Now Or Never by Stella Rhys
40
HOLLAND
Eleven daysin and I was still comparing everything to New York.
It was hard not to.
After all, this was another brand new start since my first one three months ago. And once again, I was in a new city that was sleek, sophisticated. Exciting.
And home to Minx.
Since leaving the New York office, Freya had been emailing our team constantly about Milan. It was a source of our daily giggles at work the way she constantly dropped more than a few hints by telling us about the open positions at headquarters. Jobs they were hiring for. Because as amazing as it was working in Milan, she missed her team from New York, and Minx was good about transfers, so she always signed off with the same line.
You never know! It might be the perfect opportunity for you.
And as it turned out, she was right.
Nothing had changed between me and Iain after the night of the incident with Shane Watt.
But that almost made it worse, because I could see how distressed he was every day. Dealing with people from the PR firm around the clock, whether in person at home, or on the phone at all hours. When Engelman called to cancel the merger, I didn’t see Iain for hours despite the fact that we were both in his apartment. I was out in the living room while he stayed locked in his office with the door closed, and I knew exactly why.
Because he wouldn’t let me see him upset.
As shocked and devastated as I knew that he was.
He refused to direct any of his frustrations at me. If anything, he was more tender with me. More sensitive about how I was feeling. He pulled me onto his lap at night while we were watching TV. He cupped my calf while frowning down at the bandaids on the side of my leg, where I’d been scraped from the fall. My heart was hurting, but he still managed to make me grin by kissing me and flashing that irresistible smirk, joking that he never thought he’d be the one to tell me to relax.
He was so fucking sweet.
But it only affirmed what I was thinking.
That I needed to give him some time to himself.
I knew he was strong. That he was going to be okay in the end. But I didn’t want to be the person scratching at his open wound. Making it harder for him to heal. I couldn’t think of anyone more important to me than him, and the only thing I wanted was for him to feel peace and clarity, and to get that fighting chance at happiness he deserved.
So I left.
And now I was living some kind of simulation of New York.
I still had my commute. I still had Minx. I had Freya in the morning and Mia at night, since the time difference negated our opposite work hours, making it so I could FaceTime her whenever I got home from work.
She assured me that my room was being taken care of. That Jasmine the hostess was set to sublet if I didn’t come back by next month.
I wasn’t surprised when she told me that Iain had been by.
“It was like the time he came to the bar to look for you, except multiplied by a thousand and he wasn’t wearing a suit this time,” Mia had that rambled that day. “He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and holy shit, casual is a good look on him.”
I’d laughed and agreed, but then I’d asked her to please, for the sake of my heart, remember the rule.
No talking about Iain.
No Googling him either.
It was similar to the last time I’d forced myself to get over him, but the difference this time was that I’d left. I’d chosen this. Because I loved him. And though I’d promised not to let myself hurt again just because I was strong enough to take it, I told myself it was different this time.
Because it was for Iain.
And I would do absolutely anything for him.
