Inappropriate by Vi Keeland
Chapter 14
Grant - 11 years ago
“Don’t let her drive. She was up all night again, you know?” Mom whispered as we sat in the kitchen drinking coffee together.
“Yeah, I know. She was in the garage painting. She’ll probably pass out in the car on the drive up. I won’t let her behind the wheel.”
Lily had been living with us again for a few months now—her fourth time back in four years. The foster care system had created a vicious cycle. Every time Lily would start to get settled in with us, they’d put her back with her mom—even though she never wanted to go at first. Then once she was living with her mom again, she would feel responsible for taking care of her and not want to put her back into a mental health facility. Things would eventually get really bad, and Lily would be removed and upset. She’d come back to our house, and it would take a few months for her to settle in again. Seven or eight months later, the entire circle jerk happened again.
Broken system. Though, as of today, Lily was officially not part of the fucked-up world of foster care anymore. Because today was her eighteenth birthday. Unfortunately, the only thing she wanted for her birthday was to drive upstate and visit her mom. Which was one of the reasons she’d been up all night painting again. She got anxious when there was anything to do with Rose, and painting soothed her when her mind couldn’t rest.
“Dad and I were talking,” Mom said. “We think maybe Lily should see a counselor. Someone privately, outside of the social services system. She’s had five different counselors since she first came here, and I think she would benefit from some consistency. She’s been through a lot—the constant moves back and forth, being taken away from her mother, us moving from Big Bear Lake closer to LA because of all my appointments, my being sick…”
Of course it was a lot, and she was right. Lily took Mom’s ovarian cancer diagnosis just as badly as I did. I had no doubt Lily should talk to someone on a regular basis. But she’d been looking forward to her eighteenth birthday mainly because the state couldn’t force her to go see a shrink once a month anymore. To her, seeing a therapist of any kind meant she was crazy like her mother.
“I don’t know, Mom. She’s not going to want to go.”
“If anyone can talk her into it, you can. You two are closer than brother and sister.”
I frowned. I felt bad that we were still lying to my mom, and to everyone. But if my parents had known we were a couple when we were fifteen, they might not have taken Lily back. The state definitely wouldn’t have allowed it. Then as we got older, we didn’t say anything because it was easier to have our privacy. If Mom knew we were together, we’d never be allowed behind a closed door again—especially not with my little sisters around.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Lily swept into the kitchen and sing-songed, “Good morning.”
She was full of energy, even though she’d been up all night painting. It seemed like she had two moods lately: up or down. There was no real in-between anymore. But I could understand it; she’d been through a lot.
“Happy birthday.” Mom stood and brought Lily in for a hug. She cupped her cheeks, along with some hair. “Eighteen. Today brings you a lot of freedom. You’ve spent time with us over the years because you had to, but I hope you’ll stay for many more now because you want to. You’re part of this family, Lily.”
“Thank you, Pia.”
Mom sniffled and shook her head. “I don’t want to ruin your birthday and get all emotional. So let me just give you your gifts.” She turned around, took two wrapped boxes off the kitchen counter, and handed them to Lily. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”
Lily thanked her and opened the first one. Her eyes lit up as she found a big set of expensive oil paints she always visited in the store. “Thank you so much. I’ve wanted these for so long. But they’re so expensive. You shouldn’t have.”
“Grant told me how much you admired them.”
She opened the second box—stationery with Lily imprinted on it and lilies wrapped around her name.
She ran her finger across the top. “This is beautiful.”
“I figured you could use it to write to Grant when he goes away to college.”
Lily’s eyes jumped to me, but then she smiled at Mom. “Thank you. It’s perfect. I really love it.”
Four years ago, when Lily moved back in with her mom the first time, she’d told me she would write to me every day we couldn’t be together. I’d thought she was exaggerating, but the last time I counted, I had over five hundred letters. Some days she sent me three or four pages about her day, other days she’d just write a few sentences, and sometimes I’d get a poem or a picture she’d drawn. But she never missed a day. So the stationery was a great idea, though she wouldn’t be using it when I went away to college. I’d decided to stay home. Yet another thing neither Lily nor I had mentioned to my mom yet.
I looked at my watch. “You ready to get going?”
“I am.”
“You two be careful,” Mom said. She turned to Lily. “Enjoy your visit with your mom.”
If today was anything like most days with Rose, there was about a fifty-fifty shot of that happening.
***
A psychiatric center might be a hospital, but it’s a hell of a lot different than the place you go when someone has a baby or something, or at least this one was. The white walls were bare, with no cheerful art or framed pictures to soften the hardness of the environment. Since the floor we were visiting at Crescent Psychiatric Hospital was an adult-only wing, everyone was dressed casually, mostly in street clothes. But a few people were milling around in pajamas, even though it was the middle of the day.
Rose, Lily’s mother, wasn’t in the activity center or any of the common areas. We found her in her room, lying in bed in the fetal position with her eyes open. Her big belly was really showing now. Three months ago when she was admitted, we’d found out Rose was four months pregnant. She’d been in the midst of a manic episode then, rambling on about all the plans she and the baby’s father had. Though as far as I knew, the mystery man who had gotten her pregnant had never shown his face even once to check on her since her admission. And something told me he never would.
Rose’s eyes acknowledged us as we walked in, but she didn’t move.
“Mom, how are you?”
Lily went to sit down on the bed. She brushed her mom’s hair back the same way I’d seen my mom do to my sisters a hundred times.
Rose mumbled something incoherent.
Lily leaned down and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Your hair is nice and soft. Did you wash it today?”
More incoherent babbling, yet Lily went on like they were having an actual conversation.
“Look, Grant’s with me.” She pointed to where I stood near the door, and her mom’s eyes followed along for a few seconds, but then Rose went right back to staring into space.
I wasn’t sure what kind of drugs they were giving her, but she was only slightly more alert than catatonic. Or maybe they weren’t giving her any. She was pregnant, after all.
Lily got up, went around to the other side of her bed, and climbed in behind her mom to snuggle her. “I missed you.”
I blinked a few times as the scene before me brought back a flash of a memory. About six months ago, Lily had been sad when her mom hadn’t called or shown up for their scheduled weekly visit again. After waiting all day on Sunday, Lily had climbed into bed and spent a few days there…lying in the fetal position. I’d thought she was just sulking and sad, and I had done my best to cheer her up—including spending hours snuggled in bed behind her, a lot like she was doing to her mother now.
That thought made me antsy. “I’m going to go for a walk—give you two some time alone.”
Lily nodded.
I grabbed my jacket and opened the door, but I glanced back over my shoulder one more time before leaving. A fucked-up feeling settled into my chest as I thought how much the two of them looked like Lily and me had a while back.
Except Lily just had a lot to deal with. She wasn’t sick like her mom.
