Blue 42 by C.A. Rene
Chapter fourteen
Dixon
He went home to Rochester for the weekend. I heard him talking to Jameson and Ortiz about it and I couldn’t help but listen. He said he got some shit done and reminded people of who runs Edgerton’s streets. I’ve heard of Edgerton and how rough those streets are and I can see why Sebastian is the way he is. He needs to be the one running shit and he likes reminding people that he’s at the top. It makes me want to dig into his life and find out what he was like as a kid.
I’ve been watching him during warmups and practice but he has yet to look my way. I don’t know why I care, I shouldn’t, and even though I keep telling myself that, my eyes wander back to him.
“North!” Dex calls out and Sebastian’s eyes finally land on mine. I quickly look away and nod at Dex. “Poker tonight?”
“You know I can’t play that shit.” I laugh, “and you still owe me a steak dinner.”
I’ve been watching him all morning and wondering why he wasn’t looking at me, now I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.
“Tonight baby!” Dex hollers and claps his hands like he’s making it rain.
There’s a nervous energy throughout the team but for the most part we’re calm and anticipating a good game. I know I’ll be tired as fuck tonight when the game is over but if we win, that adrenaline will take over, and a party will be great for morale. If we lose, it’ll be a great pick up.
“I’m in.” I laugh.
A breeze kicks up across the field and I can smell autumn coming in. It’s in the air like the smell of damp leaves and freshly mowed grass. I love autumn for the cooler weather and the football season. This was always my favorite time of the year because it got me out of my house and out of my troubles. I never focused on the rent being late, or Danny not turning up at home, and I never had to think of what we would be scraping together to eat that night; it was just me and the field every day.
Coach yells at us to begin our stretches so that we’re limber for this evening and I cross to center field. I need a bit of alone time to sink into the proper headspace for the game, I like to reach inside and grasp that need that’s always simmering just below the surface; and let it consume me for that short period. The crunch of grass sounding behind me has me pausing and looking over my shoulder to find Sebastian following close at my back.
He gives me a small smirk and I roll my eyes, continuing to center field. I can’t deny how my heart begins racing and my stomach is swirling, knowing he’s behind me. It’s silly and completely confusing, these feelings all so foreign to me. I’m not sure what it is, fear, uncertainty, wariness, and yes, even excitement. I don’t know how this one man can bring out so many emotions and I can’t fucking figure out what it means. It perplexes the shit out of me and when I’m in those lost, confused moments, I can’t seem to control my actions.
I sit down on the grass and stretch my legs out in front of me, I concentrate more on my legs considering how much they’re used throughout the game. Sebastian plops down beside me and mimics my stretch, bending forward to touch his toes. He long ditched his shirt halfway through practice and I watch as his back muscles - completely saturated in ink - stretch, the parts of his skin exposed are a dark terracotta.
“I heard you played poker with a few of the guys this weekend,” his voice startles me out of my thoughts and I bend forward to touch my toes.
“I watched.” I correct him.
“Don’t play poker?” He turns to look at me and the sun catches his irises, making them look like pots of amber honey.
“Nah,” I quickly look away and swallow, “I didn’t see you there.”
“I was in Rochester to visit family.” He replies as he pulls a foot into his groin for another stretch.
As wary as I am of him, I’m also liking that we can have some sort of small talk; after everything that's happened, maybe this is a sign we can somehow learn to accept each other.
“Your parents?” I ask and he snorts derisively.
“My mother is dead and I never knew my father, he could have been one of many that spent a few minutes between her legs in exchange for crack.”
Wow.
He watches me closely for a reaction and I can’t figure out if it’s true or another Sebastian riddle.
“I went to see my boys,” he explains, switching out his foot for the other, “my real family, the ones who took me in.”
Took him in, sounds like a gang, and again, another puzzle piece falls into place in the makeup that is Sebastian.
“I see.” I murmur.
“What about you, Rookie?” he stops stretching to look at me, “will your family be here tonight?”
I don’t want to tell him that my mother would love nothing more than to come watch me play but she has to work, and she would never leave Danny there alone. I tried to convince her to quit her job but she refuses and then lectures me about things that never last.
“No.”
“You don’t have a family?” he questions, his eyes still on me, watching for any reaction.
“I do.” I huff and lean forward, “they just won’t be here.”
“A’ight,” he chuckles and stands, “I love a good mystery.” Then he jogs off to Jameson and Ortiz who are watching me with confused faces.
Same fuckers, I’m extremely confused as to why the man who raped me is trying to have small talk.
“North!” Coach grabs the carbon steel of my helmet’s face mask and drags me into his face, “I need one more from you, kid. Can you give us one more?”
I can barely see through the sweat that’s dripping off my brow and hitting my cheeks, but I nod because I fucking can. We need one touchdown to bring us ahead by a point to win this game and I will do anything physically possible to bring this home for us.
I look at all our faces, we’re tired, and yet, we’re all still hungry. Zeal throws his arm over my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “One minute, three seconds left.” I give a quick nod at his words, “get to the sweet spot, North, and I promise to find you.” He bounces his helmet off mine and I inhale a large breath. Our team needs this win.
We get into formation and I try to envision the play he’s asked us to do. I can see it, step by step, and it plays in my mind in slow motion. We’ve practiced the hell out of this one and I could do it in my sleep. I stare into the faces of the guys crouching across from me, exhaustion showing clearly, and I know I can take advantage of that. I need that second wind to kick in and I will run laps around these guys. I hear the whistle blow and I take off, twisting out of the reach of one, making a run for where I know Zeal will want me. I skid to a stop and jump out of the way of a defensive end, looking to the sky. I see the ball spinning, the leather reflecting the stadium lights, and reach up, feeling the stretch all the way to my shoulders. I touch the leather, my fingers gripping for purchase, and my heart pounding in my ears.
I fumble the ball and I watch in horror as it bounces, my heart sinking into my stomach. I just fucked this up for us. Avando appears out of nowhere and scoops up the ball, turning to run towards the end zone. I run behind him, his speed a match to my own, and watch as that thick white line grows.
It’s sudden when a large defensemen rams into Sebastian, effectively knocking him to the ground, two yards from the end zone. I dodge out of the way and curse when I not only see but hear the impact of his head and shoulder hitting the ground. My actions are instinctual as I pull the man off him and see Sebastian still has the ball clutched to his chest, but he’s unconscious. I step back as medical runs on the field and the Bills are given a timeout with thirty seconds left in the game.
Avando comes to and he looks around, clearly disoriented. Medical helps him to his feet as players stand around, watching them slowly make their way off the field. I want to follow behind them, the way he hit his head is scary, and I have an overwhelming need to make sure he’s okay. He saved my fumble and it cost him. I know he did it for the team but it also feels like he did it for me, it feels like he took that hit for me.
I don’t realize we have a timeout until Zeal rushes up and shakes me, “North, we need to win this. Are you good?”
My eyes are still trained on the two double doors that Sebastian went through and my mind is no longer focused on this game.
“I don’t know,” I shake my head.
“Two yards,” Zeal squeezes my arm. “Then we can see what’s going on.”
I pull my eyes away from the door and look at him, seeing the desperation on his face. I promised this team I would do my best to help them win and I can’t back out now, no matter how much I want to. I give him a tight nod and we huddle, listening to the play he wants. We break apart and we line up, Zeal calling out the positions. My body is on autopilot because my mind is on the other side of those double doors.
I do the one thing I know well and that’s run. Instead of going forward though, I run along behind Zeal and he passes me the ball, the opposite team momentarily stunned. I take advantage of those few moments and avoid two defensive tackles, my strides growing longer.
My feet glide over that white line and the crowd is roaring, but I’m already running for the doors that will lead me to him. I hear Coach calling my name but at this moment I couldn’t care less about our win and the team could celebrate all they want on that field, I need to be inside. I push by the few medics and throw open the doors, my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I can’t hear anything as I storm into the locker room and I don’t see the doctor anywhere.
“Avando!” I yell into the room and there’s no response.
“They took him to the hospital for a routine check up,” I turn to see Dani leaning against the door, “it’s his third concussion.”
Concussion. It’s common for us to rack up concussions, especially offense players, and it’s also common that people shrug them off. I have had one concussion during my football career and luckily, I had a great doctor who warned me about the consequences of repeated blows to the head. Three concussions are a lot and could be a career ending problem, not to mention what it could be doing to his health. I rip off my uniform just as the guys start piling in, they’re loud and obnoxious about the win, and I can’t bring myself to be on their level.
I rush over to the showers, I can hear them talking about the after party, and I can’t help but be pissed off that not one of them has brought up Sebastian. I take the shortest shower and pull on my clothes, rushing back out into the main room.
“North!” Dex screams, “you were fucking amazing tonight.”
I give him a tight smile and grab my duffle out of the locker, “I’ll catch you guys later.”
“Are you coming by my place?” Zeal calls out.
I don’t bother to answer as I toss him the peace sign over my head, I’m nearly out the front when I hear hurried steps behind me. I instantly turn, not liking my back to anyone, and see both Jameson and Ortiz rushing to the exit.
“He’s at the hospital,” I say to them and they stop suddenly to give me a once over. “I was going to head over there.”
“Why?” Ortiz asks.
“He’s a teammate and he’s been injured.” I shrug and Jameson slowly nods.
“Respect for that.” He says and darts around me, “he’s fine though, the doc said he shouldn’t drive so we’re on our way to get him now.”
“Oh,” I chew on my lip, “okay, yeah, cool.” I sound like a sniffling idiot.
“See you around, North.” Ortiz nods, respect shining in his eyes as they both hurry out.
Of course, he would call them, those are his boys, not me. I fall back against the wall, the sounds of my teammates celebrating behind me, and my confusing emotions chilling right here in front of me.
Jameson drives his car into the driveway and Ortiz jumps out of the passenger side, opening the back door. I lean forward and watch as Sebastian slowly gets out of the car, his skin looking a little too pale. I watch him closely as he walks to his front door, Ortiz and Jameson waiting by the car, and I can’t believe they’re going to leave him alone tonight, he has a fucking concussion.
He waves at them and opens his door, going inside without a backwards glance. It’s like he knows he’s alone and that there’s no one that will be with him, the thought has me feeling terrible.
Jameson and Ortiz pull out of the driveway, their music blasting loudly as they drive back down the street. I watch as Avando closes the front door slowly and I sit here, debating what I should do. Maybe they’re going to pick up some stuff for him and they’ll be back soon, I can’t imagine his closest friends leaving him behind.
When thirty minutes goes by, I know they’re not coming back, and my stomach sinks with the realization that Sebastian has no one. I shouldn’t care, I tell myself as I get out of my car, and I shouldn’t even be thinking of helping him, I growl inside my head as I jog up his driveway. I stand on his porch and look up into the top right corner, a red-light blinks back letting me know I’m being recorded, can’t turn around now. I ring the doorbell and wait, my stomach slowly working its way up into my throat.
A few minutes later and still he doesn’t answer the door. I ring the doorbell and shuffle from foot to foot, maybe he sees me and doesn’t want to answer the door. He hates me after all. I don’t know what compels me to turn the knob and I gasp when it opens, revealing his foyer to me. Why didn’t he lock his door? Is he expecting someone? Like an idiot, I step inside his house and close the door behind me.
“Sebastian?” I call out and hear nothing, no noise greets me.
I step out of my shoes and walk in further, finding the kitchen and then the family room. Still no sign of Sebastian.
“Avando?” I yell out a bit louder and hear a creak above my head.
I head back out to where I saw the stairs and take each step slowly, unsure of what I’ll find or how I’ll be received. He could very well be loading a gun to shoot me with as soon as I get to the second floor and he would be in his rights to do so, I am an intruder.
There are plenty of doors up here and as I stand there, looking between each one, I hear a slight noise to my left. I head towards it and stop in front of a messy bedroom. This has to be his room.
“Sebastian?” I call out again and when there’s no answer, I enter his room. The bed is unmade, the sheets hanging over the side, and he has clothes thrown everywhere.
I get to the center of the room and hear the faint sound of running water. I follow it to a closed door and press my ear to it, there’s no other sound, just running water. My worry gets the best of me as I open the door and rush inside.
