Twisted Cravings by Cora Reilly
When Dinara and I returned to camp the next day, it really felt like a final homecoming. Crank gave me a wave and a thumbs up when he spotted Dinara. I had already called Remo last night to make sure he didn’t attack Chicago when he didn’t hear from me for too long. I really didn’t want my tentative understanding with Grigory to be undermined. I hadn’t given him details about my agreement with Grigory but knowing Remo, he probably suspected something. My brothers knew I preferred camp life to staying in Las Vegas anyway.
Dinara shone with happiness when we set up our tent between our cars. It wasn’t a splendid home, but it was all we needed at the moment. Once the season was over in two weeks, we’d have time to buy a motorhome for us.
I didn’t miss the many curious or even apprehensive looks from fellow drivers or pit girls.
“Do you think they know why we were gone so often these last few months?” Dinara asked.
“They know something. I should have known that rumors would spread eventually.”
“I think some of them will think twice now before cutting you off during a race. Nobody wants to get tortured and killed,” Dinara said wryly.
“It’s not like I’m a different person.”
“You are to them. Because of your easy-going personality it was easy for people to forget that you’re a Falcone. Now they realize that one of the monsters from Vegas actually walks among them and it makes them nervous.”
I could tell that this amused Dinara a great deal. “I hate that name.”
“But it serves its purpose. It’s better to be feared than to be liked in the mob business.”
I laughed darkly. “Indeed. That’s Remo’s credo. I guess it was inevitable that I’d fulfill my family’s fate at some point.”
“People in camp will get a grip eventually once they see that nothing has changed. Until then you’ll have an easier time to make up points.”
“There’s no way I can make up the points I lost in the last few races, nor can you. We’ll have to go through qualification races next season.”
Excitement flashed in Dinara’s eyes. “I love a challenge.”
“I think people see you in a new light as well. The apprehensive looks aren’t only for me.”
Dinara glanced around and people quickly looked away. “I doubt they fear me for myself. Women are always underestimated.”
“Anyone who underestimates you is a fool.”
“I really missed this,” Dinara said when we sat on a log around the fire with the rest of the camp, drinking beer and eating chicken wings that burned my taste buds. Country music blared from the speakers set up around the perimeter.
“Yeah, it’s a strange little world of our own where we can bend the rules.”
Dinara moved her legs in rhythm to the country beat. I grinned challengingly. “I never took you for a country girl.”
She took a sip from her beer, a slow smile spreading on her gorgeous face. “I’m a multilayered personality.”
I chuckled. “No kidding.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head against my shoulder. “It’s strange to think that this will be our home from now on.”
Dinara shrugged. “We’ll be free. I don’t think there’s anything better in the world.”
“Yeah,” I murmured. The first people started dancing around the fire as their alcohol levels rose. “Did you talk to Dima?”
Dinara sighed. “I didn’t see him before we left. I suppose he avoided me. Maybe he feels that I betrayed what we had.”
“But you weren’t a couple anymore. He was your bodyguard.”
“He’s always been more than that. But Dima is loyal to my father and he can’t follow me on this new path. He’ll always serve my father until he dies or gets killed doing his duty. Maybe he thinks it’s my duty to stay in Chicago and be the Bratva princess my father always wanted me to be.”
“But it’s not who you want to be. If Dima ever really loved you, he must realize it.”
Dinara raised her head. “What Dima and I had wasn’t really love, I realize that now that I’m with you.”
“Because you love me.”
Dinara gave me a strange smile. “You really want me to say it more often, don’t you?”
I kissed her. “Oh definitely.”
The dancing around us got wilder, stirring up dust. Many people began singing along to the songs, most of them without having a clue about the actual lyrics.
“Let’s join them,” Dinara said, setting her beer bottle down on the ground.
“I thought you’d never ask.” I shoved to my feet and pulled her along with me. When we joined the dancers, a few of them hesitated, obviously still unsure about us after the killer couple rumors Crank had told me about, but soon the music and alcohol carried away their tension and we became part of the camp again.
Dinara laughed as we stumbled along to the music in an uncoordinated but fun line-dance formation. Her eyes locked on mine, her face illuminated beautifully by the fire. This wasn’t fake happiness. No pretend laughter. Darkness was a part of both Dinara and me, but we’d banished it to a faraway spot in us. It didn’t rule over our lives.
It was almost three in the morning when Dinara and I finally went to bed in our tent. We weren’t drunk but a gentle buzz filled my body. After making love, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Dinara’s tossing and turning, and unintelligible mumbles woke me from my own nightmare—the same one that haunted me for years, but other than in the past, I didn’t wake covered in sweat and with my heart beating in my throat. The nightmare had altered since Dinara and I had started our vengeance trip. Now I always managed to free myself from my restraints eventually and fought my torturers. It seemed my nightmares now allowed me my revenge.
Dinara’s breathing slowed once she woke and I kissed her cheek. “I wish the nightmares would have died with my abusers,” she whispered into the dark.
“Eventually they will fade or maybe they’ll change,” I said then told her about my own altered nightmare.
“I’m still surprised that you never sought revenge against the people who tortured you. You have the Camorra at your back.”
“Revenge against the Outfit, especially their Capo and his Underbosses wouldn’t change anything, it would only continue an endless spiral of violence and revenge. You could end everything by killing your abusers, but in a war, revenge only leads to more violence. What happened to me wasn’t personal.”
Dinara let out a strangled laugh. “I think getting tortured is pretty personal.”
“It wasn’t about me, it was about Remo. My pain was revenge for Remo’s actions, and if I took revenge in turn it would lead to a new act of revenge from the Outfit.”
“A never-ending spiral of violence.”
“I want to live in the present and for the future. The past is the past.”
“For the first time in my life, I want the same. The past is dead, and I’m really excited about our future.”
“It’s going to be a crazy ride in many ways.”
Dinara hummed her approval.
“There are only two more races before the season’s over and most people will return to their families for Christmas. Only a few stay in camp, like Crank, and celebrate together.”
“We don’t celebrate Christmas in December. The orthodox Christmas is in January, so maybe I’ll stay in camp until January.”
Over my dead body. “I want you to celebrate Christmas with me and my family in Las Vegas.”
She froze in my arms. “I’m not part of your family. I’m sure your brothers and their families don’t want me there.”
I hadn’t asked my brothers yet but I loved Dinara and wanted to spend the holidays with her. I doubted Kiara and Serafina would have anything against it. Remo was very protective of our mansion, so I wasn’t sure about his reaction. And then there were Savio and Gemma. They both were absolutely easy-going under normal circumstances but half of Gemma’s family had been killed by the Bratva, so they might be biased in their opinion of Dinara. I kept those thoughts to myself. I would find a way to convince my family that Dinara wasn’t a threat. “My family should meet you and what better way to do it than for Christmas? They’ll love you like I do.”
“I’m not someone who has a long list of fans. I’m not one of those sweet, always smiling girls everyone wants in their family.”
“Trust me, you’ll fit in perfectly with your personality. Don’t let me celebrate Christmas alone. There’s nothing more depressing than being surrounded by happy couples and families while being alone.”
Dinara was quiet for a long time then she sighed. “All right, but please make sure I’ll be welcome. I really don’t want to intrude on your family time.”
“You are my family,” I murmured.
Dinara pressed herself closer to my body and kissed my throat. “I love you.”
The next morning I called Remo. He was the first person I needed to convince. To my surprise, he wasn’t against my suggestion. “Bring her along. Kiara will be ecstatic to cook for more people.”
“I expected more resistance from you,” I admitted.
“If you trust Dinara, I trust your judgment. Not to mention that both Nino and I know her, and doubt she’ll pose a risk. She’s got more reason to be grateful toward us than to hate us for an enmity between mob families that doesn’t really concern her.”
“What about Savio and Gemma?” I asked.
“Talk to Savio. If he’s against it, I can’t allow Dinara to join us.”
“I understand,” I said. “Thanks, Remo. I know I often didn’t show you my gratefulness for what you’ve done, but I won’t ever forget what you did to give Dinara justice. I’ll try to be less of a dickhead toward you in the future.”
“That’s a start,” Remo said wryly. “Now clear things with Savio.”
“Yes, Capo.” I hung up and dialed Savio’s cellphone. He picked up after the tenth ring.
“This better be good,” he muttered. “You’re interrupting my marital duties.”
I could hear Gemma hissing something unintelligible and something that sounded like a slap. Savio chuckled.
“I need to talk to you about Christmas,” I said.
“Okay? I’m not on the organization committee for Christmas. Ask the girls.”
“It’s about Dinara. I want to bring her along to celebrate Christmas with us.”
Silence followed on the other end.
His voice had lost its usual ease when he spoke eventually. “Remo mentioned that you and she are still together. I thought things would end after you finished your killing spree.”
“We love each other,” I admitted, even if I felt exposed admitting this to Savio. He and I didn’t usually share our deepest darkest emotions.
“Loving the enemy seems to run in the family.”
“Dinara isn’t the enemy. She was never really part of the Bratva.”
“Her father is Pakhan. Our women are part of our world by association even if they aren’t inducted.” It was strange to hear Savio so serious and it told me that this was a difficult topic for him and Gemma.
“Dinara left Chicago to be with me.”
“Good for you.”
“I know you have every reason to hate the Bratva, and Gemma even more so, and that’s why I want to ask if you’ll be okay if I bring Dinara along.”
“That’s not my decision,” Savio said, then his voice became muffled, as he probably described the situation to Gemma. I didn’t know Gemma as well as Kiara, but she’d never struck me as someone who’d judge people easily.
“Okay,” Savio said without warning.
“What?”
“It’s okay for you to bring her along. Gemma and I won’t judge Dinara before we meet her. We’ll give her a chance.”
“Thanks, Savio,” I said honestly.
“I don’t have time to keep chatting with you. I need to satisfy my wife.” He hung up and I shook my head with a smile.
I found Dinara tinkering with her car for the race tomorrow. She raised her eyebrows. “You look thrilled.”
“I talked to my family. They want you to join us for Christmas.”
“You sound relieved, so you weren’t sure they would.”
I wrapped an arm around her waist. “Savio and Gemma were a bit of an unknown, but they want to meet you.”
“To see if I’m a threat?”
I grinned. “Everyone’s curious about you. And I think you’ll like Gemma. She’s into cage fighting.”
Dinara frowned. “I’m not into fighting.”
“But you are into racing, which is also a male-dominated activity.”
Dinara rolled her eyes. “I don’t need a dick to kick ass on the racetrack.”
“Oh I know,” I said. “So will you celebrate Christmas with me and my family?”
Dinara gave a resolute nod but I could tell she was nervous.
“I survived your father and you’ll survive my family, don’t worry.”
“That’s a consolation.”
I’d never celebrated Christmas in December. Not that I was a big fan of the holiday in general. I’d always only celebrated it for my Dad and later for my half-brothers.
Adamo had told me so much about his family that I felt as if I already knew them. I wondered how much they knew about me. I wasn’t someone who got nervous easily or who was anxious before meeting new people. I was definitely more of an extrovert even if I didn’t have any trouble being alone either. I knew not everyone liked me, and I could live with it, so I wasn’t worried about becoming Miss Popular. I was however nervous because this wasn’t just a random meeting. This held meaning. It constituted that my relationship with Adamo was serious for both of us. So far we never really put a name to it. We lived it. But this was a new step in our relationship.
When we pulled up in the driveway of the magnificent white mansion, my palms actually became sweaty. This was important for Adamo, and in turn, it was for me.
“Nervous?” Adamo asked with a smirk after we got out of the car. He grabbed the huge bag with presents from the trunk before he stepped up to my side.
I rolled my eyes but gladly accepted his outstretched hand as moral support. “Do I have reason to be? Everyone’s okay with me being here?”
Adamo gave me a look that made it clear he thought I was being cute. I nudged my elbow into his side. “Do you think there’ll ever be a chance for me to meet your father for a relaxed family meeting? Maybe celebrate your orthodox Christmas together?”
That Dad hadn’t killed Adamo when he’d shown up on our doorstep had been a miracle. He was very protective of Galina and his sons, so I doubted he’d allow Adamo to be in their presence any time soon. Maybe Remo didn’t consider me a risk to his family, but Adamo was a Camorrista, a Falcone, and for my father to not regard him as a threat would take a long time, if it ever happened at all.
“Let’s take this one step at a time, okay? He didn’t kill you last time. That’s a good start but we shouldn’t overstrain our luck too much. Let’s give him time to get used to the idea of you being a constant presence in my life. Right now, he probably still hopes our relationship fails.”
Adamo stopped in his tracks, eyebrows cocked and the same smirk on his face. “And? Would you bet on us?”
“We aren’t a safe bet,” I said with a wicked smile. “But who wants safe when they can have what we have.” I grabbed his collar and pulled him against me for a kiss. Adamo wrapped his arms around me.
Loud kissing noises disrupted the moment. Adamo and I pulled apart. Adamo groaned and narrowed his eyes at a trio of boys who lingered in the open doorway, watching us. The tallest boy with black hair stormed toward us and gave Adamo a grin before he faced me with a cautious glint in his eyes. “Who are you?” he asked—no, demanded.
Adamo nudged him forward. “That’s none of your business, Nevio. And you better watch your mouth or you’ll be in trouble.”
Nevio pressed his lips together but didn’t look guilty at all as he slanted me another look. The boy was maybe eight years old but definitely had the sass and confidence of a grown-up. Despite his rudeness, I liked the kid. If I ever had kids, I’d prefer them to have their own head and not let adults or anyone else trample all over them.
I raised my eyebrows at the kid. The two other boys showed more restraint but obviously distrusted my presence as well. They didn’t resemble Nevio. I assumed they were Nino’s kids.
“Are our presents in there?” Nevio asked, pointing at the bag. That seemed to pique the curiosity of the two other boys as well and they swarmed in on Adamo.
Adamo shrugged. “That depends on your behavior.”
“Nevio, Alessio, Massimo!” a woman shouted, her impatience ringing loudly in her voice. The boys turned on their heels and dashed back inside, leaving Adamo and me alone.
I let out a laugh. “Will the rest of your family give me a similar welcome?”
Adamo linked our hands again. “The kids aren’t used to strangers visiting the mansion. Remo doesn’t usually allow visitors. He’s very protective.”
I nodded, realizing what Adamo was telling me. That Remo welcomed me into his home was a big deal. “He trusts your judgment of me.”
Nino strolled over to us where we waited on the porch. “Won’t you come in?”
“I wanted to give Dinara the chance to change her mind after the rude welcome from Nevio.”
Nino gave me a halfway welcoming nod before he turned to Adamo once more. “What did he do?”
“He demanded to know who she is. Didn’t you tell the kids?”
Nino shook his head. “We told them you’d be bringing your girlfriend along. It caused quite the stir because you never presented someone before.”
Adamo had mentioned that he’d never been serious enough about anyone to submit them to his family’s presence. That he trusted me enough to take me filled me with warmth.
“Let’s go,” Nino said. “Kiara prepared dinner. We don’t want it to become cold.”
Adamo and I followed Nino through a long corridor into a huge room that seemed to serve as the common area of the mansion. Adamo had mentioned that every brother had his own wing where they lived with their wife and kids. Even Adamo still had his own wing even though he lived in camp most of the year.
The common area was already crowded with the Falcone clan. Half a dozen kids buzzed about, creating an impressive noise level. Three boys and two girls. Everyone turned to us as we stepped into the room. Adamo had showed me photos of his family but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep the names of the kids straight. At least the adults were easy to remember. The third dark-haired man had to be Adamo’s brother Savio and beside him his sex bomb of a wife, Gemma. I was happy with my body but even I felt a flicker of inadequacy upon seeing her curves. Part of her family had been killed by Bratva so her hesitant expression didn’t come as a surprise. I met her gaze and gave her a tense smile. I wouldn’t feel guilty for something I wasn’t responsible for. My father had assured me that he hadn’t had a hand in the attack. But even if he had, I wasn’t part of his business. That our families would never sit around a table and play happy family had been clear from the very start.
“Welcome to our home,” Remo said. Even his body language was different from our previous meetings. A hint of tension in his limbs spoke of his protectiveness and caution. I wasn’t a threat in his eyes or I wouldn’t be here but trust wasn’t part of our relationship yet. Adamo squeezed my hand and tugged me closer to his family. The table was already set but no one had taken their respective seats yet.
Remo’s wife, who reminded me a bit of Grace Kelly, sent her son Nevio a warning look before she came toward me and smiled. The first completely friendly gesture of my visit, not that I had reason to complain. After all, my father almost killed Adamo.
“Hi Dinara, it’s wonderful to finally meet you. We almost gave up hope that Adamo would bring you here. He’s been very secretive about his relationship with you,” Serafina said.
“We needed time to figure things out for ourselves before we told others details,” I said with a smile of my own.
“That makes sense,” Leona, the wife of Fabiano, the Camorra Enforcer and not-blood-related brother of the Falcones, said.
“Dinner is ready!” a dark-haired woman said as she headed our way. I recognized her as Nino’s wife, Kiara. For some reason, I felt my cheeks heat when I remembered Adamo’s suggestion to talk to her about my past. It still didn’t sit well with me that he thought a similar past of abuse meant Kiara and I could give each other life advice. Every person had a unique way of coping with trauma. She seemed to have found her safe haven in her family, living a traditional role of providing for her huge family. I wasn’t someone who wanted safety and continuity to deal with my past. I wanted thrill and adventure. Kiara made a beeline for me and gave me a bright smile. She looked genuinely happy to see me. She pulled me into a hug. I stiffened at first because I hadn’t expected it. My family was more reserved. We rarely hugged, especially not people we barely knew.
After a moment of surprise, I forced myself to relax but she pulled away instantly and gave me an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spring my hug on you.”
“Don’t worry. It’s nice to meet you.”
Kiara was a gorgeous, petite woman with the kindest eyes I’d ever seen. She was someone I’d have imagined as the docile wife of a pastor, not a notorious and undoubtedly sociopathic mobster like Nino Falcone.
“Nino, can you help me carry everything to the table?” Kiara asked before she and her husband disappeared.
“I’ll help you as well,” Gemma said, rushing after them. Maybe this wasn’t as easy for her as Adamo had thought. He looked at his brother Savio but I couldn’t read the look that passed between them.
I greeted Leona and Serafina who welcomed me without reservation. They too seemed honestly interested in meeting me. After greeting the women of the family, Adamo led me toward Remo and Nino as well as Fabiano and Savio. Fabiano shook my hand with a tight smile. I hadn’t expected a warmer welcome from the Camorra Enforcer, but he wasn’t hostile so I took it as a good sign. My stomach tightened when I finally faced Savio. “Hi,” I said stupidly. I wasn’t sure why I felt uncomfortable. I wasn’t guilty by association.
Savio scanned me from head to toe. I was in my beloved biker boots but instead of ripped jeans or jean shorts, I’d opted for a more festive plaid skirt, black tights, and black leather jacket over a black long-sleeved body. “I should have known my emo kid brother finds himself an emo rocker chick.”
I blinked. “The role of Ken and Barbie in the family are already taken so we had to settle for the emo couple,” I shot back before I could think it through.
Remo cocked an eyebrow with that look of dark amusement always lingering on his face.
Savio actually spluttered with laughter. He clapped Adamo’s shoulder hard. “Now I know why you chose her.”
I stifled a pleased grin. Adamo gave me a shrug but I could see the tension leaving his shoulders. “It wasn’t a choice. Dinara is a force to be reckoned with. I didn’t have a choice but to fall for her.”
My face heated. I sunk my nails into his hand in warning. He wasn’t supposed to embarrass me. Talking emotions in front of people really put me on the spot.
After a couple of minutes, Kiara, Nino, and Gemma returned with casseroles and pans, and we settled around the table. The kids still eyed me with a mix of caution and curiosity. The presents would hopefully sway them toward me tomorrow, but I wasn’t sure how to handle Gemma. She had avoided me so far.
I occasionally cast a glance at her during dinner. Luckily the rest of the Falcone clan chatted animatedly with me about racing. We avoided any mention of Russia or Bratva until Leona asked, “How do you celebrate Christmas in Russia?”
I hesitated, glancing at Gemma and Savio. I didn’t want to open old wounds, but Gemma looked up from her plate and met my gaze. She gave me a small smile. I relaxed and gave her a grateful smile in turn. “We celebrate on January seventh. In my family we cook twelve dishes that represent the disciples of Jesus, but that’s not how everyone in Russia does it. We have a multitude of traditions in our country.”
More questions about Russia soon rained down on me. I was relieved that my heritage wasn’t the pink elephant in the room anymore.
“I’d love to see the Bolchoi ballet one day,” a tiny girl with the same black hair and dark eyes as her twin Nevio piped in. Her name was Greta if I remembered Adamo’s instructions correctly, and she looked like a precious doll with her symmetric facial features, big eyes and porcelain skin.
“I saw them a few times in Saint Petersburg and Moscow. My favorite ballets are the Nutcracker and Swan Lake.”
Greta smiled shyly at me, briefly meeting my eyes before looking away. “Mine too.”
At once, everyone became even warmer toward me as if this little girl’s verdict held particular significance. Adamo patted my leg then interlaced our fingers under the table.
By the end of the night, I was completely relaxed. I didn’t feel like part of the family yet, but I hadn’t expected that. Yet, I enjoyed the chaotic coziness of the Falcone home.
It was a different kind of Christmas than we celebrated in Chicago and I loved this new experience. I wanted Adamo to be part of our traditions as well, but I worried what Dad would do to him if I brought him home with me. While I was safe in Las Vegas with the Falcone clan, I wasn’t sure if Adamo would be safe in Chicago. Dad could still change his mind any day.
After Christmas dinner, we all moved toward the sofas. The beautifully decorated Christmas tree towered over us and illuminated our surroundings with the gentle glow of the electric candles. Before I could sit down beside Adamo, Gemma approached me.
“I’m sorry that I was rude and didn’t welcome you right away. Christmas is hard for me…” She swallowed. “But I shouldn’t vent my sadness on you.”
“I’m sorry for what happened to your family. I hate that mob business kills so many innocents.”
“Thank you,” Gemma said with a small smile. “I’m glad Adamo found you. I’ve never seen him so happy before.”
Adamo was talking to Fabiano, but I could tell that he was half-listening to my conversation with Gemma.
After Greta did a short ballet performance that Kiara accompanied with the piano, Kiara began to gather up the dishes. I helped her and carried a stack of plates over into the kitchen. I wondered if Adamo had mentioned a conversation to her as well. It made me feel awkward. I wasn’t embarrassed about my past but I preferred for people to judge me for my actions today and not for something that was done to me more than a decade ago.
She noticed my curious gaze and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Adamo always seemed so restless when he came to visit, especially during the Christmas holidays, but today for the first time since I’ve known him, he looked as if he exuded calm. He’s arrived. You are his anchor and no matter where you two live or if you keep traveling with the racing camp, he’s found his home in you. That’s wonderful. We all need something that gives us roots so we can grow for the future, and you are each other’s roots.”
I bit my lip, my throat clogging with emotions. “Thank you, Kiara. I never meant for it to happen. I didn’t think I could really trust someone like I trust Adamo.”
Kiara nodded. “I never thought I could experience what I have with Nino, but the past doesn’t have to define us. We shouldn’t let it.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
The door swung open and her two sons rushed in. They pressed up to her. “Mom, can we have cookies before bed?” the shorter boy, Massimo asked.
“It’s Christmas,” Alessio reminded her.
Kiara laughed, and I fell in as well. They reminded me of my half-brothers. When sweets were concerned, they could be quite cunning.
A moment later, Adamo came in with a couple of empty glasses, but it was obvious that he was checking on me. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against him.
“I’m fine,” I said before he could ask.
Adamo nodded. “I knew you’d be.”
I stifled a smile. I’d always wanted someone at my side who knew I could handle myself, who didn’t treat me like a damsel in distress, and I’d found that person in Adamo.
