My Straight Husband by Spencer Spears
Brooklyn
Ifelt like shit when I woke up the next morning.
The alarm on my phone screeched from where I’d plugged in on the other side of the room, stabbing knives into my brain. I forced myself upright, feeling like I was surfacing from the depths of the Mariana Trench.
My head swam as I padded across the room, and I cursed the hotel for not having any outlets closer to the bed. Finally, I managed to turn the noise off. Fucking hell, I was groggy. I knew I’d been tired recently, but this was something else. This was tired plus hungover, which was never a good combination.
How much had I had to drink last night? I remembered Jesse making us do shots, and then—oh, God. The rest of the night came crashing back to me.
I’d gone home with Gabe last night.
I remembered it now. Making out at the bar. Stumbling through town, making out against the sides of buildings. Making out on the stairs. Making out on the bed. And then, the phone call.
I sat down on the edge of my bed, reality pummeling me. I couldn’t help but replay the conversation I’d overheard, Gabe talking to his brother on the other side of the bathroom door. He must have told Aiden what he was doing, and Aiden must have freaked out about it. I could still hear his words as he tried to reassure his brother that this was nothing, just a fucking story to laugh at someday.
The guy’s just not that important.
Fuck me.
I tried to blame Jeff for getting in my head, for planting the seed of the idea that I needed to get laid. I tried blaming the beer and the shots, for making me bold enough to think that taking Gabe up on his offer was a good idea. I tried blaming Gabe himself, for looking so fucking cute, for propositioning me, for making me think he wanted me.
I tried blaming everyone else, but in the end, I knew I could only blame myself.
Goddammit, I knew better than to hook up with straight guys. I, of all people, should have known how to avoid that, given my history. And yet, I’d gone and done it again. What a fucking moron.
All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep for another eight years, but of course, I couldn’t. Jesse and Mark were getting married tonight, and I could already see approximately a million texts from Jesse waiting for me on my phone.
I’d just have to put it out of my mind and keep myself distracted. I didn’t even want to think about what I would say to Gabe when I saw him later today. So I didn’t.
The Sea Glass Inn, the bed and breakfast Jesse and Mark were renovating over in Tolliver, was practically falling apart, so it was just as well that Mark had wanted to have the wedding outdoors. They were planning to set up a big tent in the backyard, overlooking the ocean. Since Jesse wanted everything to be perfect, he and Mark were already over there setting up. Gabe was supposed to be there too.
Lucky for me, I was using Jesse’s car for driving duty most of the day. The Sea Glass was barely structurally sound enough to use the bathroom and kitchen, much less have anybody stay there, so pretty much all the wedding guests were staying in Adair or Palmetto, the other two towns on Summersea. My job was to help them get from their hotels over to the Sea Glass, or to take them from the ferry landing to the Sea Glass directly. It was enough to keep me busy all morning.
Around 11 a.m., I got a new text.
GABE: Uh, you wanna tell me where the hell you went last night?
Uh, I most certainly did not. I ignored the text and put the phone back in my pocket. So of course, thirty minutes later, I got another one.
GABE: Dude, you can’t avoid me forever. You’re gonna have to see me later today anyway. Plus you left your jacket
Too true. And all the more reason to avoid him for as long as I could. I ignored it, and got a third text twenty minutes after that.
GABE: Fuck, Brooklyn, you’re killing me. What the hell happened?
What the hell happened? How about you acted like you were actually into guys, into me, in order to lure me back to your hotel room all in the name of getting a hilarious story you could tell to your frat bros someday in the future?
You more than implied, you actually said that you didn’t think you were straight, and then you went and told your brother this was all some experiment. You lied.
Gabe was a dick. All I’d been looking for was a one-night stand myself, but at least I’d wanted him. I hadn’t lied about it.
I could admit to myself that he’d hurt me. Embarrassed me. But fuck if I was giving that asshole the satisfaction of telling him that.
I ended up spending most of the day in the car and didn’t even have time to change into my suit until about an hour before the ceremony started. Unfortunately, that meant my day of avoiding Gabe was coming to an end. I changed quickly at my hotel, then drove over to the Sea Glass, steeling myself for the coming confrontation.
“You made it!” Jesse exclaimed, throwing his arms around me as I stepped into the kitchen where he and Mark—and Gabe, of course—were waiting.
“You thought I wouldn’t?” I joked, squeezing him before letting go and giving Mark a hug too. I dared a glance in Gabe’s direction, wondering what he would say. But strangely, he didn’t make eye contact. So I waved and pretended I hadn’t noticed.
What was his deal? Did he suddenly feel guilty about last night? Maybe he’d just decided he didn’t want to make a scene at the wedding.
I stifled a thread of gratitude that he wasn’t going to make us talk about it in front of our friends. I was relieved, but I refused to be grateful towards him. I turned back to Mark and Jesse.
“So you’re not doing the whole ‘it’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding’ thing?”
Mark laughed. “We didn’t want to pay for separate hotel rooms last night. It was easier to just stay here like we always do. Besides, who else would I want to spend this day with but Jesse? If we were in different places right now, I’d just be wishing I could talk to him.”
“Same,” Jesse smiled. “Ooh, now that you’re here, though, we can finally do our toast!”
“What?” I blinked. “Jesse, the ceremony starts in like, five minutes.”
“Better drink fast then.”
He grabbed a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket in the corner that I hadn’t noticed before, filling up four plastic flutes with bubbly liquid. He passed one to each of us, then held his up and waited for us to do the same.
“To Mark, the love of my life, and to you guys, for being here today. There’s no one else we’d rather have with us as we make this commitment. You mean so much to us and we’re so lucky we get to have you in our lives.”
I couldn’t help it. My eyes cut over to Gabe, curious to see how he reacted to all that. Big mistake. He was staring right at me. I looked away quickly, cursing myself for wondering what he was thinking behind those ocean blue eyes. The guy was a jerk. An asshole. A bro. No more thinking about him.
So I didn’t think about him as we heard the music start and walked out to take our places by the chuppah in front of all the guests. I didn’t think about him as Jesse and Mark walked down the aisle together, hand in hand. I didn’t think about him when the rabbi smiled and welcomed everyone—friends, family, those who had known each other a long time, and those who were just getting to know each other now.
And when it was my turn to hand Jesse the ring I’d been keeping in my pocket, to see him slip it on Mark’s finger and watch Mark do the same, when they promised to stand by each other even when it was hard, and when they kissed, I most definitely did not think about the kisses last night that had taken my breath away.
And then the glass was broken, music was playing, and Jesse and Mark were walking down the aisle again. Gabe and I followed them out, and I congratulated myself on not looking his way once. I just beamed out at the rest of the guests and did my best to ignore how close his body was to mine.
As soon as I made it down the aisle, I circled back to grab Mark’s grandmother, Gigi, and give her my arm. Maybe if I stayed busy enough, I could end the evening without having to talk to Gabe at all. Besides, Gigi was fun to talk to, and I didn’t mind letting her compliment me on how handsome I looked in my suit. She might not have been my type, but a compliment’s a compliment.
Unless it comes from a twenty-four-year-old asshat looking for a story to tell, that is.
After Gigi wandered off to get a drink, I pinned myself to Jesse’s mom and sister, and we spent twenty minutes debating the various hotness levels of the catering staff that had been hired to take care of all the food and drinks. Applause erupted a little bit later, and I looked up to see Mark and Jesse join the crowd in the tent, finally done with having their pictures taken.
Someone began dinging a knife against the side of a wine glass and suddenly everyone was doing it, chanting kiss, kiss, kiss. Jesse’s mom and sister squealed and hurried towards the pair of them as Mark obliged, leaning in to give Jesse a long, slow kiss on the lips.
“They make a cute couple,” said a voice behind me.
I jumped and turned around, only to realize it was Gabe.
“What?”
“They make a cute couple,” Gabe repeated, gesturing towards Mark and Jesse. “Don’t you think?”
“Uh, yeah.” I blinked. I’d spent all day avoiding him and this was what he opened with? I couldn’t stop myself from being a little snarky. “I’m just a little surprised to hear that from you. It’s not usually something straight guys say.”
Gabe narrowed his eyes for a moment, then made a visible effort to relax. “Look, I know you’re avoiding me, but can we please talk about last night?”
“I’m not avoiding you,” I said, even as I looked around the party, desperately hoping I’d see someone else I could pretend I needed to talk to.
“Come on. It’s so obvious that you’re trying to find a way out of this conversation right now. You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m just trying to be a good best man. Make sure everyone’s having a good time. But if you feel like you have something you need to say about last night, go ahead.”
I wasn’t going to give him any more than that.
“Dude, I know talking about this is awkward, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”
My eyes widened in shock before I could school my face to stillness. “I’m being a dick? You’re the one who—” I couldn’t even finish the sentence, it was so embarrassing. Besides, my voice was too heated, and I didn’t want Gabe to know how angry I was.
“I’m just trying to apologize, man. I clearly did something that made you change your mind.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” That was a lie. But something in me felt like being contrarian, wanted to disagree with him no matter what he said.
Gabe looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. I was too worked up to think straight.
He sighed. “I just don’t want things to be awkward between us. Mark and Jesse are our best friends. We can’t not talk to each other.”
“Why not? You’re here for, what, one more day? We never have to see each other again after that. You can go back to Chicago and tell all your bros about the time you almost convinced a gay guy to suck your dick, or whatever it was you were planning on doing last night.”
There. I’d said it. More like hissed it, actually. And fuck, it felt good to let him know I knew all about his plan.
“What? What the fuck, dude, is that what you think I was trying to do? Is that why you left?” Gabe’s voice was outraged, but I was having none of it.
“Please. I heard you telling your brother I was just an experiment. That I didn’t matter. Listen, I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong. You wanna use people, go for it. But don’t lie about it. At least have the decency to admit it when I tell you I heard every word you said.”
Gabe’s face shifted from shocked to angry to embarrassed before finally settling into something I could only call bemusement.
“Is that what you think happened?” He laughed. He fucking laughed. “God, Brooklyn, you have no idea how—” He stopped and shook his head. “You clearly didn’t hear every word I said, or you would have known I was trying to talk my brother off the ledge about his ex-boyfriend.”
“You—what?”
Gabe snorted bitterly. “Yeah, I thought that might pull you up short. I can tell you more about it, if you’d like to actually know the truth, instead of sitting on top of your giant ball of self-righteous indignation.”
I blinked. My giant ball of what? That was hardly—well, maybe that was a little bit accurate. Was it really possible I’d misunderstood everything last night?
“Go on.”
Gabe raised an eyebrow before continuing. “Aiden broke up with his boyfriend yesterday. Or rather, his boyfriend broke up with him. The guy’s a fucking tool, and frankly, I couldn’t be happier that he’s gone. But Aiden was really upset about it, and drunk, and I spent our whole conversation doing whatever I could to try to get him to stop feeling worthless, to see Paolo for the piece of shit he really is.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah, dude. Oh. So whatever you heard, which you clearly, like, memorized, was me trying to get Aiden to get out of his own head for a minute. That’s why I called it an experiment. I wanted him to try to see things from my point of view. Anyone’s point of view, really, because anyone else would be able to see what a dick his ex is.”
I felt like an idiot. It all made sense, now that Gabe explained it. I’d been jumping to conclusions.
At least, I wanted to believe I had. I wanted to believe what he was telling me. I could feel the beginnings of relief trickling in, and I knew that if I let it, it would rush through me like a waterfall, and that after some initial embarrassment, I’d feel one hundred times better.
But some part of me was still hesitant. And maybe that part was stupid. Maybe it was unfair, to be so untrusting. But I’d been burned before, and trust didn’t come easy.
And then, thank God, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket in surprise, confused about who could be calling me, but grateful that someone was giving me an out. I needed more time to think, to process what Gabe had just said.
It was Jeff.
But why the hell was he calling? He’d told me he wouldn’t get me feedback on my dissertation draft until next week. My meeting with him yesterday felt like it had happened ages ago. Like I’d lived a year between then and now. But I distinctly remembered him telling me that.
“I have to take this,” I said to Gabe.
I walked away before he could object. I wasn’t sure I trusted myself to make sensible decisions around him right now.
“What’s up, Jeff?” I asked, bringing the phone to my ear. “I thought you weren’t going to call me this weekend about the dissertation.”
“I’m not.” There was an edge to Jeff’s voice. “Brooklyn, do you have a minute?”
“Yeah.” I glanced around the party. Jesse and Mark were occupied, and Gabe had disappeared. It was as good a moment to talk as any. “What’s going on?”
“The Hawley Foundation grant. We didn’t get it. I just found out.”
“Wait, what?” I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. “But we need it. We always get that grant. They didn’t give it to us?”
Jeff sighed. “Yeah.”
“I don’t—but they can’t—I mean…” I trailed off, flustered. Human Nature needed that grant. We’d gotten it every year since Jeff had started the charity. It covered most of our operating costs. “Jeff, we can’t function without that grant. Without it, we…”
“I know.” His voice was heavy. “Without the Hawley grant, or some kind of Hail Mary funding coming through at the last second, we’re going to have to shut our doors at the end of the year.”
Jeff was right. Human Nature was run on the backs of volunteers like me. We tried to keep overhead as low as possible. But without that grant, we had no money for supplies, for programming, for everything we did with the kids. Forget about expanding into other locations. Without the Hawley grant, we’d have to fold.
“Don’t they know we count on that money?” I whispered, more to myself than to Jeff.
“I think they do.” He sounded defeated. “Ingrid, their grants and contracts officer, called me personally to let me know, and to apologize. The president of their board wants to take their grants in a different direction this year. There was nothing she could do.”
“Okay, okay.” I tried to force myself to rally, to find some kind of energy. “We can figure this out. Maybe we can set up a meeting with them, explain why we need their funding. And I can start looking at other foundations. There’s got to be something we can do to keep the lights on. Look, I’ll just find Jesse and let him know I have to leave early. I can meet you at your office in…shit, I’m not sure the ferry to the mainland runs this late. But I can at least get back to my hotel and my laptop.”
“Oh, fuck, you’re at that wedding. Brooklyn, I completely forgot. I was just so shocked by the news, I needed to tell someone. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”
“Yes, you should have. Seriously, I’ll get to my hotel and call you right back.”
“No, don’t.” Slowly, Jeff’s advisor voice began reasserting itself. “Brooklyn, stay at the wedding. We can deal with this on Monday.”
“But—”
“No buts. I mean it. I’m already two drinks deep, after getting this news. I’m no good for thinking anymore tonight anyway. If you call, I’m not going to answer, so don’t even think about leaving.”
“And leave you to deal with this by yourself? That’s not—”
“Brooklyn. We’ll talk about it on Monday. Trust me, you’ll get more than your fair share of dealing with this then. For now, just try to enjoy yourself.”
I stared at the phone after Jeff hung up. Enjoy myself? Now?
How the hell was I supposed to do that?