Barbarian’s Taming by Ruby Dixon
10
MADDIE
I strokeHassen’s brow as his head rests in my lap. He seems to sleep better when I touch him, so I run my fingers lightly over his forehead, over and over again, tracing his brows and trying to ignore the fact that it’s cold and I hurt and the world just kind of upended itself before breakfast.
Everything is…well, it’s crazy. There’s no other way to describe it.
The tribal cavern is gone. The big, hollow donut of a cave with the pool in the center and the cute little rooms for everyone to sleep in are completely demolished. It’s like the entire cliff collapsed in on itself. Someone told me once that the cave was probably hollowed out and made bigger by the elders when they crash-landed here, and I’m guessing that all those alterations to the rock ended up making it brittle. Then again, maybe it was the power of the earthquake. The ground still trembles now and then, reminding us that nowhere is safe.
I’m…surprisingly chill about the entire thing. Which is weird to me. It’s terrible and awful, but we’re alive. We’ll figure something out. Maybe I’m adapting quickly because I so recently arrived here. My world changed entirely when I woke up out of that pod to find big blue aliens hovering over me. That was a shock. This is sucky, but it’s small potatoes in comparison.
Hassen’s all right, and my sister’s all right, and that’s all that matters right now.
I caress Hassen’s cheek while he sleeps. He looks like one big bruise, the poor guy. There’s a gash on his forehead, and he’s covered in scrapes. One shoulder has a jagged, shallow cut, but he’s mostly dusty, I think. I’ve been gently washing him clean as he sleeps, doing my best not to disturb him. I worry that he’s sleeping, but I’m hoping it’s just the shock of adrenaline wearing off and that his surge of energy knocked him out and not something more serious. If it’s a head injury… The healer’s busy, and I don’t know when or if she’ll be able to help him.
I look over where Stacy is huddled near her mate’s side. Pashov is still laid out where Hassen put him down. She has his hand gripped tightly in hers, eyes hollow. The baby on her back is wailing up a storm, fists waving in anger. There are a lot of babies wailing, actually. Some parents, too, but I can’t blame them. Maylak still has her hands pressed to Pashov’s chest, her eyes closed and her expression one of intense concentration. She’s been doing that for a while now, and her face is starting to look hollow with exhaustion.
No one steps in. No one can. There’s only one healer, and so we all have to be patient and hope for the best. No one wants to be the person that calls her away, because then what if Pashov dies? I don’t know him well, but I know Stacy, and I’ve seen them interact. He clearly adores her and their baby, and they seem happy.
Seemed, I guess. I stroke Hassen’s cheek again.
Pashov’s injury is severe, and the realization that Stacy might soon be a widow is a sobering one. I see others clinging to their mates, so I’m guessing it’s hitting home for everyone. Haeden sits on the snow with his mate cradled in his lap, holding her protectively. Nearby, Rokan is hovering over Lila, constantly touching her as if he needs to make sure that she’s all right and unharmed. She’s untouched by bruises, one of the few that made it out of the cave before the rocks started falling. And I feel nothing but relief at that. I’m so glad, because I don’t know what I’d do if it was Lila stretched out under Maylak’s hands, unmoving.
Or Hassen.
The thought creeps into my mind, and I shiver. Hassen went into the cave to save me. Both Asha and I had been sleeping when it all started, and it took me a few seconds to realize that what had woken me from sleep was the sound of gunfire. Which was weird, since there are no guns here. But then the ground shook, and I realized something else was going on. By the time Asha and I crawled to the entrance of our cave, it was too late—the hall had been blocked off by falling rock. For a few awful moments, I’d thought we were dead. No one was going to come for us. We’re not the most popular people in the tribe after all, and neither of us have mates that would look for us. We didn’t know what to do.
But then Hassen came for me.
Not just that, he dug me out, risking his own life. And he saved Asha, too. I mean, sure, maybe Hemalo was there, but all I could see was Hassen. He’s the one that risked himself to save me. And the look in his eyes was so intense and so fiercely protective that I felt…scared. Breathless and scared all at once, because I’m worried that I’m falling for the guy and I shouldn’t. I can’t choose between him and my sister.
I do know that what I’m feeling for him is becoming less and less casual as time goes on. Maybe it took a cave-in to realize just how much he’s coming to mean to me, but when he went back in for Pashov, I wanted to scream and stomp my feet. I wanted to hold him back and not let him go because it was dangerous.
And I’m pretty sure I didn’t breathe until he emerged again.
I stroke his brow thoughtfully, studying him again. He’s breathing evenly, and I relax a little. He’s fine. He is. A little banged up, but whole. And a bit of a hero after saving Pashov. I hope Vektal takes notice. I look around at the scatter of people out in the snow, and Vektal and Georgie both are going around to each little clustered family, checking on them. Someone’s building a fire right in the middle of things, which seems ridiculous, but then again, what choice do we have? We don’t know if it’s safe to go back into the cave, and a lot of us aren’t dressed for being outside for a long period of time. The chief and his mate are doing what they can to calm people, but there’s so much to be done. I can still hear babies crying, and the stack of furs that Hassen brought out is sitting in its bundle, unused. Nearby, Farli’s weeping and hugging poor Chompy, who looks like he has a broken leg.
Everyone’s in shock.
I think of Hassen, and how he didn’t hesitate to risk his life to rescue Pashov. I could be helping. Maybe it’s time I stop looking at myself as a victim. I’m stranded here, but these are good people, and I’m happy. It feels weird to say that while staring down a disaster, but I am. I have Hassen as a friend, and my sister is here, and I’m fed and looked after. And I can be more than I have been. I can do more than the minimum to stay alive. I don’t have to crawl in my bed like Asha and wait for the world to pass me by.
I can help.
I’m not in shock like the others. Some are banged up. Some have dried blood in their ears, and I wonder if the explosive bang of the earthquake busted a few eardrums. Nearby, Tiffany is shivering alone. I look for her mate and see Salukh standing near the healer, comforting a weeping Kemli and her mate, Borran. His parents. I’ve forgotten that Pashov is one of their sons…and Farli’s big brother. Poor Farli. She’s been a good friend to me, and she’s freaking out. This must be so awful to a teenager.
Oh man. I can do more than just sit here and smooth Hassen’s brows while he sleeps. I pull the fur wrap off my shoulders and bundle it into a pillow, then gently ease his head down onto the ground. Lila grabs at my hand as I get to my feet. She’s been crying, her face shiny with icy tears. Where are you going?
I’m going to help, I tell her. Do what I can.
She nods and dashes at her cheeks, then squeezes her mate’s knee and gets to her feet, facing me. What can I do?
God, I love my sister. How have I never realized how brave she is, just on a day-to-day basis? I reach out and give her a quick, impulsive hug. I still have my family. I’m good, no matter what. When I release her, I sign, Can you pass out those furs?
She squeezes Rokan’s hand and dashes away. I watch him jerk to his feet and then stop, as if he plans to go after her. There’s a tormented expression on his face, as if he wants to smother her with protection and has to stop himself. “Can you watch Hassen for me? Let me know if he wakes up?” I ask him. He’s silent, and I realize he’s got blood in his ears, too. I tap his arm and sign my question, and he nods.
I immediately move to Farli’s side, just as Stacy’s baby starts to wail louder. I kneel next to Farli. She’s a hot mess, a large slice on her cheek, dirty from the cave-in, and her arms are covered in strange welts. “Are you okay?”
She turns teary eyes to me, clinging to her pet. “My brother—”
“He’s going to be fine,” I assure her, keeping my voice calm and reassuring. Funny how my bartending skills are coming into play now. Farli’s not a sad drunk, but I know how to soothe and make it seem like I’m in control of the situation. “Let’s take a look at your pet, okay?”
She squeezes him tighter, and Chompy bleats and bites at Farli’s arm, leaving another raised welt. Poor kid. She’s so freaked out she hasn’t even noticed. I gently pull him from her stranglehold, and he hobbles away a few steps, bawling. She immediately starts sobbing again. Shit. I’m no veterinarian, but his leg is clearly broken. With so many people banged up, there’s no way the poor healer is going to take a look at a pet. “We need to splint his leg. So he doesn’t walk on it. Can you get me a stick or a pole of some kind? A bone?”
Farli blinks at me, then sucks in a deep breath. “B-bone?”
“Yes. While your brother is getting healed, we’re going to fix Chompy, okay?”
She nods again, then slowly climbs to her feet. She wobbles a little but seems to recover when her pet bleats and moves a little closer, cautious. “I think Hemalo and the others were tanning…earlier…” Her lip wobbles.
“Okay, good. See if there are leather strips and a nice, sturdy bone. We’ll get him good as new, I promise.”
She wanders away, and the little dvisti limps after her. At least she’s moving and out of her stupor. I’m going to have to figure out how to brace a dvisti’s leg, but one thing at a time. Stacy’s baby wails even louder, and I head over there, because I can’t listen any longer and not do anything.
Asha seems to have the same idea I do, because we both arrive at Stacy’s side a moment later. She’s got Maylak’s infant in her arms already. “I’ve got this,” I tell her, and touch Stacy’s shoulder. “I’m going to take care of your baby, okay? You just stay here by your mate’s side.”
She doesn’t seem to hear a word I’m saying. Her entire body is focused on Pashov, her gaze flicking back and forth from the healer to her mate’s swollen, bloody face. He…doesn’t look good. Neither does Stacy, actually. She’s trembling, and I don’t know if it’s from fear or cold. I pull the baby out of his papoose-style wrap on her back, and he flails his hands, smacking my jaw and screaming at me.
“It’s all right, little buddy,” I tell him, jouncing him. I’m about as good with babies as I am dvisti, but hey, time to learn a new skill. “We’re gonna get you warmed up, okay?”
I look around for my sister with the blankets, and as I do, Ariana comes up to me, sniffling. She has an extra baby blanket with her, hugging her child close. “I grabbed several of Analay’s blankets when we ran out,” she tells me. “Do you need this one?”
“You’re a life-saver,” I tell her, and she smiles through her tears. “If you see my sister, can you tell her to bring Stacy a blanket? I think she’s cold.”
Ariana focuses on Stacy, and her expression softens, and then she looks at me again. “My Zolaya went to a nearby cave to get some supplies. I’ll give her mine until he gets back.”
“Good thinking,” I tell her. She hurries to Stacy’s side, removing her fur cloak and putting it gently around Stacy’s shoulders. I wrap Pacy in the fur and tuck him against my hip. His butt-wrap is wet, and I tug it off, then swaddle him in the blanket again. Going commando might not be the best thing for a baby, but it has to beat sitting in your own frozen pee. He calms down a little, hiccupping, and I bounce him on my hip, making faces at him. Okay, one problem down, and now I need to find Farli again. I look out over the scatter of people. A few are moving toward the fire, and I see Kira and Aehako standing near a man kneeling in the snow. He’s cutting at his horns and grabbing handfuls of snow and rubbing them on his face. Weird. His grief is palpable, though, and my heart clenches. We lost someone. I look over at the healer, but she’s still working on Pashov. Not him, then. I quickly glance over at Hassen, just to reassure myself, but he hasn’t moved. Someone else, then.
Farli comes back to my side, a long bone in her hand. “Will this work?”
I nod absently. Pacy babbles something and smacks my shoulder. I grab his tiny hand in mine. “Who’s that, Farli?”
“Warrek.” Her lip trembles, and her eyes fill with tears. “He is grieving. His father, Eklan…” She shakes her head. “He was old. Maybe he was not able to get out in time. He was kind, though. I liked him.”
One dead. Warrek’s pain tugs at me. “Who is he good friends with? Can we find him and have him go sit with him? He needs all the support he can get right now.”
“He has been teaching Sessah how to hunt and cares for him as if he is his own son. Perhaps him? Or Hemalo? They are close.”
“Both are good. You run and tell them to go help him out. That he needs friends right now. Give me the bone and I’ll work on Chompy.”
“The chief…”
I look over where Vektal was last. He’s moved on to Marlene and Zennek, wrapping a length of leather bandage around Zennek’s arm, which looks to be broken. “He’s doing the chief thing. I’m sure he knows. Right now we need to pull together and just do what we can, okay?”
She nods at me and races off. Chompy staggers after her for a step or two, then bleats. I snap my fingers at him, and he turns back toward me. “Come here, lil’ buddy. Me and my baby friend here are gonna make your leg all better. In theory.” I make kissy noises at him like he’s a dog, and he wobbles over to my side. Poor little guy.
I kneel down in the snow and try to figure out how I’m going to bandage a dvisti’s leg while Pacy yanks at handfuls of my hair and babbles nonsense in my ear. Something moves at the corner of my vision, and I glance up. It’s Lila. She stops waving and then makes an exaggerated gesture. Look. She points off into the distance.
I look.
And gasp.
There’s a plume of smoke rising in the distance. It’s like a finger pointing into the sky, leaving a smear of dirt as it goes. A volcanic eruption. I think of the hot spring inside the cave. It’s not the only one. Maybe this entire planet is a hotbed of tectonic activity and that’s why there are so many hot springs.
It explains the noises. The earthquakes.
This one doesn’t look close—it seems very, very far away, farther even than the distant mountains—but I know ash can travel far. I’ve seen the news. What I don’t know is what it means for us.
I can’t help but worry. Life is hard here already, and the brutal season everyone keeps talking about is nearly here.
What are we going to do?
* * *
“I betit’s the island,” Josie says near the fire. “Remember, I told you it was all green? Maybe it was warm enough to keep plants growing there because of all the volcanic heat.”
“If that’s the case, it’s gone now,” Georgie tells her in a tired, dull voice. “I don’t know if anything would survive that explosion.”
“Vol-kay-no?” little Esha asks. She’s resting against Claire’s rounded belly, sucking her thumb.
“It’s a big fiery mountain,” Josie explains. “The fire is in its belly and it flings itself out with smoke.”
“And ash?” Esha asks.
“Lots of ash,” Claire says, picking a fleck out of Esha’s smooth black hair.
As the day has gone on, the scatter of people has slowly flocked together. Most are clustered near the fire, and the crowd has grown bigger as the hunters have gone out to the nearest hunter caves and brought back supplies. A few have ventured back into the rubble of the old cave, but there’s not much to be salvaged that isn’t under a ton of rock. Everyone has furs now, and a few hasty half-tents have been erected with spears and leathers to keep out the worst of the wind…and the ash.
We’re covered in ash.
At first, we thought it was just dirt from the cave, but when the snow around us got progressively filthier, we realized it was coming from the volcano. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s not too bad so far. Just enough to make you feel grimy and remind you that this planet isn’t safe, no matter how comfortable you get.
I’m sitting by the fire next to Lila, sharing a blanket with her. Rokan is sandwiched in on Lila’s other side, his arm around her waist, and I can feel his warmth radiating. It feels weird to want to cozy up to him, but as the suns go down, it’s getting colder and colder. No one’s ready to complain yet, though, so we’re sucking it up. Today we’re just existing. Tomorrow there will be plans for survival and strategy, but for now, we’re just a wounded family leaning on each other.
Across from me, Georgie nurses her daughter, brushing her curls back from her horns over and over again. Her mate, Vektal, sits at her side, his posture strong and proud. Only his face shows the lines of worry and concern. He looks older and more tired as the day goes on. I’m glad I’m not chief—I’m not sure I’d want all of this on my shoulders.
Maylak and Pashov are both resting in a nearby lean-to. Stacy hasn’t left her mate’s side, even though he hasn’t woken up. Maylak collapsed in exhaustion a few hours ago and is taking a much-needed nap, Kashrem providing his lap as a pillow for the healer.
Pashov’s not doing worse…but he’s not doing better, either, and Maylak has wiped herself out trying to help him. Everyone’s cuts and bruises—and some have broken limbs—will have to wait another day. Others are pitching in and helping out, and baby Pacy is currently with Megan. Makash, Maylak’s infant son, is with Liz.
In the distance, there are a few figures hunched over in the snow. They don’t want to join the fire. One is Warrek, who is taking the death of his elderly father badly. He needs space, and I don’t blame him. Sometimes you have to work through things without people talking to you and asking you questions. Two hunters are at his side, offering silent companionship so he doesn’t have to be alone in his grief. One of them is Bek…
And one is Hassen.
My Hassen. It feels weird to say that, but right now, I kind of feel like he’s mine. He snatched me from the cave and saved me from certain death. And I realized as people gathered, flocking to family, that Hassen has none. He is one of the many that has no family surviving the khui-sickness from so many years ago. He’s completely alone.
So I’m claiming him. He’s mine now.
I watch his back as he sits a few feet away from Warrek. He’s normally full of energy and life, but today he’s moving a little slower, and that concerns me. I know it’s because of everything that’s happened and he’s fighting a multitude of bruises and worry—everyone is. But I don’t like to see it in Hassen. I worry about him.
He’s also avoiding me. He woke up a few hours ago, scanned the tribe like he was mentally counting heads, and I felt it the moment he saw me. Goosebumps prickled all over my body. I wanted him to come and hug me in front of everyone, but his gaze went to his chief and then moved on. A few moments later, he got up and went to Warrek’s side, and he’s been there ever since. Poor guy. I’m also a little hurt that all I got was an eyeballing, but how can I bitch at a time like this? He’s comforting a friend.
Okay, mentally I’ll bitch, but I won’t say a thing aloud.
I know it’s rough right now. I know Hassen’s on shakier ground than ever before, so maybe that’s why he’s deliberately avoiding me. He’s an exile, and I’m the only single female left. And with all that’s going on, relationship stuff should be the least of our problems. But I still wish he was cuddling next to me by the fire, keeping me warm like Rokan is keeping Lila warm. And I know he has to be hurting, too. Not just physically, but mentally. Everyone is. You can only be strong for so long before you crumple on the inside.
I know this. When our parents died, I took over being both Mom and Dad to Lila so she wouldn’t feel the lack. I pushed hard to be everything to her, and I think I ended up needing her more than she needed me. Maybe that’s why I’ve struggled so much here on the ice planet while she’s thrived. I’d made her my purpose in life, and now she no longer needs me, so I’ve had to find a new purpose.
I just…haven’t entirely found it yet. And I’m worried that with Hassen, I’m just latching on to a new person to make my ‘project,’ as horrible as that sounds. But I guess I shouldn’t trust my judgment about relationships on a day when a volcano exploded and made everyone homeless. I’m probably freaking out and overreacting, just like everyone else.
But I also can’t sit here. I need to talk to Hassen, if only to make sure he’s coping all right. Some of the sa-khui are completely losing their shit, and I don’t blame them. This is all they’ve ever known, and it’s gone.
I get to my feet, pretending to stretch, and then step away from the fire. Lila gives me a concerned look, but I wave her off. I’m restless and need to get up and move around. Everyone’s all huggy by the fire, and while it’s sweet, it’s also making me feel lonely. I watch the three figures on the horizon and then move to the food and water skins that have been gathered from the hunter caves. It’s a lot of trail mix and dried jerky, neither of which I’m a fan of. Time to learn to enjoy it, though. I get a pouch of each and then hike through the ash and snow toward Hassen, Bek, and Warrek.
Bek gets to his feet as I approach, warning in his gaze. “Now is not the time. Go sit with the humans by the fire.”
I look at Warrek’s slumped shoulders, and my heart breaks for him a little more. “I brought food and water in case you guys were hungry.”
At the sound of my voice, Hassen goes alert and turns around.
“No one is hungry,” Bek says.
Hassen ignores Bek. He gets to his feet and approaches me, and as he does, I hold out the pouch of food and the half-frozen water-skin. Did I think Hassen was giving me a brush-off? I must be insane, because the devouring, hungry, possessive stare in his eyes as he looks me over? Yeah, that pretty much puts all my fears to rest.
He doesn’t take the food, though. He just curls my hands around it and gives them a little squeeze. “You should eat.”
I snort. “Pretty sure I can miss a meal or two. I brought it for you and your friend.” I almost ask if he’s okay, but that’s a stupid question. His home collapsed and his dad died. He’s not okay. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You can go back to the fire,” Bek says, surly. He takes a step forward and he’s standing in front of Warrek. He’s being protective of his friend, I get it. I’m not even annoyed.
Hassen is, though. He bares his teeth at Bek and pulls me protectively against him, his arm going around my shoulders. “Mah-dee is trying to help.”
“It’s okay. Really.” I put a hand around his waist, and I don’t know if it’s to comfort him or me. “I just wanted to check on you guys. Make sure you’re okay.”
“You’re cold,” Hassen says, placing his hand over mine where I press it against his side. “I will come back to the fire and warm you. There are not enough blankets to go around—”
“No, stay here with your friend,” I say in a soft voice. “He needs you. I didn’t come to pull you away. I just…well, I don’t know what I wanted.” I’m just being needy and now is not the time. I’m kind of ashamed of myself for distracting them, and I feel like Bek’s look of displeasure in my direction is sadly appropriate. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better. Take it easy if your head hurts, okay?”
Bek gives me an incredulous look.
Okay, yeah, I feel stupid even for suggesting it. Everyone is hurting. Everyone is injured. No one has the luxury of taking it easy, and I’m making a mess of things. I give Hassen’s side a squeeze. “I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”
“You are cold—”
“I’m fine, really. I’ll go sleep with Lila and Rokan.”
He growls low in his throat. “Next to Lila.”
I laugh, because I guess that did sound weird. “Yes, next to Lila. I promise.” On impulse, I take his hand in mine and lift it to my lips, and kiss his knuckles. His hands are torn up from digging earlier, scabs and scratches everywhere. I smooth my fingers over his skin, wishing I could help. “I’m going to go back to the fire now. Just say something if there’s anything we can bring you, all right?”
And I leave and turn back to the fire, to my sister, and the tribe. I’m not exactly sure I fit in there, but I know I’m not needed up here on the ridge. I’m just intruding. I feel Hassen’s gaze on my back as I go, and I have mixed emotions about that. On one hand I’m ashamed that I went and bothered them. On the other hand…I’m relieved that Hassen needs me and wants to be with me. It’s his sense of loyalty to his friend that is keeping him at his side.
I can’t fault him for that. I know all about that sort of thing, I muse as I head back to my sister’s side.
