Breaking Her Bad by Michelle Mankin

 

 

 

 

 

Claire

“So, explain to me how this Romeo and Juliet thing works.” Missy made a face as she shoved the large textbook across the couch cushions toward me. “I don’t get it. The way they talk is too confusing.”

“It’ll be less confusing when we watch the film of the play.” I remembered that from when I’d studied it at Lakeside High. “Basically, it’s about two young Italian star-crossed lovers whose deaths ultimately reconcile their feuding families.”

“I get that part. It’s a tragic love story. It sucks.”

I sighed. “Yeah, it does.”

The play seemed sadder to me now—with my dad gone, knowing Missy’s story, the heartbreak with Kyle—so I wasn’t enthusiastic about studying it again. Not that it was love with Kyle, just that it might have been. If we could have made the treehouse our world without real life intruding.

A melody came to mind, and my fingers suddenly twitched on my lap. I wanted to scribble the notes down. Play them on a piano. We’d had a Steinway in our house, but we didn’t have a piano here.

“What are you thinking about?” Missy asked, and I refocused on her.

“Kyle. Mostly.”

“Oh, Claire.” She shook her head sadly. “You understand why that can never work out.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t want me,” I said, and her face formed an expression I didn’t understand. “It’s just I felt like we had a connection.”

One that I’d never experienced before. One that continued to draw me.

“He deals drugs, honey. You’re a serious student.”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

But if Kyle wanted me, would those things matter? He made me feel like I was beautiful, like he understood me. I felt settled with him. He was different there. I thought we connected as strongly as my parents did when they first met. But I was wrong.

Missy’s tone softened. “It takes two people confiding and communicating over common goals and interests to solidify a strong connection.”

“You’re right.” I bit down on my lip. But thinking about it, I realized Kyle and I had done that. We lacked only time to solidify our connection.

“We’re confiding in each other, getting to know each other better, and growing our bond. Right?”

“Right.” I took her hand and squeezed it. “I never had a genuine friend like you who stuck by me at school.”

“Me either,” she said softly.

“Well, we both have that now.” I squeezed her hand again. Releasing it, I pasted on a stern expression and pointed at the textbook. “It takes bravery, honesty, and sacrifice for love to conquer differences as large as Romeo and Juliet had.”

“Kyle is brave.” Missy’s gaze was steady on mine, like his was when he was being serious. “He makes sacrifices. He makes them all the time. Even today.”

“Does he?” I tilted my head, trying to ignore the bitter burn in my chest. “I guess you know him better than he allowed me to.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I’ve only known him longer. What was it like . . .” She sighed. “I mean, what did you think when you first saw Kyle?”

“He looked like a dark prince conjured from the pages of a fairy tale.” My gaze turned unfocused as I remembered. “So commanding in his tux. So handsome with his black hair and those silver eyes of his.”

I still longed for him to be my dark prince. Still wished he would retract what he’d said, and that we could somehow recreate the closeness we’d shared.

“After I saw him in the parking lot,” I said, “I couldn’t get him out of my head. I searched for him later. I didn’t think I’d get to talk to him, but then I did, and I discovered he wasn’t only good-looking, he was also smart, caring, and kind.” My stomach fluttered at the memory of the spark of his touch.

Missy’s gaze narrowed. “So, you did get to know him?”

“Yes.” I believed I had. “How about you with Chad?”

“He’s Chad. Handsome, kind, an all-around nice guy. You met him. It’s obvious how he is.” She shook the haze from her eyes. “He has a hero complex. He wants to rescue me like a prince from a fairy tale. But I’m no princess.”

Not in the traditional sense, maybe, but Missy was beautiful inside and out. She just didn’t realize it. Maybe in time, Chad could convince her of that.

I met her gaze. “Kyle rescued me that night.”

“How?” She scooted closer.

“I was onstage for my school’s talent exhibition. I was nervous.” Like then, my throat tightened as I remembered. “I’d played my guitar and sang in a group before, but never solo. When I froze onstage, Kyle came right out and sang with me. We finished the song together.”

“Kyle sings?” Missy leaned forward. “I didn’t know that. How did his voice sound?”

“Have you ever heard a song that’s so uplifting, yet so sad it makes you cry?”

She nodded.

“It’s like that.”

“Wow.”

“It was a ‘wow’ moment to harmonize with him.” I nodded reflectively. “The entire night with him was like something out of a dream.”

“You said your parents had a strong connection when they met.” Picking up her pencil, Missy rolled it between her hands and glanced at me through her lashes. “Was it love at first sight for them?”

“For my dad, it was love. He saw my mom perform onstage. Just her and her guitar, and that was it for him. He said once they talked afterward, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.”

“Holy shit.” Missy’s eyes widened.

“It took him some time to convince my mom he was serious,” I said. “Or that’s the way he told the story. But maybe she was just as into him, just scared because being from here, she couldn’t see how it could work out.”

Maybe like Missy was scared to take a chance with Chad because of her background. I had a feeling her asking about my parents wasn’t random.

She sighed. “Not a lot of happy endings in Southside. I can certainly understand why she would need convincing. Besides your parents, I don’t know of any love stories from Southside that worked out.”

“That’s hard to believe.” And depressingly sad.

“People don’t have space in their lives for love when they feel threatened and desperate.”

“You took a chance on me,” I said pointedly.

“I think we took a chance on each other. But most around here never have anyone take a chance on them. I think maybe that’s what happened between you and Kyle.” She picked up her pencil again and tapped her lips with the eraser. “People see him one way. But you saw him differently, so he felt free to act different. Safe to. Here, he has to be the way he is, understand?”

“I guess.”

Missy gave me a thoughtful look. “It was probably harder for him to leave you that night than you think.”

I tilted my head. “Did Kyle say something to you?”

Hope stirred. Wings that I thought had been clipped fluttered inside my chest.

She shook her head. “He doesn’t share confidences with me.”

“I saw him with Randy. Maybe he confides stuff to him.” I made a face just thinking about Randy.

“Doubtful.” She frowned. “And if he ever did, he certainly won’t anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Kyle is the one who laid into him and messed him up because he touched you without your consent.”

“Oh.” My eyes rounded. “Wow.”

“He can’t be the guy you remember from Lakeside here.” She touched my hand. “But he’s still watching out for you the best he can.”

“I guess maybe he is.” I let that sink in. “Tommy told me Kyle sent him to check on me when I was upset earlier.”

“I’m not surprised.”

But I was. “If he cares, then why—”

“Caring looks different in Southside.” She gave me a sharp glance. “It’s more about protecting and sacrifice, not so much about appearances or following rules. You do what you must in Southside, and when you’re a guy like Kyle with some power, you have a target on your back. There’s always someone who wants to bring you down and take your place. Most often, that’s done by exploiting weakness.”

“Are you saying caring is weakness?” I asked.

“It’s vulnerability, not strength in Southside. Everyone sticks to their corners and factions, and buries their true feelings deep.”

I gave that some consideration. It was all upside down. In Southside, businesses had money extorted from them for protection from those who were their enemies, not friends. I had no affiliation, so no one spoke up or interfered on my behalf when my bracelet was stolen by Belinda on my first day at school.

Was it possible that Kyle didn’t do anything thing to help me because showing he cared would put me at risk? I didn’t know the answer to that. Only he did. The topic was familiar, though. I remembered what Kyle had said after he punched my former Lakeside tormentor and sent him scurrying.

Don’t try to win them over. You can’t change them. You have to show them you won’t tolerate their shit, or they won’t respect you.

Even in Lakeside, he was trying to teach me Southside survival techniques.

I was learning, being schooled daily now in the realities of the new world I lived in. A world where I was supposed to keep my head down and survive, not try to change it. Certainly, I wasn’t supposed to follow my heart.

I didn’t like the way Southside operated. Here, it was all about acceptance and defeat, which were the opposite of flying and soaring. Conditions that grounded hopes and dreams. Protecting and sacrifice were good, but I believed those should be done publicly, not privately.

“At least we’re allowed friendship,” I said. My eyes were more open with knowledge now. “Friendships are love, just a different sort. They’re not perceived as weakness.”

“No, they’re not. A friend you can trust to have your back and your best interests at heart can be your greatest strength.” She gathered my hands. “I promise to be that for you, Claire.”

“And I promise to do the same for you, Missy.”

“Thank you. My pockets are filling up fast.” Her warm smile melted the ice of her eyes. “I’m sorry your dad is gone, and that you lost the life you had. Sorry how things went down with Kyle. But I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad to be here with you too.”

Sometimes you had to lose to gain. It was how Romeo and Juliet ended. They loved and lost, but the feud between their families ended.

I buried my feelings for Kyle deeper, not ready to let them go or define our time together as a loss. I just couldn’t. But I recommitted myself to a reality that I shaped. I would follow my heart. I could if I were careful and had Missy beside me.

A friend you could trust was more than just a friend. Southside or Lakeside, a true friend was a treasure.