Indiscreet by Nicole French

22

“Well? What do you think?”

I stood on the edge of a marina in Redondo Beach, pulling my hair into a ponytail over my shoulder while I examined the long, white boat bobbing in front of me.

Hakeem and Garrett lingered a solid fifty feet away, chatting at the marina’s entrance and making sure no one disturbed us. After leaving the studio under the cover of another SUV, we’d managed to elude the photographers that always seemed to hover at the entrance. I didn’t know where we were going, but I appreciated the way Will’s entire body seemed to relax the second the looming buildings of Beauregard dropped out of sight.

“It’s…wow.” I squatted down to run a hand over the shiny white edge of the boat, then looked up at Will. “Is it yours?”

I didn’t know why, but the idea scared me. Was Will the kind of person who would buy a twenty-foot sailboat on a whim? Was he…was he planning to stay in Los Angeles after shooting wrapped in two weeks and hadn’t told me?

I still didn’t know, did I?

“No, no, no,” Will scoffed. “It belongs to Corbyn. He said we could borrow it for the afternoon.” He hopped on board and started untying the rope that kept one end of the boat anchored to the dock, then stopped with sudden worry. “You don’t get seasick, do you? I figured since you grew up on a lake…”

I shook my head as I stood back up. “No, I don’t. But…”

Will began coiling the rope in one corner of the boat. “What, babe?”

“Well, I don’t know how to sail. Don’t you, um, need some help maneuvering this thing?” I looked doubtfully up and down the boat, which, though very beautiful, also seemed pretty massive.

Will grinned, his smile refracting the bright late summer sunlight. “Lil, you know I basically grew up on one of these things, right?”

“Yeah, but wasn’t the last time you were on a boat when you…”

“Crashed one in Maine and faked my own death?” His grin expanded, cheeky. Almost delighted. Out here on the water, Will’s face glowed with a boyish light I had never seen before. He started pulling on a few other things.

“Come aboard,” he said, holding a hand out to me.

Cautiously, I stepped onto the boat, steadying myself against the light rocking.

“Take a seat over there,” Will said, pointing to the bench seats situated around a small table in front of the steering wheel, or whatever it was called.

I did as I was told while he moved around, doing whatever needed to be done to get us going. I watched, enthralled with his obvious competence with all of the equipment that was completely foreign to me.

“How big is it?” I wondered.

“Huh? Oh…she’s about eighteen feet, I think.”

“She…” I mused to myself when Will lapsed naturally into a sailor’s lexicon. I sat back in the seat and continued to watch him. He seemed more at ease going about these little tasks than at any other time I’d seen him.

Then I brightened. “Hey!” I shouted.

Will popped up with alarm. He pulled his sunglasses down, and his green eyes pierced. “What? What’s wrong?” He glanced all around the marina. “Is someone here?”

I grinned. “My, she sure is yar!” I pronounced, proudly quoting from Philadelphia Story, which I knew Will owned in his collection back at the lake.

His forehead crinkled adorably for a second or two. But then, as the quote registered, Will tipped his head back and laughed, really and truly, from deep down in his gut, louder and fuller than I’d ever heard him. I grinned back, feeling like I’d won the jackpot.

“Oh, shit,” he said as he wiped tears from his eyes. “You’re so fucking cute, Lil. You really are.” He clambered to me from the front of the boat, clasped my face over the back of the bench seat, and pressed a solid, full kiss to my still smiling lips. “God, I love you,” he pronounced as he stood back up. “You don’t know shit about sailing, Lily pad, but I love you like crazy.”

“Hoist the jib!” I called as he moved back to the front of the boat. “Drop the mainsail! Shiver me timbers! Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!”

Will just laughed even harder with every nonsensical nautical phrase I shouted. I relaxed and watched his perfectly shaped backside as he moved back to the tasks at hand. If this was all we were going to be doing, I was fine with that.

* * *

It wasa good day for sailing, or at least that’s what Will said. A decent breeze made the boat fly over the waves, but nothing was so choppy that I ever felt jarred or even the slightest bit scared. For the most part, Will handled everything himself, even when a few big gusts of wind sent the boat off course. Only a few times did he direct me to help—mainly with anchoring—but he was a good teacher and could direct a complete sailing novice like me efficiently and easily.

We dropped anchor somewhere south of LA, in a harbor below steep cliffs covered with succulents and shrubs and topped with a lighthouse. Once we were set, I climbed to the front of the boat, where Will had spread a few large towels. We lay on our backs, watching the clouds rush by while waves lapped at the sides of the boat.

I peered toward the horizon, which was partially blocked by a long, low-lying land mass. “What’s that?” I pointed toward the shape.

Will followed my gaze. “Oh, that’s Catalina Island. It’s pretty, but kind of touristy.”

I shielded my eyes to look more closely. “Could we sail there?”

“We could. Not today, but we could. I’d rather go to the upper Channel Islands, though. No hotels or anything, so there aren’t as many crowds.” He turned to me curiously. “I never asked, but do you like camping, Lil?”

I shrugged. “Sure, it’s all right.”

Growing up in Eastern Washington, I’d done my fair share of camping around Spokane, Northern Idaho, and Montana, especially when Lucas and I were in high school. The woods were a common way for kids to get out of their parents’ supervision and police purview. They were also my escape from my mother’s problems (and boyfriends).

Will relaxed back into the towel. “Good,” he murmured. “Good.”

I sighed, leaning back into his chest while the sun sank a little toward the place where sky met sea.

“Did you always like camping?” I wondered. “When you were younger, I mean?”

Will nodded. “I did, yeah. My dad used to take me sometimes. We would sail, actually. That was originally how I learned, although later on I took lessons too. Dad was a great sailor. One summer we took over a week to sail up the coast of Long Island, all the way out to the east end of it, staying at campgrounds along the way.”

I frowned. “Does Long Island have campgrounds? I thought it was all suburbs and ritzy houses.”

Will chuckled. “A lot of it is. But there are plenty of places, especially farther out, where you can anchor and camp. Dad had a catamaran, without a cabin or anything, so sometimes we landed right on the beach and slept there. Who knows if we were allowed to? He never cared, actually.”

I nuzzled into his chest, enjoying the warmth. Maybe that was why Will always seemed to smell slightly of a spray of water, like fresh rain or a briny wave. The water was where his heart had always been.

“Why didn’t you get a boat for the lake?” I wondered. “Most people have speedboats, but I’ve seen a few little sailboats around.”

“I thought about it,” he admitted. “But…I don’t know, Lil. It always seemed so…exposed. Being out there on the water like that. It’s not like the ocean, you know? There’s nowhere to run on a lake.”

“Well, you managed to hide there successfully for four years,” I remarked, only a little bitter.

Will was quiet, sensing my tension. His stomach muscles flexed as he kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry I never told you,” he said quietly, again with that odd ability of his to read my thoughts.

I nosed into his chest. “You’re forgiven.” And it was true. It was too soon to have forgotten that betrayal, but I meant what I said. I had forgiven him for everything. “There’s one thing I still don’t understand, though. The logistics of it. How could you have lived there for years without anyone seeing you, ever? How did you get food? How did you have the place remodeled like that? What about buying your car or going to the doctor or…”

I continued to gesture with my hand, indicating all of the ways a person had to interact with others at some point. There was no way Will could have avoided them all.

Will squeezed me with the arm around my shoulders, and held up his other hand to count on his fingers as he spoke. “Food: I ordered it. You didn’t ask, but I also had a housekeeper who would come twice a month. I’d go camping, and he or she—I never met them—would clean and deliver groceries. Sort of like a property manager, I guess. So that was that.” He crossed his ankles, getting more comfortable as he spoke. “The house remodel was harder. I lived in another rental for the better part of six months while Benny acted as a middle man. He really, really hated that, but I couldn’t risk it. It took me two full years to grow my hair out, you know, and close to one for the beard.”

I twisted around to look at him. I’d gotten used to the way he looked now—and he was ridiculously handsome—but I sort of missed the hair and the beard. Though I spent weeks wondering what he looked like under that mask of sorts, I still associated them with the Will I had first met—someone rough, unpolished, beautifully broken. Now, all buffed and perfect for the camera, he often looked almost inaccessible.

Will turned on his side so we were facing each other. His green eyes reflected the blue of the sky and the water, turning them more turquoise than green.

My stomach settled. He was still my Will, no matter what length his hair.

“And the doctor?” I prodded his washboard belly. “Dentist? How did you take care of yourself for all that time?”

“Well, I’ll tell you this, Lil.” He smiled grimly, revealing teeth that had been whitened since he’d arrived in LA. “I did the best I could, but I still had to have four cavities filled when I got to New York.” His smile turned lopsided. “Bad, huh?”

“You don’t want to know how much dental work Mama has had.” I shook my head. “Was it really that bad before? So bad that you had to flee everything? Everyone? So bad that you couldn’t even take care of yourself properly?”

Will sighed again, rolling onto his back. “You want the truth? It didn’t really feel like that to me. Not until…well, not until maybe a few months before we met.”

“You weren’t lonely?”

“No, I was definitely lonely. But no more than when I had millions of people watching my every move. But I…okay, so I guess I thought of it kind of like this. I’d grown up with this incredibly privileged life—a life no normal kid ever comes close to having. I’d never had to do chores. Never had to go to school. Never had a shitty teenager job. I got everything I wanted so long as I memorized a few lines.” He folded his long hands over his chest. “And then I was alone. I imagined I was one of those kids out in the bush way back when. I didn’t want to be around anyone else because I wanted to see if I could survive without them. Without anyone.” He turned again and blinked almost guiltily. “I sound like a jackass, don’t I?”

I couldn’t help but smile a little. “Maybe a little. I mean, living in a beautiful house on a lake and missing some dentist appointments isn’t exactly having to kill your dinner in the woods.”

Will snorted. “Yeah, no shit. But in the end, I still found out the same thing. That all I needed was myself.”

I closed my eyes. I opened my mouth to say, “all I need is you,” but immediately I knew that wasn’t true. As much as we wanted to, Will and I couldn’t live in a bubble for the rest of our lives. It was a tempting thought—find another lake house, sky-high apartment, bungalow tucked in the hills, and build a fortress around it so no one could bother us again.

But then what? Stay in a cage of our own making? The future in that direction seemed blurry and unclear, probably because there was nowhere to go.

If I looked the other way, though, I saw a mass of possibilities. A house, maybe on the lake or somewhere like it, in a community where we could learn to trust people, be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Raise our children.

The thought made my breath come up short, particularly given the previous conversation we’d had. I had never really thought about having children before that night, but lately I’d found myself imagining those three curly-haired kids all the time.

I had grown up the child of someone who so clearly resented me for existing. What did I know about being a good mother? And yet…when I looked at the man next to me, I knew that I wanted everything with him that was possible. I wanted a home. I wanted a family. I wanted a real future, and not just one that required me to hide away in luxury cages and play shell games with multiple cars.

But…did he? Would he? Ever?

I opened my mouth to ask him, but for some reason, cowered back.

“Where are we?” I asked, gesturing toward the lighthouse atop the cliffs overhead. “This is so private. I didn’t realize there were any parts of LA where there were no…”

“People?” Will chuckled, then caught my hand and pulled it over his chest. He had taken his shirt off to enjoy the sunshine, and I luxuriated in the warmth of his skin, not to mention the view it provided.

“Well…yeah.”

He smiled. “That’s Palos Verdes. Actually, plenty of people live there, on the other side. The cliffs make it harder for spies. I used to know a lot of people who lived in that area, though, because of the relative privacy.”

I hated the cynicism in his voice. When I looked closely, I could actually see the edges of a few houses that peeked over, but they weren’t as smashed together as other parts of LA.

“Will?” I asked as he drifted a hand lazily over my bare shoulders. His breaths were starting to grow long. I wondered if he was close to sleep.

“What’s that, Lil?”

I swallowed. No, I couldn’t let this go. “We need to decide. What we’re going to do, I mean. After the shoot.”

Underneath my cheek blew a heavy sigh. Will’s hand burrowed into my hair, but instead of letting him pull me close, instead I sat up so I could look down at him.

“They’re planning to release in May,” he said quietly. “Which means starting in April, I’ll have to start heavy promotion, and that won’t end until close to July, maybe later depending on the international premieres.”

The dread in his eyes hurt my heart.

“After that…” He pushed a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Get away. Find someplace they can’t bother us anymore. Back to the lake or…or somewhere else.”

I watched him for a long time. There wasn’t any kind of joy in his suggestion. No hope.

But then another thought occurred to me.

“And so what if they do?” I asked as I rolled over him. “Find us, I mean.”

Will blinked as I sat up. One blond brow arched delicately. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Lil.”

I pressed a kiss to his neck, trailing down lightly over his Adam’s apple, over the pulse that started to thump a little harder. “What do we have to hide?”

Will didn’t reply as I sat back up, and he looked around. We were the only boat in the harbor, and there was no one on the cliffs or down by the sand. For miles, we were the only people in sight. But even if we weren’t, I didn’t want to live my life on the run, like a pair of criminals.

Slowly, I reached down, took the hem of my t-shirt, and pulled it over my head, maintaining eye contact almost the entire time. Will watched, transfixed, as I reached behind me and unhooked my bra.

His green eyes widened. “Lil…”

“There’s no one here, babe.”

My hair fell over my shoulders, and a few strands picked up lightly in the wind. When Will looked at me like this, I didn’t care where I was. When he looked at me like this, I could do anything.

Will, however, remained frozen except for one particular part of him that had hardened between my legs. Gently, I gyrated my hips over it. Will hissed.

“You’re playing with fire, there, Lily pad,” he said as his eyes darkened, though his hands had already started to slide up my thighs.

I pulled the straps down my shoulders, one at a time.

I let the garment drop, baring myself completely in the open air. Will didn’t even blink, staring at my breasts like he had never seen them before. Slowly, very slowly, he released a long, restrained breath through his nose. The fingers on my thighs tightened.

I leaned down, hovering so that my nipples grazed his chest, making both our breaths come up short.

“Against your shack,” I whispered. “Your deck. Moon Rock. The coat closet at the premiere party…I could go on, Baker.”

Will licked his lips. “Your point?”

“You have a thing for public places—haven’t you noticed.” I drifted my mouth over his. “I think you want to live your life in the open. I don’t think you want to hide at all.”

He sucked in a breath, but didn’t move as I continued to play my body over his.

“You want me to stop?” I asked, my voice huskier than normal.

A muscle in Will’s jaw ticked. “No,” he whispered.

Then he wrapped a big palm around my neck and tugged me down for a kiss. But unlike the ones I had dusted over his neck and shoulder, this one showed no clemency. Will’s mouth was insistent. Free.

“More?” he whispered after he finally released me. His fingers were now tangled in the hair above my nape. Our lips hovered again.

I hummed. “Yes. Do you?”

In answer, I was flipped onto my back, then yanked up onto Will’s thighs so that we were sitting up, face to face once more. With a solid grip on my legs, Will stood up, walking me over to the cabin entrance despite the rocking of the boat.

“Here comes the caveman,” I teased as he wobbled us down the stairs.

“Hush,” ordered Will before giving another voracious kiss that silenced my words. Two more seconds, and I was tossed summarily onto a large bed that took up most of the cabin.

“Ahh!” I shrieked as I hit the pillows.

“I said hush.” His words snapped, but the boyish grin dancing across his features sang a different tune. “And take off your shorts.”

I obeyed while Will hurriedly stripped off his own clothes. The second they were off, everything of mine was ripped away and replaced with six feet, three inches of man between my thighs. Will buried his face between them like he was starved, sucking, licking, nipping. His tongue found my clit unerringly, and I jerked against him, threading my fingers into his hair to urge him on.

“Oh!” I shouted as two fingers slipped inside me.

But Will didn’t quiet me again, with kisses or anything else. Out here, on the open water, we could be as loud as we liked.

“WILL!” His name burst from my chest like a siren while an orgasm seethed through me, shaking me from the tip of my toes to the ends of my hair. My hands gripped his scalp, urging him on, and on until it became too much to bear. “Will…” I whimpered his name again as the last of it coursed through me. An echo.

And at last, he lifted his head, then pressed kisses and licks up my stomach, under my breasts, pausing briefly to suckle each tender nipple, before his cock found me aching for him.

He pushed in slightly, giving me a moment to adjust to his size. My eyes bulged. It didn’t matter how many times we did this—he always took some getting used to, a few breaths for my body to mold to his shape all over again.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked as he pushed in another inch or two. “Up there, teasing me like that?”

I strained slightly against his size. But after a few more seconds, I was able to accommodate him again.

His hand drifted over my body, fingers tickling, tugging my nipples, taking a light grip around my neck, then drifting up to slip a thumb into my mouth.

“Suck,” Will ordered as he sank in deeper, eyes closing when he sheathed himself completely in my warm depths.

I hummed around his finger, then sucked obediently as he began to move.

“Mmmmmmm.” His hum was an echo of mine, the two of us harmonizing on the same plane of delight, ecstasy. Homecoming.

He pulled his thumb out of my mouth with a light pop, then slid his arm under my back and lifted me, weightlessly, so that I was balanced on his thighs.

“This is all that matters,” he whispered as we began to rock together. “Us, Lil. You and me. That’s it. That’s all.”

I knew it wasn’t true. I knew that there were others we needed to think about. His relationship with his mother. My relationship with mine. Friends. Family. Jobs. Our lives.

But when we were together, when our bodies met and made such incredible music together, it was easy to block out all the noise that threatened to drown us out.

The delicious pressure between us continued to build, vibrating through me, through him, as we ground into one another, trying to get closer, closer, but never able to get enough.

“Fuck, Lily,” Will hissed as my teeth found his shoulder. His hand tried to slip between us, but I batted it away. The friction between our bodies was enough.

“It’s too much,” I moaned as the hand on my hip forced me to take him even deeper.

“It’s never enough,” he gritted out as he slapped his palm against the wall behind him, his other hand placing an iron grip on my hip to keep me still as he drove into me from below. “You’ll take it because it’s never enough, Maggie. Do you hear me? It’s never enough with us.”

“YES!” I screamed, as a second orgasm tore through me. “Oh God, yes, I hear you!”

Will gave a loud, animal yell as I squeezed around him. “FUCK!” he shouted, his deep voice reverberating off the walls. “Oh, Jesus, Lily!”

“Will!”

We fell apart together, diving into each other’s bodies like we were diving into the sea—but instead of cold water, we were a refuge of warmth. Will, sweaty and trembling, shook as he finally released all the worries and fears he carried on a daily basis. And I took them all and let them float, lost in a cloud of ecstasy, but also in the knowledge of how much of an anchor this man had become in my life. A life that, before him, had been filled with nothing but questions.

“Do you know?” he asked some time later, as we came down from our mutual highs and the boat slowly rocked us into a hazy dream. “I’m not sure I care.”

“Hmm?” Sleepily, I pushed a lock of hair off my forehead, but didn’t move. “What about?”

“I don’t care where we go. What we do.” He nuzzled against my hair, stroking my shoulder lightly as he inhaled. “I don’t care where I am so long as I’m with you.”

The words were simple, even a bit clichéd. But Will had never been one for flowery statements or poetry. His words were true, clean, and clear, and I knew he meant them.

A cloud lifted as they sank into my soul. The world outside this small room, this small bed, didn’t seem so scary. Instead, I could feel it calling to us, expansive and free.

And yet, even as we drifted, I still had this terrible feeling that maybe this afternoon, its idyllic peace, was an illusion. That maybe the freedom I felt wasn’t real after all. Maybe we were just in the eye of the storm.