Southern Secrets by Natasha Madison

Chapter 20

Amelia

"I’ll get my things,"he says and turns to walk away, his shoulders slumped and his head down. This man who is worth so much yet doesn’t see it.

"Stop," I snap, taking one step forward. He turns around, and my eyes meet his. The look of defeat is all over his face. "You don’t get to do this," I say, my hands shaking, and I really wish I could sit down. "You don’t get to give me all that and not listen to what I have to say."

"Amelia," he says my name in a broken plea. "Just." I hold up my hand to stop him from talking. I hold up my hand, and he sees it shaking. He takes a step forward, but I shake my head. I can’t do this if he’s next to me.

"I know a man who woke up at the ass crack of dawn to go out to help an old man fix his fence. An old man he isn’t even related to, I might add." I shake my head. "I know this man who lost everything and was sadder because of the impact that loss had on my family. I know a man who puts other people before himself. I know this man who would give anyone the shirt off his back." I stand straight and pull my shoulders back. “There are things about me that you don’t know either," I say, and he just looks at me. "Things no one knows. And I mean no one. Not my parents, not my grandfather, not even Chelsea."

"You don’t have to do this," he says, but after everything he gave me tonight, I owe him this right now.

"I don’t have to but"—I look down at my hands—"I want you to know." I swallow the fear that he might look at me differently. "I fell in love when I was fourteen years old. He worked for my grandfather, doing stuff around the barn and then he was the up-and-coming rodeo champion. He trained with my cousins, and there was no denying he was going to be a champion. He was two years older than me." I ignore the pain forming in my heart. "One night, I found him alone in the barn, and we started talking. Then slowly, we would spend more time together. In secret, of course. No way would he even acknowledge me when any of my family members were around. When I was fifteen, he gave me my first kiss." I wipe the tear away, the memories that I’ve kept in a locked box coming out.

"Of course, he made me promise not to tell a soul." Just thinking about it, I was so stupid. "He had me convinced that my grandfather would fire him if he knew and that my family would block him from becoming the rodeo champ. So, for three years, we hid our relationship, or whatever it is that you want to call it. I would sneak out of my house and meet him at the barn. It was stupid, so fucking stupid." I laugh, putting my hand to my forehead as I shake my head. "I didn’t tell a soul. Not one fucking soul. Not my mother, not my grandfather, not even Chelsea and Quinn." I hold up my hand with my finger up. "He was my secret and only mine. We would stay up all night sometimes as he spoke about his big dream of owning his own farm and being rodeo champ. Everything that he wanted to achieve with me by his side. Every single time he mentioned his dream, I was the one beside him holding his hand." The tears come. "I loved him so much that his dream became my dream. I would have followed him anywhere." I shake my head. "I was going to leave everything that I know and love just for him. Because he was my everything."

"Amelia," he says my name softly.

"I know, stupid, right? Who the fuck falls in love when they are fifteen?" I laugh as the tears pour down my face. "I mean, besides my parents and my grandparents and my aunt Savannah and my uncle Beau." He smiles softly as he looks at me.

I gather the strength to continue, knowing that the next part will take me back to a place I never wanted to go. There was never a need to tell anyone this, but I want Asher to know. I want to give him a piece of myself that he just gave me. "The plan was that he was going to get us a place, and the minute I turned eighteen, we would get married. Every single weekend, he would head down and see if there was anything we could afford. Then he would come back and tell me all about the apartments he looked at and how it was going to be perfect for us." I put my hand to my stomach, feeling like I’m going to be sick. I take a second, the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger. Even though I told myself he would never get another tear from me.

"I counted down the days. Counted down the hours until the day I turned eighteen. He had been gone a week. He was fixing up our place, he said, and putting the final touches on it. He even sent me pictures." The hurt is like it was yesterday instead of years ago. "The night I turned eighteen, I didn’t sleep a wink. Not one fucking second. I was so excited for him to come and get me. I was on pins and needles all day. I couldn’t wait to finally tell everyone about us. I was so excited to finally do all the things I dreamed of doing with him. Walking into my parents' house. Holding his hand. Kissing him when I wanted. Finally able to show everyone that I found someone I was going to spend the rest of my life with. My parents threw me this ridiculous party with everyone there." I close my eyes as my heart shatters yet again in my chest. "His truck got there. I got up with a huge smile on my face as I saw him get out of the driver side. I was one second from running to him when I saw the passenger door open. My feet were stuck to the ground. This woman climbed out of the truck, and he held out his hand for her, and together they walked into my party." I look into his brown eyes, feeling all the warmth that a hug could give from one look. "He introduced his new wife to everyone." Saying the words almost cut me off at the knees. I put my hand out onto the table. "He was married." I take a deep breath in. "He was married to someone else."

I close my eyes again, and this time, I feel his arms around me. "Baby," he says softly. "Don’t cry."

My arms go around his neck as I bury my face into his neck. "It’s why I’ll never give anyone control. It’s why I won’t let anyone pay for anything. It’s why I work two jobs. It’s why my dreams are mine and mine alone. It’s why I have to do this myself. It’s as much for me as a fuck you to him," I say, laughing.

"He doesn’t deserve your tears," Asher says, kissing my forehead. "He doesn’t deserve to have any space in your head." His voice goes lower. "He had perfection in his hand, and he let it go." His voice is almost a whisper.

My head comes out from his neck, his eyes on mine. "Amelia," he says my name, and this time, it’s me who makes the first step. My hand comes out, and I finally touch his face the way I’ve wanted to touch it since I met him. The stubble from his beard is pricking my hand. "You," I say, smiling. "You are the only one who’s tempted me." My fingers go to his lips, touching his bottom lip that I want to kiss. "The only one I’ve ever let myself dream of having.” I move my nose with his, softly side to side. "You were everywhere." The tears roll down my cheeks, past the smile that has formed on my face. "And I mean everywhere." It’s his turn to smile. "It pissed me off so much. I fought with Chelsea today about it," I admit. "You got under my skin, Asher."

"I didn’t mean to," he says softly, and I lean in, kissing his lips softly. Once, twice, and then on the third time, his hand goes to the back of my head, and he tilts his head to the side. My mouth opens, and his tongue slides into my mouth.

Home.

It’s the only thing that comes to mind when our tongues tangle. I kiss him until I’m breathless. I kiss him with everything that I have. I kiss him, afraid I’ll never get to kiss him again.

"I don’t want to stop kissing you," he says, “but …" My eyes open to see him staring at me. His eyes are the color of a rich whiskey. I could spend all night getting lost in them. "I need to take a shower." He kisses me again. "I have dust and sweat all over me." I step out of his arms, and I feel this draft rush up my body, and I shiver. "Don’t go anywhere," he says, and I laugh. He turns around to walk to the bathroom, stopping and then turning back to me. "He’s an idiot." Everything in me stops. "For leaving you." Shaking his head, he smiles. "I mean, if I ever get to meet him, I might thank him." He smirks.

"For what?" I ask, confused.

"For giving me a chance to have the best kiss I’ve had in my whole life." He turns toward his bathroom. Only when I hear his door close do I finally breathe properly.

"I guess I should thank him, too," I say finally. "Because I just had a kiss I will never forget."