Boyfriend Bargain by Ilsa Madden-Mills

28

Zack

“Thank you for the skates. It’s kinda freaking me out that I have shoes on my feet—with blades.” She gives me a wide-eyed look. “What do I do now?”

“Just hang on to me,” I say as I lead her around the rink in small glides, my hand in hers as she touches the boards on the side. Her feet slip around, and she sends me an unhappy look. She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of it, but her determination coupled with her infuriation makes me laugh.

I grin. After getting her fitted at a sporting goods store, I bought her a pair of good skates, thick socks, warm gloves, and kneepads. She claimed she had gloves in her dorm, but I didn’t want to wait, afraid she’d change her mind if we made too many stops. I screwed up when I didn’t call or text her. I wanted to, God I did, but…

I hold on to her waist as I ease her away from the side. “Always lean forward slightly, bend your knees, and keep your weight forward. Leaning back can cause you to fall backward, and we don’t want that. Pretend you’re riding a scooter, and when you’re comfortable with the scooter steps, try alternating scooter steps. Go slow to start.”

“Oh, it will be slow.” She gives me a grim face. “These skates are heavy.”

I give her a little push since she can’t get any momentum. “Don’t be afraid of the ice. Falling is just part of it. The key is learning to do it right.”

“Really? Says the famous hockey player who was born with skates on his feet!” She grapples with the ice, her feet slipping.

“Is this the first thing in your life you haven’t been good at?”

She rolls her eyes, her cheeks already pink from the indoor cold that keeps the rink nice and slick. “I’m not an athlete like you, but my IQ is 146. Take me to a courtroom and I can get you out of jail.”

“Little braggart.”

She giggles then bites her lip, arms flailing. “I can’t laugh. I’m afraid of falling again.”

I grin. “Totally normal. If you feel a fall coming, bend your knees and squat into a dip position. Fall sideways, leaning forward, and place your hands on your lap. As soon as you fall, roll over onto your hands and knees. Then, gently push yourself back up.” These are elementary lessons and honestly I can’t even remember how to teach anyone. I’m kind of making this up as I go. My dad just put skates on me and let me loose, and I just knew. It was intuition.

“You make it sound so easy.” She lifts her skates and pushes, managing to move a few feet, but then falls flat on her ass, even with me rushing over to try to keep her upright.

She blows at a piece of hair in her face and stares up at me.

I grin.

“Football is so much cooler than hockey,” she mutters.

“Blasphemy,” I say as I pull her up. “And don’t say that too loud. This is hockey country.”

“Maybe you should teach me how to stop.”

I run through my spiel. “It’s easy. Push your feet apart and stick one skate out sideways. This will push some frost off of the ice and cause your body to come to a stop, similar to skiing.”

She exhales. “I don’t know how to ski.”

“We’ll need to take care of that too. My dad does a Christmas ski trip every year. You’ll love it.”

She blushes and then blinks. “Will you be upset if I never get this?”

I lean down and brush my lips against hers. “You will. I’ll help you and we can practice whenever you want.”

She sighs. “Show me how to do those fancy moves where your feet go back and forth.”

That’s all the moves. I bite back a grin. “Ah, you have watched me in a game.”

“I’ve never been to a game, but I have seen one on TV.”

“Was it a good game?”

“I saw you hit the puck and it went in the net thing. Everyone cheered and then they blasted this horn over the speakers.”

I let out a laugh. “You sound thrilled.”

She grins. “It was kind of exciting.”

She skates a little bit ahead of me, looking awkward and close to falling as she leans too far to one side. I hold my breath, but she manages to stay standing.

I chuckle.

“Just show me how you skate up to the net and then stop,” she says.

I skate away from her, getting warmed up. Starting at one end of the rink, I take off, going fast, going backward in the center then forward, doing loose figure eights, moving and zipping around her. I come to a sudden halt at the goal crease, ice flying.

“Now, do you know a football player who can do that?” I say as I whiz past her, skating backward.

“I can ask.” She smiles.

“Nah, best you stay away from them. I’d hate to have to kick their ass.” I lift my arms and show her my biceps as I skate toward her. “These will take care of those dudes.” I grin and move past her again, tugging on her hair, and when she tries to come after me, her feet go in opposite directions.

She yells and throws her hands up. “I’m going to die out here.”

I skate back to her side, get behind her, and put my arms around her waist. “Just hang on,” I say. She nods and I push off, moving forward an inch at a time, letting her feel the glide. “Don’t be afraid of falling, okay?” I make eye contact with her, and I don’t think I’m talking about skating anymore.

She nods and glides forward a little, using the scooter method.

“See? You’re getting better.”

“I’m terrible and you know it.” She leans forward and heads back to the boards. “Why don’t you show me more hockey stuff and let me rest right here a minute?”

“Giving me permission to show off more?”

She clings to the side as if it’s a lifeline. “Truthfully, I like watching you.”

“Let me show you what my dad taught me.” I’ve already told her he was a hockey player at HU but ended up not going pro because of a knee injury.

She watches as I take off. Getting in the zone, I bend low and put my shoulders forward as I skate from one end of the rink to the other, gaining momentum. My legs move effortlessly across the slickness, and the cold air in my face, the flash of the glass as I fly past…it makes me high. Being on the ice has never felt like work. It’s a religion and I was born to play. I pick up my speed, gliding faster until I’m flashing by her, taking in her parted lips.

There’s no doubt, I have everything it takes physically to be the top player in the country. My oneness with the ice, my sixth sense about players, and my shooting game are stellar.

A twinge of darkness tugs at me.

It’s my mental side that might be the end of me.

I shove that down deep and skate over to where she is, shooting up small bits of ice.

I jerk to a stop a few inches in front of her and almost impulsively, she jumps out at me, flailing a little in her skates, and throws her arms around me.

Her arms tighten around my neck, and at first I laugh, thinking maybe I scared her, but then she crawls in closer and her face is resting on my neck as she clings. We stand on the ice, holding each other, and I tighten my arms around her waist.

“Sugar?”

She inhales a deep breath, refusing to let me go, and when I attempt to separate us to look at her, she won’t let me. I stroke her hair, my gut telling me something isn’t right; the funny girl with a smart mouth that I’ve come to know would have spoken up by now.

“What’s wrong?”

Her hands tangle in my hair, and I think I hear a small sniff.

“Hey, I’m here. Just talk to me.”

Her arms tighten around me.

“Did something happen? Is this about Bennett?” Fuck, the thought of him makes my blood pressure skyrocket, but… “Should I have let him talk to you?”

She shakes her head.

I close my eyes in relief and play with her long hair, rubbing my hand up onto her scalp and massaging. “Then what? Can’t you tell me?”

Her nose buries in my shirt. “My dad is dead. I found out Friday.”

Shit. And I didn’t even call her. I wanted to, but part of me was frightened by how badly I wanted to see her again, right then. But my hockey game is shit right now and I have to focus. Plus, I’m not sure where all this emotion for her is coming from, and I’m just trying to figure us out. I have baggage, and shit, I don’t know if I’m ready to show someone the true me.

“I’m so sorry.” I’m at a loss, but I react on instinct. I pick her up in my arms and skate off the rink, removing her skates and mine without speaking. I keep giving her little looks as she wipes her face, but I mostly stare down at our laces, feeling that she needs a minute. Once those are off, I pull her back into my arms as we sit on the carpeted floor in the hallway that leads to the offices and locker rooms. I lean against the wall and place her in my lap, straddling me.

She inhales a shaking breath and bites her lip. “I guess…I didn’t even know it bothered me that much, and then you were skating…so beautiful…and your dad taught you that, and I never…” She looks up at the ceiling of the arena.

She clenches her fists and unclenches them, vulnerability on her face. “You’d think I wouldn’t care that he’s dead, but I do. I’m sad. I’m sad for everything I never had.” She blinks rapidly, trying to stop the stream of tears, and I tell her I don’t care, to let it all out, and she nods.

My thumbs wipe at her cheeks. “I’m sorry you went through that. If I had known—”

She puts a hand to my lips. “No, don’t apologize for him or for you not knowing. I haven’t even told Taylor and Poppy. I’m still figuring out what to do.”

“I’m here.” I lace our hands together and we stare at each other. It’s so quiet in the arena and I feel close to her, so close because she’s sharing this with me.

She shakes her head and looks away as if gathering her thoughts, but I read her face, taking in the downturned lips, the way her chin trembles.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

A long exhalation comes from her. “Sometimes I get so angry with my mama. I adored her, I did, but why…why did she stick with him? Why did she let him make us move?” She closes her eyes. “The worst thing is, he never ever once treated me right, like I was part of him, and she just…” A tear falls down her cheek. “By loving him, she lost me. And I hate it. I hate how I never really felt like I belonged.”

My heart wants to come out of my chest.

She shakes her head. “She loved him too much. And Bennett, what you saw today…I did love him, but…”

My hands tighten.

An angry look grows on her face. “He’s a cheater and a liar, and that’s enough for me to say goodbye. I don’t want to make the same mistakes she did. Please…” She looks at me with earnest blue eyes. “Please don’t be like Bennett.”

“I won’t.”

She nods and leans her head into my neck, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight.

Later, I kiss her softly, and she sighs into my mouth. Our lips cling, and in my head I’m telling myself she’s it, and I won’t let this tentative thing between us be over. I won’t be like Bennett.

I’ve never been a cheater, but…

But…

We’ve had a lie between us from the very beginning.

And somehow I’m going to have to tell her everything.