Barbarian’s Bride by Ruby Dixon

10

Many Days Later

DAGESH

Underneath me, No-rah pants, her teats jiggling as I pump into her.

"Harder," she tells me, lost in the moment. "Pull…pull my hair, baby."

I stroke her mane, instead. "I am here, No-rah. I have you."

She just buries her face against my shoulder and meets my thrusts with additional force. It makes me slow down, because I do not want to hurt her. I do not want to bruise my No-rah, and my pretty mate bruises easily. So I grab the hand she twists into my mane and ease it back down to the furs, linking my fingers with hers.

This time, like many times recently, I watch her face. I want to see her come, and lately I have not been able to feel it when she has her release. I stroke into her until she lets out a small whimper and her legs tighten. There it is. I thrust harder, desperate to reach my own climax, and she sucks in a breath, almost as if she is about to come again.

"Oh," she breathes. "Oh, Dagesh."

I come, flooding her with my seed, and then it is over. She holds me as my breathing returns to normal, stroking my mane with her small hand.

"You hunting today?" she asks in a drowsy voice.

I bury my face against her neck, breathing in her scent. She smells so good. I press a kiss to her throat, careful not to hold her too tight. "Yes. I wish I could stay in with you, but there is too much to be done outside the cave."

"Try not to miss me too much," she teases.

I kiss her neck again. "Impossible."

I detangle from her warm body and she sighs, the sound almost…disappointed. I study her face as I wash up, then dress, worried. "Was I too rough with you?"

Her mouth twists. "No. Don't worry about it. It's fine."

"And you…you came? It was good for you?" She always seems happy…except in the furs. Every time we mate, it is wonderful, but in the aftermath, I always feel as if I have done something wrong. That she is…unsettled.

No-rah just grabs my hand and presses a kiss to the palm. "I did. It was lovely, baby. Go hunt. I promise you I'm absolutely fine."

Still I hesitate.

She gets to her feet and helps me with my loincloth, sliding her hand over my cock. "I love you with all my heart. Please don't worry, okay? It's not you, it's me."

"But that means it is something."

No-rah shakes her head again. "I promise, it is nothing worth being unhappy over. It's just minor stuff. I love you and I love our life." She touches her belly, where there is yet no sign of our kit-to-be. "And I'm going to love being a mom. So please don't worry."

I pull her to me and kiss her again. It is an argument we have had many times in the last few weeks. There is something that makes my No-rah sad, but when I ask her about it, she will not share. All she has said is that I would not understand.

I want to understand. I want to understand desperately. No-rah is everything to me. She has changed my life in the short time she has been here, and I cannot imagine a day without her bright smile in it, or the touch of her soft hand in mine.

"I hate that I must hunt," I confess. "Vektal wishes for us to make sure all the caches are full before the brutal season arrives, since we have so many new tribe members."

"You do what you have to do, baby." She gives my tail a little stroke and then pats my behind affectionately. No-rah loves to touch me all over, her caresses playful and full of love all at once. "I'll sit by the pool and maybe do some sewing. Gossip with the others. I'm making you a tunic, you know."

"I have seen it." I smile at her, caressing her head. It is the ugliest tunic I have ever seen, and I will wear it with so much pride. "I will return quickly once I have checked all my traps. This I promise."

"I'll be fine," she tells me again, a hint of exasperation in her voice. "You worry too much."

Of course I worry. I have so much to lose now, and I never did before.

* * *

I thinkabout my No-rah all morning as I hike through the snow, checking the traps I have left along the trails. It is a path I have walked handful after handful of times before, and my feet know the trail well enough that I can lose myself in thought. I think about my mate and the fact that she is not telling me something. But what? She says she is happy, and most of the time she is. It is just that sometimes, I feel as if she pulls away, or she is frustrated, and it confuses me.

I am so very careful with her. I do everything I can to please her, and yet…I worry it is not enough. Other females have discarded their mate once resonance was fulfilled and sought pleasure from others. It is not common, but it has happened before. Has she…does she care for another? Do I make her unhappy? My heart clenches at the thought. She says she loves me and she touches me constantly. She smiles.

I do not think she wants another mate.

I just…do not know what she wants.

As I ponder this, I see another heading down one of the trails. I stare at the distant figure for a moment. It is Pashov, evident from the way he walks and holds himself. I raise a hand in greeting, moving to meet him. My traps can wait a time. Perhaps I need to speak to someone else about what is troubling me.

"Ho," I call out to him. "How is your luck this day?"

"Rotten." He jogs toward me, a smile on his face. "I would much rather be at my mate's side instead of pulling trap after empty trap. You?"

I shrug. "Some luck. Some not." I take one of the hoppers hanging from my belt and offer it to him. "For your new mate. I have enough for mine this evening."

"My thanks, brother." Pashov takes it and ties it to his belt, shaking his head. "It seems like there is never enough meat in the brutal season to go around, and to think of all these extra mouths to feed is a bit worrying…and yet I would change nothing."

I nod in silence. If I had to give up every meal so my No-rah can eat, I would gladly do so. Her health—and the health of the kit she now carries—is the most important thing. "How is your Stay-see?"

I did not think it was possible for him to smile any wider, but the grin that splits his face is enormous. "She is perfect. Just perfect. I never thought I could be so happy with a mate. She is smart, too. You should see the things she cooks for me. It is like she sees the food we have and makes it better. And in the furs…" he sighs, utterly content. "No male is as lucky as me." He pauses and then laughs. "Other than you, of course. And Zolaya. And Zennek. And Vektal. But I feel…I feel like Stay-see truly was meant to be mine. The moment I saw her, I knew. And I have been floating in the clouds ever since."

It is hard not to smile at his earnest enthusiasm. All of us who have resonated feel changed. And yet…I think about my No-rah and how she sometimes seems very far away from me. I worry I am doing something wrong. That I am somehow not pleasing her. "Are your matings good with your female?"

Pashov looks confused. "Of course. Why would they not be? You know to touch the third nipple, yes? The clit?"

"Yes, I know that." I try not to get irritated. Pashov is as inexperienced as I am when it comes to females, and I do not need him educating me. It must not be mating that bothers No-rah, then. I always touch her clit, and she says she always comes. I ponder this and decide mating cannot be the problem. "Has Stay-see talked to No-rah lately? Has No-rah said if something is bothering her? Sometimes I worry she is sad, but when I ask her, she promises nothing is wrong."

"And you think it is mating related?" Pashov asks. "You are certain you touch her correctly?"

"It is not mating related," I snap, fighting back annoyance. "It is something else. She will not speak of it to me, but I wonder if she has said something to the other humans. I feel as if there is something I am missing to make her happy."

Pashov rubs his chin, thinking. "We can ask my mate. She has not said anything, but perhaps it is a human thing that they only share with other females. Remember how strange Jo-see and Meh-gann acted when Vaza said he could not take them hunting because he could smell their monthly bleeding."

"This could be it." The human females are very shy about certain aspects of their bodies. I remember the indignant and horrified sounds that the unmated females made when the elder brought up their moon time. It is a natural body function, just like matings, but some of the females are shy about that, too.

This makes me feel better. I exhale with relief. It must be some human custom I am overlooking and No-rah does not wish to hurt my feelings. "Stay-see will know the answer, then." Pashov gestures that I should follow him. "I am heading back. My traps are as empty as Harrec's skull this morning. I would rather spend the time with my pretty mate than chasing my tail here in the snows."

I hesitate for a moment and then nod. My traps can wait another day. If I can find out what is bothering my No-rah, it will be worth anything. "Very well."

We hike back to the home cave, Pashov full of conversation. He has always been an easy one, full of stories of his brothers Zennek and Salukh, and always teases his youngest sibling, Farli. He talks of his parents and how they are trying to teach Stay-see many skills in the cave—tanning and sewing, preserving food and gathering plants. How Stay-see is not interested in hunting, but loves to try new flavors for food and new combinations of roots with meat. This is another thing that makes me feel guilty. Stay-see and Pashov have a large family. Both of Pashov's parents are alive. His brothers and sister are all alive and Zennek now has a mate. Stay-see has many faces she can call family, many hands that will help her out if she is troubled.

Perhaps that is the problem with my No-rah. She wishes for a large family and all she has is…me. The thought hangs heavy on my heart. I would give my No-rah anything…but I cannot make my family return to life.

As we head toward the home cave, Pashov tilts his head and then gestures in the distance. "I smell my mate on the breeze. Stay-see must be gathering tea leaves with my mother. Come. We need not go all the way back to the caves."

We find the two females a short distance away from the cave, woven baskets in hand. Stay-see is indeed with Kemli, the older female showing the younger how to strip the leaves from liidi without harming the vines that crawl between the rocks. Stay-see looks up with delight as we approach. "Pashov! Back so early?"

Stay-see's eyes are bright as she gazes on her mate, and I am not at all surprised when he moves forward and gives her a big, hearty kiss in greeting. His mother just shakes her head with amusement, as if she is used to such antics from her son. When Pashov finally releases his mate, Stay-see looks dazed, her mouth red and swollen from Pashov's enthusiastic kisses. "Dagesh has a question for you, my mate," my friend says. "If you have a moment."

"Oh, of course." She looks over at Kemli.

The elder waves a hand at us. "Go on, go on. I can pluck leaves on my own."

Pashov pulls his mate away from Kemli, and I follow them. I feel a bit foolish. Kemli has been mated for more seasons than I have been alive. Surely she will have answers to what makes my mate unhappy as much as newly mated Stay-see does? But Stay-see is human, as is No-rah. They are…different.

I am learning that many of the differences go just beyond smooth brows and an extra finger.

Stay-see and Pashov turn to me when we are a short distance away, and Pashov indicates I should speak. I clear my throat, shifting my feet. "I worry that…No-rah has a secret that makes her unhappy."

"A secret?" Stay-see's brows furrow together. "Why are you asking me?"

"It is not necessarily a secret," I continue. "But perhaps a human thing I do not understand. It is difficult to explain, because I do not know what I am missing."

"Missing?" She glances over at Pashov. "Is she not happy? Every time I talk to Nora, she seems happy to me." Stay-see reaches out and touches my arm. "If you're worried, the only things she's ever said to me about you are very positive. She's happy here, and she's happy with you."

I sigh. "This is what she tells me, too, but sometimes I feel as though…I do not know." I drum my fingers on my arm in frustration. "It is like there is some component of our mating that I have missed out on. And I do not know what it is."

She regards me closely. "Like…a marriage ceremony?" Her eyes widen and she gasps. "Oh, Nora's Jewish! Maybe she wanted a Jewish wedding?"

"Yoo-eesh?" I echo. "What is this?"

"Oof, that's a hard one to explain without getting into the nitty gritty of religion." Stay-see chews on a fingernail, thinking. "It means that Nora comes from a people—a tribe—that has very specific ideas of how your life should be lived. What kinds of foods are proper for you to eat, how you worship, and how you live your life. They have beliefs of what happens to you after you die, and these concepts drive how they live their lives, if that makes sense."

My eyes widen. "No-rah and her people know what happens after you die?"

Stay-see winces. "I mean, they think they do? I think? I’m not an expert. But other groups think they have a different answer, and I'm not going to get into a theology debate today." She studies us for a moment and then sighs. "Okay, let's try it this way." She grabs her mate by the arms and pulls him over to her side. "Let's say Pashov lives in another cave with a different tribe. Let's call them the Blue Stud Tribe." She takes me by the arms and shuffles me in the opposite direction. "You, Dagesh, live in the Spurs Aplenty Tribe."

From afar, I hear Kemli laughing quietly to herself.

Stay-see clasps her hands together. "Now these two tribes are all people, yes? But because Blue Stud lives over here, and Spurs Aplenty lives over here, you grow up with different ideas. Maybe Spurs Aplenty likes to make sure that everyone uses red roots instead of white roots when they make stew. And Blue Stud Tribe likes to thank an animal that they kill for its meat, because they believe that this is how you respect nature. Do you follow me?"

I shrug. I do not see what this has to do with my mate, but I try to follow along.

She gestures at me. "Now let's say that Spurs Aplenty Tribe has kits, and their kits have kits, and those kits have kits. And later on, those people believe that not only do you use red roots instead of white roots, but that you absolutely must use red roots. That it is insulting to consider anything else. And then you meet up with a kit from Blue Stud and he's insulted that you don't thank your kills before you eat them. What do you think of that?"

Pashov scratches his ear. "I am still wondering why white roots are bad…"

His mate thwacks him in the gut. "I'm asking Dagesh."

I spread my hands, because I do not know. "Does it matter? If he wishes to thank his meat, why should I care?"

"An excellent question." Stay-see pats her mate on the arm. "Now what if a kit from one tribe marries into the other? Whose customs are right?"

It is as if the suns have come out from behind the clouds. "My mate has customs of her people and she is sad that we did not follow them." Of course. It makes so much sense. Has not No-rah told me many times that it is a problem, but not one I can help her with? It is because she believes different than sa-khui people and she is…hurt? Or she wants to thank her meat?

I am getting a little confused. But I grasp Pashov's mate and squeeze her in a thankful hug. "This must be it. You have my thanks for helping me understand."

"I hope I helped?" Stay-see chuckles. "I'm not sure if that was the best explanation for a really complicated topic, and I'm completely glossing over how shitty one culture can be to another and how Jewish people have had the brunt of that sort of thing for a really, really long time…" She shrugs. "But maybe it can get the ball rolling."

"Wait, which tribe had the ball?" Pashov asks.

Stay-see just groans.