Hunting for Silence by Robert Thier

Plans for the Future

It took a bit longer to get inside than I anticipated, due to the fact that my bodyguard dragged me off and tried to stuff me into the nearest cab. Apparently, he for some reason took the ‘guard’ part of ‘bodyguard’ to include guarding his employer’s lady friend from strolling around seedy East End brothels. Eventually, by use of logical arguments and a sharp-tipped parasol, I managed to convince him to let me go—but not before I had found a place to change from my lady’s garb into the trousers of my male alter ego.

I guess I could see his point. It might create a bit of a stir if an underage girl marched into the Pussycat Palace and demanded some special time with the lovely Amy.

‘Mr Linton!’ The madam greeted me with a beaming smile when she saw me enter. ‘So happy to see you again, dearie!’ Then her face darkened. ‘He isn’t with you, is he?’

I could guess the reason for her tone.

‘Mr Ambrose doesn’t tip well, does he?’

‘Ha! Forget the ‘well’, and you’ve the truth of it, dearie.’ The madam pulled a face. ‘Oh well, the less that’s said about ‘im, the better. Are ye ‘ere to see Amy again, love?’

Behind me, I practically heard Karim’s beard bristle.

‘Again?’ he hissed. ‘You’ve been here before?’

I batted my eyelashes up at him. ‘And you didn’t even notice. You’re slipping. Must be old age setting in. How’s your rheumatism?’

‘You…you…!’

I turned back towards the madam. ‘Yes, I’m here to see Amy.’

‘Lovely!’ The madam clapped her hands. ‘Ye know, dearie, she’s quite taken with you. That smile, every time you pop up…I think she’s hopin’ ye’ll make an honest woman out of her one of these days.’

‘She doesn’t. She really, really doesn’t. Trust me.’

‘Oh, well, if ye say so, dearie. Come, let’s go up. She’s probably heard ye and is already waitin’.’

‘Certainly.’ I gave the middle-aged woman a smile. ‘And while I amuse myself, would you mind keeping my companion entertained? I’m sure you could find some interesting way for him to pass the time.’

From behind me, I heard a strangled noise.

‘Certainly, certainly, dearie! Go right up, ye know the way. And as for you, my big, handsome man…’

‘Avaunt, woman! Do not soil me with your tainted touch!’

‘Oh, I won’t touch ye.’

‘You won’t?’

‘No, silly! My girls will take care of that. Sally! Rose! Elsie! Come here! I’ve got a customer for you!’

Smiling contentedly, I marched upstairs, while from behind me came the sounds of a man being overrun by superior forces. Poor Karim. But then again, he did volunteer to be my bodyguard. People who do reckless, foolhardy things like that should learn the consequences early.

Upstairs, I quickly found the door to Amy’s room and knocked.

‘Come in,’ came a sultry voice from the other side.

Putting a hand over my eyes, I stuck my head in through the door. ‘Are you only moderately indecent? How much, on a scale from one to ten?’

‘Lilly!’

The silly sultry tone vanished in an instant. A vice-tight hug engulfed me—Bloody hell, that girl had strength for someone who lay on her back all day!—and pulling me inside, she kicked the door shut behind us. Carefully, I peeked between two fingers and saw fabric. That was encouraging. I opened a few more fingers, revealing more fabric, hair and…

‘Get that hand away from your face, you silly goose! I’m dressed!’

‘Ha!’ I snorted. ‘Silly, my arse! Do you remember what you looked like last time I came in here?’

‘Hm…’ She scratched her head. ‘I don’t really know. I can’t remember anything at the moment.’

‘That was exactly it. Not anything.’

‘Oh, well…’ She shrugged. ‘It ain’t like you saw anything you didn’t know was there, right?’

‘Amy.’ Shaking my head, I grinned at her. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘Me too. Me too.’

We hugged again and settled down on two chairs by the window. Keeping our voices low so as not to be overheard through the paper-thin walls, we exchanged all the latest gossip. Amy and I led lives that were about as different as they could be, and so neither of us ever grew tired of hearing about the other’s latest adventures. But we had one single, all-important thing in common: both of us were single women without inherited wealth, trying to make a living for ourselves in a world ruled by men. That had created a special bond between us. That, and the solid chocolate I brought with me on every visit.

Sadly, our discussion couldn’t last long. The madam was a suspicious old fox. If she’d gotten wind of Amy wasting time talking while she could be doing other, much more expensive things, she’d have a fit. So, after a few minutes of gossip, we got up on the bed.

‘It is time, my love,’ Amy declared dramatically, falling back, and throwing her arms wide. ‘Have your wicked way with me!’

I slugged her in the face with a pillow.

‘How dare you!’ She grinned. ‘I thought you loved me! I shall be avenged!’ And, grabbing the nearest pillow, she aimed a blow for my head. I ducked and hit back right away.

We managed three rounds of pillow fights before collapsing gasping on the bed. Amy had won two-to-one, but right now I didn’t care. I hadn’t had this much fun all week. Plus, we had done a pretty convincing performance for the madam. With all the creaking and screaming that had been going on, she’d probably charge me double. Ah, the price of friendship…

‘You wore me out!’ Amy groaned. ‘I’m gonna complain to that man of yours when ‘e’s comin’ back.’

‘By all means, tell him I’ve been visiting a brothel in his absence. I’ll write you a nice obituary.’

‘Ha! I can defend myself. If anythin’, it’s ‘is obituary you’ll have to write.’

My first instinct was to laugh—but the laugh caught in my throat. Would I be writing his obituary soon? A shiver went down my back at the thought. It was less impossible than I hoped. I had no idea where exactly he was right now or what he was doing. All I knew was it was damnably dangerous. He could be lying in some dark alleyway bleeding from a bullet wound, for all I knew.

‘Lilly? Lilly, did I say something wrong?’

Amy’s voice intruded on my silly panic. Because that’s what it was. Silly. Yes. Mr Ambrose was fine. Perfectly. Maybe if I told myself that often enough, I would even believe it.

‘I…it’s nothing, Amy. I just…’ I swallowed. ‘I…he…’

And the dam broke. The whole story just burst out of me—how Mr Ambrose had left me behind, and how I had no idea whether he still loved me or not, how annoyed I was at how much I bloody cared, and, and…

‘…and I don’t know what to do, Amy.’ I looked at her and knew that if I were to look in the mirror instead, I’d see something in my eyes that I was not used to seeing there: fear. ‘I just don’t know what to do. We’ve been in danger before, yes—but back then, we were together. I could watch his back. Now…now it all just feels wrong. What should I do?’

Amy looked at me with eyes far too wise for her tender age. ‘Ye already know what ye should do, don’t ye?’

*~*~**~*~*

When, ten minutes later, I descended from the upper floor, Karim was waiting for me in the foyer beside a smiling madam. His turban sat askew and his beard stood on end. There was a rouge stain on the tip of his nose.

‘I shall have my vengeance on you one day,’ he said with a face as grim as a grimoire. ‘When you least expect it, I shall strike!’

‘How lovely. I had a very nice time, too, thanks for asking. Shall we go?’

In reply, Karim muttered something incomprehensible (and probably life-threatening) and followed me out the door. After finding a place to change back into my lady attire once again, I returned, full of thoughts and plans. But I had no time to execute any of them.

‘Lill! Thank God you’re home!’ Ella rushed towards me before the front door had even closed and grasped my hands. ‘Aunt has gone completely mad! She’s dead set on finding husbands for us at the Duchess’s ball! “A last ditch effort” she called it! If we don’t find suitable men to marry, she’s threatened to give us to the next best man she can get her hands on!’

‘So what?’ I demanded. ‘No matter what she says, she’ll still need us to say yes at the altar.’

Ella shuddered. ‘Yes, but if your guardians demand it of you, who would be brave enough to say no?’

I refrained from giving the obvious answer—‘Me!’—because it wouldn’t be of much use to my dear little sister. She wasn’t like me. And I didn’t even want her to be. She might have the backbone of a sickly little daisy, but she was the sweetest, kindest girl on earth—especially to me. The times in my early days when she had bandaged me up after one of my shenanigans had gone awry were too many to count, and never had she told on me to my aunt or uncle. True, half of the time she had still accidentally given me away, because she blushed like a tomato and was the worst liar in the world, but it was the thought that counted. I wouldn’t judge her for being who she was. Well, not much.

‘And anyway,’ Ella continued, ‘if we don’t agree, she could turn us out of the house.’

She had me there. If Aunt and Uncle threw us out, we’d be homeless.

Or we would have been, said a little voice in the back of my mind, until recently.

‘So what?’ I demanded impulsively. ‘Let her go the devil! We don’t need her. We can rent a flat.’

Ella’s eyes went as wide as extremely scared, forkophobic dinner plates.

‘Rent a flat? You’re mad! How? With whose money?’

Mine. I’ve been saving for over a year now. I could do it.

The realization that I was no longer in my aunt’s power was almost scary.

‘I’d find a way,’ I said aloud. One day I would tell her the truth. One day. But not today. Today, after my talk with Amy, I had too much on my mind. Too much to do to waste my time with my aunt’s stupid schemes.

‘You are mad,’ Ella concluded. ‘Or sick. Let me feel your forehead. Do you have a fever? Do you feel hot?’

‘I am perfectly fine. And I’m telling you the truth, Ella. I would be able to support the two of us somehow.’

She didn’t look as if she believed me. And I didn’t dare tell her the truth. If my aunt squeezed it out of her, she would lock me up in my room and not let me out for a year. I might be moderately independent, from a financial point of view, but I was still a minor. Only on my twenty-first birthday would that old vulture lose all control over me, and that was still far in the future. Ella’s even farther. I couldn’t leave her alone to fend for herself. I had to help her somehow.

She gave me a sad little smile.

‘Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Lill. But I can’t run away. It’s not me. I just can’t!’

‘Ella, I—’

‘I know what you’ll say! That I’m being a bad, disobedient child, and that I should be grateful to her for all the good she’s done for me.’

No, that was actually not what was I was going to say. That sounded more like the kind of nonsense she would spout on occasion.

‘And I suppose I am being ungrateful, Lill, but I just can’t help it! I…there’s something you don’t know, and…’ She was squirming like an eel on trial for being too slippery. ‘I cannot say. I’ve sworn to keep it secret, but there’s something…Oh, this is torture! If only I could tell you! But…no, I can’t! I just can’t! I…I don’t know what to do, I—’

‘Oh, put a sock in it already, will you?’ I interrupted. ‘I know all about you and Edmund.’

Ella blinked.

‘You…know?’

‘Yes.’

‘You can’t know!’

‘Edmund. Piano tuner’s son. About this high, brown hair, brown eyes. Lives next door. Occupation: piano tuner. Hobbies: classical music, the occasional flutter, and smooching my little sister in the moonlight.’

‘You do know!’

‘Yes.’

‘Everything?’

‘Well, let me put it this way—there was this one time when you went to his house in the middle of the night, and he fell down while trying to climb out of the window, and you grabbed him, and pulled him in for a great, big—’

Ella’s face flushed beet-red. I hadn’t seen her looking so guilty since she was five and I had caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. She hadn’t actually taken any cookies, of course, but to make up for the sin of contemplation, she baked us fresh cookies three times in a row.

‘So you do know! But…how?’

I patted her on the back. ‘Sisterly intuition.’

Also, I had been listening in on her secret garden rendezvous from behind the nearest bush for, oh…how long had it been? One year?

Ella gazed up at me with tear-filled eyes. ‘What should I do, Lill? Aunt has her heart set on me making a good match, and yet…I can’t. I just can’t marry anybody else. I love him.’

A year or two ago I would have scoffed. I would have told her that without men, the world would be a much simpler place. Now, however…

The world would be a much simpler place without solid chocolate, too. Did that mean I wanted it to disappear to keep my butt from getting bigger?

Hell no!

Hugging my little sister to me, I murmured meaningless, comforting words.

‘What should I do?’ she repeated, gazing up at her big sister as if I had all the answers in the universe. ‘What can I do?’

What could she do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Against Aunt Brank’s greed and social aspirations, Ella was helpless.

What I could do, on the other hand – well, that was a totally different matter. There wasn’t a second to waste. It was time to get down to business.