Dear Ava by Ilsa Madden-Mills

25

A year and nine months later

I’m late. So late. “No more crack-of-dawn classes,” I grumble under my breath as I jog between students, moving like a ninja with my backpack, my coffee, and my laptop. But, I know I’m lying. Early classes are the best. It gives me time to start the day, study, and check in with Tyler after he’s done with school at Camden.

“Sorry,” I mutter to a pretty coed who gives me side-eye when I accidentally bump into her. My hand protectively covers the coffee I grabbed from the cafeteria this morning.

“Ava!” Piper catches up with me on the sidewalk. She’s cute today in her mini skirt and crocheted top, her strawberry blonde hair up in a ponytail. She walked with me from our dorm to this side of campus since she has a class near me, but her short legs can’t keep up. I’m raring to go. Something new and fresh is in the air, an expectant feeling lingering with possibilities. Tingles dance over my skin. Goose bumps—in late August!—cover my arms. “Girl. Will you slow down?” she huffs.

“I’m late. It’s the first day of this sociology class my advisor wanted me to take. At least it’s a break from my normal.” My normal this semester is organic chemistry, biochemistry, a genetics class, and two labs. I’m frantic just thinking about it. My advisor warned me that this year would be insane, and boy was she right. I’ve got the MCAT to study for, plus an application for med school on the horizon. Today begins my sixth semester here, counting the summers.

She blows at her bangs, her shorter legs pumping. It makes me laugh that I can out fast-walk her when she’s constantly moving. “You’re going to Hess Hall, right? I’m headed to my curriculum class.” She’s working on a teaching degree.

I nod then Wyatt waves at us and jogs over, catching several girls’ eyes with his tattoos and his usual sardonic grin, not that he notices. He ended up coming to Vandy to be close to his mom. Jagger pops up next to him and my smile widens. “Guys!”

Hugs are given all around. We haven’t seen them much with the craziness of the new semester.

I tell them I have to dash, wishing I could talk more, but the clock is ticking.

“I’ll see you at work,” Piper calls, referring to Blue’s Bar. I’m the bartender and she’s a server. I gave up Lou’s when I came to Vandy, although I still pop in and eat with Tyler sometimes. “Later,” she says, taking the fork in the sidewalk.

“See you at work!” I look over my shoulder at them to wave bye and slam right into a hard muscular body.

Whump!

His book goes flying, right smack into a girl next to him, then lands on the ground. She yelps when the textbook hits her cheek. She drops her purse, and the contents roll over the sidewalk. Students dodge them, most of them unconcerned as they head to class. My coffee spills straight down my shirt and I wince at the hot liquid.

Geeze. Way to start the semester. “I’m so sorry, guys. I was in a hurry and wasn’t looking. My fault,” I mumble as I hurriedly brush off my crop top. My boobs will smell like hazelnut all dang day. Obviously, I don’t have time to go home. At least my skinny jeans appear unscathed. I bend down and grab my cup, feeling devastated that the coffee is gone. It was the only thing keeping me going. The book I knocked down catches my eye, hung on the corner of the sidewalk, the pages opened, the spine ominously cracked. I close my eyes. Textbook—expensive.

I let out an exasperated breath.

“No worries. It’s okay.”

Nice voice. Deep. Growly. I raise my head up and look at the person I tried to tackle.

A breath whooshes out of me.

I push my sunglasses up on my head to hold my hair back.

HOLY HOT GUY.

He’s tall, several inches over six feet, broad shoulders in a tight gold Vandy shirt, low-slung jeans that are molded to him, and black Converse. Dark mahogany hair—longer than what’s normally found on guys who catch my eye—is chin-length with soft waves, framing his face.

My heart jumps off a cliff and does a swan dive right into stormy waters. My hands get clammy, and I close my eyes and open them again quickly, wondering if he’ll disappear.

Nope. Drop-dead gorgeous is still in front of me.

“My cheek hurts,” whines the girl next to him.

Ah. I blink and check her out. Pretty, someone I could see him with. Long, shiny, light brown hair, big green eyes, and a curvy figure.

She gives me a glare and stoops back down to pick up her lipstick.

“It’s the first day. I get kinda nuts. Sorry.” I grab her wallet and push it into her hand.

“You should slow down,” she mutters.

I look back at Hot Guy. He’s staring at me.

I bite my lip.

Then get nervous.

Butterflies flutter in my stomach, and that hasn’t happened since…well, since high school.

The girl stands back up and asks him if he’s ready to go.

He hasn’t budged, nor does he reply to her.

I smile on the inside because he didn’t offer to help her pick up her stuff either.

“Are you okay?” he asks me.

Am I?

Oh, yeah. Totally. Completely.

On impulse, I know what I have to do. I stick my hand out. “Hi. I’m Ava, sometimes Tulip if you know me well. I apologize for the book. I hope it’s okay.”

A long moment stretches, and I’m not sure he’s going to say anything, and good grief, how stupid would I feel then—

He takes my hand slowly, almost as if he’s afraid I’m going to turn and run. “My first name is Lee.”

Lee.I savor it, testing it out in my head. It fits. Strong. Silent. Sexy as fuck.

His eyes are gray, his face chiseled and cut with lean cheekbones and a blade for a nose. There’s dark scruff on his jawline and he rubs at it. Not once does he take his gaze off mine.

Someone brushes past me, but I hardly notice.

Is the sun brighter? Are birds singing in the trees?

My legs feel weird, like I’m not really standing there. I swallow the lump in my throat.

The universe just…shifted.

“Lee.” Stupid me. I say it again.

His full, wicked lips twitch. “Yeah. And you’re Ava, AKA Tulip.”

“Hey, are you ready? We’re late,” the girl says from behind him.

“Your girlfriend is calling you,” I murmur. “Better go.”

“Not my girlfriend.”

“Is that right?” I realize I’ve taken two steps toward him. If I reached out, I could touch his well-defined chest. “She’s pretty.”

“Hmmm. I prefer blondes.” His gaze sweeps over my long hair, and dang, I admit I preen a little and toss it over my shoulder. It is glorious, long and wavy and brilliant in the sunlight. No more dark or bleached hair for me. I’m glad I wore it down today.

“She insisted on walking with me. My cousin actually.”

The girl in question rolls her eyes, says she’s ready and if he isn’t then he can find his own damn class by himself.

“Go on,” he replies without glancing at her. “I’ll manage.”

I stare at him and he stands perfectly still, as if he’s afraid to move, while I…well, I’m the idiot girl who spends a full minute—when I’m late!—taking in every single inch of him. He’s tan like he’s been outdoors a lot. His eyes are crinkled at the corners from squinting at the sun. His hands are strong-looking, his fingers long and lean.

“Do I pass inspection?” he murmurs.

“Yeah.” I pick up his book and hand it to him, our fingers brushing.

His sensuous lips part, his chest rising, and he looks as if he might say—

Someone hits my shoulder to get around me, and I apologize. Dang. We’re standing here in the middle of heavy foot traffic.

Someone calls my name, a girl from the pre-med program, and I start then send her a wave, secretly hoping she doesn’t walk over. I come back to his face watching mine as an unsure expression flashes briefly.

“See you around,” he finally murmurs before turning and walking toward the buildings at the end of the sidewalk.

I watch him until his body grows smaller and the heads of other students overtake his. With a sigh, I gaze around at the world. Wow. The sky is incredibly blue, the grass is greener, the trees lush and full of vibrant color as they sway in the late summer breeze.

I laugh.

I just met a guy.

I just met a guy.

By the time I exit the restroom, where I did my best to dab the coffee off my shirt and walk into class, the lecture hall is packed. I prefer to sit up front, especially if I need to stay awake, but I’m out of luck, and it doesn’t bother me one bit because I’m floating on air. I hitch my backpack up and find a seat in the last row at the top. At least it’s the aisle and the exit is behind me in case I need to dash out quickly for my next class.

“This professor is supposed to be awesome,” says the guy next to me.

“Oh?”

“Sociology of Men and Women.” He winks at me, and I read the gleam of interest there.

He’s cute with black glasses, a designer shirt, and super white teeth. Rich guy. Lots of money at Vandy, yet where people come from and what they have doesn’t annoy me anymore. We’re all here to learn, and I fit in just fine.

Even in my shabby Converse, pink now instead of black.

He leans over closer. “You wanna study together for this class sometime?”

I shake my head. “Um, I’m seeing someone,” I tell him, being blunt. Might as well let him know. My heart is taken.

His smile falters a bit. “Oh. Cool. Sure, yeah. Me too.”

I look up at the professor who’s walked into the room, and my eyes land on a gold shirt near the front. I sit up straighter. I have to angle my head and peer past a coed with some giant hair—

But, oh, I see him.

My first name is Lee.

My lips curve.

The professor introduces himself and breaks down the coursework, and I take notes on my laptop without looking, watching Hot Guy.

Did he see me walk in?

The professor begins talking, and before long I’m sucked in, especially when he throws out the term mating rituals. I grin, thanking my advisor in my head.

* * *

Later,I’m halfway into my shift at Blue’s when Carla, a graduate student and my manager, walks over to the bar and points at me. “Your turn to take the mic.”

“I sang one already!”

“You know the drill, missy.”

I groan, set down my bar cloth, and make my way to the small raised stage inside Blue’s Bar.

“Part of the job, Ava,” she calls. “Only way to get those other people up to sing is if you do.”

“They just need to be drunk. You should do a dollar beer night.”

She huffs. “As if. Now, go sing your tits off.”

I’m thrown back to Camden when Miss Henderson said something similar over the intercom before the first football game. The memory doesn’t prick like it used to, and I laugh.

“She just likes hearing you sing,” Piper says as she brings back a tray of beer and wine glasses. “And you know you like it too.” She gives me a questioning look, and I shrug. She’s right. I didn’t sing for a long time, but once I started working here a year ago, it just seemed natural to hop on the stage and belt one out. There’s a piano, but I can’t play it. I can strum a guitar, though, thanks to Wyatt.

I’ve gotten through two songs when a big group comes in. Girls and guys, they’re wearing Vandy colors. Blue’s Bar is a block from campus, and most of our clientele are coeds.

Carla signals for one more and I nod.

Dipping my head, I sit on the stool and strum the first few bars of “Mercy” by Shawn Mendes. Humming, I start the lyrics, melancholy verses about a guy who needs the girl he loves to show mercy for his heart, to take their love slow. He’s prepared to sacrifice it all, but he needs to take some time.

The crowd gets quieter, and I sing the melody, giving it all I have.

A piano begins to play.

Pulling myself from the lyrics, I look over, and Hot Guy has gotten on stage. He’s playing, his fingers stroking the keys in time to my words.

Ah, we meet again. A shiver ripples over my skin.

Red colors my cheeks when he pops an eyebrow at me. I realize I’ve stopped singing.

Well? Aren’t you going to finish?his eyes ask.

Why?my face says.

He shrugs effortlessly as his fingers pause over the keys. “I like how you sing,” he says softly.

Good enough. I look back at the crowd and sing the rest.

The song ends to a smattering of claps, hardly enthusiastic.

“Ava! I need you! Get over here!” Carla waves her hands at the line of people at the bar.

Right.

I turn back to my piano player, but he’s already gone, headed back to that group of students who came in earlier.

With a sigh, I straighten my hot pink Blue’s Bar tank and head to the bar, sliding in, taking orders, cracking beer bottle tops, and mixing drinks.

“Beer, please,” a deep voice says. “Guinness in a bottle if you have it.”

I was bent over, cleaning the ice chest during a lull, but I rise up and prop my elbows on the dark wooden bar. He’s sitting on a stool in front of me.

“Lee,” I say breathlessly. “Nice piano skills.”

He dips his head, a sheepish smile quirking his lips. “Meh. I can keep up.”

“They liked it.” I wave around at the bar. It’s gotten packed in here. All the tables are full and there’s a line at the end of the bar for orders. Piper is out there somewhere, harried and full of energy, taking food and drink orders, scurrying back and forth to the kitchen.

He shifts, his tightly roped arms resting on the bar as if he’s settling in. I watch as he rakes a hand through his hair, and my fingers itch to test the silkiness of the texture.

“It’s my first time in Blue’s. Nice place.” His lips twitch. “You gonna keep staring or get me that beer?”

“You got an ID?”

He pulls out a leather wallet and pops out his driver’s license.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” He leans in and looks at it with me, and Jesus, the smell of the ocean floats around him.

“First, you look pissed in this pic. Second, what did you do to your hair? Too much gel. Third, you aren’t 21.”

“I will be someday. Would you rather see my fake?” he says wryly.

I shrug. Everyone’s got one, and Carla isn’t looking.

He hands it over and I study it, give it back, and hand him his Guinness, twisting the top off and setting it on a napkin. He can’t seem to stop watching my movements, and my stomach gets those butterflies again.

“How old are you?” he asks.

“Twenty this past January.”

“Ah. How did you celebrate?”

I roll my eyes. “Working. I’m not much of a party girl.”

His gaze slides over my bare arms. Studies my bicep. “Nice tattoo.”

“Phoenix.” I turn to the side and let him see the orange creature rising up into the sky, red flames in its trail. I got it the summer after I left Camden. Every prick on my skin was a reminder of how far I came to where I am now. I lifted myself from the ashes and started anew. “My brother drew it. You got any?”

“None you can see.”

Someone next to him orders a glass of Chablis, a pretty girl with a sorority shirt on, and I pour it for her. I get another order from the person behind her, and Sorority Girl turns to Lee, starts a conversation. He answers in monosyllables until she slides away, looking disappointed.

“You get that a lot I bet.” I’m back and staring at him. I can’t stop. My eyes linger on his lips. A long breath escapes me.

He tips the beer up. Takes a long swig. “Nah. I’m saving myself for someone. Have been for a while.”

“Really?”

“Mmmm.” He peels at the paper on his beer.

“You trying out being a monk?”

“Just waiting for a girl.”

My hands shake and I stick them in the pockets of my jeans. I clear my throat. “I haven’t seen you on campus before. Did you transfer in? What year are you?”

He smiles. “My first year here, actually. I took a gap year after high school to travel with my brother and Dad then took some online classes and worked a few jobs, mostly construction for my dad’s company. Wanted to save up some money—for a girl.”

I sigh, swallowing. “Ah, travel. Where did you go?”

“The beach at first. We have a house on Kiawah Island in South Carolina.”

I picture a sprawling mansion on the coast, waves lapping at the shore. “That sounds nice. Where else?”

“We left there and ended up in Alaska for fishing, then went to Italy. Lived in a villa for a few months, climbed some mountains, saw Pompeii—amazing by the way. My brother…” He chuckles. “He cried like a baby over those ruins, all the people and animals killed in an instant by volcanic ash.” He gives me a hesitant look. “He’s got a soft heart.”

“Bad way to go for sure. Where else did you go?” I’m leaning over closer to him, fascinated.

He laughs, his eyes glinting.

I shrug. “What? I’ve always wanted to travel. The beach sounds amazing to me. I bet you saw a lot of those.”

“Someday you will too…” He pops a maddening eyebrow. I want to lick it.

“Yeah. When I’m done with Vandy. Then medical school, then residency, then…who knows.”

He nods. “We spent a few months in Greece. Gorgeous water and beaches. My brother met a girl on the Amalfi Coast, fell in love, and she came back with him.”

Warmth fills me. “Ah. Is he happy?”

“He is.” He pauses. “Did you know there’s a small Greek island devoted to taking care of cats?”

“No shit.”

“Shit. Just a bunch of felines roaming over a tiny deserted island. There’s a caretaker and everything.”

“You like cats?”

“My brother does. He’s got one I gave him.”

I smile. “What’s your major?”

“Don’t laugh. Business with a minor in poetry.”

I laugh.

“I said don’t laugh! I don’t even know why it’s funny, but everyone laughs like poetry is dumb.”

“I wasn’t laughing because of that. I’m laughing because…it suits you.”

A few of the guys in the back yell when the TV behind the bar replays a Vandy football game from last year. I guess they’re getting ready for the new season. Our first game is in two weeks. I run my gaze over the guys he came in with. They’re all in football shirts.

Lee wears one too.

“You play football for Vandy?”

He nods. “I walked on this summer. Quarterback. Came in and tried out. Got a spot. Third string, but, hey…” He laughs and spreads his hands. “Some guys peak in high school. Looks like I did okay.”

God. I love how he laughs. It’s the color of the sun, soft and warm and golden.

I think I must say it aloud, because he blushes.

Then spears me with gunmetal eyes. “You okay with guys who play football?”

“Totally. What’s not to like? I know a few of those guys. Dated a football player in high school. Okay, two.” I grimace.

“Ah, young love. My competition, by the glint in your eyes.”

Someone asks for a Bud Light and I grab one, take the money, and slide it down the bar.

I make my way back to him.

He hasn’t moved an inch.

“So third string? You strike me as pretty competitive. Does that sting?”

He shrugs. “I used to think playing was all I needed, even wanted a scholarship from a big school.” A faraway look grows in his eyes. “What I really needed was my family. I’ve learned to be patient. Everything arrives when it’s supposed to.”

“Vandy isn’t a big football college, but it is SEC Division 1. You can work your way up to first string.”

“Maybe. What time do you get off?” he asks.

I push my hair over my shoulder, and he inhales sharply.

“Doors get locked at midnight. I’m closing, which means I have to clean the kitchen and the tables.” I sigh. “Won’t finish up till one. I saw you in my sociology class.”

“Saw you too. Wanna sit with me next time?”

My body vibrates, buzzing. I try to speak, but—

“Am I moving too fast?” he asks.

“No.”

“You got a phone number?”

I scribble it on a napkin and pass it over to him.

He tucks it in his pocket. “Do you like to eat? Like on a date?”

Do I like to eat? I laugh. Oh, Lee. You’re doing everything so right. “I haven’t had a date in, like…dang, never.”

“No way. You’re gorgeous.” His eyes linger on my face, touching on my lips then skating down to my low-cut tank, lingering on my locket.

I lean in and whisper. “True. A guy has never paid for my food on a date. Guess I’m waiting for the right one to walk in.”

“Damn.” He takes a swig of his beer. “Can’t say I’m sad about it. Has he walked in yet?”

“Ava! Stop flirting and help me with these sorority girls!” Carla yells from the end of the bar where she’s drowning in Deltas.

“You have to go.”

“Mmmm,” I say, not moving, reluctant to leave.

He smiles. “You best go.”

“My legs don’t seem to work. Carla can manage.” She yells at me again, and I blow out a breath. “Geeze. Can’t she handle those drunk girls by herself?”

“You work. I’m not going anywhere.” He stands up from the stool and strides back to his friends, and I sigh, watching him go, my heart jumping fast. He avoids the girls that flock to him, veering to the right and talking to one of the other players. He sees me looking and tips his beer at me.

I see promise in his eyes.

I see…

Me.

Later after we’ve closed, Piper lets out a long sigh and heads to the door. “Girl, I wish I had the stamina to wait another hour for you, but Wyatt’s outside with a ride. I’m dead tired.”

“I got it.” I’m used to the long hours. “Get some sleep.”

She pauses at the door and turns back. “Hey, I saw you talking to someone at the bar earlier. This place was wall to wall with people, and I didn’t get a good look at him. Potential date? I mean, I know you tell everyone you’re taken, but don’t you think it’s time to go out with one of these guys who keep asking you out?” She grins. “Oh crap, you’re blushing. What did he say?”

I shrug, keeping my secrets. “Nothing.”

She leaves and I get to work cleaning up while Carla counts the register receipts in the manager’s office. The other waitresses leave. A little before one, I’ve gotten the place straight and lock up the back.

Carla and I walk out together to the parking lot across the street.

“Someone’s waiting at your car,” she tells me, indicating the tall man who’s leaning against his Mercedes parked next to Louise.

I nod, barely breathing. “It’s okay. I know him.”

“He’s fucking hot,” she murmurs then makes her way to her sedan and drives off.

I stand there for a minute, just looking at him. Then, I take a deep breath and walk over, humming.

He’s here.

He’s waiting.

He’s been waiting.

We both have.

Like time hasn’t passed, I stop when we stand chest to chest. I reach out and touch his face first, brushing over that scar on his cheek, tracing it down to his upper lip.

He bites my finger.

I jump and laugh.

He grins.

“Thought you were just gonna call me,” I say, my shoes absently toying with a piece of gravel on the concrete.

“Wanted to see you before I went to sleep. You tired? I’m sure we can find an all-night place open if you’re hungry.”

My body tingles with heat. “Not tired. Or hungry.” I’ve never felt so alive.

His hand tucks a piece of my hair over my ear. “When I saw you this morning, I didn’t want to rush you—”

“Rush me.”

A long exhalation comes from his chest. He swallows. “Come home with me.”

“Where’s home?”

“Apartment nearby. I moved in this weekend.”

“Alright.”

He moves around his car and opens the passenger door, and I slide into the sleek leather interior.

He gets in, starts the engine, and pulls out onto the road. There’s not much traffic this late, but a few cars pass us, their headlights lighting up his features.

“You’re staring,” he says on a small laugh, darting his gaze at me then looking back at the road.

Oh, I see the promise in those beautiful eyes of his. The seriousness. The heat. I see him. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t love often, but once he does, it’s with everything he has.

“Can’t help it.” My throat is thick with a sharp, visceral, primal need to hold him. It’s been so long, so fucking long, and now he’s here, and I can’t breathe or think or—

As if he knows, he reaches over and takes my hand. “Hang on, Tulip. Almost there.”

He whips the car into a nice apartment complex near campus, jumps out, and comes around to my side of the car to open the door for me.

“Fuck yes,” he groans when I jump up in his arms and lock my legs around his waist.

“Inside,” I murmur into his neck, inhaling his scent.

He runs with me, up two flights of stairs and down the hall to a door. Fumbling around, he works the key into the lock and kicks it open.

Briefly, I see a dim room with boxes everywhere, most of them unpacked, his textbooks sitting on a desk, the TV on ESPN on mute. With me in his arms, he falls to a sitting position on a leather couch and I straddle him, my hands running over his face, touching him, fingering his hair, tracing his face, his shoulders.

He holds my eyes and lets me map out his features. He does the same, his lips pressing a hot kiss to my palm, his fingers dancing over the pulse on my wrist. His hand trembles over my heart for several long moments, his breathing rapid as he strokes up to my collarbone then around my neck, tangling in my hair. He buries his face in it and says my name, the tone layered with anguish and reverence, blended beautifully.

My legs tighten around his waist.

I can’t let go of him. My breath hitches when he cups my face. I’m underwater and I need him, I need him like air.

“Kiss me,” I beg. “Kiss me. God, please, kiss me and forgive me for leaving you, because if you don’t—”

He takes my mouth hungrily, a man starved. Our lips cling, ravaging the other, licking and sucking and nipping.

He tugs my shirt off while I rip at his, yanking it over his head.

My bra is blue and lacy and he strokes his fingers over the fabric, cupping me. I groan at the light touch. Longing and craving, pent up and banked for so long, dance and scream along my nerve endings.

“Tulip, all mine, all mine,” he says, his voice low as he dips his head and sucks my erect nipple through the lace.

I stare at his chest, my mouth drying at his sculpted muscles, the six-pack, the deep V that leads down to his jeans. I see his tulip bouquet tattoo, the script letters at the top of the pink blooms. My eyes blur. Emotion lifts me and destroys me at the same time as I trace my fingers over the words.

Tulip. Waiting for you. Always.

He gasps for air. “Tulip, damn you, damn you. Don’t ever leave me, don’t. Stay here and be mine. I did what you wanted. I let you go, I let you find yourself, and I found me too. I did, I did, but I can’t do it without you again. I can’t look at another beach or mountain or country while wondering where you are or who you’re seeing and if you still love me…” His voice breaks as he grabs my face. “Tell me you still love me.”

My heart cracks then stitches itself back together. “Lee Knox Grayson, I love you till the end of time. I never stopped. I never gave up. You’re my destiny. I’m yours. The universe fucking owes me, you feel me?”

He shudders. “I never stopped watching out for you, Tulip. I’ve known where you’ve been since day one.”

“I didn’t doubt it for a moment. You love me. You love me.”

“We needed a new beginning and I wanted to give it to you. Maybe you met someone. Maybe you…didn’t want me anymore. Maybe you walked away and never thought of me again.”

“Never.” My lips brush over his.

“I want you so fucking bad, and I know I just showed up—”

“Take me, please, I’m yours.”

He groans and kisses me, our hands pulling and fumbling as we manage to get our pants off, our shoes. And then he has me back in his arms and I’m staring down at him, drinking him in. I clutch his head, writhing against his skin, feeling the ridge of him through my panties.

“Shhhh, I got you,” he murmurs, kissing my throat, his teeth nipping at me.

I pull his face to mine and kiss him, hard and deep, searching his mouth, sucking on his tongue like I want to devour him. Fast and hard and fast and hard and fast and hard…

I shove his underwear down and even in the dim light, I can see he’s long and thick and firm.

“Tulip, I’ve pictured you in my mind, in my dreams like this, so many long nights without you and nothing is right without you, not beaches or mountains or the sky because I need you, need you, need you. You’re the only one who knows me, who sees me the way I am inside.” He exhales, moving his hips up against my hand.

Without preamble, he slips his fingers under my lace panties and slides one inside my wetness, and I arch up and ride his hand, rubbing him where I need him. My lips and tongue nibble at his chest, my hands roving over his skin, savoring, wanting him so much as I commit his smell, his taste to my memory.

“Condom,” I say in between kisses.

He grunts. “I don’t have any.”

“You idiot.”

He takes my chin. “You’re the last girl I was with. Didn’t need condoms.”

“Same. You’re the only guy I want.” Pausing for a moment, I say, “It’s a safe time of the month for me.”

I shove my hands in his silky hair and dig my fingers into his scalp as he eases me up. I’m standing in front of him, his eyes hot as he slowly takes off my panties. I’m a quivering mess, need and hope like birds rushing to the sky. So long, so long…

He bites his bottom lip and takes me in, and I do a twirl while he smiles then pulls me back to him and places me on his lap, my legs around the outside of his thighs. Staring into my eyes, he pumps inside me like silk-covered steel and we cry out then still against each other, our chests heaving.

“Tulip, Tulip, so good, so good, you, you, you, you,” he mumbles and slides all the way out then back in, his shoulders quivering. “Sweet, so fucking sweet.”

“Knox…” I moan and writhe against him.

He takes me, his hands on my hips, his cock swiveling inside me, his eyes never leaving mine.

My hands cling to him, hanging on as he changes his angle, rotating inside me, the top of him brushing against my clit. He’s rough and fast and good, so fucking good as he pushes in and out. His hands burn my skin where he clutches me. His eyes blaze.

He tells me, “You are mine,” and when his fingers go between us and flick over my clit with delicious intent, I beg him mindlessly, lost in him, to never let me go, to hold me like this, to belong to him, to be part of his world. I come, my core spasming around him as I scream his name.

“Tulip, Tulip,” he calls and goes over the cliff with me, his eyes wild, and oh, oh, I love him so much it hurts.

He breathes into my neck and clutches me tight, rocking me as I hang on to him.

We stay like that for a long time, our hands clinging to the other as he strokes my back and murmurs in my ear how beautiful and fierce I am.

We make love again, slower this time, with me laid back on the couch while he strokes inside me, running his hands over my face, down my throat, to the rapid pulse that beats in my neck. He puts his lips there and owns me, my cries, my gasps, my everything.

Later, he gives me a roomy shirt of his while he changes into loose pajama pants.

“Want to see my place?” he asks gruffly, his eyes on my face, never off me for long. There’s a hopeful look about him.

I nod and he gives me a tour. The apartment is big: three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a kitchen bigger than my dorm room.

“There’s room for Tyler here,” he tells me.

I nod.

“And I’ve been researching schools close to Vandy. There are a few he might like—if you want to move in, that is?” He looks uncertain. “I have money from my mom and I’ve been working for my dad to save up more. I want to take care of you and Tyler the right way.”

Oh, Knox.

He pauses. “I know you’re independent as hell, but I need you with me, Tulip. I let you walk away. I could have chased after you and begged you to come back, but I stuffed everything down and carried on for my family, to get our shit straight, and we did. But there’s no more going slow with me. No more distance. No more time to breathe. It’s our time. Us.”

My chin trembles with the effort of not crying. “Dane needed you so much, and I did too, but I had to get out of there and carry on and put it behind me.”

He strokes my hair. “I get it. Dad told me about how he helped you. He was honest from the get-go the day you left, and I’m happy he helped you with Vandy. I know about you getting guardianship too. Tyler might not want to leave the only place he’s ever known, but he’s part of you and if he’s amendable, I want him with us—”

God. His kindness overwhelms me.

Tears slide down my face as I kiss him. “I can move in tomorrow. We’ll figure out what Tyler wants.”

He wipes my face, and when the sun comes up in our bedroom, we’re still awake, lying side by side, touching each other. My leg is thrown over his hip as he eases inside me, one hand on my bottom, one wrapped around my hair. His lips drink from mine, worshipping me.

“The sun’s coming up,” I whisper.

“Dear Ava, today is the beginning of anything you want,” he says in my ear.

I clutch his shoulders. “You. Always you.”

* * *