End of the Line by Nicky James

SEVENTEEN

Killian

The following morning, we all gathered around the kitchen table. Matilda had added two leaves to make it larger. It was filled with a ridiculous amount of food. There were scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, hash browns, a massive plate of rye toast, waffles, pancakes, a tray of cut fruit, yogurt, and a selection of juice, coffee, and tea to drink.

Pastor Paul led us through a prayer as we all bowed our heads and held hands around the table. I wasn’t sure any of us were religious, but it didn’t matter.

When he finished, Tyler held up a hand. “Is it okay if I say something?”

Paul tipped his chin. “By all means, son. The Lord is always listening.”

“Um… on behalf of all of us, I just want to say thank you for taking us in last night, for the long ride to Moose Jaw today, and for this wonderful meal. Your kindness knows no bounds, and we are eternally grateful.”

Matilda smiled, her eyes shimmering.

Paul squeezed Tyler’s shoulder. “God bless, son. God bless all of you. I pray the Lord keeps you all safe on this journey. You always have a place in my home. Any time.”

We ate.

And we ate, and ate, and ate.

The conversation around the table was lively. Leo chatted with Matilda. Paul got to know Tyler, who sat beside him, and I pasted on a smile and ate with my head down as I contemplated what to do about Leo’s predicament. He’d had another restless night. More than once, he’d woken in a panic. When his dreams released their strangling tendrils, he’d gone back to sleep only to repeat the cycle until the sun broke the horizon.

“You have a beautiful accent,” Matilda said to Leo. “Where are you from?”

I stiffened. Willow had done Leo’s face again that morning, but it wouldn’t take much for the kind couple to figure out the punk boy occupying a seat at their kitchen table, the one with the distinct accent that marked him as an outsider, was the missing heir to a German pharmaceutical empire. Leo’s face was all over the news.

I caught Dodger’s eye. He’d heard the question too, and his fork hovered in front of his mouth as he waited for Leo’s answer. Willow shifted in her seat, and Tyler coughed.

Leo didn’t flinch. “I traveled abroad last year. Picked it up while I was overseas and haven’t kicked it yet.” He shrugged and cut daintily into a piece of bacon as only a man schooled in proper table etiquette might.

Matilda wasn’t fazed and went on about her son and how he’d gone to Australia for a month after high school and had come back with new slang and a different manner of speaking too. “And he was only gone a month.”

Leo launched into a tale about his worldly travels and the places he’d been. Paul and Matilda were enraptured. They didn’t connect how wildly out of place that would have been if Leo was a true vagabond like the rest of us. Leo was equally oblivious to how his story translated, but since no alarm bells were ringing, the rest of us kept our heads down and filled our bellies.

After our meal, we offered to help Matilda clean the dishes, but she waved us off, kissing her husband’s cheek and telling us we should hit the road before traffic got too heavy.

“It’s a long drive to Moose Jaw,” she explained. “Best you don’t dally.”

We exchanged hugs, said our goodbyes, collected our bags, and piled into Paul’s SUV. Matilda waved as we bumped down the rocky gravel driveway and headed off toward the highway. It was strange. We’d known her less than a day, but she’d treated us like we were family.

It was noon before we arrived in Moose Jaw. At Dodger’s instruction, Paul pulled into the parking lot of a Tim Hortons. He helped us retrieve our things from the back and shook our hands.

“It sure was nice to have you all stay last night.” He pulled a small envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to Dodger. “Now, I don’t want to hear any protests. This here is for all of you kids. Use it however you see fit. A gift from Matilda and me. Promise you’ll take care of yourselves.”

Dodger opened the envelope, and I caught sight of a stack of bills. Dodger shook his head and tried to return it. “We can’t accept this.”

Paul waved him off, refusing to take it back. “Nonsense. You sure can, and you will. I believe in helping those less fortunate. It’s a gift from me to you. You may not realize it, but you all gave me a wonderful gift when you agreed to stay at my home last night. It’s been a long time since Matilda and I had our children around, so it was a blessing to have youngsters under our roof again. God bless you all. Take care of yourselves.”

Another round of hugs and handshakes followed before Paul got back into his SUV and headed to the highway, waving as he vanished down the road.

“That guy was pretty damn awesome,” Tyler said, watching him go. He’d tied his wild hair back that morning after he’d showered. Frizzy pieces stuck out around his hairline like a fiery red electrical current had run through it, and his freckles were deeper bronze in the sunlight.

“You guys take this.” Dodger handed the envelope to me. “Get food, a room, whatever you need. Split it up. I’ll be with my parents for the next month or two, so I don’t need it. I’ll be working with my dad and earning some decent cash. I’m good.”

“You sure?” Willow asked.

Dodger nodded and smoothed a hand over his dark hair before adjusting his glasses.

The moment shifted. Leo must have sensed it. He slipped a hand into mine and stepped closer until our shoulders touched. It was time to say goodbye to one of our group, and that was never easy. Dodger would head home, and we’d head to the tracks for the next stretch of our journey. We’d been doing this for years, but it was always tough when it was time to go our separate ways. Our bond was tight, and despite how often we were apart, we were family.

Dodger scanned us one at a time before tugging Tyler in for a long, back-slapping hug. “Keep looking, man. Have faith. Someday, you’ll find him again. I know it.”

The words weren’t for me, but it was hard not to hear them. I knew deep down, Dodger didn’t believe Elian was alive, but he wouldn’t dash our friend’s hope.

Tyler nodded against Dodger’s shoulder, and he slapped his back a few more times. Dodger pulled away but snagged the back of Tyler’s neck, holding him close. “You call me. Anytime, you hear?”

“Yeah. I will. Stay in touch.”

“We’ll ride again.”

“We always do.”

“I love you, man. Be safe.”

Another tight hug followed before Willow had enough of their sappy goodbye and shoved Tyler out of the way.

“My turn.” She took her own hug from Dodger, and he rested his chin on the top of her head, squeezing his eyes shut as they rocked side to side. “You stay safe,” he whispered.

“I will. You be good. Stay out of trouble.”

“Drop me a line when you come back through, yeah?”

“Always do.”

Willow kissed Dodger’s cheek and gifted him with a rare smile. “Love you.”

When Dodger cocked a brow with a coy grin, she shoved him away.

They both laughed.

Dodger turned to me. “Killer.”

“Troy,” I said with a smirk.

“Asshole.” He hitched his chin toward the other end of the parking lot. “Come here for a minute.”

I released Leo’s hand and followed Dodger. He went a dozen or more feet away so we could chat privately. His dark hair was tied back this morning, and there was a smudge on his glasses he didn’t seem to notice. His lips were chapped, and he kept running his tongue along them. “Keep me posted about our boy.”

He was referring to the conversation from the previous night. “I will.”

Dodger stared off into the distance across the street. We were in the city, but traffic wasn’t too heavy. The look on Dodger’s face was thoughtful. He had more to say, so I waited. “I get this odd feeling like I might not see you for a while.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because Green’s going to need time to adapt. Because I doubt you come back this way for a long time. He’s going to need to stay low, and I know you won’t leave his side.”

“So come our way. Wherever we land. You’re always welcome.”

“And where are you going?”

I heard Leo’s words when he’d told Pastor Paul about our plans. “We’re going to the end of the line.”

“Not sure,” I said instead. “We’ll know when we get there, I guess.”

“Keep in touch?”

“Always do.”

Dodger shifted and dug something out of his pocket. He flipped it around in his fingers and held it out. It was a single foil-wrapped condom.

I chuckled and took it from him. “Um, I don’t know what to say. You’re not really my type.”

“Fuck off and take it.”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

Dodger flicked my cheek, and I laughed harder. “You’re an ass. It’s my emergency condom. I keep it in my bag just in case.”

“In case you cross paths with Megan Fox?”

“Why are you making me regret this? Why can’t you take the gift and be happy?”

I fiddled with the condom and shook my head with a shit-eating grin. “For real, why are you giving me a condom?”

“Because I thought you and pretty boy would want to take things to the next level. God, sue me for being nice. Never mind. Give it back.”

I held it out of his reach when he tried to grab it. “I could hit a drug store and get my own, you know.”

“And you haven’t.”

I sobered and stared at the foil package, shrugging. “Maybe it’s not what he wants. I don’t want to push him.”

“Trust me. He wants it.” Dodger punched my shoulder. “Now, let’s please change the subject because hearing about your sex life is reminding me I don’t have one.”

I shoved the condom into my pocket. “You brought it up.”

“I did.”

There was a long pause. Dodger and I stared at one another. Words weren’t necessary. We’d known each other a long time. Parting ways sucked, but we’d find each other again.

Dodger opened his arms, and we hugged.

“We’ll ride again,” I said against his ear.

“Always.”

When we rejoined the group, Dodger took in Leo, who shuffled his feet and stared at the ground. Based on the look in his eyes, Leo didn’t seem to think he was going to get a goodbye from Dodger.

“Hey, Green.” Dodger knocked his boot against Leo’s.

“Hey.” He glanced up from behind his long lashes, then dashed his gaze back to the pavement.

“You’re pretty awesome, you know. Welcome to the group. You’re a rail rider now. Don’t forget it.”

Leo’s cheeks flushed, but his smile was pure. “Thank you.”

Dodger kicked his boot again. “Look at me, posh boy. Why are you staring at the ground?”

Leo lifted his chin, and Dodger gripped his shoulders.

“Rail riders stick together. If you ever need me, send me a message. I know you don’t have a phone right now, but Killer will hook you up once you get where you’re going. He’ll give you my number. Maybe we can smoke another joint together someday.”

Leo grinned. “I’d like that. Or we could get tattoos.”

“Don’t push it.”

Leo shrugged. “You’ll change your mind.”

Dodger dragged Leo in for a long hug, and Leo returned it, his smile shaky, his eyes glistening. Dodger’s acceptance meant a whole lot to him.

When Dodger pulled away, he chuckled. “Don’t cry, Green. We don’t do that shit. This isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just until next time. And guess what? Next time we ride together, you’ll be an old pro. I won’t even recognize you.” Dodger pointed at a runaway tear on Leo’s cheek. “Dry this shit up. Stop it. You’re embarrassing me.”

Leo swiped at his face, laughing.

“Stay safe. All of you.” Dodger backed away, pointing to each of us in turn. “Until next time.”

We waved as Dodger skipped behind the Tim Hortons building and out of sight. His parents lived several blocks away. None of us had met them. Dodger didn’t like to bring people home. He claimed his folks didn’t approve of his freight-hopping lifestyle and hated all his rail friends because they encouraged it. They would prefer their son settled down, got married, and started a family.

Dodger was twenty-eight, and I’d never seen him show interest in such things. Like the rest of us, he worked enough to get by and didn’t plant roots. Some days, I got the feeling he was in search of something in life, but I didn’t know what that something was. I didn’t think he did either, but he would ride until he found it.

Leo leaned his head against my shoulder and sniffled. “I’ll miss him. I think we were finally becoming friends.”

“It was the weed.”

Leo punched me in the shoulder. “It was not.”

The sad moment broke, and we laughed.

I wrapped my arm around Leo’s waist as we hit the road heading toward the train yard to scope out a place to hang low while we figured out what train we needed to be on to get to Calgary—our next stop before Vancouver.

At some point, I needed to sneak away to make a phone call, but it would have to wait. Willow had written down the number from the news broadcast and stuck it in my pocket before we left Paul’s. Ever since, I’d been reminding myself it was for Leo’s peace of mind. I just worried that he’d be upset if he found out we went over his head.

Paul had given us five hundred dollars, which was ridiculous considering he didn’t know us. We used some of the money to get a few bags of takeout at a pub in town before heading to the tracks. We weren’t hungry, but we would be later that evening. Our wait time was unknown. Once we found a place to hide, we would figure out which freights were running and what time they were due to pass through.

Moose Jaw was a familiar location for most of us. There was a good area to catch out which sat a fair distance from the yard. The freights often stopped in Moose Jaw to shift loads around and drop off or pick up more cargo, so we would have a window of time to find a good car and hopefully settle in.

We waited in an industrial area about three hundred yards from the tracks. It wasn’t safe to be closer, even when we were outside CP property. We squatted between two warehouse buildings, tucked away next to a row of dumpsters. It was quiet and secluded.

Tyler brought out a deck of cards, and we played a few unenthusiastic rounds of euchre. Without Leo sitting beside me, telling me which cards to play, I was back to my old self, losing every hand. Partnered with Willow, I took a lot of razzing. Tyler and Leo as a team were impossible to beat.

As afternoon turned to evening, the cards went away, and we lay on the ground, propped on our packs as we chatted about nothing.

I got up at one point to take a piss, but Willow caught my eye before I wandered away, telling me to take my time. I knew what that meant. It was code for “Make the call.”

I gave her a subtle nod. As I wandered away, I heard her ask Leo about his life in Germany. She was keeping him distracted so he might not notice I was gone for a bit.

I hated the deception.

I walked clear around the other side of the warehouse and crouched in a nook out of sight. The phone number was one of those toll-free lines. I’d heard of Crime Stoppers, but that wasn’t what this was. Willow thought Leo’s family had made a big enough fuss that a private investigative line had been created specifically for his disappearance. I steeled myself for what might happen and dialed.

For Leo, I kept telling myself. It was all for Leo.

I prayed I got the answer he needed to hear. I didn’t want to start a new relationship by lying. Making the call already felt like it was one step too far over the line.

The phone rang three times before a man’s voice answered. He had a smooth baritone that was likely meant to put whoever was calling at ease. It didn’t work.

“You’ve called the criminal investigation hotline handling the disappearance of Leopold Van Eschen. This is York Leonel. So you’re aware, this call is being recorded. How can I assist you today?”

I cleared my throat. My hands were clammy. I kept my voice hushed despite being alone.

“Keep it short,” Willow had said. “In case they try to trace the call. Don’t tell them who you are.”

How short was short? How long did it take to trace a call?

“I need to know what happened to Barrett.”

There was a long pause before York came back on the line. His voice remained patient and smooth as silk. “Can I ask who’s calling?”

“No. I just want to know if Barrett is alive.”

“Is this you, Leopold?”

My stomach clenched, and I gritted my teeth. “No. Leo’s fine, though. Answer my question.”

“Barrett?” A pause. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but if you have information about—”

“Yes, you do. Answer me. I have to know.”

Was it possible the authorities didn’t know about Barrett? No. That didn’t make sense. The man would have required emergency care.

“All right, look, bud. Can you stay on the line for one minute? I’m going to get my superior officer who can help answer your questions.”

I hesitated, glancing around. Was it a ruse to keep me on the phone? I needed answers. Now.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll wait, but hurry up, or I’m hanging up.”

There was shuffling and then the distinct sound of someone covering a receiver.

Muffled voices.

It was taking too long.

When I was about to hang up, the sound over the phone cleared, and a different man spoke. I was on speaker. I could tell. How many people were listening?

“Hey, bud. This is Desmond Grieves.” The man was friendly to a fault, patronizingly so. I knew what they were doing. “Can you tell me who this is?”

“No. No names. I just need to know about Barrett.”

“Barrett?”

“You know who I mean. Stop acting like you don’t. Barrett from the hotel.”

A pause. “How do you know about Barrett, son?”

“Leo told me.”

“Is Leo with you? We need to know he’s safe. Where are you calling from?”

“He’s safe, but I’m not telling you anything else. Leo is not your concern. Leave him out of this. I just need to know if Barrett is alive or dead.”

The clock inside my head was ticking so loudly it made me nauseous. My vision swam. I had to close my eyes and put my head between my knees so I wouldn’t throw up.

“What do you know about Barrett?”

“I know enough. Leo told me.”

They weren’t going to talk. This was a waste of time. How long had it been?

My heart galloped, bruising my ribs.

“All right, bud. How about an exchange of information? You tell me where you’re at, and I’ll see if I can get you the answers you want.”

“No. Just tell me. I’m not playing games. Leo isn’t coming back unless he knows.” A lie. “Tell me so I can tell him.”

“Leo isn’t in any trouble. We’re concerned about his safety is all.”

Bullshit. I didn’t believe that for a second. I fidgeted, unsure how hard to push. They didn’t seem inclined to give up answers, and I was so tense my muscles screamed.

Desperation crept into my voice. “Is Barrett alive?” My heart ached for Leo. He needed to know. What did it mean that they wouldn’t tell me? Were they hunting a murderer?

“Can I talk to Leo? We want to hear his voice to confirm he’s okay.”

“No! No one is talking to him. No one is going near him. Understand?” I was losing my cool, and my voice echoed and bounced off the buildings. I swallowed hard and tried to rein in my nerves.

“Is he with you right now?”

“Answer my question, or I’m hanging up.”

“Give me some assurance Leo is okay, and I’ll answer your question. I promise.”

I glanced down the side of the building in both directions. No one was around. I didn’t know how long I’d been gone or if Leo was suspicious yet, but I needed to hurry. “I can’t. I’m not letting him talk to you. I’m going to count to five. If you don’t answer me, I’m hanging up, and you will never hear from Leo again. Ever.”

I hadn’t meant it as a threat, but when the words left my lips, I cringed. Before I could correct it, the man on the other end spoke.

“Okay, bud, listen. Are you listening? I’m going to make you a—”

“Five, four, three…”

My hands shook, my teeth chattered, and the phone nearly slipped from my sweaty palm.

“Hey, hey. Wait. I’d like to discuss this further, but I need you to—”

“Two, one…”

I waited for a beat, but they had stopped speaking. A hushed conversation lingered in the background on the other end of the line, but I was done waiting.

I hung up, cursing and slamming my phone against my knee over and over. That was a stupid, stupid waste of time. I should never have called. I should have known they wouldn’t give me anything.

I stared at my phone, fear creeping up my neck. Had they traced the call? Did they know where we were? I didn’t know how those things worked, but I knew from the movies I had to get rid of my phone in case they could somehow pinpoint our location and follow us. It pained me to do it since money was tight, but I grabbed at the side of the building to get to my feet, then I stomped on the phone several times with my boot until it shattered. I kicked the remains into the corner of the building, trying not to think about the handful of photos I’d taken of Leo when he wasn’t looking. I wouldn’t get those back.

I took several minutes to pull myself back together before returning to the group. Willow tried to question me with her eyes, but I refused to look at her. I had no answers. Instead, I addressed Tyler. “Any idea when the train is coming through?”

We had to get out of there and soon.

“Probably about five or six hours yet. I haven’t pinned it down, but it won’t be until at least midnight.”

The ache in my chest grew. Was it enough time to get away? Had I ruined everything?

I grabbed my sleeping bag where it was hooked onto the outside of my ruck and extended a hand to Leo. “Come on. I saw a spot where we can get on the roof of this building. We can watch the sunset.”

It would also remove us from the line-of-sight if anyone checked the area. Maybe it would give us a chance to get away if needed.

Leo flicked his gaze from Tyler to Willow. He knew something was up. Without a word, he took my hand and let me drag him to his feet.

“We’ll be back in a bit,” I told the others. “Leave us alone.”

Tyler saluted.

Willow pressed her lips together but stayed quiet, picking at the pebbles on the ground.

Maybe they suspected I had an answer and planned to tell Leo in private. It didn’t matter.

I took Leo around the building. There was an area on the far side where I’d seen a ladder that led to the roof. It wasn’t meant to be accessed by the public. A chain held the bottom half over ten feet off the ground, but there was a pile of empty pallets lying a few feet away that I dragged over and made into a makeshift ladder to reach the real ladder.

Leo followed without question.

The tar and gravel roof was rough underfoot, but that was why I’d grabbed a sleeping bag. I took Leo’s hand and guided him to the edge that overlooked the train tracks in the distance. The sun hovered low on the horizon and painted the field beyond with flecks of gold and amber. Trees in the distance reflected the light in a rainbow of fall colors. It was a pretty sight, and I thought Leo appreciated it. He smiled as he scanned the horizon, his cheeks and nose tinted pink from the cool air.

I unzipped the sleeping bag and spread it wide on the rooftop, encouraging Leo to sit with me. The gravel had absorbed the heat of the sun throughout the day, and it bled through the thick fabric and warmed us.

Since I’d gotten off the phone, I’d decided I wasn’t telling Leo anything about Barrett. There was no point. I had no answers, and it didn’t feel right to lie. Sharing about the failed phone call would only make him panic, and he had enough things to worry about.

“Is everything okay?” Leo asked when I stared too long into the distance without speaking.

“Yeah. Everything is perfect.” I took his hand and held it tight.

More silence. It grew heavier the longer we sat. Guilt churned and swished in my belly. For the hundredth time, I reminded myself I’d called for Leo’s peace of mind. For his sanity.

A lot of good it had done.

I studied the horizon, but I also kept my eyes trained for any sign of people moving around below, down the tracks, or by the road. Authorities. Bulls. Anyone who might be there because of my phone call.

There was no one around.

Leo rubbed his hands on his pant legs, and I waited to see if it would turn obsessive. He glanced at his nails, picking imaginary dirt from underneath. When I was about to say something to remind him there was no blood, he caught himself and stopped, tucking his hands under his ass.

I wondered more and more what Leo’s life had been like before this had happened. What had he left behind? He’d talked about having a full-time caregiver growing up. A nanny. How close was he to his parents? Would he miss them? Would he regret his decision a year from now? Would he blame me? There were struggles he couldn’t imagine ahead. Nights without shelter. Hunger when money got tight. Could he handle those things?

“What was it like growing up in your family?” I asked when those thoughts grew too large to hold inside. “You don’t have siblings, so I imagine you got a lot of attention.”

With a faraway look in his eyes, Leo balanced his chin on his drawn-up knees. “I’m not sure how to answer that. What do you mean exactly?”

“Did you spend a lot of time with your parents? Are you close? Did they raise you, or were you raised by those nannies?”

“Oh.” Leo pursed his lips, the fading sunlight reflecting off his blond hair and making his skin glow. “I don’t have a close relationship with my mom. Never have. I’ve often wondered if the only reason I was born was because my father wanted an heir. Someone to carry on his name and run the family business.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Leo shrugged. “Feels like it sometimes. Don’t get me wrong. Father tried to be a dad, but he was always busy. I remember him letting me sit on his lap when I was little. I refused to leave him alone when he was working. Drove him crazy. I wanted his attention. I think he recognized my need. He’d let me cuddle up in his arms while he continued with conference calls or whatever he was doing. When he finished, he would tell me to fetch my favorite picture book, and he’d read it. Father always said life was about teachable moments. We didn’t play games or throw a baseball. Even at three, when he read me those stories, he encouraged me to read along. Pronounce the big words and practice. He’d hold my hand in his and keep my finger extended so I could track the words and recognize and remember them. When I was invited to join in on euchre nights, it was the same. Always about learning strategy.

“I shadowed Father from a young age. It meant everything when I could put a smile on his face or make him laugh. All I ever wanted was to make him proud of me.”

Leo’s eyes turned glassy, and he blinked a few times and sniffled. The tears never fell, but it was close. “Mother was often too busy with her own life to be bothered raising a child. I was an annoyance. An interference. My parents’ marriage was one of convenience, not love. Like mine would have been with Petra. An obligation.

“Conversations with Mother consisted of her telling me what my father would or wouldn’t like. What was proper and what wasn’t. She reprimanded me if I didn’t stand or speak or eat correctly. I was schooled in etiquette very young. It was important I didn’t fail, that I represented our family properly.”

I shifted to face Leo. He was far away, in another time, another place. I wasn’t sure he knew I was beside him anymore. “It doesn’t sound like much of a childhood. Did you have fun? Did you do things kids are supposed to do? Ride a bike? Build sandcastles on the beach? Go to summer camp?”

A sad smile came and went. “Of course I did those things, but not in the same way you did. Father ensured I had the best of everything in life. He spared no expense. My endless hours of study were rewarded with trips and adventures of a different sort. We went to art museums, movie premiers, Broadway productions in New York, operas. I’ve been to every theme park in the world. We’ve taken vacations in Cancun, and I’ve walked on beaches where the sand is so white it’s blinding. I attended a private camp one year when I was eleven. I played football in high school.”

“Private school?”

“Yes, of course.” Leo elbowed me in the ribs with a soft chuckle. “My father wouldn’t dream of sending me to public school. I had music lessons from only the best instructors in the country. I tried to play the piano and the violin, but it turns out I’m tone-deaf.”

I chuckled, and Leo sneered.

“You don’t say? That explains the singing.”

Leo punched me in the thigh, and I laughed harder.

“I know I can’t sing. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t fun.”

“You and Tyler were having a grand old time.” I waved it off. “Keep going. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Well, after music lessons flopped, I showed an interest in painting. Father hired a woman to teach me more than I could have ever learned in school. I had tutors for every subject. I was taught several languages from a young age. When I wanted to learn to ride a horse, Father sent for a man to give me lessons. When I tired of it, he sent him away.”

“But your dad never threw a ball with you in the backyard or taught you to drive a car or came to watch you play ball?”

“He did.” Leo brightened at the memory. “Father came to all my football games. But no, he didn’t teach me to drive. I don’t know how to drive. It was unnecessary. I’ve always had people to take me where I need to go.” Leo studied me for a second. “Our lives might have been different, but he was a good father, Killian. I knew I was loved.”

“Until he found out you were gay.”

Leo’s gaze fell to his hands, and the tears came. “I never want to see that look on his face again. He was so shocked and… disgusted. Horrified. I remember it clearly. It’s hard to backpedal once you’ve come out. When he told me it was a phase and I was confused, I wanted to believe him. I didn’t want him upset. When the feelings didn’t go away, I was afraid. I never wanted him to be displeased, so I tried to hide it. I’d gone off to university, so it was easier. I didn’t know what hiding would accomplish, but I thought it was better if Father believed I’d gotten it out of my system.

“When he heard what was happening at university, he was angrier than I’d ever seen him. That was when he lectured me. Told me it was time to grow up and do away with this silliness. I didn’t fight him. I agreed and apologized.”

“You submitted.”

“Yes.”

“And then Barrett happened?”

Leo cleared his throat and resumed staring at the sunset for a long time. Birds flew above the trees in the distance. They were nothing more than black smears against the darkening sky. A passenger train came and went along the tracks.

Leo didn’t want to talk about Barrett. That was fine. I wasn’t sure I could stomach hearing more.

“What was growing up like for you?” Leo asked after a time.

“Way different.”

“How so?”

“We didn’t have money. We crested the edge of poverty. I didn’t have fancy tutors or get private lessons for anything. When I played sports, it was at public school for free, and I wore hand-me-down uniforms. My parents owned their house, but it was old and run-down. It always needed work, and Dad was always fixing one thing or another. They did their best with what they had.”

“You never finished high school, did you?”

“No. I left before I could.” My cheeks burned. Was that a turn-off for Leo who’d graduated early from private school and had gone to some posh university where he’d earned two degrees and tuition alone would probably have been more money than I’d see in a lifetime?

“What did you want to be when you were growing up?” he asked. “Were you planning on heading to college?”

“I thought I’d go eventually, but I didn’t know what for. Not at sixteen. I changed my mind every week. For a time, I thought I’d enlist in the military. Mom didn’t want me to. Dad thought I should become a mechanic.”

“But he wouldn’t have forced you, right? Your parents would have supported whatever you decided in the end, wouldn’t they?”

“I think so.”

Something passed over Leo’s face. An old hurt that went deep. I touched his leg, drawing his attention. “Why?”

“Don’t ever assume I had a better life because I grew up with more privileges. I wasn’t given a choice when it came to my career. When it came to anything. My future was dictated the minute I took my first breath. I don’t doubt my father loved me, but I wasn’t born from love. I was born from a sense of obligation, and I wasn’t born with the freedom to be who I wanted.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. My parents can hardly stand each other, and no one has ever asked me what I want.”

“Was it that bad?”

Leo laughed, and it seemed unfitting for the conversation. There was a cold edge to it that sent a chill down my spine. “Was it that bad? Killian, I have a female fiancée in Germany who I hardly know, and I’m gay. What do you think?”

I snorted. “Fair enough.”

“I like this freedom.” He waved a hand at the horizon. “I like not knowing where we’ll end up.”

“It has its pitfalls.”

“Everything in life does.”

We fell silent as the sun vanished out of sight. Leo leaned his head on my shoulder, and we watched as the last vestiges of the day slowly drained away. The world turned monochrome right before our eyes. The first stars winked on in the indigo sky.

I searched my pocket for the gift from Dodger and pulled it out, holding it up between us. “A present from Dodger.”

Leo gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth to cover his laugh. He took the condom, eyes wide. “Oh my god. He gave you a condom?”

“He said he wasn’t going to use it anytime soon, but he always kept one for emergencies. He thought we might like it.”

“That’s… a little weird.”

“That’s what I told him.”

Leo stared at it for a minute, a smirk quirking his lips. “Is this your way of asking me if I want to have sex with you?”

“Maybe. I didn’t know if what we were doing was enough for you or… I mean, I’m fine with what we have, but… Well, I was kinda hoping…” I shut my mouth since I was on the cusp of rambling.

“Lube?”

I fished in my pocket and found the little packets of lotion I’d taken from the motel back in Winnipeg. “Best I can offer.”

“That works.”

“So that’s it? Are you saying—”

“I’m saying, yeah.” Leo studied my face, his smile full and wide. “Do you have a preference?”

I shook my head. “Nope. You?”

“Nope.”

Leo pressed a hand to my chest, encouraging me to lie back. I laughed as I landed, loving the fiercer more confident side of Leo.

He straddled me and smirked as he wiggled his ass crack against my interested cock nestled in my pants. I could get used to a bold and uninhibited Leo.

I pulled him down, and we kissed as he took the packet of lotion from my hand, tucking it into his palm. Between pecks, he said, “I’m going to fuck you, Killian. Is that all right?”

I didn’t care either way. All I knew was that I wanted to be close to Leo. Closer than we’d been so far. As close as I could get. I wanted this with him more than anything. “Please,” I said against his mouth.

Our tongues tangled, and Leo continued to grind against my growing erection. I whimpered and hitched my hips, meeting his thrusts and seeking more pleasure.

It was a cold fall night, but my skin blistered with heat. Leo shoved my shirt up, his chilled fingers encountering skin. I shivered, my nipples pebbling under his ministrations.

Leo broke from my mouth and peppered kisses over my stomach and abdomen as he worked his way lower, licking a path over the curve of my hip bones and across to my navel where he dipped his tongue inside. Then he followed my treasure trail lower.

He popped the button on my pants and tugged them down. They got caught on my boots, and we both laughed. He plucked my boots off one at a time, then tossed my pants and underwear aside. My cock stood at attention, waiting, begging for Leo’s touch. His mouth. Anything. Everything.

It was too cold to get fully naked, and Leo seemed to recognize that. The hairs on my legs rose when the wind blew. Leo’s warm fingers traveled up and down my thighs causing more goose bumps. It was a thrilling contrast of hot and cold. He touched me reverently as he settled between my legs and took me into his mouth, sucking and slurping until I trembled with need. While he focused on my cock, he used the lotion to prep me. His long, callus-free fingers sliding in and out of my ass almost tipped me over the edge.

When I couldn’t take any more and was sure I’d shoot my load if he kept it up, I pulled him off. Leo shoved his pants down enough to get the condom on. I spread my legs, hiking my knees up and holding them back as Leo coated himself with the rest of the lotion.

He hovered over me, staring deep into my eyes as he nudged my opening with his tip. “You ready?” he asked.

“Yes.”

I closed my eyes and drowned in the sensations as Leo pressed his length against my hole and filled me one slow inch at a time. When he was fully seated, he bent down and kissed me. It was soft and consuming, filled with rich emotion that made me feel like I was floating on a cloud. I wrapped my legs around Leo’s middle and savored the connection.

Everything we’d been through and all that might happen in the future was forgotten. The purity of the moment was all that mattered. We were simply Leo and Killian, two guys stuck in a complicated world who somehow understood each other. I was falling fast and hard. Love was something I knew nothing about, but I was ready to learn. I wanted it more and more every day.

I wanted Leo in my life, by my side.

When he moved, it was too good. I groaned and met each thrust, riding the wave of sensations as they bloomed to life in my veins. Leo panted, his mouth hovering over mine, his glacial eyes peering down into my soul.

No, I wasn’t falling. I was already there.

I loved him. There was no question, no other explanation. My chest ached and burned with it. My skin itched and tingled. My heart swelled.

I pulled Leo down and kissed him as he took us to new heights. My cock found friction against his abdomen, and I hissed as I rode the edge.

“Leo… I’m right there.”

“Do it.”

And I came. A wall of sparkling white light exploded behind my eyes, and I clung to him as my body convulsed with the power of my orgasm. Leo cried out a moment later and buried himself as deep as he could.

After, we lay in each other’s arms for a long time until the chill in the air insisted we get dressed. Even after we’d donned our clothes, we stayed there on a blanket under the stars, breathing as one.

Our differences were non-existent.

For those few minutes, nothing else mattered.

Then Tyler let out a long, sharp whistle from somewhere below, announcing it was time to get moving or we’d miss our train.