The Queen by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Chapter 9

“Are Fabian and Tink still out in the courtyard?” Ivy asked, drawing me from my unsettled thoughts.

Ren nodded. “Yeah, I have no idea what they’re doing. I should probably go annoy them.”

Smiling slightly, I watched him walk toward the kitchen, stopping to tip Ivy’s head back and brush a kiss across her lips.

A pang of jealousy and envy stabbed me, and I reburied my face in Dixon’s fur. He purred louder, like a little engine. After a few moments, I became aware of Ivy moving closer. I looked up, not at all surprised to see the concern in her gaze.

“I want to ask if everything is okay, but I know that’s a stupid question. So, I’ll try to refrain from asking that,” she said, coming to stand beside me. “How are you feeling being back here, though?”

“It’s…it’s good, but it is weird,” I admitted, thinking that if anyone knew what it felt like, it was Ivy. She had been through her own messed-up abduction. “Like it almost seems surreal to be here.”

She nodded in understanding. “When I was taken, there were times when I didn’t think I’d ever see my apartment again or the people I cared about. The first day home was a weird one.”

There had been many moments when I didn’t think I was going to walk out of that nightmare.

“Ren and Tink being there for me helped. If they hadn’t been, I probably would’ve eventually dealt with everything, but having them made it easier.” She scratched Dixon’s ear as she lifted her gaze to mine. “Can I give you some unsolicited advice? Don’t shut out the people who want to help.”

“I’m not.”

Her brows arched.

I sighed. “Things are complicated right now. That’s all I want to say about it.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Ivy responded. “Just remember that I’m here when and if you do.”

“I will,” I promised.

Eventually, Ren returned inside with Tink and Fabian. It was hard to look at Caden’s brother and not see the impossible similarities in the golden hair and cut of Fabian’s jaw. After a bit, Ren and Ivy left, and Dixon found his way to Tink. Somehow, and I wasn’t even sure how, I ended up on the couch, squished between Tink and Fabian and buried under a small mountain of blankets. There were no questions about how I was feeling or what was going on. Tink turned on what had to be his favorite movie, oblivious to Fabian’s long-suffering sigh. Twilight. At this point, I’d seen it a hundred times, and I could recite those lines right alongside Tink, but I wasn’t complaining. Well, I would draw the line at Breaking Dawn. That whole plot would hit way too close to home at the moment. Pizza was ordered for lunch, and since I’d been given the all-clear to eat whatever, I might’ve gone a bit overboard and eaten half of the pies. For once, Tink didn’t comment, but I could tell he was bursting at the seams to make a comment about how I was now eating for two, though was doing his best to keep his mouth shut.

I’d relaxed between them, and by the start of Eclipse, I dozed on and off. I didn’t know what made me think of the community in Florida, but a plan formed in my mind, one that might actually work.

The moment Fabian left, I twisted toward Tink, who had been combing Dixon’s fur. “How big is the fae community in Florida? Is it like Hotel Good Fae?”

“Bigger, I think. There are several thousand there, and they don’t stay in a hotel or use glamour to hide where they live. They have several gated subdivisions that are all together, built right by a beach. Super smart what they did by gating the communities.” He dragged the small comb down Dixon’s back. “Makes the beaches sort of private since you have to come in through the gates. People just think those who live in there are super rich or something.”

“Do any humans live there?”

He nodded. “Some of the fae there are in relationships with humans.”

That was good. “Did you like it there?”

Tink shrugged as he glanced at the screen as Jacob went full wolf. “I liked it.”

“What about Fabian? He normally lives there, right? Does he plan to go back?”

“I think so, eventually.” He frowned. “Do you ever wonder why Bella couldn’t just have both Jacob and Edward?”

“What?”

“I mean, Edward has been alive for a while, so he’s gotta get bored with the same old, same old. And Jacob is a wolf. I’m sure both have seen and done stranger things,” he reasoned. “Plus, sharing is caring.”

I stared at him and then gave a shake of my head. “No, I’ve never thought about that.”

“You have boring thoughts then.”

I ignored that. “Do you think I could go there? To the community in Florida?”

He returned to combing Dixon, focusing on his tail. “Why would you want to do that?”

“I could use the vacation.”

Tink glanced at me. “You probably could.”

“And…” I took a deep breath. “If Caden doesn’t end up picking a Queen soon, I’m eventually going to start showing. It won’t be easy to hide.”

“Wait a second.” Dropping the comb beside him, Tink picked up the remote and paused the movie. He looked at me. “You want to go down to the community to basically hide.”

“And to relax. I have enough money saved up, and I’m sure Miles would—”

“You want to go hide in a fae community while becoming obviously pregnant?”

“No one down there should know who I am, right? It’s not like Fabian or you told any random fae that I was the human chick the King was hooking up with.”

“Of course not. Although, that would’ve been juicy gossip. But do you really think Fabian isn’t going to know who the baby daddy is?”

I opened my mouth.

“He’s not going to believe for one second that anyone but his brother is the father,” he said before I could speak. “So, you’d be putting him in a position where he’ll have to either knowingly lie to his brother or betray you.”

I snapped my mouth shut. Shit. “I didn’t think about that.”

“Obviously.”

“I really hadn’t.” I sank into the couch, surprised that I had forgotten that very important detail. “It’s like my brain isn’t fully functional or something.”

“I just think you’re really desperate, and desperate people do and think stupid things.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Tink was still for a bit and then placed Dixon in my lap. “Can I be honest for a moment?”

I slid him a sideways glance. “I have a feeling you were just super honest right then.”

“I’m about to be even more honest. Like really super honest. The realest real kind of honesty.”

“I think I get it.”

“But you don’t.” He tipped toward me as Dixon sat up in my lap, watching him. “I get why you’re doing what you are. I do. You want to save the world and some shit. Honorable. I’m not going to mess up your need to martyr your warm and fuzzies.”

“It’s not my need—”

“But it’s become clear to me that you really are delusional.”

“Wow,” I murmured.

“Why else would you think your idea to hide with your baby daddy’s brother in a community of fae was good enough to interrupt Eclipse? But it’s more than that. Do you honestly think Caden is going to marry someone else even if he believes you don’t want him?”

My stomach dropped. “He has to.”

“He doesn’t have to do jack shit, Lite Bright. I feel like everyone, including Tanner and Faye, is forgetting that. He didn’t want to be King in the first place, and the last I checked, he’s a grown-ass adult. Besides in the highly unlikely event that he’s going to be like ‘YOLO, let me pick a fae Queen now,’ do you really think he’s just going to let you walk away? Not fight for you? And I don’t mean that in a creepy, super-possessive way either, but in a way we all would want someone we cared about to fight for us.”

All the pizza I’d shoved down my throat was starting to settle wrongly in my stomach.

“But I have a really important question for you. One you need to think about long and hard before answering,” he went on. “Do you honestly think you’re going to be able to shut down the way you feel about him? You’re going to be able to stand by and watch him be with someone else? You’re going to be able to resist him—resist what you want—when he does fight for you?”

* * * *

I hadn’t answered Tink’s question, and he hadn’t expected one, but I had thought about it. I’d spent the rest of the day and a good part of that night thinking about it, and every time I said that, yes, I could resist all of Caden’s attempts, there was a little laugh in the back of my mind.

But what other choice did I have?

Restless after downing a glass of orange juice and a small army’s worth of eggs, I took the prenatal vitamin and roamed upstairs, my head in a really weird place.

Slowly, I went down the hall of the second floor, past the closed door of the office, beyond the room Tink had commandeered, and to the other closed door—the one my mother had used.

I could use her room for the baby. My stomach wiggled like it always did whenever I acknowledged being pregnant. That was if I was still here then. The community in Florida was a stupid idea, but there were a million other places. If I was here, though, the room would be large, but since the small one that had once been a nursery had been converted into a walk-in closet ages ago, it was the only option. Well, unless Tink ever moved out. His room was smaller. Maybe he’d want the larger one?

Pushing open my bedroom door, I halted just inside the threshold. Last night, I hadn’t really paid attention when I climbed into bed, too caught up in my thoughts. Now, I cataloged every square inch as if looking for something to be different. The drapes had been parted, letting in the morning sunlight. The velvety-soft cream bedspread had been smoothed back from the thick pillows. A pair of slippers I always left out but rarely wore waited by the bed. A fluffy and chunky gray throw blanket was draped over the chair by the window. It looked and felt the same. The room even smelled like I remembered. Like pineapple and mango.

But I wasn’t the same.

My gaze made its way to the closet. I forced my steps forward. Opening the closet door, I switched on the light. What I saw first were the wigs in various colors and lengths, the knee-high boots and spiky heels, and the skintight dresses. They were all costumes designed to hide my identity while I hunted the fae responsible for killing my mother. I didn’t need them anymore. I’d succeeded. They were all dead now, and those wigs and dresses…

They’d become a part of who and what I’d been shaped into. I ran my hand over the Lycra material of a red dress that I wouldn’t have dared to wear five years ago. The outfits, the wigs, the shoes—all had aided me in finding the fae responsible for killing my mother, but they’d also done something else. They’d given me the confidence I’d been sorely lacking.

But this stuff still wasn’t me. They were words written in blood and tears for a chapter that had come to an end.

Pivoting around, I hurried downstairs to the pantry. Black garbage bags in hand, I went back to the closet and started cleaning house. Everything went. The wigs. The shoes. The dresses—well, almost everything. I couldn’t bear to part with the studded mid-calf boots or the silvery sequined dress. Those boots were surprisingly comfortable, and the dress…

It was the outfit I’d been wearing when I killed Tobias—one of the fae I’d been looking for.

And it was the dress I had on the first time I came face-to-face with Caden in the club.

For that reason alone, I should toss it with the rest, but I hung it back up between the thick, oversized cardigan and the blazer I never wore.

Pulling open the drawers in the center dresser, I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted the extra sets of iron daggers and cuffs. I closed the drawer and then picked up my makeup case. Setting it on the counter inside the closet, I flipped the switches and rooted around, pulling out the heavier makeup—the stuff I wouldn’t even wear for a fancy occasion.

Not that I attended many fancy things.

I dumped the makeup into an old grocery bag and walked out—

Caden stood in the doorway of the bedroom, arms loosely crossed over the plain gray tee shirt he wore as he stared at the garbage bags.

He lifted his chin, and the room seemed to tilt as our gazes connected. His hair was pulled back, and the beams of sunlight seemed to be attracted to all the striking, symmetrical angles and planes of his face.

Upon the unexpected sight, my heart lodged itself in my throat. Now, it was firmly back in my chest, pounding for reasons unrelated to shock.

Caden was…he was gorgeous, his beauty rugged and raw. As shallow as this sounded, I could stare at him all day, and there was a good chance he knew that. Warmth crept into my cheeks and flowed down my throat. It took a moment for me to find my ability to speak. “How did you get in here?”

One side of his lips quirked up. “You know I’m not a vampire, right? I don’t need permission to enter a home.”

My eyes narrowed. “I’m pretty sure the front door was locked.”

“It was.”

I lifted my brows.

“Tink let me in,” he answered finally, eyes twinkling.

I really needed to talk to Tink about letting Caden in. Not like this was the first time, but that damn brownie knew better.

He unfolded his arms, the act doing interesting things to the muscles under his shirt. “Doing some light spring cleaning?”

“Something like that.”

“What are you going to do with all that stuff?”

I glanced down at the overflowing bags. “I thought I’d give them to Goodwill or a women’s shelter.” My nose scrunched. “Although, they’d probably wonder if an escort had cleaned out their closet.”

“A high-priced escort,” Caden murmured, and my lips twitched at that. “I have to say I’m glad to see you throwing this stuff away.”

I almost said that I didn’t care what he felt, but doing so would lessen the significance of what getting rid of these items meant.

“Although…” He reached inside a bag and pulled out a knee-high boot that took an act of God to get off. “I will miss these.”

Storming forward, I snatched the boot from his hands and dropped it back into the bag. Caden grinned down at me as if greatly amused by my actions. My stomach did a little flip, and I was reminded of Tink’s question. Could I resist Caden?

“What made you do this?” He gestured at the bags with his chin.

I backed up, crossing my arms. Like always, it was almost impossible not to open up. I had no idea why it was like that with him. “They’re costumes—the clothing, the wigs, all of it. I don’t need them anymore.”

“No more late-night visits to clubs then?”

A picture of me in a skintight dress, several months pregnant, formed in my mind, and I snorted. “Not in the foreseeable future.”

“What about patrolling?”

That was a good question. “The Order never really had me patrolling, but I…I like being out there.” How long I would be able to do that safely was anyone’s guess. “I just won’t be looking for any fae in particular, I guess.”

His jaw tightened as if he weren’t all that happy to hear that I still planned to patrol, but he wisely didn’t voice his opinion.

In the ensuing silence, I looked at the bags. “Everything that’s in those bags isn’t me, you know? They really were like costumes, and I don’t need them anymore.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he replied. “They represent a chapter of your life that’s now closed.”

I blinked in surprise as he nailed how I felt. He really did know me. Better than anyone else. Panic blossomed in the pit of my stomach, and my mouth dried. “Why are you here. Caden? I know last night might’ve confused things, but I’m sure I made myself clear.”

“Oh, you were clear, all right.”

“Then should I repeat my question?”

“If it makes you feel better? Sure. Go ahead.”

“It wouldn’t make me feel better.”

“Good. Because I don’t want you feeling bad.” He stepped forward, and I tensed. That reaction had nothing to do with my time with Aric. “I want you to feel good. I want you happy. I want you to feel safe and cherished. I want you to feel comforted and comfortable. I want you to feel loved.”

Oh God.

All those broken shards of my heart started to piece themselves back together. I needed them to stop. A repaired heart would only hurt worse.

Caden took another step forward, and I moved until the backs of my legs hit the bed. “Did you sleep well last night? I did. Best sleep I’ve had in years, sunshine.”

My heart jumped. Sunshine. He called me that because he said he’d seen me smiling once and it was like the sun finally rising. That was possibly the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had ever said to me.

“It’s time.”

I looked up. “For what?”

“For that talk I told you we needed to have but would be better if we waited until you had time to process everything you’d gone through. But I can see we don’t have the luxury of that time,” he said. “I know, Brighton.”

My breath caught. “Know what?”

Those golden eyes met and held mine. “I know.”