Do You Dare? by Lylah James

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Lila

I walked in on Riley and Colton. They both looked furious, glaring and spitting venom at each other. He had her caged against the wall, and their heads snapped toward me as I walked inside the apartment. Colton pulled away from Riley as though she burned him, and Riley was glaring daggers at his back.

Without a word, Colton left and slammed the door behind him. Welp, this wasn’t looking too good.

The animosity between Colton and Riley was getting out of control.

I cleared my throat, and Riley sniffled. Her face crumpled, and she choked back a cry. “I hate him.”

“Colton or Grayson?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Both,” she hissed, fury burning in her eyes. She stomped into the kitchen and filled herself a glass of water.

“What happened?”

“Grayson called,” she deadpanned.

Oh. Shit.

She made a sound at the back of her throat. It sounded like a whimper. “Why did he call? After so long… why?”

I placed my shoulder bag on the counter and sat on the stool. “What did he say?”

Riley huffed, her lips twisting with a sneer. “Nothing.”

My eyebrows rose, and I waited. “He called, I picked up. He didn’t say a word. I could hear him breathing over the phone, but he’s such a damn coward. I hung up.”

Poor Riley.

Three years ago, I thought Grayson was the best choice for her.

Two months after graduation, he broke her heart.

Grayson wasn’t going to attend any universities. Riley wanted to do a long-distance relationship. Hell, she even thought of quitting Harvard and moving back, just so they wouldn’t have to break up. She was ready to put her heart on the line for him.

But Grayson was adamant and said it wouldn’t work out. He wasn’t willing to do long distance, but Riley knew it was a bullshit excuse. Something had been up with him, something he had been hiding from all of us. We figured it had something to do with his adoptive parents and his past, but he wouldn’t say a word.

She wasn’t ready to give up on him though. After going back and forth, making things difficult on Riley, he left. Grayson broke up with her right before the start of our first year at Harvard.

Grayson was back in Manhattan, and Riley was here.

She was still very much in love with him, and I knew, if Grayson showed up now, she’d give him another chance.

Enter Colton–who thought after Riley’s break-up, he’d have a chance with her.

Oh boy, did he try. He cared for her, any one could see that clearly. If there was someone who could heal Riley’s heart after Grayson broke it… it was Colton.

But Riley refused to give into his advances. Tension brewed between them, growing much volatile every day.

“I miss him,” she confessed, her voice barely a whisper. “If only he had given us a chance.”

I grasped her hand in mine and squeezed. “I’m sorry, Ry.”

She swiped away a tear, almost angrily. “Do you think maybe… Grayson has a good reason for staying away?”

Something bothered me about that day.

The frantic and desperate look in Grayson’s eyes as he pushed Riley further away from him. And the words he roared.

“I’m protecting you, damn it!”

Protecting Riley? From what? From who?

She let out a humorless laugh; her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “He’s had three years, Lila. Three years I’ve been waiting for him, three years for him to realize we could have been so good together, but he gave up on us.”

I hugged her, and she fell into my arms, crying softly. She had been holding it in for so long. My heart ached for her.

For all three of them.

Once her cries turned into tiny hiccups, Riley pulled away and rubbed a hand over her face, as though getting rid of any evidence she had been crying over Grayson.

She half-smiled, the corners of her lips twisting slightly. “How was the event? Where’s Maddox?”

I left the stool and went to the fridge, taking out last night’s leftovers. “The event was great. It was pretty… exhilarating, and they loved the dance. The fundraising part of it was a huge success, too,” I told her. “It was fun.”

And it truly was. The whole night was pretty epic until…

Riley appeared curious when she asked, “Maddox didn’t come home with you?”

No, he ran.

The moment our dance ended, Maddox left. He didn’t even stay for dinner, and with him gone, just like that, without so much as a word, I could barely eat. My food stayed untouched in front of me, and for the rest of the night, I smiled while my heart was breaking–hidden from everyone’s eyes. I suffered while they enjoyed the rest of their night.

How could he? Why did he leave?

Why didn’t he say goodbye?

Why?

A subdued anger burned in my stomach, threatening to break through. I couldn’t understand why Maddox was acting the way he was – why he was running away from me, pulling further and further away from me.

Anger and… fear.

Because it felt like we were hanging on by a thin thread, and it was about to snap, catapulting us into two different world and away from each other.

Maddox and I… if we weren’t careful, we were about to break, to shatter, and there would be no turning back once that happened.

Me and you, he had promised.

I hoped he was keen on keeping his promises.

My chest tightened. Don’t break me, Maddox.

“Lila?” Riley’s soft voice broke through my stormy thoughts.

“He left. I don’t where he went,” I admitted out loud, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.

Riley stared at me, her eyes searching. “You don’t see it, do you?” she said gently.

“See what?” I shoved a piece of roasted chicken in my mouth.

Her lips twisted. “Nothing. When you see it, you’ll know what I mean.”

“What–”

Riley shook her head and stood up. “I’ve had a long day. I’m off to bed. Are you going to sleep soon?”

I nodded. “Probably.”

Riley paused at the door of her room and glanced back over her shoulder. “Stop hiding and stop ignoring it. You know what you feel. You’re just refusing to acknowledge it.”

Without waiting for a reaction, she closed her door. I stood there, mutely. What was I supposed to do with her cryptic words?

It felt like there was a hole in my chest, and I was bleeding out. There was no way to stop the flow of blood. I bled, the knife digging into my heart carelessly.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The dam broke, my blood flowed, and I lost those pieces of me I had carefully glued together.

Tears of frustration blurred my eyes.

I was so…confused.

Between wanting Maddox and not wanting to lose him.

For years, I’d swallowed down my confusing feelings and kept them locked away in a forbidden place, refusing to acknowledge them. My throat itched as I forced back a cry, and my lungs seemed to collapse.

You know what you feel.

No! I didn’t!

I couldn’t.

Never.

Stop hiding and stop ignoring it.

I… couldn’t.

I chewed on my lip until it bled, and my knees buckled from the realization – what I felt for Maddox, it was so much more and I was damn afraid to acknowledge it.

Why was this so hard?

***

Maybe I was stupid.

Maybe I had completely lost my mind. It was the only explanation to why I was in Maddox’s apartment, waiting for him to get home. It was almost midnight, and the last time I had seen him was…

When he had left the event right after our dance.

Maddox still hadn’t come home yet.

I wrung my hands in nervousness, the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach. God, what was I doing?

Why was I even… here? At his place, waiting for him.

Stupid, stupid Lila.

What was I going to do when he came back? Hug him? Kiss him?

Nothing.

I’d stare at him, and he’d look into my eyes, that would be it. Because we were… friends.

Such a brutal lie it was. Friends…

The closer we became, the more I noticed smaller things about Maddox. What he loved, what he enjoyed, what pissed him off or annoyed him, his quirks and his ticks, and with every new thing I learned about him over the last three years, it became harder to pull away.

To ignore whatever was brewing between us; yet, we refused to acknowledge it.

He fucked other girls.

I dated other men.

We were best friends.

It was simple to the world, to him,but I was battling a war on my own.

My head fell into my hands and a choked sound escaped me. What am I doing?

The clock ticked with every second that went by, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I snapped to my feet. No, I shouldn’t have been here.

This was a… mistake.

I was confused and…scared…and feeling too much.

The last thing I needed was to be this close to Maddox if he came home. I had to leave. Shaking my head in desolation, I strode for the door.

I never reached it because the door swung open and Maddox entered his apartment, stumbling inside drunkenly. Sweet Mother Mary, he was out… drinking?

He halted at the sight of me, and his lips curled. “Lila.” He breathed my name like a whispered prayer to the heavens above.

Was he praying for absolution or destruction? Because whispering my name like that could only destroy us.

He slammed the door closed behind him and stalked forward.

“You’re drunk,” I accused, taking a small step back.

He hummed, smiling. He stood in front of me, our chests barely touching, and my gaze met his. “You’re so beautiful,” he blurted out.

God, he was completely out of his mind. Maddox wasn’t just drunk; he was really drunk.

He bent his head and stuck his nose against the crook of my neck, inhaling sharply. Was he…sniffing me?

“Beautiful,” he breathed, before his body slumped forward into mine.

“Maddox!” He was so heavy, my knees almost buckled under his weight. “Maddox?”

Did he just… pass out?

I took his shoulders in my hands and tried to shake him awake. He groaned, but otherwise, didn’t move. Shit.

With the rest of my strength, I dragged his heavy body into his room. Maddox barely made any effort, because he was practically dead to the world. How much drink did he have? And why?

God, I was so tired from asking that question–why?

I pushed him on the bed, hating that he drank so much in one night. Before I could pull away, his arm curled around my waist, and he tugged me forward, and I fell on top of him.

His throat bobbed as he groaned. I shifted over his body, trying to break free, but for someone as drunk as Maddox, he was still too strong for me. His arm was a band of steel around my hips, keeping me locked against him. He wasn’t letting go.

I shifted away but then sucked in a harsh breath when I felt…

My throat went dry. This wasn’t happening.

His cock strained through his jeans, the bulge pressing indecently into my stomach.

“Lila.” My name on his lips sounded like poetry. So right, so perfect… so filthy.

I pressed my hands over his pecs and pushed. “Maddox, let go.”

He did the opposite.

Maddox rolled us over until I was underneath him, trapped against his body. My legs fell open, and I gasped as he settled between my spread thighs. His eyes split open, hazy and filled with… hunger.

His gaze fell to my lips, and he lingered there, his eyelids hooded.

“Maddox,” I whispered.

“Say it… again. My… name.”

I was utterly helpless in his arms. “Maddox.” His name echoed from my lips.

“Again,” he demanded.

“Maddox.”

He released a shuddering breath before bending his head, pressing his face into my throat. He nuzzled me, his lips caressing my skin. I trembled, goosebumps breaking over my flesh.

He ran his lips down my collarbone, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there, and I let out an involuntarily shudder. “Don’t,” I warned, but it was a weak attempt.

Maddox hummed low in his throat, his chest vibrating with the sound. He lowered his body over mine, forcing me into the mattress. He wrapped around me like a cocoon.

We were chest to chest, hips to hips, his hardness against my heated core–so fucking close. There was not even an inch of breath between us.

The area between my legs throbbed, and I clenched, seeking for something but feeling… empty.

Maddox was still nuzzling my throat, kissing me as if it wasn’t atypical, as if we weren’t best friends, as if everything around us would crumble as we remained intimately wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Fuck,” he grunted against my skin, and his hips jerked, pressing against the most sensitive part of me. My lips parted, shocked, and a silent gasp escaped me.

My hands fumbled toward his shoulders, and my nails dug into his back.

This was so wrong.

Stop.

Don’t stop.

Maddox swiveled his hips before grinding against my pussy. We were both fully clothed, and my best friend was humping me like a horny teenager.

And I didn’t want to stop him.

How long had I forbid myself from imagining this? Too long.

He was drunk; it wasn’t his fault. I was fully aware, and it would be my guilt to bear.

We should have stopped.

No, don’t stop.

Maddox grinded his erection against me. He was so hard; I could feel him through the layers of our clothes. My core grew hot and wet. Molten desire spread through my veins, and my stomach dipped to my toes.

His breath hitched, and I let out a moan when his hips jerked again, the zipper of his jeans pressing hard against my pussy through my shorts. The friction left my body wanting more, and I became needy. My pussy clenched as the need to be filled became strong.

Maddox thrust into me, again and again, the motion too similar to fucking.

My thighs trembled, and my heart seized.

He kissed his way down my throat, biting and sucking softly at my skin. His palm caressed the curve of my breasts, feeling the heavy mounds in his hands. His grunts and his groans were music to my ears, even as I tried to remind myself how wrong this was.

It’s wrong. I released his shoulders and pushed a hand between us.

This is wrong. My fingers traced my wet slit through my shorts.

Maddox rubbed against me again, and it was a delicious sensation that had my eyes fluttering closed.

I shoved a hand into my shorts and tugged my panties aside. My eyes blurred with tears as a whimper echoed from my lips. It felt so good, even though it was so fucking wrong.

“Fuck, goddamn it,” he cursed, the muscles in his neck corded, and his face tensed.

His thrusts grew jerkier and faster. He was chasing his orgasm, climbing toward something forbidden between us.

My thumb slid over my swollen clit, and my hips jerked up. I was so hot, and my fingers glided over my wetness. My knuckles brushed against my pussy lips, feeling the way my core contracted. I was so turned on; I’d never been this wet before. I gathered my wetness with two fingers and rubbed my pulsing clit. Pleasure spiked through me and my back bowed.

The feel of Maddox’s lips against my throat and his hands kneading my breasts had my eyes rolling back into my head. His thumb skimmed over my hardened nipple through my top, and I shuddered. My body easily responded to his touch, and I realized I had been craving this for the longest time.

“Lila,” he groaned out hoarsely. “Fuck, Lila. My Lila.”

Maddox humped me, thrusting, and I rocked my hips against his in unison, finding a rhythm between us. I imagined he really was fucking me. No clothes, no barrier between us, and our bare bodies pressed together in the most intimate way two human beings could be together.

The image of us fucking was so decadently sinful and filthy. My calves tightened, and my whole body clenched as I climbed up and up toward my release.

I rubbed myself faster before sliding my thumb over my clit and pinching it. My vision blurred, and my whole spasmed as I choked back a gasp before biting on my lip. Wetness pooled between my thighs, coating my fingers and panties with my shameful release. Wet and sticky, I continued to rub myself in leisure strokes, feeling the little twitches of my pussy after my orgasm.

Maddox thrust hard, and I gasped before a moan spilled past my lips. He tensed above me, and his hips stilled, his head thrown back with a low, deep grunt. Warmth spread through his jeans, and I could feel it through my shorts. He just came.

Maddox’s eyes pierced me for a second and then he slumped over my body.

The moment was gone, and I was instantly filled with shame and immense guilt. My stomach twisted, bile coating every inch of my mouth.

What have I done?

There was absolutely no excuse. Maddox had been drunk, and I took advantage of the situation for my own pleasure. He probably wasn’t going to remember this tomorrow morning…

But what if… he did?

My heart thudded in my chest, and I swallowed back a sob. I removed my hand from my panties, the stickiness on my fingers a harsh reminder of our actions. I stretched my arm out and kept the hand I pleasured myself with far away from us.

Maddox buried his face in my shoulder. His body went slack, and I felt him soft snores against my skin. The heaviness of him sank into me like a warm blanket, and for a brief moment, I imagined how it’d be to fall asleep in his arms every night and to wake up next to him, just like this. As much as the fantasy was sweet, it would only have a bitter ending.

My fingers slid through his hair, my nails grazing the back of his neck softly, just the way he liked it. My lips parted, wanting to whisper my secret, but I felt choked. The heart is a traitor, and, in that moment, I could feel all my defenses crumbling to the ground.

Maddox grumbled something under his breath, and it sounded like my name. His arm tightened around my hip, and my arms curled around his shoulders as a lone tear slid down my cheeks. I didn’t want to let go… but I had to.

“If I love you, I give you the power to destroy me. I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t be just another girl to you, Maddox. I need to be more; I deserve more, and I don’t think you can give that. I can’t risk us and what we are. We’re beautiful… just like this. Friends.”

I prayed Maddox woke up in the morning with no memory of what we had just done.

I’d take this secret to my grave, and I would bear this guilt on my own.