Feuds and Reckless Fury by K. Webster

 

Alister

Hide.

But then who will protect Momma?

If I pee my pants again, though, I’ll be in so much trouble. Trouble for me always means trouble for Momma. I’m a big boy now. I can protect her.

I crawl out from under my ratty Star Wars blanket and walk over to the door that’s cracked open. His shouting is loud. Yelling at Momma for stealing his medicine again. She always cries and calls him a liar when he says it.

He doesn’t visit often, but when he does, it’s always bad. Worse than when the other men come into the house. They usually just do yucky stuff in her room with her. I always cover my ears when I hear those gross sounds. But at least then, Momma seems sorta happy. When he visits, all they do is fight.

I peek down the hallway to where the light from the living room shines brightly. The smell of Momma’s cigarettes is strong. She always smokes lots when she’s upset.

Slowly, I creep down the hall toward the sound of their voices. Momma’s in her chair, a yucky cloud of smoke around her while he walks back and forth, accusing her of lying and stealing.

“Are you trying to get me killed?” he bellows at her. “You’re an insane, selfish bitch, Tammy!”

“Go back to your whores, Colin.” Momma shows him her middle finger even though it’s bad. “That’s where you’d rather be than here taking care of your son!”

“That’s fucking rich coming from you,” he growls. “Have you seen this shithole? It’s filthy, goddammit. And you want to call me the neglectful parent?”

Momma doesn’t clean that much, but I try to be a good boy and do it. My room is the easiest to keep clean because Momma doesn’t put her beer bottles or old used-up cigarettes or food wrappers in there. Plus, I’m scared of the mice. If I keep my room clean, they stay in the kitchen mostly and try to get into the cereal boxes or food left on the counters.

“I trusted you to keep my shit safe,” he snaps, making me jump higher than any time I see a mouse. “And you took it all. Why? So you and your worthless boyfriends could get fucked up?”

“Leave.” Momma stubs out her cigarette on the arm of the chair and then flicks it at him. “No one wants you here. Especially not your son.”

I don’t like it when she calls the bad man my daddy. He’s not like the daddies on television or in the books we have to read at school. My friend Felix, who’s not in my first-grade class, but rides the bus with me, has a nice daddy. His daddy is a police officer. I wish my daddy were a good guy who caught the bad ones.

“Find me the money,” Colin barks out. “I don’t care if you have to fuck everyone in this trailer park to get it. By Thursday, I better have that money or—”

“Or you’ll what?” Momma yells back. “Hit me? Whoopty-fucking-doo!”

He backhands her, sending her flying out of the chair and onto the floor. I run toward him without thinking, my small fists curled up. He grunts in surprise when I start wailing on his back. I’m only six and small for my age, but I’m angry at him for hurting my momma again.

Like he’s a Jedi, he flings me off of him. Then, he turns his mean stare on me. I don’t like his eyes. They’re dark brown like mine. But I’m not mean like him. I wish I had Momma’s green eyes.

Colin squats in front of me, grabbing my chin in his grip. I whimper because it hurts. He’s so big and strong, he could probably break my bones just by squeezing. That thought makes me shiver.

“Why do you always defend that bitch?” he demands, tilting his head to the side. “It’s because you’re a sissy momma’s boy, huh? Maybe I should take you with me. Make a man out of you.”

I try not to look into his scary eyes that sometimes look like a monster’s, instead choosing to look at the powder smeared on his nose. Same kind Momma and her boyfriends like to sniff up.

“He’s too much like you for that to happen,” Momma hisses at him. “You’ll be disappointed to discover your child is just another fucked-up version of you!”

Her words hurt my feelings, but I try to ignore them. It’s easy to do when I’m focused on the way his strong hand is nearly crushing my face in his grip.

“Get me my money, Tammy,” Colin says, staring at me with an angry scowl, “or I’ll take it out on the boy.” He flips out a sharp knife with his other hand, bringing it to my chest. “I could take payment by carving out his fucking heart.”

The pee leaks out even though I don’t want it to. He always scares me so bad I pee my pants. A frustrated cry escapes me.

“You’ve always been all talk, asshole,” Momma sneers, not at all sounding worried that he’s going to cut me open and make me die. “Get out of my house. I’ll have your money next week.”

Colin shoves me back, shaking his head in disgust. “Clean yourself up. You’re an embarrassment.” He rises to his feet and glares at Momma. “Don’t fuck me around, woman, or so help me you’ll regret it.”

He storms out of the trailer, slamming the door behind him. I shakily stand up as Momma does. She rushes over to me, and for a second, I think she’s going to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. That only happens when I daydream, though. Instead, she smacks me hard on the cheek. I start to cry, rubbing my cheek.

“You always make it worse when you show up pissing yourself!”

“I’m s-sorry, Momma. I was t-trying to s-save you.”

She grabs me by the arm, hurting me and making me cry out before she drags me back to my room. With a hard shove, she sends me falling onto my bed in my pee-soaked jammies. My blanket will smell like pee now.

“Go to bed. I can’t fucking deal with you right now.”

The door closes hard enough to shake the whole trailer. A mouse squeaks somewhere in my dark room. I scurry under the blanket even though I still have pee on me, hiding from the mouse that’s somewhere in my room.

I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow.

At least there aren’t mice running around at school, and the teachers are nice to me. The other kids are funny and have cool stories to tell. For a few hours each day, I feel like a normal boy.

I sit upright in bed, a cold sweat soaking through my clothes. For a second, my skin crawls as I make sense of my surroundings. I can almost smell the scent of cigarette smoke and pee lingering in the air. A shiver ripples through me at the thought of mice running all over the place. Quickly, I turn on the bedside lamp and let out a breath of relief to see my immaculate room, vermin free.

A quick peek at my phone tells me it’s just after five in the morning. Knowing I won’t get any more sleep, I swap my soaked T-shirt and shorts for my workout clothes. After pulling on my tennis shoes, I tiptoe downstairs to the house gym. It’s massive and much better equipped than the one at school. I’m surprised to already find Ryan in there running on the treadmill. Usually, it’s Dad up this early.

He stops the machine when he sees me, stopping to towel off the sweat. Even though he’s much older than Canyon, they’re so strikingly similar. Same dark hair. Same probing stare. They even smile the same way.

I clear my throat and nod in greeting. “Hey.”

“You’re up early.”

“Yeah.”

“Another nightmare?”

I flinch and cast my stare out the window that overlooks the wooded area behind where we live. “Something like that.”

“Stress sometimes taps on old memories,” Ryan says in a soft, fatherly tone. “It’s okay to acknowledge where you’ve come from and where you’ve gone.” He walks over to me, clutching my shoulder. “You’re safe now.”

I close my eyes, cringing at his words. Dad and Ryan were best friends long before they were lovers. It shouldn’t bother me that they know everything about the other, but in this instance, it does. It’s bad enough that Dad knows about all the horrible things I endured growing up, but having Ryan know too feels dangerous.

“Canyon’s coming to the wedding,” I blurt out, needing desperately to change the subject.

His brows fly up in surprise. “No shit? How the hell did you manage that one?”

“We negotiated a deal.” I shrug my shoulders, not meeting his gaze.

“A deal with Canyon is never good for the dealmaker,” he says with a chuckle. “Trust me, he’s swindled me out of money and talked me into getting him what he wants over the years. The boy has a silver tongue.”

Warmth surges to my balls as I remember how his tongue roved over my neck, taunting and teasing.

“Nothing I can’t handle. It’s fine.” I clear my thoughts and step away from him to start stretching. “He’s going to work on Carrie. Hopefully, she’ll come too.”

He sits down on a weight bench to watch me. “Hope so. She’s always been a tough nut to crack. More so than Canyon.” He smiles in my direction. “Thank you.”

“Not a big deal.”

“It is to me. You’re a good kid.”

He wouldn’t think that if he knew what I did to get Canyon to agree to go to the wedding. It would be mortifying if he ever found out. My only assurance that Ryan will never find out is that it’s Canyon’s dick in the picture and not mine. I seriously doubt Canyon would want pictures of his dick getting licked to come out, especially to his dad.

I continue through my stretches as he benches some weights, grunting with each lift. My mind is all over the place. I hate that it keeps going back to the past, the memories too fresh and painful for me to focus on my workout. Eventually, I give up and take a long shower. I stroke myself with the image of Canyon’s heated stare looking down at me as I put my tongue on his dick. I come with a growl, spurting my release under the hot spray of the shower.

Drying off, I dress for school and then pick up my phone. I send a text to him.

Me: I owe you a Coke.

Brother Lover: You owe me a lot more than a Coke. Soon we’ll figure it all out.

I stare at his words, wondering what that means, but since I wasted so much time in the shower, I need to get moving. Quickly, I tidy up my bathroom and make my bed. I tilt my head to the side, straining to hear any squeaks or scratching sounds that seem to still be so loud in my head from my dream.

Silence aside from Dad’s and Ryan’s muted voices downstairs.

I’m not in that trailer anymore.

I’m here. In the present. Dad is going to keep me. This will always be my home.

Too bad I won’t allow myself to actually believe that.