Grumpy Alien King by Celeste King
Juliette
Ilooked at my watch and wondered how much time was left for this event. It didn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon.
I had been working security for Adrienne Mitchell for a couple of years now, and, as I was happy to report, most of it had been boring.
Not that you would expect working security for a fast food chicken chain heiress to be fraught with peril, mind you, but every once in a while, things could get... weird.
That had certainly proven true in Nashville recently. There was all sorts of weird shit on the news about country singers and their mobs of fans, shootouts in the streets like old Westerns, horses running through town... I don’t know, couldn’t follow it all.
But, there was an incident at an Area 51 restaurant, the chain my boss runs. Luckily, she wasn’t there at the time, and neither was I, thank god. You couldn’t pay me enough to deal with that kind of batshit.
Ever since then, security has become a little bit tighter. Just to be safe.
So far, so good though.
I scanned my surroundings, watching for trouble. There was already a massive crowd pooling through our doors. People grabbed at each other to be the first one in line, but nothing serious enough for me to intervene just yet. I still couldn’t believe they were all here for the opening of our newest location, over in west Nashville, near Vanderbilt University.
Whoever pitched this spot is a genius. Apparently, College kids adored fast food, kept them going late at night, I supposed, cramming for finals.
I wouldn’t know from experience. I joined the military young, became a member of a special forces’ unit, saw more action than I would like to remember, and then left the service without looking back.
Sometimes you gotta make hard choices. After leaving everything I knew behind, I struggled, didn’t know what I wanted to do, but then an idea hit me.
So I started hiring myself out as private security, and the job was better than I anticipated. Pay was excellent, risk was generally fairly low, and the hours beat lying in wait on a cold mountainside half-a-world away, hoping the target you’re searching for will make an appearance in your rifle scope.
As I watched, Adrienne hopped on a countertop to address the crowd with a basket full of chicken sandwiches wrapped in waxed paper.
People were absolutely nuts for this chicken. I didn’t get it. I meant, I thought it was... fine, but not the best thing I’d ever tasted. On the other hand, what the hell did I know? Adrienne was a millionaire about a thousand times over, so clearly, she had to be doing something right.
“Hey, everyone,” she said with enthusiasm. “So glad you’re here for the opening of another Area 51 Chicken!”
Excited cheers roared from the crowd.
“We’re excited to be in this part of the community, and we look forward to providing Nashville with more good food, good times and good relationships!”
Her fans cheered again, smiling. They loved her. I got it. She was beautiful, kind-hearted (and she really was, it wasn’t an act) and she made food they couldn’t eat fast enough.
Adrienne tossed a bunch of sandwiches to the mob and hopped down from the counter, her customers going wild. You’d think it was kids diving after a foul ball at a baseball game. They were diving all over each other to get to these things.
I sighed and shook my head.
Crazy.
I didn’t get it. It’s not like she was handing out diamonds and rubies. It was just chicken. Chicken that was priced reasonably enough for anyone in this college town to afford. These people were acting crazy, but it was all harmless enough, I guessed.
There was something they tried to teach you when you were in the special forces: never let your guard down because the moment you did, something terrible was absolutely guaranteed to happen. It was a lesson I learned well during my time in that unit, and you would think I wouldn’t have forgotten it.
Yeah. Turned out even ex-special forces could get complacent.
I had let my mind drift a little while Adrienne addressed the crowd, and I paid no attention. Just for a second.
It was all it took.
A window on the far side of the restaurant suddenly shattered and a loud “bang!” pierced the air.
I clasped my ears to protect them, shock and memories of battle filling my mind. As soon as I snapped out of it, I noticed thick smoke quickly filling the room and a stampede of terrified, screaming people, unsure what was happening. I did. Someone idiot had thrown a smoke bomb inside our restaurant.
“What the hell —” Adrienne shouted to me, her eyes wide with fear.
I rushed over to her and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her off the countertop.“Stay down!”
It was utter pandemonium inside the place, people were knocking each other down and trying to get out. There was another sound of breaking glass as another smoke bomb went off.
They weren’t true explosives, otherwise there would be shockwaves, fire and debris. It was just smoke. Someone was creating a diversion. Why?
I got my answer sooner than I guessed.
Through the ear shattering screams, I heard the whining rattle of automatic-weapon fire starting up. Chills ran down my spine and I shoved Adrienne closer to the floor.
“GET DOWN!” I yelled, not sure if anyone could hear me. Seconds later, bullets sprayed through the windows and walls, but oddly enough it was shooting up into the ceiling. More diversions, I thought. It had to be, otherwise half our customers would have been dead by now.
“Everyone out!” A rough masculine voice order.
Grabbing Adrienne by the shoulder, I pulled her low to me.“Stay crouched and stay quiet,” I whispered to her.
“What’s going on?” Her body shivered with fear.
“I don’t know, but we’re getting you safety.”
I couldn't take on an automatic weapon. Not by myself. Not without gear and not without my squad. I didn’t trust anyone else to have my back. So that only left me with one option. Secure my boss somewhere safe and then get help.
Ignoring the chaos, I led Adrienne along the counter into the back, where the employees’ restroom was located. As quietly as I could, I carefully opened the door, checked to make sure it was empty and pushed her inside.
“Lock the door. It ONLY locks from the inside. It’s a thick, solid door, so you’ll be safe here. Don’t open it for anyone but me!”
She nodded and did as I asked.
Keeping to the shadows, I scurried back to the front. To my dismay, the smoke was dissipating somewhat, but there were still plenty of people screaming and trying to get out. They were like headless chickens too blind to find an exit.
Peeking from around the corner of the counter, I saw three burly men, big, dressed all in black, military-grade weapons on their persons. Shit.
“Where’s the Chicken Queen?” the biggest one shouted. “Where’s Adrienne Mitchell?”
Well, that cleared up their intentions, I thought to myself. It had been a while since I was called upon to use my particular set of skills, but hey, like riding a bike, right?
I rolled out to my left and slid behind a condiment dispenser. Reaching a hand up, I found what I was looking for — the hot sauce — then pulled it down and unscrewed the top.
I had never lobbed a grenade quite like this before, but like people always said, there was a first time for everything.
“Yo, ugly!” I shouted. I wanted them to turn their faces toward my direction. “She’s an heiress, not a Queen!”
“What the fuck?” I heard one of them say as I tossed the hot sauce grenade overhead.
It must’ve smacked someone square in the face because I hear a loud, fleshy whack seconds later.
“Godddammit! It stings! And tastes delicious!”
Day was getting weird, but I didn’t know how weird it was going to get. Yet.
I sprung to my feet and fired off a few rounds from my handgun. Two of the men dropped to the ground, while the one I hit with the hot sauce tried to wipe it off his face while also licking it from his hands. It was an odd sight.
Not wasting time, I ran forward, lowered my shoulder and plowed into him like an unstoppable boulder rolling downhill. If I hadn’t caught him off-guard, I would have broken something for sure.. He was as solid as a rock.
But he was so busy licking himself clean, he hadn’t seen me charging his way, and down he went with a heavy thud.
“Who the hell are you?” he snarled at me.
“The Queen’s guard,” I said, keeping him pinned down
“I thought you said she was an Heiress, ” he sneered.
I rolled my eyes. “I can’t stand a smart ass.”
Fingers reaching into my pocket, I grabbed my stun gun and fired my weapon, but he dodged from under me. Too bad for him, he doesn’t evade my second shot and I managed to tag him somewhere on his shoulder.
And that’s when the day reached its weirdest.
There was a sudden shimmer of light, and the air waved in front of me, like the heat off a grill. Then the man on the floor in front of me, turned out not to be a man at all. He was some big... strange... purple-looking thing... with two antennae on his head.
I stood there for a second, mouth agape.
“Uh... what’s going on?” I asked no one in particular.
“Fuck! She hit the holo-suit! Get me out of here!” The purple thing in front of me said, scrambling to his feet and stumbling backward into a booth.
There were still some people nearby, and, like clockwork, they snapped out of their fearful stupor and pulled out their cell phones to film what they saw in front of them.
The two other... men, if that’s what they were, came running forward, with the Area 51 grand opening banner they had ripped from the walls.
“Let’s go! This operation is blown!” one of them said, wrapping the purple one in the banner, pulling him to his feet and whisking him out the broken window they had stormed through.
The few civilians left started applauding and cheering me, which, don’t get me wrong, was really nice and all, but I was completely distracted by the fact that those men weren’t men at all.
A teenaged boy, about fifteen, was staring at his phone and I went over to him, just as the fire department and police pulled up outside. I moved to the boy and looked over his shoulder.
It was a footage of what had just occurred — the transformation of the man into... whatever that was.
The kid looked up at me and shook his head.
“Aliens,” he said simply. “Fuckin’ knew it.” And then he walked away, texting furiously.
Aliens?Could that be true?“Nah, no way. This has to be some kind of stupid pran.”
I glanced up at the ceiling and then to everything else that had been utterly destroyed, before heading back to where I had left Adrienne, and knocked on the door.
“It’s me.It’s safe now.”
“You sure?”Adrienne carefully pushed the door open, a plunger in her hand like a club.
“What were you gonna do with that?” I asked wryly.
Adrienne looked at the plunger and then to me, shrugging.
“I don’t know exactly. Give them an infection of some kind?”
“Good plan,” I laughed and led her back to the front of the store. The cops were going to have a lot of questions.
Which couldn’t compare to the questions I had of my own.
