Hunting for Silence by Robert Thier

A Beautiful Bowl of Carrots

Ella spent the next half hour on the toilet, while I spent the time inconspicuously carrying a soiled mattress out of a busy hotel in the middle of the busiest season. Oh, the joys of a holiday in the country!

Next, I went to have a little chat with the hotel manager. A maid was kind enough to point me in the direction of his office. Following her instructions, I soon stood before mahogany double doors with a golden door knocker. I raised my hand and knocked.

‘Come in,’ came a man’s voice from beyond.

I pushed open the door and entered an opulent room full of plush leather armchairs, bookshelves filled with old books, and paintings in golden frames. A year or two ago, such opulent surroundings might have intimidated me. Now, I knew what real wealth and power looked like. Striding past all the pretentious opulence, I planted myself in front of the manager’s desk and gazed down at him.

‘We have things to discuss.’

‘Ah.’ He swallowed nervously. ‘Miss Linton. Your sister’s ailment…it is serious, then?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh. I, um…should I…well…’

It was almost amusing, watching him squirm while he tried to think of a diplomatic way to ask whether we had to be put under quarantine. Under normal circumstances, I had no doubt Ella and I would already be out in the street, far away from any other hotel guests we might infect—never mind he didn’t even know yet what sickness we were dealing with, and whether it was contagious. Fear was contagious, and fear would have been enough.

Except, in this case, there was something more frightening than some unnamed sickness.

‘I spoke to Mr Ambrose last night,’ I told him.

The manager’s face lost quite a bit of colour.

‘Y-you did?’

‘Yes. He told me how adequate your services in support of me and my family have been thus far.’

The manager managed a tremulous little smile.

‘Adequate. How wonderful.’

‘He also said he would be…displeased were you to waver in your helpful attitude.’

‘I see.’ The manager cleared his throat. ‘Um, Miss Linton?’

‘Yes?’

‘May I ask what kind of sickness your sister has contracted?’

I gave him a long, hard look.

‘Helpful, remember? Not nosy.’

‘Yes, Miss! Certainly, Miss.’

‘Let’s just say that for the time being, it would be best if your personal did not enter the top floor of the hotel. Tell them that my sister is recuperating from a nervous breakdown and must under no circumstances be disturbed.’

‘Yes, Miss.’

‘Have the staff leave meals in front of the door and knock. From time to time, I might send down lists of items I need. I expect deliveries to be made promptly and completely. Do we understand each other?’

Defeated, he inclined his head.

‘Yes, Miss.’

‘The first item I require is a fresh mattress.’

‘A…mattress, Miss?’

‘Yes.

‘Of course, Miss. Straight away, Miss.’

My heart pounding, I turned and marched out of the room. Only when I was outside, I sank against the wall, trembling.

It had worked! He’d actually let us stay. Through sheer determination and a pinch of Rikkard Ambrose, it had worked! Slowly, a grim smile spread across my face.

I think I’m going to like being powerful.

Then the smile withered as I remembered that all the money or connections in the world would not make a jot of difference to Ella. Yes, I could get her the best doctors, the best care—but ultimately, her life lay in the hands of fate.

Straightening, I made my way back towards Ella’s room. It was time I checked on her. I probably shouldn’t have left her alone in the first place. But I had to have that talk with the manager.

Please don’t let her have passed out again. Please.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I opened the door to Ella’s room and found her lying on the chaise lounge, paler and more exhausted than before, but undeniably conscious. Her eyes met mine.

‘Could I have something to drink?’ she croaked, her eyes flitting to the bathroom door. ‘I feel rather…dried up and empty.’

For some reason, I found it hard to answer. So I just nodded, filled a glass with water and handed it to her with shaking hands.

‘Thank you.’

‘Y-you’re welcome.’

I waited in silence as she drank. She didn’t manage more than a couple of gulps before handing the glass black to me. Our eyes strayed once again towards the privy door.

‘You know what this means?’ I nodded towards the door, unable to say it aloud. ‘The doctor told you?’

Ella glanced away. ‘Yes.’

I stepped forwards to take her in my arms—but quickly, she threw her hands up. ‘No! Don’t touch me! Don’t come any closer! It’s bad enough that you’re in here with me. I won’t allow you to risk any more infection.’

One of my eyebrows rose. ‘Try and stop me. You’re not exactly in prime wrestling condition right now. I’m going to take care of you, whether you like it or not.’

‘You…you’re impossible! Why do you always have to be so stubborn?’

I grinned at her. ‘It’s one of my most endearing qualities.’

She opened her mouth, probably to tell me how ‘endearing’ she found my endearing qualities, but was cut off by a knock at the door.

‘Hello?’ came an all-too-familiar voice from outside. The little colour that had still been in Ella’s face drained away like juice from a leaky bowl. ‘May I come in?’

I opened my mouth and was about to say ‘Yes, Edmund, go ahead’, when Ella clapped her hand across my mouth.

‘Nng? Whh arr yo toshng mmm?’ I protested.

‘Shut up shut up shut up!’ she hissed.

‘Yo rr tching mmee. Wot abot rsk ff infexnn?’

‘To heck with infection!’ she hissed. ‘Please don’t let him in! Don’t let him see me like this.’

‘Wot mm I saposssd to tll hm?’

‘Anything! Anything except the truth that I’m lying here, unable to control the need to—!’ She blushed like a virginal volcano before its very first explosion and cut off. ‘Just lie! Lie like the dickens! You’re good at that.’

My, my. It seemed my little sister was taking a walk on the wild side. And all while she was lying in bed unable to stand or control her digestive organs. Impressive.

Gently removing her hand from my mouth, I rose.

Another knock came from the door. ‘Miss Linton? Ella? May I enter?’

Ella sent me a last pleading look.

Rising to my feet, I strode to the door—then tore it open, slipped out and slammed it shut again before Edmund could get a peek inside. Dear me. I would never have thought that years of practise slamming doors in my suitors’ faces would come in this handy.

‘Miss Linton! Thank God!’

Poor Edmund was a sorry sight. To judge by the rings under his eyes, he hadn’t slept all night, but it was the look in his eyes that was most disturbing. There had always been an underlying certainty about Edmund from the moment he’d met my sister. He’d known who he was and where he was going. But now…?

That certainty was gone.

‘Please, Miss Linton, may I see her?’ he asked.

Damn! Damn you, Ella, for making me say no to that sad puppy-dog face!

I magicked a grin onto my face. ‘I’m afraid not right now. She’s, um….resting.’

‘Oh. Well, um…’ He shifted from one foot to another. ‘Then may I have a word with you? I heard the doctor was here, and…’

He didn’t have to say any more. The desperation in his eyes spoke volumes. Volumes of touching, if not particularly original, romantic poetry about red roses, blue violets and words starting with ‘L’.

‘I can’t tell you what they talked about.’ Gently taking him by the arm, I tried to lead him away—but he wouldn’t budge. ‘You know that such things are confidential. Just between a doctor and his patient.’

‘And you, apparently.’

Yes, but I’m a nosy busybody.

‘I’m her sister.’

‘And I’m the man who loves her more than life itself. Please, Miss Linton.’ Grabbing my hand, he moved forward. For a moment, I was puzzled as to what he was up to—then watched aghast, as he sank to his knees. ‘Please. I don’t need any details. I don’t care about confidentialities. I just want to know if she is going to be all right. Please.’

‘Get up!’ I hissed, self-consciously glancing down the corridor.

‘No. Not until you’ve answered.’

‘What if someone comes? It bloody looks as if you’re proposing to me!’

A weak smile tugged on one corner of his lips. ‘Sounds to me like a good motivation to answer.’

The devious little…! Maybe I had underestimated Ella’s prospective bridegroom. But the poor fool didn’t reckon with the lion lurking in the shadows. If Mr Ambrose somehow got wind of this little scene, which, with his army of spies, I wouldn’t put past him, Edmund Conway would be tied up and on a ship to Timbuktu before he could say, ‘Je ne parlais pas Francais.’

I had to do something. And quick!

‘Get up! Get up I said!’

He didn’t move.

‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her, all right? Just get up off the floor!’

‘You will?’ He jumped to his feet eagerly.

‘Yes, um…’ I cleared my throat, desperately trying to search my mind for something to say. ‘The reason I was reluctant to mention anything about Ella is…is…’

…that she is in deep, deep crap right now, too literally to think about. That she might die, and she doesn’t want to hurt you.

‘…is that it’s something rather delicate. A, um…female complaint.’

He blinked. ‘Female complaint? So she’s not suffering from the epidemic that has been rampaging through London?’

‘Oh, no!’ If by ‘no’ you mean ‘yes’. ‘She’s suffering from something completely different. A female nervous disorder named…what did the doctor call it again… Potius Stercoritis.’[50]

Edmund’s eyes went wide. ‘Oh my God! Is it dangerous?’

‘Oh, no, not at all!’

And I should know. After all, I invented it just now.

‘But it is very exhausting and requires the strictest rest. Otherwise, it could turn into Egoiacentemexcogitatositis, and that is deadly.’ [51]

Edmund paled. ‘Heaven help us!’

‘Don’t worry. There are a number of things we can do to prevent that from happening.’

‘What? What, tell me!’

‘Well, on doctor’s orders, Ella must be visited by as few people as possible—preferably close female relatives. They are least likely to disturb the delicate balance of humours and aggravate the Potius Stercoritis.’[52]

‘Certainly, certainly.’ He nodded eagerly. ‘I’ll keep my distance. I promise. What else? Please, Miss Linton, let me help! I’ll do anything!’

‘Um, well…the doctor said…the doctor said that carrots would help.’

‘Carrots?’

I nodded energetically. ‘Oh yes. When peeled, they give off a certain aroma that is particularly beneficial for anybody suffering from Potius Stercoritis.’

‘Wonderful! Tell me more! What else did the doctor say?’

Bloody hell! Why did this fellow have to be so damn steadfast, persistent and concerned for my sister’s well-being? Why couldn’t he be a witless fool, or a heartless bastard just like all the other men who had tried to marry her? That would make this situation so much easier to deal with.

Desperately, I looked from right to left, searching for anything sensible to say. To my left hung a painting of a decorative ocean scene, showing two fishing boats sailing into a harbour. ‘Err…ship planks!’

‘Pardon?’

Edmund blinked.

‘Ship planks,’ I repeated, more confidently. ‘Preferably old and worm-eaten. Stuck under the pillow they are an excellent cure against Potius Stercoritis. And so is seaweed, if applied externally in moderate quantities and mixed with lugworms.’

‘Really?’ Edmund stared into empty air for a moment, then blinked. ‘Lugworms? Amazing what kind of advances modern medicine makes nowadays. I would have never considered using those as medicine.’

Congratulations. You are a moderately sane person.

‘Don’t you worry.’ Taking my hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘I’ll take care of it. And I won’t try to come in again. I won’t disturb Ella unnecessarily. I would never do anything to jeopardize her health.’

Then he whirled and hurried down the corridor.

‘Where are you going?’ I called after him.

‘I’ll be back!’ he yelled, and without another word disappeared around the corner. I stared after him, confused. Where was he off to?

Oh well, it wasn’t really any of my business. Besides, I had more important things to care about. Turning away, I went back into Ella’s room.

‘How did things go?’ Ella croaked.

I looked at her, long and hard.

‘A lot better than I think they’re going to go from here on out.’

Over the day, Ella’s condition rapidly deteriorated. The doctor was called back, and when he left the room this time, there was no mistaking the grim expression on his face.

‘I’m afraid there’s no doubt this time,’ he said. ‘It’s cholera.’

I clawed at my dress to keep my hands from shaking. ‘What can we do?’

‘Not much, I’m afraid. Make sure to give her plenty of water. If you don’t, she’ll dry up and die as if she is stranded in the middle of a desert.’

‘What else?’ I took a step forward. ‘Please, doctor, there must be more I can do!’

‘Well…’ He hesitated. ‘My colleague, Dr Lindstrom, has had not inconsiderable success with adding sugar and salt to water in equal quantities. According to him, it does not cure the sickness, but it does lessen the likeliness of death. The hypothesis hasn’t yet been subjected to clinical trial, though.’

‘Can it hurt?’

‘No.’

‘Then I’ll do it. What else?’

Sadly, he shook his head. ‘There is nothing else, Miss Linton. As yet, the origins of cholera are a mystery to modern science. As long as we don’t know what causes it, we have no way of combatting the disease.’

In the back of my mind, I wondered what Mr Ambrose would say to making a sizable donation to medical research. Maybe I had better wait with that suggestion till after the wedding.

‘And what,’ I asked, my mouth going dry, ‘about the risk of infection?’

The doctor glanced down at the gloves he was wearing.

‘Well, Miss Linton…are you the one who has been taking care of your sister?’

‘I am.’

‘Then maybe you should not get close to anybody over the next few days. Just to be sure.’

Translation: he didn’t have a clue how the sickness spread. Inside my chest, a cold vice clamped tight around my heart. I hadn’t thought I would feel afraid. Not when it was my sister’s life at stake. In the past, I wouldn’t have hesitated an instant to put my life on the line for Ella.

A picture of Mr Ambrose’s hard face appeared in front of my inner eye.

In the past, you didn’t have nearly as much to lose.

Edmund mostly refused to budge from Ella’s door. He didn’t say a word about going in, didn’t once try to disturb her, but he sat out there like a house-trained little dragon in front of the entrance to his personal horde. Every so often I’d catch him throw longing glances at the door. It was almost enough to make me want to let him inside—except I couldn’t. I had promised Ella I wouldn’t. And besides, if what the doctor had hinted about the risk of infection was true, it was best for him to stay far, far away from Ella, or her heart might be just as broken has her body soon.

The same goes for you, Lilly. You should be nowhere near her.

The voice of reason in my head was loud and clear. It sounded very much like Ella. She took every opportunity to tell me to go and leave her to suffer in misery.

‘You’re still healthy,’ she croaked, convulsing as a tremor shook her body. ‘Th-there is no reason for you to fall sick, too. Go! It’s only reasonable.’

‘Is that so?’ I enquired, dipping a cloth in cold water and wiping her forehead. ‘Well, then I guess it’s fortunate that I’ve never been very reasonable.’

‘Lilly! I’m serious.’

‘Too bad. I could use a good joke right about now.’

‘I don’t want you to catch this,’ Ella whispered, reaching out for my hand—then abruptly drawing her fingers back. ‘It’s not right. You have your whole life in front of you.’

‘Really? I must be careful I don’t trip over it.’

‘Besides, the things you have to do to care for me…’ Ella blushed. ‘It’s not right!’

I shrugged. ‘I’ve cleaned you up before.’

‘That’s when I was three and we were potty training!’

‘And to think you still haven’t gotten the hang of it. You really are a slow learner, aren’t you?’

I wasn’t entirely sure how I was still able to joke right now. I only knew that I had to. If I stopped, I would think about what was happening, and I would fall apart. Besides, if anything kept Ella’s mind off the pain she had to be suffering, it was worth it. Even if I annoyed the heck out of her.

‘Lill?’

‘Yes?’

I was waiting for another protest or plea for me to leave. Instead, just words came.

‘Thank you.’

Glancing up, I gazed into my little sister’s eyes, and for once, they weren’t looking away in embarrassment. They were gazing straight into mine. I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

‘You’re welcome.’

‘If anything happens to me…if I don’t…you know… you’ll break it to Edmund gently, won’t you?’

I shook my head vehemently. ‘No.’

‘Lilly! Please, I—’

‘I won’t break anything to him, because nothing is going to happen to you! You’re going to pull through this, do you hear?’ Grabbing her by the chin, I forced her to look at me. ‘That boy has been camping out in front of your door practically every minute since we arrived. He’s worried so sick he’s practically sicker than you are! What do you think will happen if you die?’

Ella gave me a weak mile. ‘Are you honestly trying to guilt me into surviving?’

‘Abso-bloody-lutely, if that’s what it takes!’

‘I don’t think it works like that, Lill.’

‘It does if I say it does! Now eat your broth and concentrate on getting better!’

‘Yes, Ma’am.’

In spite of my clear orders, the stubborn girl’s condition refused to improve. By the time evening had arrived, I had changed her linens half a dozen times and was about ready to drop dead from exhaustion. And Ella…well, she looked as if she already were dead from exhaustion. Her skin was dry and cracked, her hands feeble, and even her eyes, usually shining in a blue as bright as the summer sky, had dulled to the colour of brackish water.

She’s still breathing! As long as she’s breathing, there’s hope!

But was there? A human needed other things besides air to live. Food. Water. A body that wasn’t rebelling against anything and everything.

Finally, around ten pm, Ella dropped into an uneasy sleep, and I stepped out of the room into the corridor, dragging in a deep breath. I hardly remembered what clean air smelled like. Were the people who believed that disease spread through bad air correct? If so, Ella was doing her very best to spread it. But somehow, I couldn’t quite believe that theory. If bad smells spread sickness, my Uncle Bufford’s socks should have been the origin of the world’s greatest plague. So far, my aunt hadn’t succumbed to the Black Death on laundry day.[53]

Blinking at the corridor in front of me, I frowned. I was so exhausted I hadn’t noticed at first, but…something was wrong with this picture. Where was Ella’s staunch little watchdog? Edmund had hardly moved one inch away from the door since he’d heard the doctor’s diagnosis. Had he given up already? If he’d forsaken my sister…!

Before I could even finish the thought, I heard someone quickly approaching from around the corner. A moment later, Edmund appeared at the end of the corridor, a big smile on his face and an even bigger bowl in his hands.

‘I’ve got them! I’ve got them, Miss Linton! It took me a while, but I didn’t give up! The very best quality, and peeled, too.’

‘Pardon?’

For a moment, I considered whether someone had peeled his brains out of his skull. What was he babbling about?

My confidence in Edmund’s sanity wasn’t exactly reaffirmed when, a moment later, he came to a halt in front of me and pressed a giant bowl full of carrots into my hands.

‘Err…thank you?’

‘Real beauties, aren’t they?’ he beamed. ‘I walked three miles to get the very best quality from a nearby farmers’ market.’

‘Good for you.’

‘Do you think they’ll help?’

‘Help?’

‘With the Potius Stercoritis.’

‘The wha—oh!’ It took my exhausted mind a moment or two to remember. When I did, I nearly wanted to burst out laughing. But I was far too tired. So, instead, I picked one of the carrots out of the bowl and took a bite. Hey, why not? I hadn’t had the chance to eat in a while.

‘Hm…not bad.’ I took another bite. ‘Not bad at all.’

Edmund’s smile widened. ‘Really? You think they’ll help?’

‘Definitely. You wouldn’t happen to have a ham sandwich, too, would you?’

‘Why? Could that also help against Potius Stercoritis?’

I took another bite. Who would have ever guessed carrots could be so delicious? ‘Most definitely.’

‘I’ll go get it right away!’

‘Don’t be sparing with the ham.’

‘I won’t, I promise! I’ll be back in a moment!’

Smiling, I looked after the young man as he dashed away, and then took another bite of carrot. Love was such a beautiful thing.

If it survives.

No. I couldn’t think like that, or I would break down. Ella would survive. I would survive, and then I would…

Plink.

The sound was muffled by the door, but I recognized it instantly. Forgetting all about ham sandwiches, I pulled open the door and raced across the room to the window. Pulling it open, I stuck my head out into the cool night air. Beneath me, a familiar tall, dark figure waited in the darkness.

‘Come,’ he ordered.

I felt a tug at my heart. ‘I can’t. I…I might have caught the disease. I can’t come near you until—’

‘Miss Linton?’

‘Yes?’

‘Get your derrière down here right now.’

‘I thought you had promised not to give me any more orders.’

‘That wasn’t an order,’ he said, and held out one hand. ‘Please.’