Loving the Ladies’ Man by Kristin Canary

Chapter 9

It’s been eighteen days since I admitted to myself that I am falling in love with Connor Bryant.

But who’s counting, right?

I haven’t seen him since that day in the garden, though we’ve texted quite a bit—mostly to make plans for attending the wedding in three days (eek!) and also to chat about his manuscript, which he’s been furiously working on and improving.

Still, I’ve analyzed those quiet moments together over and over in my mind. And of course, I recounted them to Kayla, who stood and did a victory dance for being right.

“About what?” I demanded.

“I knew you liked him, but were too stubborn to admit it.” She wiggled her hips, her hands raised in a V over her head. “And I knew he liked yooooooou.”

“I’m not sure that he does.” But the idea is thrilling.

“Trust me. A guy doesn’t open up like that to just anyone.”

“What if … I don’t know. What if he’s just trying to …” I couldn’t even say the words. They were too awful to think.

“What? To sleep with you?” She rolled her eyes. “Please. If all he wanted was sex, there are plenty of females in San Diego who would willingly throw themselves his way. I mean, have you seen the man?” Kayla fanned herself.

Of course at that moment, Lauren joined us and I was forced to tell the whole story again. Lauren joined Kayla in the fanning, adding a proper dramatic fainting hand on her forehead as she plopped back against the couch. “He’s dreamy, that’s for sure.”

“And he likes you, Evie.”

“Oh, he totally does,” Lauren said. “The way he looked at you when he picked you off the floor before the shower date was just so … well, if a man looked at me like that, I’d tell him right then and there that I wanted to have his babies.”

I tucked my arms around my middle. “I don’t know.” Because I thought David liked me too. Loved me.

And I was dead wrong on that score.

Kayla squeezed my arm. “If you don’t trust yourself, trust me.”

And even though doubts try to get under my skin, I do trust her.

Which is why my insides are twisted with both excitement and terror as I walk down the hallway of our office building for the first time since the earthquake over a month ago. I head toward Connor’s office, clutching my most recent edits of his manuscript. He probably isn’t in just yet, but I’ll just drop the notes off—along with a special something I’ve tied to the top with some twine.

But before I can knock on his door, Lisa calls me from her office. I straighten my blazer and walk through my boss’s open doorway. “Hey! Good to see you again.”

“Yes, it’s good to be back together.” But Lisa isn’t smiling like it’s good. She’s smiling like she has bad news to deliver. “Please shut the door and take a seat.”

Oh no. Has she decided to give the promotion to Connor? The last month, being out of the office, I kind of lost myself in work and was able to shut out the worry over making more money except for the few times I talked with my parents (and after those phone calls, I stuffed my face full of ice cream and watched BBC shows until my anxiety drifted away—especially because my dad’s other hip is hurting now and he really needs to get a replacement but can’t afford to take time off work).

But now? We’re back to reality, and I can’t help but wonder if my dreams are about to die a quick and painful death. After doing as Lisa asked, I hold Connor’s manuscript in my lap. “What’s up?”

Lisa leans forward, elbows on the desk, looks like she’s going to say something but then gets distracted by the orange package attached to the manuscript. “Are you bribing one of our authors with Reese’s Pieces?”

My lips quirk as I run my fingertips over the treat I bought to give Connor some extra fuel during his edits. “Something like that.” I try to sit taller like Kayla taught me, even spreading my arms out to the side momentarily. “You’re making me nervous, Lisa.” Might as well rip off the Band-Aid. “Did you already make your decision about the promotion?”

“Not yet.”

I release a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “Okay.” Then what is this about?

It’s like she hears the question I don’t say aloud because she steeples her fingers and places them over her mouth for a moment. “Evie, you are a wonderful editor. A wonderful person. But I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’ve been doing a lot of your editors’ work for them.”

My jaw drops. Who else even knows that? And who would tattle on me? Surely not Connor.

No. I’m not going to believe it of him. I may not have a great track record with men, maybe have trusted the wrong ones in the past, but Connor is different.

Heis different, right?

“Um, well, I’ve jumped in and helped when my team needed me.”

“At some point, you’re going to have to trust your team to do their own work.”

“What?” Is that what she thinks this is about? Sally and Justine, they came to me asking for help—I didn’t foist it upon them. But I don’t want to throw them under the bus. “Of course I trust them. But they were coming up on their deadlines and needed me to jump in.” I hold up my hands. “And I didn’t mind. I don’t mind. I’ll do anything to make sure Evermore is successful.”

“I know you will.” Lisa sets her hands back on the desk, her fingers splayed. Can fingers have power poses too? I’ll have to ask Kayla. “But I need you to understand that a good leader delegates tasks. She doesn’t take them all on herself, because she realizes that she is limited in her time and abilities.”

I truly don’t know what to say. I thought I was doing a good job, thought I was helping my team. Maybe I’ve just been enabling them, though. My brow scrunches as I play with the twine in my lap. “How do you know the line between helping and hindering?”

“You’re a good person, Evie. I know you want to make everything easier for everyone else around you.”

I swallow.

“But sometimes, you can’t. Sometimes you have to let others feel the consequences of their own actions.” Lisa smiles, but there’s something sad in it—like maybe there’s more of a story behind the words. “Sometimes you have to admit that you can’t solve everyone else’s problems. All you can do is be there for them, to support them. And that’s what a good manager does. That’s what I need to see you doing if you really want this promotion to associate publisher.”

“I do.” I say it so quickly, I almost believe it.

Because I’ll admit that Kayla’s question at the coffee shop—which feels like ages ago—about whether I really want the job has stayed lodged in the back of my brain, refusing to leave.

Besides, change is scary. And I don’t know if I have what it really takes to be an associate publisher. I don’t want to let down my team. Lisa. The company.

And yet, I still feel the same way about the promise I made to my parents. I owe it to them.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

As I’m leaving Lisa’s office, I catch a light under the door of Connor’s office, and the urge to see him overwhelms me. I wish I could tell him all the things I’m feeling, but it would be too much—after all, I don’t want to scare him away. Maybe we’ll get a chance to talk more deeply this weekend during our date at the wedding. I know I need to stay focused on the promotion, but I’ll allow myself this one indulgence—this one thing to look forward to that isn’t work—and who knows? More might come out of it. Maybe he’ll give me another peek into his soul.

My grip tightens around his manuscript as I approach his office, but just then my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. Who would be calling me this early? Of course my parents are several hours ahead—what if something is wrong? One-handed, I yank out the phone.

Stephanie.

Stephanie? What in the world? I haven’t talked to her since spilling wine all over her clothes. “Hello?” I try not to speak too loudly. Some of my co-workers are not early morning people and hate noise before they’ve consumed their a.m. coffee.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Stephanie says. “Evie, you’ve got to save me.”

Huh? Has she finally figured out that David isn’t worth marrying?

Whoa. Did I seriously just think that? Huh. Maybe Connor’s words about my ex have actually sunk in. “What’s going on, Steph? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. My cousin Marlee was just in a car accident.”

“Oh my goodness. Is she all right?” I don’t know Marlee. She might be one of Stephanie’s East Coast cousins.

“I mean, she’s fine, like alive and stuff.” Stephanie huffs out a breath. “But she broke both of her legs, which means she can’t come to the wedding.”

“Okay.” And I need to know this because …?

“And that means I’m down a bridesmaid, Evie! David refuses to un-ask one of his groomsmen to stand up with him, and I can’t have uneven numbers—which means I need a new bridesmaid, stat!”

My knees threaten to collapse. “And …” Please don’t say it, please don’t say it.

“You and Marlee are the same size! And there’s no one else I know who wouldn’t need the dress majorly taken in and there just isn’t time for that considering the wedding is only days away. Please, please, would you fill in?”

I try to ignore the sting in her words. Sure, I’m not a size zero like she is, but I’m not exactly obese. And even if I were, she doesn’t have the right to treat me like this. Connor’s words from the garden drift back to me: “Don’t let people take advantage of you or treat you like you’re nothing.”

I open my mouth to say I can’t do it, but she plows on just like Steam Engine Stephanie always does. “And before you say no, I just want to … well, Evie, I know I should have said this before, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I put David above our friendship. So sorry that we hurt you with this relationship. I hope you know that was never the intention.”

Slumping against the office wall, I grit my teeth and close my eyes against the tears burning behind my lids. How long have I wanted my old friend to acknowledge that? I’ve ached for this apology more than I let myself admit. “I … thanks, Stephanie.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m saying it just because I need you.” She sighs. “I miss you. And I should have said I’m sorry a long time ago.”

“I miss you too.” Sure, we were never as close as Kayla and me, but some of my best memories of California are of me, David, and Stephanie hanging out together. “As for being your bridesmaid …” I still don’t quite know what to say on that front. Being part of the wedding party sounds fairly miserable, honestly, and I was so looking forward to spending that time with Connor.

And if I’m a bridesmaid, I’d feel weird about asking him to come since I’d be so busy. Plus, now that Stephanie and I have sort-of-kind-of “made up,” I’m not sure I need Connor to come along—but I don’t want to have to tell him that either.

Ugh. My head hurts. “Can I have the morning to think about it?”

“Sure, yeah, of course.” Stephanie pauses, her voice softening. “I never would have asked if you hadn’t moved on. But seeing you with Connor the other night … well, David and I are both really happy for you.”

Oh man, I can’t keep the tears in any longer. Not only because I don’t know if what Connor and I have is real—or could be real—but because finally being at peace with Stephanie and David feels like a gift I didn’t think I’d ever receive. “Thanks, Steph. I’m happy for you too.”

We hang up and I wipe my tears away. I need to talk with Connor about the wedding, see what he thinks. I actually really care about his opinion now. Probably dumb of me, but I kind of think the bond we’ve formed over the last month means he cares about mine too.

I step toward his office, which is cracked open, stick my head inside—and freeze.

Connor is in his chair and the receptionist, June, is sitting on his desk right beside him. Despite her back facing me, I can see that she’s wearing a skirt that rides halfway up her thigh and giggling as she twirls her hair.

Neither of them notices me, and it’s no wonder—Connor is staring so intently into June’s eyes that I think he might kiss her.

My stomach is on a rollercoaster and right now, it’s at the hanging-upside-down-hold-on-for-dear-life part. I should leave—I want to leave—but my legs won’t move.

“June, do you know what pulchritudinous means?”

I want to throw up right now. He’s using my word to flirt with another woman.

He’s the same old guy. Why did I think he might change just because we hung out a few times?

She giggles again and swings her shapely legs. “Polka-what?”

Move, you stupid feet. Move! Finally, my body listens, but as I back out, my elbow hits the door frame and I gasp with the pain of hitting my funny bone—which is so not a funny thing to hit, by the way.

Connor and June turn toward me, and Connor’s eyes widen. “Evie. Hey.” He looks at the package in my hands and his gaze seems to soften, but I don’t trust myself to read him right. “Is that for me?”

“Yes.” Somehow I find the strength to move forward and place the manuscript and Reese’s Pieces on his desk. “I’ve got those changes for you.”

June tries to peek at the manuscript, but Connor turns it over. He keeps his gaze on me. “Thank you. I look forward to chatting with you about this. And thanks for the Reese’s. You remembered.”

I seriously want to take that package of candy and chuck it at his head. He has no business looking at me like I’m special when he was just in here calling June beautiful—and doing who knows what else. “No problem. Just fulfilling my end of the bargain.”

“What bargain?” June leans toward Connor and touches his shoulder, her lips in a pout.

But he basically ignores her, his eyes and mouth frowning at me. “Are you okay, Webster?”

Am I okay? Seriously?

Argh, this man!

And in that moment, I know what I need to do. I need to let him go. I need to focus on the promotion like I should have been doing all this time.

I need to end our bargain before it ends me.

“I’m fine. I just got a call from Stephanie and she needs a fill-in bridesmaid.” I notch up my chin, pretending to be brave. Fake it till you make it, right? “So I won’t be needing an escort anymore.”

“What?” Connor stands and June nearly tumbles off the desk. Her head is bouncing between us like there’s an invisible ping-pong ball flying through the air.

“I’m going to—”

“I heard you.” He rounds the desk, like a lion stalking his prey. I take a step backward. “I just can’t believe you’re letting her take advantage of you like that. She snaps and you come running like a little puppy dog.”

“That’s not true.” And I can feel my eyes flashing. I don’t like conflict, but right now he’s cornering me—and if I’m some sort of puppy dog, I’m about to bare my teeth and attack. “She apologized for everything.”

“And you just forgave her?”

“Some of us understand the meaning of the word.” And as I say it, I know I’ve gone too far. Because whatever is going on between Connor and his dad … well, maybe it’s not as forgivable as what Stephanie did to me. I have no right to judge him for holding onto his hurt. “Oh, Connor, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I think you did.” By now, my back is against the wall, and he leans in with his voice lowered. “And you know what? I’m proud of you. You’re finally standing up for yourself. With me, anyway. I just wish you’d do the same with other people. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to go after what you want.”

But how can I go after what I want when what I want doesn’t want me back?

I’m nearly weak with the closeness of him, the way he’s not even touching me and I’m still on fire. How can I be so upset with him one minute, and wanting to kiss him the next?

I’m such a mess.

And I’ve got to get out of here, because Connor makes me forget myself. Makes me lose focus.

I duck and run from his office as quickly as I can. Then I make a phone call. “Steph? I’m in.”