The Mixtape by Brittainy C. Cherry
38
EMERY
“I miss Mr. Mith,” Reese stated for the fifty millionth time in the past two weeks. Every time she said it, I felt like an awful mother. I’d brought Oliver into her life, only to have him ripped away from her days after she was questioning if he was going to be her father. I hated the guilt that was building up inside of me every single day, yet what I hated most was how much I missed him too.
I missed him to my core. At night, he’d show up in my dreams, and come morning he’d live in my thoughts. Even though I knew I was making the right choice for my daughter, it didn’t make things any easier. I wished I could’ve figured out a way to make our love work. I wished I could’ve been able to keep him by my side during my hardest days, but I didn’t see any way that it was possible.
“I know, baby, I miss him too.” I sighed, rubbing my hands against my eyes. I hadn’t cried in a few days, so I took that as a win. I knew I had to stop my tears from coming when Reese began asking me why I was sad. Hiding my sadness from my little girl was probably the hardest thing for me to do. Appearing strong when I felt weak was harder than anyone could’ve ever believed.
There was a knock at my door, and I hurried over to answer it. Kelly was standing there with two bottles in her hand. One was red wine, and the other was sparkling grape juice.
I cocked an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s good to see you too,” she joked, barging into the apartment without an official invitation inside; not that she needed one. “I figured tonight was a great night for a girls’ night out!” she exclaimed. “Reese! Do you want to have a girls’ night out?”
“Yes!” my daughter shouted, making me shake my head.
“No,” I said back. I didn’t have the energy to get up and go out. Most days, I was just trying to make it from morning to night. I didn’t have an ounce of extra energy to put anywhere else but within my daughter.
“Oh, gosh. Don’t be a party pooper, Emery,” Kelly said.
“Yeah, don’t be a party pooper, Mama,” Reese echoed. I gave her a stern look, and her eyes widened as she whispered, “Is ‘pooper’ a bad word?”
I couldn’t even hold my smirk in from her comment. But she wasn’t the one I was supposed to be scolding in that moment. Therefore, I turned back to Kelly. “I can’t go out tonight. I have to keep trying to find a job.”
“Jobs will be there tomorrow. A girls’ night is needed. And I bet you’ll feel even more inspired to job search tomorrow after a great time. You were there for me when I needed a girls’ day, so let me be there for you when you need one. Please, Emery?”
“Yeah, pleeeeeeease, Mama?”
I wanted to say no, go crawl into bed, and surrender to my sadness, but the spark of hope in Reese’s eyes wasn’t something that I could let fade away. Ever since Oliver had stopped coming around, I’d noticed how sad Reese was about it. If me going out for a girls’ night would make her smile, I’d do it.
“Okay. What do you have in mind?”
“It’s a surprise. Just go get dressed, something cute! I’ll help Reese pick out something to wear. Meet out here in about twenty minutes, okay?”
I snickered. “I don’t need twenty minutes to get ready.”
Kelly scanned me up and down with her blue eyes. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry to say, but you do need twenty minutes to get ready. You’ve been running around looking like a zombie for the past few days.”
“She’s right, Mama. You look like a zombie with fifty billion bags under your eyes,” Reese agreed. Then the two of them began walking around the living room like zombies.
Well then.
That felt like the confidence boost I was searching for.
Before I could reply, Kelly was patting me on my behind, shooing me in the direction of my room.
“And wear a nice pair of heels!” she shouted.
Heels? Yeah, right. She was going to get a pair of sneakers, and she was going to like it too.
It took me fifteen minutes to get dressed and do my makeup, but I hung out in my bedroom for those extra five minutes, giving myself a pep talk. I needed to put on my superhero cape in order for the girls to not notice how sad I felt. From zombie to superwoman in twenty minutes or less.
“There our lady is!” Kelly cheered as I emerged from my bedroom as a butterfly. Well, maybe more like a moth, but they were getting what I had to give that night.
Reese was wearing an adorable pink dress that flared at the bottom, and her kiddie heels. Her wild curly hair was tamed and pulled back into a perfect bun. I had no clue how Kelly had managed to do that in less than thirty minutes. It normally took me five hours to tame my daughter’s hair.
“You look beautiful, Mama,” Reese gasped, looking my way. “Like a princess.”
When my girl was sweet, she was the sweetest. “You look like a princess, too, sweetheart.”
Kelly poured two glasses of wine, and one of sparkling grape juice, and handed them out to both Reese and me. Then she held her glass in the air. “A toast to Emery Rose Taylor. The best mother and friend that a person could ever have. We’re better with you, Emery. And nothing is ever going to keep us apart.”
Reese hadn’t a clue how important and meaningful my friend’s words were to me, but I needed to hear them. To hear that my life as Reese’s mother wasn’t going to come to a standstill. I’d been overthinking it all. How would I explain to her the truth about what had happened? How I wasn’t her biological mother? How her real mother had abandoned her?
I couldn’t answer those questions at that time, so I went ahead and pushed them to the back of my mind the best I could.
We finished our drinks—well, after another glass of wine each—and we headed downstairs to the Uber that Kelly had called for us. I still had no idea where we were going, but she wouldn’t give me any clues at all. “Just enjoy the ride,” she said, smirking.
When we pulled up in front of an arena with a massively long line wrapped around the building, I cocked an eyebrow. “What in the world . . . ?” I muttered, climbing out of the car.
Then, when I looked up at the sign flashing on the building, my heart stopped beating.
LIVE TONIGHT OLIVER SMITH’S RETURN TO THE STAGE.
Oliver’s return to the stage? Oliver was performing tonight? How hadn’t I known this? How hadn’t I been aware of him getting to the point of where he’d perform again? Would he be able to perform? Or would he relapse and spiral again, like he had all those months ago when I first met him at Seven? Was he okay? Was he nervous? Why were we here?
“Kelly,” I started, but she linked her arm with mine and cut me off.
“Come on. We’d better get backstage before the show starts,” she said, giving her other free hand to Reese to hold.
“Backstage?”
“Yes. For the meet and greet.”
“Meet and greet?”
“Geez, Emery, are you going to echo everything I say? Less yappin’, more trackin’,” she said, yanking me along. With ease, Kelly flashed a few passes to a few security people, and before I knew it, we were backstage at the arena, standing beside Oliver’s dressing room.
My stomach was in knots, and I felt as if I were going to pass out any second. Kelly still hadn’t explained herself, and honestly, now that we were standing in front of Oliver’s door, I didn’t even need an explanation.
I just needed him.
Kelly knocked on the door, and before anyone answered, Reese took the doorknob in her hand, turned it, and pushed it opened. “Mr. Mith? Are you in here?” she called out.
The moment the door was fully opened, we saw Oliver standing there, fussing with his microphone pack in his back pocket. He dropped his hands quickly, and his eyes lit up the moment he saw Reese. She turned into the brightest light when she saw him too. “Mr. Mith!” she hollered, dashing in his direction, and he was there to catch her in his embrace with arms wide open.
“Kid!” he exclaimed, spinning her around.
She snuggled closer to him and held on tight. “I missed you, Mr. Mith.”
“I missed you, too, kid.”
“Mama missed you too. She’d been crying a lot since you left.” She moved her mouth toward his ear and whispered—but a loud whisper because my daughter didn’t know how to lower her voice. “But she pretended she had allergies.”
Oliver moved his stare from my daughter over to me.
It happened.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
And still, he controlled my heartbeats.
His sweet yet somehow sinful lips turned up into a smirk that made my thighs tremble.
“Hi there,” he said as my heartbeats drummed away in an erratic pattern.
“Hi there,” I replied.
He placed Reese down on the ground, and before I knew it, his arms were around me. Within seconds, I was melting into him, because I didn’t know how to do anything but. He felt so warm against me, he felt like the missing piece to my small family puzzle, and I knew he fit perfectly as Reese wrapped her arms around our legs.
We were the perfect trio, and all I wanted to do was love the two of them for the rest of time.
“I missed you so fucking much it hurt,” he said, holding me close.
“That’s a quarter in the swear jar!” Reese remarked, making us both laugh. “Hey, Mr. Mith. Is it true that you’re performing tonight?”
“It is. At least, I hope so. I’m going to be honest: I’m really nervous. I haven’t performed in a long time without my brother, and I’m not sure how it’s going to go.”
“Well, can’t he just watch you from heaven?” she said. Her question seemed so matter of fact, and it made everyone in the room tear up. “So don’t worry, he’s still here. Come here.” She pulled on his pants and made him come to eye level with her. She then placed her hands against his shoulders and gave him a stern look. “Mr. Mith, you can do anything because you’re my best friend, and that means you can do anything.”
My little girl was giving him a pep talk, and my heart just about exploded from hearing it.
My love for her was like a wild garden. It blossomed more every single day.
Oliver’s eyes glassed over, and he bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “Thanks, Reese.”
“Welcome.”
Kelly cleared her throat. “Okay, well, how about I get Reese some snacks and we make our way to our seats so Emery and Oliver have a second to talk before the show.”
The two headed out of the room, leaving me standing there, still stunned and confused about what was happening exactly. But also, happy. I couldn’t deny the happiness that was running through my veins.
The moment the door closed behind Kelly and Reese, Oliver’s lips were pressed against mine, and I fell into my safe place. His tongue swept against mine, and I bit his bottom lip lightly as he moaned into me. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he said. “I was nervous Kelly wasn’t going to be able to get you here.”
I pulled away a little, still baffled. “You’re really performing tonight?”
“Yes. I think it’s time. I’ve been working on a lot of new stuff these past few weeks, and I feel like it’s time to get back out there.”
“I’m proud of you, I just . . . are you sure you’re ready?”
“No. Not at all. But I’m learning in life that you don’t have to be ready for every situation. You just have to be brave enough to try. So, I’m going to try tonight, and I think it will be better if I’m able to look out into the audience and see you sitting there looking back at me.”
“I believe in you,” I told him, kissing him again.
We kept kissing until it was time for him to go put on a show.
So I made my way to the audience, to make sure I was there for him when he needed a boost of love to go his way. I didn’t know what any of this meant for us, because the situation with my parents and Reese was still a mess. I knew I couldn’t be with Oliver yet, but I also knew that I was going to go into that arena and be his biggest fan.
The lights were already dimmed when I made it to my seat. Reese was standing on her chair as she and Kelly talked about their favorite songs from Alex & Oliver. When the light show began onstage, I could sense that the whole audience was feeling butterflies. There seemed to be a nervous energy about Oliver’s arrival. Many wondered aloud if he was going to be a no-show again. Many were skeptical that he was going to actually perform. But even with their doubts, they’d still shown up. Because their love for Oliver was still there, even with the letdowns.
He made his way to the stand and stood there for a moment as the crowd went wild. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, the crowd cheered louder, shouting their love for him. I saw the moment it hit him too. When his eyes glassed over and the emotions flooded in.
Oliver cleared his throat as he adjusted the microphone in front of him. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to show up tonight after my last failed attempt of a show. Then, with how the last few months have gone with me in the tabloids, I considered staying hidden. But there was something bigger than my fear that made me want to come out of hiding. Something worth fighting for,” he said as his eyes looked toward me.
Butterflies.
A million butterflies.
“We always believed in you, Oliver!” someone screamed.
“We’ll always be here, Oliver! We love you!” someone else shouted from the crowd.
“I love you too,” he apprehensively snickered. “I, um, to be honest I’ve been going through a very rough patch lately. As many of you know, I lost my best friend a few months back, and I didn’t handle it in the best way possible. But I was lucky enough to have a team who didn’t give up on me. I want you all to know that you are a part of that team. Thank you for showing up for me, even though I’m flawed.”
He brushed his hand beneath his nose, and I could almost feel his nerves tingling through my system. “I went over and over how to start this show tonight. I thought about coming out here with insane energy and performing like a madman up here. I thought the bigger, the better, like my brother. My brother was a force on the stage. His energy was magical, but that wasn’t who I was, and that’s not who I am now. Truthfully, I’ve been feeling pretty small these past months. So, in the spirit of being authentic, I figured we’d start that way tonight, and build up. Is that okay with you, Los Angeles?”
The City of Angels cheered him on.
“Okay, so this is my brother’s guitar. I figured I should play it as a way of having him here onstage with me. But a sweet little girl reminded me that he’s always with me, even if I can’t see him. So, we are going back in time with the first song that Alex and I ever recorded together. If you’re an ancient fan, you know it. If you’re new, here’s a part of me. And I apologize ahead of time if I get lost in myself. I’m trying my best. This is ‘Heart Stamps.’”
My hand flew to my chest as Reese and Kelly began jumping up and down as Oliver began to play the song that saved me during so many of my darkest days.
As he began singing, his voice filled the arena like magic dust. The words rolled off his tongue as if they were a part of his soul, and he was sharing it all with us. Everything was going fine, until he looked out into the audience when he got to the chorus, and he stumbled over his emotions.
“And I’ll keep your heart stamped,” he began, but the overwhelming feelings overtook him, and he stepped away from the microphone as tears began to roll down his cheeks. I wanted to rush up to hold him. I wanted him to feel my comfort, that he wasn’t alone in that very moment. But I quickly realized that he didn’t need my comfort in that very moment.
He had ten thousand people surrounding him with love, singing the lyrics that his voice struggled to push out.
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Right against mine, every beat, every time
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Through the dark days you face, and the shadows you’ve chased
Your heart stamps with mine.
Your heart stamps on mine.
Everything will be fine
Because your heart beats in sync with mine.
It was the most powerful moment I’d ever witnessed. Oliver stepped closer to the microphone, tears still falling, but I could tell they were now from the love that filled that arena. He began strumming the guitar again and singing as the chorus came back around.
When love met pain, beauty could be created.
My lips moved to the lyrics as a woman came toward the empty seat beside me. I was completely thrown off when her hand took mine in her hold. I snatched it away quickly before turning to see Sammie standing there beside me. Her eyes were washed with tears, and she gave me the most broken smile.
I didn’t understand. I didn’t know why she was there, or how she knew where I was going to be. Yet the moment I looked up at the stage to find Oliver singing the chorus once more, I knew he’d had a hand in this.
I turned to Sammie, and I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to tear her apart and snap for what she and our parents were putting me through with Reese.
But “Heart Stamps” was our song.
It was us for so very long, and Sammie looked so broken, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I took her hand in mine and held on tight.
I felt her trembles intensify as I gripped her hand. She began falling apart as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes shut, and I watched as her lips slightly mouthed the words of the song. Then, I sang along with her.
Your heart stamps with mine.
Your heart stamps on mine.
Everything will be fine
Because your heart beats in sync with mine.