Alibi by Nicole Edwards

Chapter Seventeen

Gage had just convinced Kate to takea bath when Travis came home with Maddox.

No sooner was he in the door than Gage realized something was wrong. Or rather, something was really wrong since everything between them was wrong these days.

“When they go to bed, we’re gonna talk,” Travis said under his breath, his tone leaving no room for argument.

He didn’t even get a chance to reply when Travis pivoted and stormed out of the room.

Gage sighed. Looked like just another Saturday night.

Two hours later, after they’d sat with the kids until they’d all but fallen asleep, Gage was about to come out of his skin. For weeks now, he’d been the one to instigate any and all conversation with Travis, and now that Travis had shown even a modicum of effort, he wanted to know what was on the man’s mind.

After putting Avery to bed and checking on Kade, Gage went back downstairs. He’d expected to find Travis in the living room, where he’d left him, but he wasn’t there. He started toward the guest room where Travis had moved his things shortly after Kylie died, but he came up short when he heard his voice coming from Travis’s office.

Gage stepped into the room to find Travis pacing the floor, his phone to his ear.

“I understand, but when you know for sure, I expect to be your first call. Not my father, not Gage. Me. Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”

That was all it took for Gage to realize who Travis was talking to. Rather than wait so they could have a knock-down-drag-out, Gage turned and walked right back out of the room. He went for the stairs, took them two at a time, and headed for his bedroom. He shut the door behind him, knowing Travis wouldn’t come in.

Taking a deep breath, he paced the room a couple of times to calm down, then decided a shower was in order. After all, this was his routine. Every morning, he woke up, then with Travis’s help, he got the kids up and moving. If it was the weekend, he tried to come up with something to entertain them with, and during the week, he would get them ready for daycare. After what had become a daily battle regarding who didn’t want to go, he would finally get them dropped off, then he would go to the resort to put in his eight hours. Most of those were spent working with one of Travis’s brothers because he sensed Travis didn’t want to be in the same room as him.

Which had made this past week, when they’d been stuck in the house, a complete hell. For both of them.

And then, when the day was over, Gage would reverse course, pick up the kids, bring them home. Dinner was generally whatever he could scrounge together in a few minutes with five kids underfoot. With each passing day, as their new normal set in, they were finding a routine that worked for them. Generally Travis would come home in time to help with baths, then they would get the kids to bed before going their separate ways.

And every night, without fail, Gage would go to Travis because he couldn’t stand to go a single day without that connection. He knew it was painful for them both, being without Kylie, but he wasn’t willing to let go of what they’d worked so hard for. Gage wasn’t ready to lose everything, although at times, he felt like he already had.

After stripping off his clothes, Gage got in the shower. As was the case every time he took a minute to breathe, the tears would come. Fortunately, he reserved that emotional unloading for when he was alone, so as not to let the kids see the pain that still consumed him. It was hard enough to get through the minutes of the day. It would be even harder if the kids had to shoulder the weight of everyone else’s emotions.

Once he’d let the hot water beat out some of the tension in his shoulders, Gage focused on his frustration rather than his grief, avoiding the tears as he hurried through the shower, got out. He pulled on sweatpants and a T-shirt—always clothed in case the kids needed him—then fell into bed, not bothering to pull back the covers.

It wasn’t until he was lying there, in the dark room, when he heard movement on the other side of the bedroom door.

He waited, expecting to see Kade or Avery peek inside as they had done a few times in recent weeks, seeking comfort.

But no one opened the door.

Was it…?

“Travis?”

The throat that cleared from the hallway was definitely that of a full-grown man.

Gage hated that his chest inflated, hope filling him. He knew the only reason Travis would come to their room would be to hash out whatever was on his mind. And clearly he felt it was important, otherwise he would wait until morning.

He remained silent, waiting to see what Travis would do. After several minutes passed, he sighed, disappointed. He’d hoped that Travis would’ve made the effort, would’ve—

The doorknob turned and Travis appeared, backlit by the butter-yellow glow from the light in the hallway.

Neither of them said a word when Travis stepped into the room, closed the door behind him.

Neither of them said a word when Travis walked toward him only to stop, turn back around.

Gage wasn’t sure he was breathing as he waited, watching Travis as he gripped the doorknob as though leaving the room. Several heartbeats passed and still Travis was there.

“You should’ve told me.”

“Told you what?” Gage asked, playing dumb.

Travis let go of the knob, turned around. “You’ve been talkin’ to Reese.”

“And?”

“You’ve been up to speed on the case. Probably before I was.”

Yes, Gage had gotten some updates. But he didn’t figure it had been relevant to what was going on. Until Brantley and Reese actually found Juliet Prince, it was all moot. Or until the FBI tracked her down, it didn’t matter. Everyone knew she was out there somewhere. He didn’t see the point in discussing it.

“You should’ve told me,” Travis repeated, his voice harsher than before.

“What good would it’ve done?” he countered. “How the fuck would it help? Tell me that, Travis. Tell me how knowin’ what they’re doin’ would help any of us get through another day.”

As he expected, Travis didn’t answer.

And yet, Gage still waited for a response.

*

Travis had never hyperventilated a day inhis life.

Until now.

Until this moment when he was standing in their bedroom, the room they had shared with Kylie for seven amazing years. He couldn’t seem to get enough air in his lungs despite his efforts to do so. The walls felt like they were closing in around him, making his vision go gray at the edges.

“Travis.”

He could hear Gage’s voice, even comprehended the concern in it, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t react, couldn’t anything.

Why had he come in here? Why? What was the purpose of subjecting himself to this?

Hard hands were turning him around, then suddenly cupping his neck, thumbs brushing along his jaw, Gage’s face filling his line of sight.

“Trav, relax,” his husband whispered, his tone so gentle it caused another ache in his chest. “Breathe.”

Travis shook his head. He couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fill his lungs. His airway was getting smaller by the second, his chest constricting.

Those strong hands grew firmer as Gage leaned in. And then Gage’s breath fanned his lips.

“I’m here, Trav. I’m right here. I want you to breathe. In and out. Slow. It’s all right. I swear to you.”

“I … I can’t… Oh, fuck…” He sucked in air, the panic attack beating down on him. He felt his legs weaken. He was going to pass out.

“Breathe.” Gage leaned in closer, pressed his lips to Travis’s. Just a gentle brushing, but it gave Travis something to focus on. The imaginary band on his chest loosened slightly.

It was then he realized he was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I miss her so fuckin’ much,” he forced out. “So much, Gage. I. Miss. Her.”

Gage’s arms banded around him, jerking him close, tightening in a hold that should’ve been constricting, but it wasn’t. It was comfort. It was … home and hope and love all right there. This man … despite their issues, despite the distance they’d put between them, he was there when Travis needed him. Always there.

“We’re gonna get through this,” Gage said, his voice so low, if he hadn’t been right at Travis’s ear, he wouldn’t have heard him. “We will. All of us. It’ll never be easy, but we’ll get through it.”

“I love you,” Travis blurted, holding him, clutching his T-shirt in his fists, scared to let go. He just needed Gage to know that, to understand. Yes, he was fucked up. Yes, he was doing this all wrong. But that didn’t change the fact that Gage meant everything. “I do,” he added. “I love you so goddamn much.”

“I know.”

They remained like that for several minutes, holding one another up, tears falling, the fear and anger they’d built up finding a small but effective outlet.

“I hate this, Gage. I hate her not bein’ here. I don’t want to get outta bed anymore. Without her … without you…”

“You’ve got me,” Gage snapped, pulling back and gripping Travis’s neck again. “You understand me. You’ve got me. Always. No matter what.”

Travis’s eyes searched his face, praying he meant that, but he wasn’t sure what was real anymore. He’d never felt so much pain before. Never had anything hurt as much, cause such a brutal agony in his chest as losing Kylie. And the past several weeks … they were hell on earth as Travis navigated this new path, tried to figure out how he fit in his own life now. If he fit in it.

“I can’t be in this room. I can’t sleep in that bed.” Travis glanced over at the spot Kylie used to occupy, and his chest constricted again, but this time there was anger boiling in the pain. “I can’t.” He looked back at Gage. “I made love to her that mornin’. Right there. Right there in that fuckin’ bed. I can’t be in here without thinkin’ about that. About her. Missin’ what we were supposed to have for an eternity. That was it. My last moment with her.”

He saw something flash in Gage’s eyes. Pain? Misery?

“At least you had that,” Gage whispered.

Oh, that was far more than misery. That was agony and despair.

“At least you have that to remember, Trav. Those precious minutes you had with her that mornin’.” A tear streaked down his face. “I didn’t even get that.”

It wouldn’t have hurt more if Gage had punched him in the stomach.

“I…” Travis didn’t know what to say. Words were not going to help, of that he was certain.

“It’s not your fault, Trav. It’s not.” Gage took a deep breath, his hands relaxing as he leaned in, forehead to forehead. “I was mad at you initially. Sure. For about a minute. You got that and I didn’t. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get that. Why I couldn’t’ve had just five more minutes with her.”

Travis fisted Gage’s shirt tighter, feeling the sorrow as it poured off of his husband. He hadn’t seen that last precious moment he’d had with Kylie as a blessing. But Gage was right. He’d had that.

“Every minute without her is agony, Trav. That’s to be expected. We’ve lost somethin’ important. Somethin’ crucial. But we have to keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other. We can’t keep dwellin’ on what we don’t have. It’s not good for us; it’s not good for the kids.”

He knew Gage was right. Of course he did, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“How do we fix it?” Travis honestly wanted to know. He needed to know because going on like this wasn’t sustainable.

They stared at one another for a moment.

“The letter,” Gage finally said.

Travis didn’t speak.

“Tomorrow, we’ll read the letter. Together.”

Travis managed a nod.

“But tonight we’ll start by sleepin’ in here. Both of us.” There was so much pain in Gage’s eyes. “I don’t wanna be alone, Trav. You said you wouldn’t make me do this alone.”

Travis knew Gage wasn’t referring to taking care of the house, the kids, the responsibilities. Travis was putting in his time as promised. Yet he was ignoring their relationship, their bond. He’d all but written it off because he didn’t believe he deserved Gage. In doing so, he was hurting the man he loved.

“We’ll start with one night,” Gage continued. “See how it goes.”

Travis wasn’t sure he’d survive it, but at the same time, he knew he wouldn’t survive leaving Gage alone tonight. Hell, he couldn’t survive much more of this rift they were creating between them. It was tearing him to shreds with each passing day.

“Okay.”

Gage must’ve known he was having a difficult time processing even with his agreement because he didn’t go far, leading the way to their bed.

Every step Travis took felt heavy. His heart picked up a new rhythm, a drumbeat of both pain and need, loss and love.

“Be with me tonight, Trav. Just me. Just us. For a little while.”

Travis focused only on Gage, on the man he had fallen in love with, the man who’d been his lifeline and his anchor over the years.

“I love you,” Travis whispered, sliding his palms over Gage’s whiskered cheeks.

“I know.”

Travis realized that was the second time Gage had responded that way. He hadn’t returned the sentiment, merely acknowledged it.

“Tell me you love me, Gage,” Travis insisted, pulling back enough that he could see Gage’s face clearly, so he could look in his eyes. “Tell me.”

“I do, Travis. Of course I do.”

He cupped Gage’s face firmly. “Tell. Me.”

Gage’s eyes flashed with pain once again.

Travis stepped in, holding Gage roughly. “Tell me you love me, damnit.”

“I love you,” Gage blurted, a sob tearing free. “Goddammit, Travis. I love you.”

“Why’s it so hard for you to say it?”

Gage’s brown eyes shined with unshed tears. “It’s not.”

He wouldn’t say that was a lie, but it damn sure wasn’t the truth.

“Tell me again,” he demanded, sliding his hands into Gage’s hair, gripping firmly as he looked down into his eyes.

“I love you,” Gage rasped, as though the words were torn from his chest. “I love you so fuckin’ much, Travis. So much, but it hurts. I know you loved Kylie more, I know—”

Travis staggered back, dropping his arms. “What? Why the fuck would you think that?”

Gage’s eyes scanned his face. “How can I not? You can’t even look at me. I’m the one who has to pin you down just to get a few minutes of your time. I’m the one who comes to you every fuckin’ night because I don’t want you to forget me.”

Travis stared, mouth agape.

“Without her, what’s left, Travis?” Gage asked, eyes pleading. “Tell me that. You’ve always said you couldn’t have one without the other. That was your reasoning, was it not? The reason you and Kylie went your separate ways in the very beginning? Because you needed both.”

Travis had no idea what to say. Not because there was any truth in what Gage was saying. Well, not anymore. He had said that. Yes. A long fucking time ago. Long before he’d fallen in love with both Kylie and Gage individually.

“I don’t want you to forget me, Travis,” Gage said, his tone defeated. “I don’t—”

Travis cut him off by slamming his mouth down on Gage’s. He kissed him, taking them both down to the bed. He was rough, but he was angry, so it made sense. How could this man think so little of him? How could he believe that he would ever not want him?

“I don’t love her more,” he growled, settling over Gage.

“It’s all right if you do, Trav. I understand.”

Travis lifted his head, stared down at the man beneath him. “You don’t.” He shook his head to emphasize his words. “You don’t fuckin’ understand.”

Gage stared, his eyes imploring him to explain.

“For fuck’s sake, Gage. I love you equally. The kids … you … Kylie…” Travis was unable to hide his frustration as he tried to spell it out. “All of you make up my whole heart. All the pieces.” He shifted, sliding over Gage so that he covered him fully. “But you … you’re my best friend, my lover, the man I want to have my back for the rest of my life. You, Gage.”

He could feel the emotions churning between them, knew Gage was listening.

“I can’t lose you, too,” Travis whispered, pressing his lips to Gage’s. “I won’t survive it.”

Gage’s hand caressed the side of his face as their lips melded together. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Trav.”

It wasn’t the hard, furious kisses they’d indulged in recently. This was slow and sweet and more than a little sad.

And exactly what Travis needed. This was what they both needed. A minute together to share their pain, to know someone else was there, someone would hold them up when the weight of the world became too much. They’d avoided this for weeks now, avoided opening themselves up because the emotional turmoil was already more than they could bear.

“Love me, Gage,” Travis mumbled.

“Always,” he whispered.

Gage’s hands moved first, lifting Travis’s shirt, forcing him to rise. They moved together, rolling and shifting but never releasing one another. It wasn’t long before they were skin to skin, limbs tangled as their lips remained locked, tongues searching, seeking. On their sides, legs twined, neither of them made a move to pull apart, in tune with one another on a deeper level.

When Gage slid his hand between them, fisting Travis’s cock, he hissed in a breath, pressed his forehead to Gage’s as his hips automatically pumped to increase the friction. And when Travis did the same in return, fisting Gage’s cock, stroking, teasing, they lost themselves.

Travis hadn’t been looking for this when he came in the room. He hadn’t been seeking Gage out for this type of comfort but it happened. There, in one another’s arms, they touched and claimed, stroking one another to a climax that wasn’t just physical. It was the release they both sought, solidifying the bond they’d had all along, strengthening it.

When Gage grunted, Travis gripped him more firmly, stroked harder, drawing him closer and closer until it was inevitable. Only then did he nip Gage’s lower lip, as they both came.

Afterward, Travis dragged Gage into the shower with him, where they spent another few minutes together. Nothing sexual, only love this time. Only one heartbeat to another in a moment that would give them the strength to make it through one more day.