Dirty Deeds by Stella Rhys

32

ALY

It waspast midnight when Emmett found me sitting at the top of the steps, hair down, earrings off and chin resting in my hands as I watched the cleaning crew sweep through the ballroom. It looked like there were hundreds of empty champagne flutes on every surface, and it was funny sitting up there and watching Emmett try to help gather them up, getting about four flutes in each hand before the staff asked him to stop.

“They don’t trust you. You look way too tired,” I teased as he made his way up to me, wearing a crooked little grin. Unsurprisingly, he managed to make tired look sexy as ever with his tux jacket off and his bowtie hanging loose around his neck.

“Baby,” he exhaled, running both hands through his hair and thoroughly messing it up before he plopped down to sit on the stair below me.

“Exhausted?”

“Yes,” he groaned as I rubbed the back of his neck.

“Ready to go home?”

“Yes. But I have to wait for John and Dev to finish something. If you’re tired though I’ll call you a car first.”

“No, I’d rather wait for you,” I said, lifting my long skirt and resting my legs over his lap. “I could use a couple explanations from you anyway,” I said, watching my words cast an instant cloud over his eyes. “I’m sorry, Emmett.” My heart beat a little faster at I watched his small smile fade to nothing. “I just need to know. Where were you the past two days?” When he struggled to answer, I swallowed the knot in my throat. “Were you with Drea?”

“Huh?” He gave me a funny look. “No. Why would I be with Drea?”

“I thought…” I stared out as the cleaning crew whipped the tablecloths off each round table. I was trying to recollect all of Evie and my theories but now they were a blur.

“Aly, I promise you I’ve never dated Drea,” Emmett said. “I’ve only ever had one ex and it was a girl from college named Kristy. I don’t even remember if it was spelled with a K or a C anymore, it was that long ago.”

I frowned, all the thoughts in my brain jumbling as I tried to remember what Emmett had said about this girl.

“I thought you said that everything was great about you two. I mean when you ended, you were heartbroken enough to vow to never commit again,” I said, though I doubted my words when Emmett gave me that strange look again. “Did I interpret that wrong?” I asked.

“I think yes,” he answered slowly.

“Then why did you stop dating her?”

Emmett swallowed hard as he looked down at his hands.

“Because my mom was going through another break. And I had to be there for her to make sure she didn’t try to hurt herself again.”

My eyes fluttered wide. I was immediately struggling to understand.

“Hurt herself? What do you mean – ”

“After Dad died, and after Julian moved away... things were bad.” Emmett cleared his throat as he wrung his hands. “And one morning… it was probably 6AM when Gram called me crying so hysterically I started driving right over in my pajamas because I couldn’t get words out of her. I had no idea what she was saying and at some point, she just dropped the phone.”

Dread filled my chest.

“What happened?”

“My mom tried to kill herself.”

My heart slammed against my ribs. “What?”

“Julian doesn’t know,” Emmett said fast, looking up at me warningly. “And he can’t.”

“What – why?”

“Because he’ll blame himself,” he said, a slight panic in his eye. “He already blamed himself for Dad and he still does to this day. He’s gotten way better since meeting Sara, and she’s made a world of difference in the way he handles this part of his life, but I don’t want to risk the bad times coming back. He already won’t forgive himself for being gone for so long – he definitely doesn’t need to know exactly how bad things were when he was away.”

“So he… never even knew your mom did this? You never called him when it happened?”

“She wouldn’t let me. And Gram told me we should just do what we could to keep her calm,” Emmett said. “And I was eighteen when this happened – I didn’t know how to handle something like this. I know I made mistakes but I was learning along the way.”

“Oh my God.” I felt my breath against my fingers as I held my hands to my face in total shock. “You were eighteen,” I realized, the information hitting me fully. “But… wait. I don’t understand how you drove over so fast. You were in college at this point and your mom was – ”

“She still had the Upper East Side townhouse, but pretty much right after Julian left, she moved to be near me. She and Gram rented this little apartment near my campus.”

“In Philly?”

“Yes.”

Wow. I had definitely never known that and I couldn’t imagine it. I’d grown up seeing Audrey Hoult as the whole city’s cool PTA mom. She lived for throwing parties and chairing fundraisers. She was the epitome of Manhattan glamour to me, so it was hard to picture her uprooting her city social life to move to Philly.

Of course, it was even harder to imagine her attempting suicide.

“She didn’t tell anyone, obviously. She felt guilty and ashamed that she needed her son to take care of her. She said that was supposed to be her job, so I shouldn’t have to be cleaning for her and checking on her. But I had to. Gram wasn’t doing the best at the time either, and if I didn’t cook for Mom, she wouldn’t eat,” Emmett said, bringing me back to the morning he’d surprised me with that beautiful breakfast.

Suddenly I had a guess as to exactly when and why he’d taught himself how to cook. My gut wrenched as I imagined eighteen-year-old Emmett trying to plate the meals he made as beautifully as he could, just to entice his mom to eat.

“I know. It’s a lot,” Emmett said, eyeing the look on my face.

I nodded. It was.

Audrey Hoult had always been my picture of poise. My mother’s too. We always went home on Sundays and marveled over her, whether it was her clothes, her cooking or her patience to dote on everyone around her. I could hardly process that at one point she was the one who was completely helpless – the one who needed to be cared for day and night.

And by Emmett no less.

As the cleaning crew started moving the tables out of the ballroom, we watched, quiet for a little. We went even quieter when the ambient music shut off to create a silence so deafening I caught Emmett grimace.

I knew it was hard for him to talk about this. It was always hard to talk about the pain you kept to yourself. It was the kind that was so big, and buried so deep that you could never unearth just a little at a time. Once it was out, it had to all come out. And when it did, it shifted the way your thoughts had for so long sat in your head. In your heart. It made you face all the truths you liked to hide yourself from on a day-to-day basis.

It rearranged your entire being, and I knew that well from the night I spoke to Emmett about Dad.

“It’s hard to hear all this out loud,” he said. “Even from my own voice.”

“I know what you mean.” I took his hand in mine, massaging it gently. “It makes you think about all the things you should’ve done instead. Or ways you could’ve made this easier on yourself at some point.”

“Definitely,” Emmett murmured. “I know I should’ve told Julian at some point. But half the reason she fell into that place was because of him, and even after he came back for good, I didn’t know how to say so many years’ worth of shit to him.”

“So when she has these breaks now… you don’t let him know even a little what’s happening?”

“No. There’s no point in upsetting him when I’m the only one who can help. I’ve been there since the beginning. I know all her ticks and patterns. All the tricks to calm her down.”

“How often does she have these breaks?”

“Not as often now. They’ve been less and less frequent over the years. But in the beginning, there were times when I’d be living with her and Gram for weeks, maybe a month at a time because that was how long it took to pull her out of these places.”

“So you didn’t do relationships because you felt like… you were on call for her? In case she broke down?”

“Yeah.” Emmett gazed down at my hand, turning it gently in his to trace his fingers over my palm.

“But… what if you’re away?” I asked, remembering how Audrey had thought Emmett would be abroad all summer.

“I don’t go away for too long. Never more than a week at a time,” Emmett replied. “I know if something were to happen and she fell into one of these places, she wouldn’t tell me if I were on vacation. She’d want me to enjoy myself. But that’s not worth it because when I catch her early enough, I can talk her down before things gets bad.”

“Right,” I said, though my heart was breaking as I listened to Emmett talk so casually about such an enormous responsibility – like it was just another normal aspect of his life.

The life that was clearly not as charmed as everyone thought.

“So that’s where you were the past two days,” I realized as Emmett nodded. “What triggered it?”

“Sara,” he answered, clarifying when he caught my look of confusion. “Well not Sara. Her pregnancy.”

I was still confused. “Your mom isn’t happy about it?”

“Oh, she’s ecstatic. Julian said she cried for an hour straight,” Emmett said, giving a faint chuckle. “But I think… there’s a fine line between her being really happy and really sad. I think a lot of times when she’s over the moon about something, she misses my dad. And with Sara being pregnant, I know she’s just wishing more than ever for him to be here. We were all torn apart the day he died but look at us now. We’re rolling deep again,” he said, managing something of a smile. “We’ve got Sara now. We got a baby coming.” He eyed me. “I’ve got pretty good prospects in my life,” he said, smirking when I bit my lip. Gazing out at the empty ballroom, he nodded to himself. “It’s everything Dad wanted. And I know Mom’s just hurting about the fact that he can’t be here to see it.”

“Of course,” I murmured, my heart twisting over all the pain the Hoults had quietly gone through. It was equally remarkable and heartbreaking, and it made me want to shake myself for every time I pictured Emmett’s world to be perfect.

All those years that I’d ignored him over the hardship in my own life, he was dealing with an even bigger one of his own.

“I wish I could’ve been there for you,” I said after several minutes of quiet. “I know things were weird between us, but I’ve always felt like you were my family. I know it’s hard to believe, but I don’t think I would have let you go through something like this alone.”

“I know you wouldn’t have.” Emmett looked up at me. “You understood me and my family more than anyone else in the world.”

“So I should’ve been there for you,” I whispered, my chest clenching tight as Emmett shook his head, pressing a soft kiss on my lips and using the same words he used on me before.

“You’re here now,” he murmured. “And that’s all that matters.”