyx never stops growing. In just the few weeks that have passed, she is now the size of a full-grown wildcat. Her purr practically rumbles through my bones, and I allow myself to take comfort in her for a moment.

Today is another echo of each day since I argued with the king. Sigrid draws my bath while I sip the special tonic she makes me each morning. Then, breakfast. Then, I am left to my own devices until lunch, and the same from the span of lunch until dinner and all through the night.

I return to the study most days, but neither Odger, nor Einar makes an appearance. And I don’t touch the piano again. My emotions are precarious enough without another trek down memory lane. Instead, I pass the time by staring at the endless mountains and wishing I was anywhere but here.

Khijhana and I are on our way back to my rooms after one such visit when I turn a corner and stop dead in my tracks. A man is walking from the direction of the king’s rooms. It takes me a moment to realize that it is, in fact, the king. His face is concealed by a black silk mask, but his arrogant posture and his solid footsteps are impossible to hide.

Unlike the doctor's masks of the guards flanking him, his is fashioned after the head of a wolf. He freezes when he spots me.

Several seconds tick by while we stand only strides apart, facing each other without a word until I finally decide to speak.

"Have you decided you'd like a taste of your own medicine? Is this penitence?" I gesture to the face covering.

"I am holding Court today." As usual, he responds without actually answering my question, but he has revealed something even more infuriating.

"So, you do allow people in the castle? Just not for the sake of your wife?"

The guards shuffle uncomfortably, but the king only sighs.

"I allow those in need to petition their king for a short period of time every other week.” His tone drips with condescension. “I wouldn't expect you to understand the difference, as that would require you thinking of someone besides yourself."

I stare down at the faded markings on my hands, so he won’t see the truth in my expression.

That I despise him.

This is at least the second time he has called me selfish, and it doesn't sting any less when coming from a man who essentially had me shipped here like I was little more than livestock, a man who couldn't begin to understand that I have spent my entire life at the expense of someone else's.

He hasn’t moved, but he is impossible to read, even when his face isn’t hidden.

“I think I prefer this face,” I say at last, gesturing to his mask. “The beast. At least there is honesty in that.” I walk around him without another word, giving him a wide berth and holding my head high until I reach the relative safety of my chambers.

He is better at avoiding me after that.

Khijhana is at least my constant companion, speculating and observing at my side. Even now, her ears twitch in warning.

I listen for the telltale footsteps in the hallway. They pause just in front of my door, their shadow stretching under the frame for several seconds before he decides to move on.

I’m not sure if the way my heart thunders within my chest is from relief or disappointment. Either way, his retreat is the sound we’ve been waiting for.

I ease out of the bed and into my slippers, careful not to allow a single floorboard to creak, in case he or a guard is listening. Tying the plush robe tighter around my waist, I ease open the panel in the wall and usher Khijha through before following her. I slide the hidden door back into place and pause, waiting to be sure Einar hasn’t decided to venture through the passageways this evening.

When I hear the scrape of his desk chair on his floor, I feel safe enough to creep down the hall in the opposite direction.

Many nights of this routine have taught Khijha and me the ins and outs of most of the castle. I’ve even found a door that leads to a back entrance of the castle. It’s solidly locked up, but only from the inside. I think I have come close to exploring all of Alfhild.

All except for the West Wing. There must be a passage somewhere, but I have yet to find it.

Khijha purrs and presses her body closer to mine in a gesture of comfort. I know she can feel the tension rolling off of me in waves, just as she is curiously in tune with all of my emotions. I’ve never had a pet, but the ones I’ve observed haven’t appeared to be nearly this intuitive.

Once I solve the list of mysteries this castle has to offer, I plan to learn more about chalyxes and why they are so rare.

We continue down several corridors, winding our way through the shadowy silence.

It’s somewhat unnerving how much I prefer the dark, hushed passageways to the light of day and interacting with people with murky motives. The shadows are illuminating, in their way, while the light offers so much brightness to hide behind.

Sadly, while my spying has revealed some information, it’s not the sort I was hoping for.

There seems to be an illness spreading through the castle. Many of the staff have taken to their beds; some of the courtiers as well. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not allowed in the West Wing. I can hardly afford to fall --

The sound of whispering voices stops me in my tracks. Khijha doesn’t need to be told to be still. Her glowing eyes peer up at me expectantly, while her tail curls around my ankle.

I find the small opening in the stones, just wide enough to allow me to peer through if I squeeze one eye shut. I still my breathing, straining to listen carefully to the quiet conversation being held.

“...unimaginable.” A man’s voice comes from the other side of the kitchen.

It isn’t until the other speaks that I finally see them, two beaked forms.

“I know, I know. But what is he to do now? They’re already married.” This from the taller but far skinnier figure. His voice is deep, with its own sort of built-in echo, as if he is perpetually speaking in a cave.

The broader figure huffs. “Maybe. I heard they haven’t even consummated yet.”

Gossiping cowards.

My pulse beats a heavy rhythm in my temples while heat floods my cheeks.

“If you don’t consummate, the marriage can be annulled.” The smaller man continues.

I clench my fists. They aren’t saying anything I don’t already know. We are nearing a month as it is, and I am no closer to the king now than I was before I got here.

“How he copes with being married to such a spoiled brat is beyond me.”

“I agree. Too good to even leave her rooms, much less speak to anyone.”

“He doesn’t deserve the likes of her. After all he’s done for us, all we wanted was someone who would make him happy.”

Another reminder that I seem to be the only person he chooses to unleash his ire on. Well, me and Odger. A duo I’d prefer not to be part of.

“Here, here. She's nearly as bad as the other one --”

“I beg your pardon!” Another more familiar voice echoes off of the walls, causing the men to freeze.

Leif. His limping form comes into view, and the other two men give a slight bow in greeting.

Interesting.

“We do not speak so cavalierly of that woman.”

Somehow, I don’t think I’m the one he means, unless he, too, holds a deep level of loathing for me. I sigh inwardly. Perhaps he only hides it better than his king does.

“I would think the two of you had more to do than gossip like schoolgirls,” he chides.

Both beaked faces sag toward the floor.

“It just isn’t right, Sir. After everything, that he would get stuck with her. And after we all pushed him into this.” This is from the wider one, his tone dripping with remorse.

Leif heaves a sigh and puts a hand on each of their shoulders.

“You’re good lads, but you’re young yet. Marriage is hard enough for anyone, let alone with a whole castle weighing in.” He allows a moment for that to sink in. “Give them their time, especially the girl. It can't be easy for her.”

So, I hadn’t read him that badly. Between Leif and Sigrid, at least there appeared to be two decent people within these walls.

They bow again, and he nods before turning to leave the room. All is quiet as the two men finish their cleaning until Khijha sneezes and it catches me off guard. I jerk away too quickly from the wall and crack my forehead against the stones.

Sirens!

If they hadn’t heard her already, they most certainly heard that.

A hush falls over the men.

“You shouldn’t say such things so publicly!” the taller one whispers more quietly, while glancing around the room for the intruder.

“Me? You had just as much to say as I did, to be sure.”

They continue in this vein for another minute or so before the dishes are done and they vacate the kitchen.

I rub the aching spot on my head. It stings, but not as much as their words had.

I think back to the king's words about how I am the only reason the people are unhappy.

All this time, I thought I was doing them a favor by keeping away, by not forcing my awkward, foreign company on what was already clearly a complicated situation, but apparently, I had done quite the opposite. They despise me.

They despise me, yet love their king? The beast of a man who yells at women and forces — allows them to conceal themselves from the world. Or, at least, from the rest of the castle.

A thought pricks at the back of my mind, and a new train of thought rushes in unannounced.

Maybe they’re hiding from me.

The very idea is unnerving and, if I’m perfectly honest with myself, disappointing.

My chalyx paws at my legs, and I take her queue. I’ve learned enough about the castle and the people in it for one evening.