Of Thorns and Beauty by Elle Madison

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Nearly three hours have passed, according to the position of the sun, when Gideon starts to act fidgety. He even slows his pace without my tugging on the reins.

I am already nervous, because I’ve heard the sound of streaming water for the past half hour. I try to trust Gideon, try to believe that he won’t come upon a river and stop so suddenly that I pitch forward, but my trepidation won’t quite buy it.

I look to Khijhana, and she is fixated on a space beyond the trees, but not necessarily on guard. Have we caught up with them at last?

Sure enough, we follow the overgrown trail a few more meters and spill out into a small clearing with a narrow river running alongside it.

The king and Gunnar stand in front of it, their two hestrinn lapping up the water rapidly. Both men are facing me, weapons drawn.

The barest hint of relief washes over me, but I ignore it. I refuse to entertain the idea that I am relieved either to find him here safe or to find him in a man's company rather than Helga’s. Or any other woman’s. With everything at stake, it isn’t something that should matter at all.

But with all the secrets he keeps, hadn't I wondered more than once if that was one of them? And who would he trust to make this journey with him when he so clearly did not trust me?

My reluctant relief is short-lived in the face of Einar’s anger. He throws his axe to the ground, where it lodges itself in the frozen earth. Jaw clenched, he brings his fingers to the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut like he can will me away just by wishing it.

I tug on Gideon's reins, a little surprised and grateful when he actually stops. Despite Sarah’s lessons, I struggle to dismount him with my stiff legs.

I know mounting him again will be even more difficult, but it’s worth it to give my body a break. Once I convince him to drink alongside the other hestrinn, I finally look up at Einar.

The king's glance travels from my frustrated hestrinn to my chalyx, who is calmly removing debris from one of her paws, and finally to my face, which I have ensured holds not the slightest sign of remorse.

For all the times I have thought that his expression was inscrutable or difficult to read, I have no problem discerning it now. White-hot fury paints every single line of his face. From the corner of my eye, I can see that his companion is more flummoxed than anything, but I have eyes only for my husband.

The seconds tick by with only the whistling of the icy wind interrupting our standoff. Along with his rage, disbelief and what I could even swear is disappointment make appearances in his kaleidoscope of emotions.

But I don't back down.

After what feels like a lifetime, he runs a hand over his braided silver hair, acting for all the world as if I am nothing but an annoyance to him.

"Gunnar," he addresses the guard without turning his head. "Please ride ahead to the ambassador, let him know that I will be delayed --” He looks at me irritably. “For an indeterminate period of time."

"Right away, Your Majesty."

The man mounts his steed with a frustrating ease and gives a polite nod in my direction before he rides away at full speed.

I'm sure my husband would be thrilled if I would address him with the same level of easy acquiescence, but I'm afraid he has another thing coming.

Once Gunnar is well on his way, Einar begins pacing back and forth. The tension is rolling off of him in waves as he scratches his beard and shakes his head.

I roll my eyes before noticing that Gideon has stopped drinking and is staring at Einar’s movements. His ears are flicking back and forth, and his lip curls up. I follow his gaze toward my husband’s stomping feet making deep tracks in the snow and shake my head.

I remember what Sarah said about his disposition.

“You’re making him nervous. You need to calm down,” I say while stroking Gideon’s mane, making gentle shushing noises.

Einar stops and stares at me, righteous indignation clear on his features.

“I need to calm down?” He laughs, and the sound is wholly without humor. “What do you think you're doing here?"

"I told you I was coming with you." I inject a little extra nonchalance into my tone, because he may be furious, but he is not the only one.

"And I told you that you were doing no such thing."

I have already been forced to give the control in my life over to one person, and I will be damned if I give a shred of what I have left to him, even temporarily.

Gideon continues to huff, and even Khijha moves to stand between us.

"You may command your subjects, but you do not command me." My voice is quiet, with a lethal timbre I rarely let anyone hear.

But then, he pushes my buttons in a way few people do, and I am already standing on an edge.

Einar only shakes his head.

"And we're back to this.” He has the nerve to sigh. "Does everything come down to power with you?"

Spoken like a man who has never had to fight for it. I rear back at his accusation, having lived my entire life without a shred of power at the whim of a woman who wants nothing more.

"If, by power, you mean the basic dignity afforded any adults," I spit back at him, "then yes, I suppose that it does. Did it ever occur to you that I might be able to help?" I add, mortified by the way my throat begins to feel thick on the last word, because honestly, my reasons for coming are jumbled in my head now.

His eyes widen in understanding, and I look away, because he doesn't get to treat me as though I am beneath him and then have the nerve to look like he cares.

And because he doesn't begin to know what it is he thinks he understands.

His voice is every bit as forceful, though, when he responds.

“Help in what way, Zaina? Unless you have some knowledge of poisons and cures, or some magical way to stop time, then how exactly did you expect to help?"

He barrels forward without waiting for me to answer, which is just as well, because I don't have one.

"You take off into a countryside you’re unfamiliar with, handling an animal you know nothing about, one that could kill you if you’re not careful. You’re reckless and thoughtless.” There are only inches between us as he speaks down to me. Gideon stomps his feet and paws at the ground, clearly upset by our argument. Einar backs away, taking a deep breath before he continues.

“Did it ever occur to you that I had my reasons for telling you to stay behind? That you have no experience riding a hestrinn, that speed was of the necessity, that I might have wanted you there with Sigrid for a reason?"

His pain and his worry seeps through on those last words. But I know how to spin emotions and use them to my advantage, and I will not be on the receiving end of that.

"I think it's clear that I was not a hindrance to your speed." I gesture to Gideon, who is already anxiously shuffling his feet in anticipation of our next run. "Sigrid had many capable and willing hands at her side when I left, as you well know. But if you had wanted me there as well for whatever sands-blasted reason, all you had to do was explain that --"

"There was no time!" He cuts me off, practically yelling now.

"There was no need, is what you mean," I correct him. "Because no one expects the king to explain himself to anyone, least of all his lowly consort. Do not pretend to me that the handful of seconds it would have taken you to ask me to stay rather than to order it would have perilously delayed your journey."

Einar opens his mouth to respond, then closes it. I have left him speechless, at least momentarily, though no less angry. We are both breathing heavily, angry white puffs of breath appearing and then dissipating in the air before our faces. Gideon backs away slightly, and I put a calming hand on his neck.

The king takes in the horse's fidgeting movements and Khijhana's otherworldly stillness, but he still says nothing. His face has gone carefully blank.

Finally, I speak up.

"For all that you were worried about your precious time, we are certainly wasting a lot of it staying here to argue." I am not without feelings. I can read between the lines and see that he wanted someone to be there with the woman who was obviously like a mother to him, and in another world, in another life, I would be the kind of person who could sit at her side and do nothing.

But I don’t have the luxury of being that person. There is more at play here than I think either of us fully understands. One thing is clear, though.

I need to see this ambassador.