Hold Me by W. Winters
Zander
The city was going by in the background without making any impression before, but now it’s in vivid detail. My main priority is getting to Ella. There’s an anxiousness I haven’t felt for her before. A need to protect her.
I know the situation is complicated, but this part seems simple. Get to her. Get to her. Get to her. I ignore my phone vibrating in the passenger seat; one glance in the rearview and I know it’s Damon calling.
Friendship be damned, I won’t make the mistake of not fighting for her to have a say in this. If nothing else, she deserves to hear from me and know this wasn’t my choice.
With the tires screeching and my nerves still rattled, I pull into the parking lot six minutes later. The office is on the top floor of a two-story building. We chose the location because we considered possible press coverage when we designed her protection plan. She’s not unknown to the world, and no matter how slim the chances, we had to prepare for everything. It’s harder to take photos of a person when they’re not at ground level.
It’s then that I consider what exactly I’m about to walk into. I can already feel the betrayed gaze of my brother and the sick feeling that comes with it.
The second the car door shuts with a thunk, my name is shouted from Damon’s car pulling in beside me. In the shade of the towering building, a chill settles over me and I ignore Damon, I ignore the gut instinct to give my brother space now that he knows what I’ve done.
Instead, one foot moves in front of the other, but not fast enough.
Damon throws himself out of the driver’s seat so fast that the door hangs open after him. “You can’t do this,” he shouts although there’s a pleading tone in his voice. We’re both angling for the entrance, and he collides with me as I’m reaching for the door. His shoulder is pressed to my shoulder and I’m met with a desperation in his gaze as I can feel his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. The momentum takes me a few feet away but I’m determined. “Zander. You can’t go in there. You’re off her detail.” His voice is low and careful, but again, his tone is begging me not to go in there.
For her sake or mine? Maybe both. “Your brother said you can’t—”
“That doesn’t fucking matter. I’m seeing her, and you can’t stop me.” With my hand wrapped around the steel handle of the black glass door, Damon’s splays against it, preventing me from opening it. The sleeve of his coat slides down his forearm.
“You’re caught, man. Nobody’s going to let you do anything until Cade figures shit out. We might have to have a hearing if Kamden pushes this, which—to be fucking blunt—I would if I were him. And even if we don’t and everything blows over, The Firm can’t let you see her.” His dark eyes are wide. He presses his free hand flat to my chest, pushing me back and I release my grip on the handle, dropping my arm to my side. He’s at least as strong as I am, but he knows better than to square up with me.
More importantly, I want this more than he does. I want to get in more than he wants to keep me out. “We can’t let you see her.”
Gritting my teeth and reining in as much anger as I can, I push out, “That’s not up to you. She has control over her life. You can’t forbid me from seeing her.”
“We can. As a member of The Firm—”
“Then I’ll fucking quit, if that’s what it takes. None of you can unilaterally determine that I’m a threat to her if she wants to see me. And I’m not going to stop.” My breaths are deep and slow, although my pulse is raging in my ears.
Even if adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my mind is clear. I’m only focused on this. Getting to her. To hear what she has to say.
“You know just as well as I do, that doing this could hurt her,” I say, reminding him of his duty as her therapist. “Ripping away someone who was helping her.”
“Zander …” My name comes out like a warning as he shakes his head.
Damon can pretend it’s not in her best interest, but it is. It’s a crucial component to her healing. If they keep us apart when she doesn’t want that, it could send her spiraling. “If she needs me in there, you’re fucked. You know that, right? If taking her away from me compromises her health, you are fucked. Try explaining that to the judge.”
“Zander—” I reach around him and he catches my wrist in one hand.
I break his hold. Of course I do. I’ve trained for this, same as he has, and something in the movement must tell him that I’m serious because he backs off half a step, his hands up. “Did they change the location of the safe house?”
His lips form a thin line. I’m being a dick right now, and I know that. He’s not supposed to tell me anything about Ella’s location. Private citizen or not. Member of The Firm or not. But we’ve got a lot of history between us.
“You can refuse to tell me if you want, but I’ll just search every building in the city until I find her. I’ll search the whole damn world.”
Damon lets out a breath, defeated. “They didn’t change it. She’s upstairs as far as I know.”
My next step forward is determined, emotions I didn’t expect spurring me on.
“Just—” Damon moves to block me. “It’s not good, Z. They’ve got proof of what you did. This isn’t going to turn out well for you, and it might destroy the rest of us. It would be better if you went back to the motel and let Cade handle it. If you did that, maybe there would be a way to figure things out. I don’t know.”
Swallowing thickly, I nod, acknowledging that I know I put them in jeopardy. “If it goes to court, I’ll testify none of you knew a damn thing. That I doctored the security footage so no one else would know about us.”
“Just stop—”
“You don’t get it. I’m not leaving her up there.” My throat goes tight, my heart beating too hard to be contained. “Things aren’t finished between us. This is about more than what I want. Hell, what I want doesn’t mean a damn thing right now. She tells me to back off, and I will. But I have to know. I have to hear it from her. She gets to make that choice.”
“Let’s talk about it for a few minutes first,” Damon says and irritation rolls through me. He takes a few steps in the direction of the cars, away from the door. “Make sure you’re calm. It won’t do anyone any good if you go in there with that look on your face.”
“What fucking look?”
“Like you’d pull down this building with your bare hands to get to her.”
I pause. Hope brightens Damon’s eyes; he thinks he might have convinced me to stay out here and have a pointless conversation with him.
“Listen,” he says. “You did this, but we can figure out what to do—”
I don’t hear the rest. I’ve yanked the door open and I’m sprinting inside. Punching in a code on the keypad in the foyer. The door clicks open. They haven’t changed it yet. Thank fuck.
“Wait,” he shouts behind me.
I don’t.
* * *
I’m halfwayprofessional by the time I get up the stairs, Damon breathing hard behind me. I’ve at least arranged my face into something I think resembles professionalism. But as I shove open the door, I know how skin deep it is. Underneath I’m feral.
They’re arranged around the table of the conference room and there’s a deadly atmosphere in the room. The tension is palpable. A reception desk takes up one side of the space. A sofa and two chairs huddle around a bean-shaped table in the corner. Silas on the left. Kamden on the right with Ella beside him. Cade looming over everything at the head. I almost missed Dane, standing outside the conference room. He didn’t make an effort to stop me and judging how he’s opted out of this meeting, there’s something happening with him that I’m not aware of. I don’t have time to give a fuck about that.
They’re all in suits. And I’m still dressed in my overnight shift clothes. Faded black jeans and a matching T-shirt.
All of it drops away when I meet Ella’s dark eyes. They flare wide and my heart aches. She didn’t expect me to come for her. Is it surprise in her eyes? Relief? Or maybe horror?
In a scrambled effort she backs away from the table, the wheels of the chair rolling back as she attempts to stand. “Zander,” she says, and my name has never sounded so good as it does right now. “Z.” Kamden puts his hand on her arm like that asshole is going to keep her in her seat, but she shakes him off. Her legs work to carry her around the table as fast as she can go and she flies into my arms.
The office erupts. Damon curses behind me. “I tried to stop him,” he tells the others, and I don’t care.
The feel of her body in my arms makes everything and everyone else fade into the background like white noise. It pushes away a number of things I don’t expect to feel. I breathe in the delicate scent of her skin, and run my hands over her shoulder blades. Over her back. Her heart flutters in her chest but her arms are tight around my waist.
I want to keep her in the circle of my embrace, where nobody can touch her but me. To protect her and give her the choice of what’s next. Cade’s warning command to leave falls on deaf ears. He repeats my name and clears his throat. From my periphery I’m faintly aware that he’s standing now. There’s movement behind me but I ignore it all.
There’s something I have to do first.
I put my hands on her shoulders and create the only space I can bear between us. Tipping her face to mine so I can look into those dark eyes, she’s trembling but she looks as determined as I feel. Ella’s stronger than people give her credit for. Maybe even stronger than I gave her credit for.
“I tried to come back to talk to you this morning. Last night—it wasn’t a mistake for me.” I have to choose my words quickly, and carefully. I could get cut off at any time. “I want to be with you. I need to know if you want the same.”
She pauses, and it’s the longest moment of my life. It drags out and out and out until my entire life feels like it’s hanging between us. Her eyes stay on mine, searching there, and Ella swallows. It reminds me of the first time I saw her in that courtroom. How quiet she was. But she knew what she wanted then too. And I think she knows now. She gives a single, subtle nod.
Before my brother can make it to us, his footsteps foreboding, I tell Ella to sit, leading her back to the table and pulling her chair out for her. It’s silent in the room as she gracefully does as I command. She can’t hide the gentle simper at her lips and it forces a heat to run through my chest.
Pulling out the chair opposite to where my brother was seated, I join the meeting like I belong here.
“I fucked up,” I announce to the room, but I’m looking at my brother, who’s retaking his seat, his narrowed glare not leaving mine. “I crossed a professional boundary. My emotions became involved and I should have told someone before things got this far. I should have come to you.”
“You didn’t,” Cade replies and then swallows so loud I can hear it from across the room. He’s shaken and looks like hell. There’s an edge to his voice so sharp it lowers the temperature in the room. “You didn’t do that, Zander. You had an inappropriate relationship with a client. You can’t be part of this anymore.”
“I apologize.” He breaks the hold he had on me, his gaze dropping to his hands as he clenches his jaw.
“But it would be a mistake to discontinue our relationship, as its purpose has been meaningful to her mental health. I’m certain any one of you can attest to the fact that she has …” It’s uncomfortable speaking about Ella while she’s sitting next to me, able to hear every word.
“I’ve been,” she says, pausing to take a deep breath, then lifts her head to meet Damon’s gaze. “Healing.”
Everyone turns their heads to look at Ella, whose cheeks go pink. There’s color in her face. A brightness to her eyes that wasn’t there when she stood at the front of the courtroom. She’s visibly healthier. She’s been revealing more about what drove her to the unfortunate place she was. “I’m doing the work that needs to be done,” she adds firmly.
“I’m not asking to be in charge of her care. I’m asking to stay in contact. It’s my opinion that cutting off contact between the two of us would have a negative effect on Ella’s health. That’s my top priority.”
Cade arches an eyebrow at me. “Is it?”
“Yes.” I’ve felt how Ella has come alive in my hands, and I’ll be damned if I let her go back to that desperate shell of a woman. “Her well-being is my top priority. Same as it ever was. And I know I failed you, Cade. I should have informed you of how our relationship had changed, and I didn’t. I knew it was wrong to go behind your back. But it’s not wrong for us to continue this relationship.”
“What are you asking me to do?” Cade’s expression is hard, and admitting that I have royally screwed him over hasn’t softened it. But there’s something in his tone that speaks to the fact that we’re brothers. He won’t let my break from protocol be the final determination.
“I’m asking you to give this a chance. To have the conversation about what it looks like for me to stay in contact with Ella. That’s what I’m asking for.”
* * *
Ella
“And as I’vejust indicated before we were interrupted, I’m not above extortion.”
“What?” Zander’s expression hardens as he stares at the side of my face. I keep my gaze fixed directly ahead on Cade’s expression. I wonder if I hadn’t just threatened each of the men in the room, how they would have responded to Zander’s request.
Swallowing down the anxiousness of Zander discovering what I’ve just done, I keep my hands steady on the table and remind the room what I’m capable of.
“If I’m no longer able to speak to whomever I want, to see whomever I want, and …” I say, barely peeking at Zander from the corner of my eye. The five o’clock shadow along his hardened jaw sends a wave of want through me. I’ve never wanted to kiss him more. “… I’ll tell the judge each of you slept with me.” I dare to raise my gaze to Cade’s, whose own widens yet again before he narrows his eyes at me. “I’ll tell the judge you used me, each of you, however you wanted.”
“Ella,” Kamden scolds in a hiss.
“Well, I’m out of my mind, aren’t I?” I bite back at him. “I can’t possibly know what’s right and wrong, isn’t that so, Kam? So if I’m unable to choose who I want to fuck, and how … I can’t be responsible for my accusations, can I?”
The condescension drips from my words. “There’s evidence of course that I’ve been sexually active. And apparently a video as well.” The last part is reserved just for Kamden.
In the silence, I take a moment to relieve the tension that runs chaotically through me and then meet Cade’s gaze.
“You will do no such thing.” The drop in Zander’s voice and the dominant tone in his cadence send a thrilling heat along my skin.
My expression doesn’t betray me. I remain as poised as I can and turn to meet Zander’s gaze. It blazes with the threat of a punishment.
We speak at the same time. Him: “Do you hear me?” Me: “Understood.”
With my heart rampaging and my lungs refusing to let me breathe, I straighten my back and wait for whatever is next.
Butterflies stir in my stomach when Zander’s hand lands at the back of my neck, and his strong grip there is comforting more than anything. Then he runs his thumb along my skin and as he speaks, his words are lowered and meant just for me as he leans closer to me, although I’m certain every man in this room can hear. Zander tells me, “That is—not only—unnecessary, but an act that obviously requires a thorough evaluation when we meet next.”
Thump, thump. With the pounding in my chest and a heat pulling at my core, I nod and whisper, “Understood.”
It’s only when Cade and Kamden both begin speaking that I cut them off to question the room, “And when will that be?”
Glancing to my right, I meet Kamden’s disapproving gaze and downturned lips. He doesn’t speak and it spreads an uneasiness through me.
“Why don’t we all take a moment?” Cade questions, his attention split between his brother and me.
“A moment?”
“Ella,” Kamden whispers, competing for my attention, but I remain submissive to Zander.
“I’d like to speak to my brother.”
“I’d like to know when—” I begin to say but Zander speaks calmly, interrupting me with an assuredness I desperately needed to hear from him.
“Go, Ella. I will fix this. Go home.”
There’s a numbness that takes over as he relaxes into his chair, facing his brother as I’ve been effectively dismissed. He offers me a covert, kind smile as if it’s reassuring, but I don’t want to leave.
“I feel like I should stay,” I whisper and I don’t recognize my own voice. It begs for permission.
Zander’s hand flexes, the motion drawing my gaze as his fingers spread wide before forming a fist. It’s his warning signal for me to behave. Heat flows down my shoulders instantly.
Sucking in a breath, I attempt to collect myself as I stand slowly. It’s then that Zander reaches out, his hand meeting my thigh with a tender touch.
“I will be there tomorrow. I promise,” he tells me and with that I can finally breathe.
As I prepare to leave, glancing at Silas and assuming my driver here will be the one to take me home, Kamden stands behind me.
“I’ll drive you,” Kam comments and I turn to face him and his sharp blue suit. It’s custom tailored for him and meant to appear expensive, which it does. But Kam looks nothing but beat down.
My gaze drifts between a nodding Zander and Kamden.
My throat tightens as I leave the room, attempting to lead the way, but Kamden opens the door for me.
The clicking of my heels beneath me is all I can hear as I follow Kam in silence. As I climb into the passenger seat of his car, not even the sun can offer me warmth.
I hadn’t even considered sitting in the back, as I never have before with Kam—not in all my life—until the seat belt clicks and his keys jingle as he slips them into the ignition.
I can barely stand to look at him without feeling like I’ve been stabbed in the back. Taking in a shuddered breath, my hair flattens as it meets the headrest and I attempt to relax into it. The gray stone wall shrinks in the distance as he backs out and we leave The Firm behind.
“Nothing to say?” I barely breathe, the words attempting to stay buried inside of me but somehow I pull them out.
All I’m met with is the ticking of the turn signal and a heavy exhale. Another minute goes by and Kamden hesitantly asks, “If he hurt you, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?”
Turning my head to give him my utmost attention, I swallow down every emotion and answer him simply, “Yes.”
He nods shortly and continues to drive, although the atmosphere in the car is suffocatingly broken.
