Southern Secrets by Natasha Madison
Chapter 32
Amelia
I openmy eyes and look over, seeing the bed empty. The pain in my chest comes right away as I turn away from what was his spot. The tear runs down my face, no matter how much I fight it. I finally sent everyone home last night. It’s been three days of everyone hovering around me, and I needed space.
I flip the covers off me and get up, my body aching. Grabbing my robe, I walk out to the coffee maker. Looking outside, I find the sky starting to turn a little gray with the sun coming up. It’s been three days since I’ve seen him. It’s been three days since I felt his touch. It’s been three days since I could breathe without feeling like something was lodged in my chest.
When it’s the quietest is when it’s the worst. It’s when my mind has time to wander. It’s when my mind plays games with me and makes me remember the little things. When he used to kiss me right behind my ear and say I love you. When he used to bring me coffee in the morning. When he would make me feel like I’ve never felt before. It’s all there, no matter how much I try to put it in a box and lock it. I pour the black coffee into the mug and turn to drink it in the kitchen. Even my house isn’t a sacred place anymore. Every single corner has a memory of him. I blink away the stinging of the tears that threaten to come.
The soft knock on the door makes me shake my head. I walk over, wondering which family member could be here so early. I don’t even check, and when I open the door, my body tenses up while my heart starts to beat for the first time in three days without pain. "Asher." His name falls off my lips in a whisper.
"I know you don’t want me here," he says, and I take a second while he is talking to look at him. He is wearing blue jeans and a white shirt, nothing he hasn’t worn before, but it feels like home to me. His eyes are red, and it looks like he hasn’t slept in three days. His face is covered with a beard, and his brown eyes have no shine in them. No light. "I just need five minutes of your time, and then I’ll be gone.” He looks at me, and my hand doesn’t move from the door handle as I grip it with everything in me to stay in place. "I’m leaving town," he says the three words that I was hoping to hear, yet make the pain in my chest feel like someone is setting my body on fire. It’s a pain I’ve never felt before. A pain that goes deep to your bones. "I tried to stay, and I made reasons for staying, but it’s just too much," he says, his voice almost breaking as he looks down and sniffles. "Not being able to be with you or see you. I just … there is no reason for me to stay." My tongue feels like it’s a hundred pounds. "But I wanted to let you know that what happened between us was nothing that I planned. Falling in love with you."
"Was a lie,” I finally say, and if he didn’t look like he was in pain before, I know my words cut him.
"Nothing about how I felt for you was a lie. Nothing about what we shared was a lie." He shakes his head. "What I felt for you was the most real thing I’ve ever felt. What I felt for you …" His eyes fill with tears, and a smile fills his face. "What I felt for you will never go away. It will stay with me until the day I die. You, Amelia McIntyre, will forever be the love of my life." My hands shake. "I hope you find someone who can give you everything you deserve," he says, turning and walking down the steps. He turns back one last time. "I love you, Amelia." The tears run down his face. "Until my last dying breath, I’ll love you." He takes one last look at me and turns around to walk back to his truck.
My feet don’t move from the spot even after the red lights from his truck disappear in the distance. The tears continue rolling down my face, one after another. When my hand finally lets go of the door handle, I shut the door softly.
The shower helps wash away the tears, and when I walk into the barn forty-five minutes later, my grandfather is there waiting for me. I look at him, shocked when he walks over to me. "What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Was wondering if you had time to take a ride with your grandfather," he says, and I see that my horse is there and saddled already. "Figured you needed to clear your head."
I swallow, nodding, and walk to my horse with his arms around my shoulders. I put my foot in the stirrup and push myself up. We ride side by side down the path he used to take me when I was a little girl. "I remember when I used to take you down this path." My grandfather starts talking. "And you wouldn’t stop talking. You would talk about the air and the trees." I smile at him. "It was the part I enjoyed most," he says softly. "So what’s on your mind?" he asks, and when I look over at him, I can’t help but cry. "Might as well get it all out."
"Nothing really," I say as he stops our horses when we get closer to the creek. He gets off his horse, and I follow, getting off mine. He grabs the reins to both horses and leads them to the water.
"Let’s go sit down," he says, pointing at the rock where I used to sit on when I was younger. I sit down and look over at the tree where my parents engraved their name. He sits next to me as we watch the creek move along. "When I found out that you and Tex were a couple,” he starts, and I look at him shocked. "You think I didn’t know." He shakes his head. "I knew about it. I also knew there was something about him that I didn’t like."
"Well, you should have shared the information with me," I say, and he laughs.
"Would you have listened?" he asks, and it’s my turn to laugh. "Exactly.
"Life is all about mistakes," he says, and I bring my legs up and hug them to my chest. I put my head on my knees as I watch him talk. "Everyone makes them."
"He lied to me, Grandpa," I say, the tears are running down and soaking through my pants.
"Did he?" he asks, and I huff out. "He isn’t Tex."
My mouth opens. "It’s the same thing," I point out. "Omitting to tell me who he was is just as bad as Tex showing up at my birthday party with his wife. Even when I say the words, I know it’s not the same. I know deep down it’s not the same, but the fact that he hid it from me. The fact that he wasn’t truthful. That he lied about who he was."
"Did you ever think about how he must feel?" he asks. "Knowing that you have a family out there after being alone all your life. Knowing that your father just left your mother and you like you were trash."
"He isn’t trash," I finally say. "He’s …" My voice trails off.
"Your father lied to your mother," he says, and my head comes up. "All those years ago, he lied to her about being Ethan’s father." My mouth opens, and he holds up his hand. "He’s Ethan’s father, there is no mistake about it, just as I’m Ethan’s grandfather and I would fight anyone who says otherwise. I love him just as much as I love all of you." He smiles and puts his big hand on my cheek. "But your father made a mistake and lied. What if your mother never forgave him?” He tilts his head, and I see the side of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. "I don’t even want to think of it."
"Me either,” I answer him right away.
"A man steps up when he’s wrong and admits that he fucked up," he says, and I laugh because he curses so infrequently. "He messed up, honey, and he knows it."
"I don’t know if I can forgive him." The truth comes out. "What if I say I do, and I throw it in his face?"
He throws his head back. "You know damn straight you are going to do that regardless. Your grandmother still throws things I did to her when I was seventeen." He looks down. "Can you imagine your life without him?" I don’t answer him. "All you have to think about is how will you feel knowing someone out there will be holding his hand?" The thought makes me sick. "How will you feel knowing someone else is going to love him? If that doesn’t bother you, then let him go." I put my chin on my knees and look at the creek.
Neither of us says anything when we hear a blaring sound of an alarm filling the forest. My grandfather's phone rings and so does mine. "Someone has broken into the utility barn," my grandfather says.
And at the exact same time, I yell out, "Asher!”
