Not My Romeo by Ilsa Madden-Mills

Chapter 35

ELENA

I pop in the cast party super early, hug everyone, and eat pizza. No one mentions Jack, but you can tell by their questioning looks that they want to ask me what the heck was going on. Maybe it’s my face that keeps them from inquiring.

As soon as he walks in the door an hour later, I head out the back exit and drive back home. I need time to think, to process, and I can’t do it with him in front of me, wanting answers. I need space. I need home.

I fly in the house, whipping my costume off as I head to the bedroom, grabbing pajama pants and an NYU sweatshirt. One pour of whiskey later, I’m out on the back porch, heating lamps on.

Sitting on the steps, I blow out into the chilly March night and gaze up at the full moon. April is almost here. And spring.

The play is finally over. I close my eyes. God, I’m going to miss him.

“Figured I’d find you home.” Jack’s husky voice comes from the back door of the kitchen.

He sits next to me, easing his body down and gazing out at the faint outline of the rolling hills.

I don’t look at him, but I feel him glancing over at me, making me self-conscious. I dip my head so he can’t see my face.

The wind picks up, and I rub my arms. He gets up and heads back in the house before coming back with one of the jackets I keep on the peg by the kitchen door. He drapes it over my shoulders, his hands brushing at my hair before he takes the seat next to me, keeping a few inches between us.

A long exhalation comes from him. “I’m sorry, Elena. I freaked out over Marvin and assumed you were guilty. I was wrong.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“I lost my head. Does that mean I’ve lost you too?”

I meet his gaze, seeing worry mingled with fear in his tawny eyes. “You pushed me away from you like it was nothing.”

His throat bobs. “It was pure unadulterated fear. Deep inside me, in a part I hadn’t acknowledged yet, I’d already given my heart away to you, only to hear that conversation and think everything was blowing up in my face. All my protective instincts flared up. To be made a fool of again? To believe that a woman loved me? It felt ridiculous. Women who love me usually end up hurting me in some way.”

“I’d never hurt you intentionally.”

“I know. And now I screwed us all up.”

I don’t want us to be screwed up. I want us to be . . .

He flashes a brief sad smile, sighing as he looks away. “I gave you my heart tonight in front of everyone. It felt fucking amazing.”

My stomach flutters.

“I’m also sorry that Lawrence came to see you and pissed you off.” Regret lingers in the tones of his voice. “I did so much wrong, and it’s my own damn fault for being . . . broken since the moment we met.”

I sigh. “He’s banned from the Daisy Public Library. Might put his face on a wanted poster.”

“In his defense, he really does put me first.”

I nod, circling back to something he said before. “You’re not broken, Jack. Everyone has baggage they bring to a relationship, but you have to take a leap of faith.”

He reaches in his front pants pocket and pulls out something and places something small and cold in my hand.

“What is this?” I hold it up in the light of the moon, taking in the metal object.

“My leap of faith. Key to my apartment. I had it made for you after I left Sophia, after she said I couldn’t trust you. I was just waiting for the right time to give it to you, to get my nerve up . . .” His voice softens. “I meant it as a symbol that I wanted more with you, but then I’d get nervous and not bring it up. I felt so unsure. I’ve never loved anyone. I’m stupid.” He sighs.

There’s a long silence as we stare at each other.

“What are you thinking?” he asks.

I lick my lips. “I think I’m having a revelation.”

“Yeah?” I see hope on his face.

He does love me. Oh, he told me onstage in front of everyone, but it wasn’t until this moment that I let the feeling sink in. Let myself believe it. A man like him, who doesn’t trust, was on the cusp of giving me a key, which to some may seem rather meaningless, but to him, it’s the equivalent of a declaration.

He sighs, reaching out to trace the curve of my face. “Will you forgive me, Elena?”

I gaze at him, at the intensity of him, at the man who’s been hurt so many times by people. And he’s never loved a girl.

“Forgive me for pushing you away. Forgive me for not going to Sunday lunches. Forgive me for being broken.”

Tears prick my eyes. “My nana used to say that broken people love the hardest because they appreciate the things that make their heart beat. Do I make your heart beat?”

He nods, his lashes fluttering as he comes closer, then pauses, looking uncertain. “God, Elena. I’m afraid you’re going to push me away. I know I’m not perfect, that I need to work on this, but I can’t let go of you. I spent two wretched nights without you. I never want to be this . . . sick again. I love you, Elena. So much. I don’t even know how to describe it.”

My breath hitches.

He says, “I want to wake up next to you every day and see what life throws at us. Will you try?”

Will I try? I’d walk over hot coals for him.

The elation that’s been growing in my chest widens. My heart soars. “I love you, Jack. You’re worth everything.”

A smile grows, a bemused and awed expression on his face. “Thank God.” He leans in and kisses me softly, his tongue sweeping against mine. “I’m not perfect,” he breathes into my neck a few minutes later. “I can’t win a Super Bowl to save my life, I get flustered around new people, I watch too many K-dramas, and your pig hates me. I don’t have much to offer.”

I laugh, feeling giddy. “Romeo does not hate you. Dislike, maybe. And I kind of like your Porsche.”

He presses a soft kiss to my neck. “It’s yours.”

“I was joking!” I laugh as he stares deep into my eyes.

He holds my face steady with his fingertips. “I’ve never had this, Elena. I’ve never been with someone I couldn’t live without. I talked about fate before, and the more I dwell on it, it just makes sense that maybe there is a reason for everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“That sometimes, fate gives you a bad game, but in the end destiny straightens it out. And you win. You and I are going to win.” He gazes down at me, and I suck in a sharp breath, seeing a man who loves me with all he is.

He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip. “Even if that fate is nonsense, I would have found you. Somehow. Maybe at a bookstore. Maybe when I had a flat tire in Daisy in front of your house when I came to visit Timmy—I don’t know. We were always meant to be. There are too many things that brought us together. If destiny brought us together, that means she’ll fight to keep us together.”

He leans in and kisses me, hard and swift, and we get lost, me in the feel of him under my hands, him with his hand tangled in my hair.

He stands, sweeping me up into his arms, shouldering his way back up the steps.

I smile up at him. “Where are we going?”

He pauses at the back door. “I was just going to take you to bed, but now that I think about it, we could just go get married right now. I’m sure Patrick will do it. Laura mentioned being a notary once. We can get some witnesses.”

I nearly jump out of his arms. I wiggle down. “Are you joking?”

He nods, a vulnerable look on his face. “Kind of. I don’t know. It does seem fast. And insane. Definitely insane. But I’ve never felt like this. Okay, it’s too fast. Right. I’m losing it . . . but what if you leave? What if you wake up tomorrow and decide I’m too much work?”

There he is. My beautiful man who just had a jolt full of love and trust and faith shot at him like a cannonball, and he’s not quite sure . . .

“I think you’re just caught up in the moment, Jack.” I smile. “I kind of like it.”

I manage to open the back door, and he follows me, a focused look on his face.

“You can wear your Juliet dress, and I can wear this.” His tone is serious, all kidding gone, and I shake my head at him, my mouth opening, but nothing comes out.

We stare at each other.

I find my voice. “Mama will murder us; plus you have to apply for a license.”

“So that’s a no?” His face is extraordinarily intent, wolflike.

“It’s a ‘Can we have some great sex first and get on this later?’ Mama will want to plan everything.”

He grows still, amber eyes lit with a strange light. I think it’s love. He blinks. “I just asked you to marry me, and you said yes—is that right?”

I gawk up at him. A laugh comes from me. “Y-e-s. Sometime soon.”

He looks like a two-by-four just hit him. A little scared. But happy. A slow nod comes from him. “Deal. We’ll figure it out later. Bedroom now. I want to be inside you.” He leads us to my room.

I feel wired, taut, and tense, needing this, needing him. “Socks off,” I murmur.

He whips them off and tosses them behind his shoulder.

I bite my lip as he unzips his black jeans and shoves them down. His shirt is next.

“You gonna leave me here naked?” Hot eyes drift over me.

He helps me take off my sweatshirt, groaning as he palms my breasts. Sighing, I push at my leggings until they’re gone, and I’m standing in front of him in white lace panties.

“So pretty. So damn pretty.” His hand skates from my clavicle down the cleft of my breasts to the apex between my legs. There’s this look on his face. Awe. Reverence. Love.

He slides the lace down and drops it on the floor. “I love that you are always so open with me; did you know that? I love your eyes and your hair and the way you make me laugh. I fucking can’t stop looking at you. Body made for me. And I’m going to take it real slow.”

I’m already panting at the heavy-lidded look he wears. “Not too slow.”

“Fast and hard?”

“Yeah, then the slow part.”

“I’m thinking slow first.”

I moan as he falls to his knees and nudges my legs apart, his lips dancing lightly over the smooth skin of my stomach. He licks the center of me, groaning.

Writhing, I wiggle closer to him, and he laughs against me, those eyes looking up at me. “Won’t ever get tired of this. Never in a million years.”

A lone finger glides inside me, slow and easy, his tongue on my clit, circling.

My hands land in his hair.

“Just like that first night, Elena. When I took one look at you and knew I had to see you again . . .” Another finger joins the first, rubbing against my wetness until I’m gasping, my hands clenching his hair.

I topple over the edge fast and viciously, making me cry out his name as the shock waves ripple over me, my body clenching around his fingers.

He presses a kiss to my inner thigh and hovers over me.

“Mine,” he murmurs in my ear as he lays me down and slides inside me. He holds my hands above my head, lacing his fingers through mine. “Always.” His eyes gleam down at me with passion, with love.

And love . . . love is all we know.