Twisted Cravings by Cora Reilly

Adamo opened the door and held it open for me. I stepped into the dimly lit ante-room with its cloakroom and a huge black bouncer sitting at a table. His eyes briefly narrowed on me before they moved on to Adamo and he gave a curt nod.

Adamo didn’t say anything, only gave the man a tense smile, before he led me along. My legs felt leaden as I followed him into the bar area of the Sugar Trap where johns could check out the selection of whores and chat with them until they went into one of the backrooms for the actual deed. Now the area was mostly deserted except for a dark-skinned man behind the bar counter, taking stock of the liquor cabinet. It was still too early for customers.

My eyes took in the red leather booths, black lacquer décor and the dance platforms with silver poles. The color scheme hadn’t changed nor had the general vibe of the establishment. But it seemed smaller now, and less daunting. For the small, distraught girl from the past everything had seemed so much bigger. Now it was a dingy bar like any other, not so different from the ones Dad had in Chicago. I wasn’t allowed to set foot in them but I’d seen photos. I handled all the online presences of the clubs and bars on the internet as well as Darknet for Dad’s section of the Bratva. I had a penchant for computer sciences, so it was a way to feel useful and justify the endless amount of money at my disposal.

My pulse didn’t slow as we crossed the bar, even if I didn’t catch a hint of danger. Adamo threw me another worried look because I’d slowed even more. “We don’t have to meet my brothers. We can return to camp.”

“No,” I said sharply. “I have to talk to Remo.”

Some parts of my life, of my past, had remained out of my control, and I needed to yank control back. I needed to talk to someone who’d been there.

Adamo nodded but I could tell he wasn’t convinced. He couldn’t understand. I wasn’t sure if anyone really could. He’d gone through some messed up shit, especially with his mother, but what he’d done, attacking her, had been a spur of the moment thing when it was his brothers’ lives or hers. My deepest desires went so much further.

“Let me talk to my brothers before I take you to them, all right?” he said. “Why don’t you grab something to drink? I’m sure Jerry will gladly give you whatever you want.”

Jerry looked up behind the bar and gave me a quick smile, all white teeth in his dark complexion.

I released Adamo’s hand and he disappeared through the backdoor. I headed for the bar but didn’t sit down. “Do you have vodka?”

Jerry grinned. “Of course. And a good one if I might say so.”

He poured me a generous glass of Moskovskaya, definitely not the worst vodka. I took a sip, my eyes returning to the door where Adamo had disappeared through.

By now, Dima would have noticed my disappearance and would have alerted my father. That was why I’d left my cellphone in my car in camp. I didn’t want Dad to track me to this place and send his soldiers to save me, when I didn’t want or need saving. At least not the kind of saving he had in mind.

The door swung open and Adamo stepped through followed by two tall men. In my memory both Remo and Nino Falcone had been giants, but now I realized that Adamo was their height. They had seemed so much taller for a little girl. I emptied the glass in one quick gulp, enjoying the burn and the resulting warmth.

Remo’s mouth twitched when he followed my actions. His eyes held recognition and the hint of dark amusement. No sign of pity. His brother Nino’s face was completely void of emotions, just like I remembered it. I didn’t wait for them to approach me, instead I walked in their direction, my head held high.

I was aware of their reputation, and Adamo’s protection would only go so far. They were his brothers, and even if he enjoyed my company, his loyalty lay with the Camorra and his family as it should.

I held out my hand to Remo. “It’s been a long time.”

Remo nodded with another twitch of his mouth and briefly shook my hand. “Indeed. You changed.”

Adamo positioned himself at my side and touched my hip. I briefly glanced his way, surprised by his closeness and his open sign of our togetherness. I couldn’t deny that it warmed my chest more than the vodka had done.

Both Nino and Remo glanced at Adamo’s move but didn’t comment. Dad would probably have attempted to kill Adamo at this display of affection.

“Haven’t we all?” I said. “Change is inevitable.”

Nino inclined his head and shook my hand. “How about we continue our conversation in the office?”

“That sounds reasonable,” I said.

Remo and Nino exchanged a look before they headed back through the door.

Adamo smiled encouragingly, his thumb sliding along my hip. “You are safe in Vegas.” His dark eyes held absolutely no doubt.

“I know,” I said and briefly kissed him. We followed his brothers, past a long row of closed doors. My belly flipped when I recognized one of them as the door to the room where I’d spent my night. More memories from that day took shape. Cody’s face, which had been shrouded in darkness up until this point manifested before my inner eye, and with it came a wave of revulsion.

Remo threw a look over his shoulder before he opened the door to what I assumed was his office. He scanned my face and I steeled myself, remembering Adamo’s words about his brother’s talent to recognize other people’s weaknesses and darkest emotions.

When I entered the office with the boxing sack, desk and sofa, my breath briefly caught in my throat, as the events from a decade ago appeared in my head. Cody’s horrified expression, Mother’s attempts to bargain with the Capo, and his fury over it. Adamo closed the door with a soft click, but I jumped anyway. I could have kicked myself for this sign of distress because it didn’t go unnoticed. All three men registered my jumpiness. If I didn’t get a grip, they’d see me as the sheep among the pack, not another wolf.

Adamo rubbed my waist again and while I appreciated his support, and would eventually tell him so, I needed to show strength. I hadn’t come this far to cower like the girl I had been in the past. I’d moved beyond her. I had changed.

I gave him a strained smile before I stepped out of his reach and approached Remo who leaned against his desk, watching us with keen eyes. I wondered what Adamo had told him about our relationship and what the Capo thought of it. “Over the years, I made sure to stay up to date on your life,” Remo said cryptically.

I didn’t show a reaction. As the daughter of the Pakhan who loved to live a flashy life, I was in public more often than I preferred. I’d never hidden, and Dad wouldn’t have allowed it either. He wanted me in the spotlight, dressed in pretty dresses for the world to see. Few people dared to speak of the past, even if rumors had spread after my return. “So did I. You and your brothers have kept things interesting over the years.”

Remo’s eyes flashed with amusement.

“Why would the Capo of the Camorra have any interest in the daughter of his enemy? My life didn’t provide the same excitement as yours.”

Adamo and Nino watched our conversation but didn’t intervene.

“I wanted to see if I was right in my assessment of you.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What assessment?”

“If you’d prove as strong as I considered you to be.”

I scoffed. “I was a scared child who allowed people to use and abuse her. I wasn’t strong. I’m not the same person I used to be. I changed.”

Remo pushed away from the desk and moved closer, towering over me, which caused Adamo to tense. I met Remo’s gaze unwaveringly. Maybe it was foolish of me not to fear him but I could only see him as the man who’d freed me from my tormentors. “Even back then I saw your strength, even if you couldn’t. That you are here today, shows I was right. Maybe you changed on the outside, but deep down you are the same resilient child that survived.”

I swallowed, because his words awakened emotions I didn’t want to deal with. Adamo took a step closer, and his protective expression didn’t bode well. This was between Remo and me. If I wanted to get to the bottom of my past, I needed to talk to Remo alone. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be as forthcoming with information as long as I needed Adamo as my babysitter and bodyguard. He was testing me. I cleared my throat and looked at Adamo. “I need to talk to Remo alone.”

If Remo was surprised by my request, he hid it well.

Nino exchanged a look with his older brother before he left without another word. Adamo, however, pulled me against his side. “What’s the matter?”

“Your brother and I need to talk alone.”

“Still don’t trust me, hmm?” Adamo asked wryly.

“No,” I growled. “That’s not it. But the truth I’m going to find out today is my truth. One I want to process before I share it with anyone else. Even with you. It’s my past.”

Adamo sighed. He leaned in and kissed me. “All right, but remember I’m here if you need me.”

He sent his brother a warning look that made me want to ask him to stay after all. When Remo and I were finally alone, silence fell over us for a while. Remo watched me closely, and whatever he saw seemed to please him. “Few of my men feel comfortable in my presence. Most women would rather be locked inside a cage with a fight dog than me, but you ask for a tête-à-tête and don’t seem frightened at all?”

“Do I have reason to be scared of you?” I asked.

Again the twitch of his mouth. “I think you already answered that question for yourself before you set foot on Vegas ground.”

I shrugged. “I had my assumptions, but of course I couldn’t be sure. My father is your enemy. You and him would kill the other if you ever met.”

“Your father isn’t in the top ten of my enemy list, Dinara. He’ll probably live.”

My lips thinned. “My father is a strong man with an army of loyal followers.”

Remo chuckled. “Ahh, a Bratva princess after all? One could think you don’t care for your father’s business considering how recklessly you walk into Camorra territory and become part of our racing camp.”

“I’m loyal to my father, just like Adamo is loyal to you and the Camorra.”

Something shifted in Remo’s eyes, and I realized I was treading dangerous ground. “Have you tested his loyalty?”

“I didn’t and I won’t. Adamo has his place and I have mine.”

“But the lines have become blurry, haven’t they? You and Adamo have gotten close over the last few weeks,” Remo said, and the hint of suspicion and threat swung in his deep voice.

I knew it would be futile to deny it. I wasn’t sure how much Adamo had told his brother, and I had a feeling Remo would have smelled the lie. “We have. We share a passion for racing.”

“But that’s not why your paths crossed, Dinara, am I right? You joined our race camp for a reason.”

“I did,” I said firmly, not looking away. If I’d lowered my gaze or tried to avoid the topic, Remo would have seen it as an admission of guilt. I was definitely guilty of seeking Adamo’s closeness initially to find out about the Falcones and to use him to get in contact with Remo, but sleeping with him or spending so much time with him had never served that purpose. My body and soul had yearned for it. When I was with Adamo, I rarely longed for the rush of drugs that had haunted me for so many years. He was my drug of choice. “My father was always careful to divulge as little information as possible to me about my past. I knew you were the only one who could reveal the parts he left in the dark.”

“So you think I’ll do that? Why would I reveal information without asking for something in turn? And unlike your father you don’t have anything of value to offer.”

For a moment I was thrown off. My father had always insisted Remo wouldn’t help me with my past. I’d be lucky if I wasn’t killed by the crazy Capo. Again I noticed the flicker of challenge in Remo’s eyes. Remembering Adamo’s words about his brother’s manipulation skills, I straightened my shoulders. “My father must have offered you a lot for my mother. There’s nothing he’d rather do than kill her with his own hands. But whatever he offered was never enough for you, which means he’s got nothing you want. Maybe you are as twisted as everyone says and just want to hold her fate over his head to taunt him, but then the peace which lasted many years doesn’t make sense.”

Remo’s smile widened. “Go on. I’m starting to enjoy your analysis.”

“Maybe you waited for me to show up. Maybe my father isn’t the one you want to hand information to.”

“And why would I choose you, Dinara?”

“Because it’s my past. It’s my right to know the truth. No one else’s.”

Remo inclined his head. “Well said.”

“So will you tell me everything?”

“I will but first I want to talk about Adamo.”

“Adamo’s a grown man. He can protect himself.”

“Oh, I know, but I have a feeling you might be in need of his help again soon for a path you can’t walk alone. He’ll do what you ask of him because he cares for you and because it’s a path he can’t resist. You should be sure that what you want from Adamo doesn’t end the day you reach the end of that path, because if it does, you better end it now.”

“Adamo and I aren’t in a serious relationship. We have fun together. That’s all.”

Remo leaned closer, and I shied back involuntarily. “Whatever’s between the two of you extends beyond fucking. You two share the same vices.”

“Adamo and I need to figure it out by ourselves.”

Remo gave me a look that sent a shiver down my back. I didn’t resent him for his protectiveness of his younger brother. If Adamo ever met my father…things wouldn’t be any different. Dad would try to scare him away or at least scare him into treating me right. If he wasn’t Remo Falcone’s brother, he’d probably even kill him. Maybe he’d do it anyway if he considered it the only option to protect me.

“Maybe we should talk about the reason why you’re here now. Ask whatever you want to know.”

“Did my father know all these years that my mother was alive?”

Remo nodded. “I never told him otherwise. I had no reason to kill her.”

“You didn’t, but my father had. So why didn’t you allow my father to kill her himself? I can see it in his eyes that he wants to do it. You are the only thing standing in his way,” I said.

“Because,” Remo growled. “That’s your privilege. I told your father I’d keep her in my territory until you were old enough to decide over her fate. I’d have thought you’d come along sooner to kill her.”

I froze, realizing the gift laid out before me, the gift Remo was offering. Dad had never mentioned that tidbit of information. Of course, he hadn’t. He wanted me in the light, and what Remo was offering led into the depth of hell. “You’ve kept her for me so I could kill her?”

Kill my mother. I had lost count of the times I’d considered it in abstract fantasies, but I had never been this close. My heart sped up. In the last few days, the idea had taken shape, but the Camorra had always seemed in my way, a barrier I’d have to pass to get what I wanted. Now I realized the only thing stopping me was me. If I wanted to do it, I could find her now and end her life.

“Kill her or do whatever else you see fit for someone like her after everything she’s done.”

“Broken me?” I clipped, even if it was a tone not fit for a Capo.

“I don’t see someone broken when I look at you. And if you think you are, then you should try to fix yourself because no one else can.”

I nodded. Dad had tried, Dima had tried, even Adamo was trying but deep down I knew there was only one way for me to get past what had happened.

“What if I want her to be free? What if I want to make my peace with her? Not everyone needs to kill their mother to move on.” It was a risky thing to say, but Remo had caught me on the wrong foot.

His expression became dangerous. “That’s true. Some people can make peace with their abusers, but our kind isn’t able to do it.”

Our kind. My father had always tried to keep me away from the darkness but its call had always been loud and clear in my heart. “I never considered killing her.”

Remo gave me a look that made it clear he didn’t believe me.

“In detail,” I amended. “I thought she was dead so I never really considered it a valid option. It was the impossible fantasy of a desperate mind.”

“It’s not an impossible fantasy anymore, Dinara. It’s your revenge. It’s in your reach. You only have to take it.”

I swallowed. “I can’t kill her now. Not yet. I’ve never killed anyone,” I admitted. I’d never even witnessed someone being killed. I had by accident walked in after a killing once when Dad had shot one of his soldiers in his office. But the man had been dead and lying in his blood. I hadn’t looked into his eyes in his last waking moments.

Remo shrugged. “No one’s without fault.”

I snorted. “Some people might see it as a virtue to refrain from killing.”

“Those are usually people who’ve never seen the dark side of life, and tasted how good it can be if you bend it to your will.”

“I have seen enough darkness…” I paused, trying to really feel inside of me. I didn’t doubt I could pull a trigger if given the right incentive, especially to protect myself or people I cared about. But revenge was a different beast. It stemmed from an even darker urge.

Yet, I wanted to follow its calling.