Heart and Soul by Carrie Elks

19

“Look at this guest list,” Belle said, passing Rich a printout. He scanned the names and smiled at Belle. Her face was radiant in the afternoon sun. “Carlyn really came through. There are some huge names in the L.A. art scene coming. And she hasn’t listed them yet, but she thinks she can get a couple of celebrities, too. That should be fantastic for publicity – she’s got a lot of media connections that are interested in attending.” Belle grinned at him. “How amazing is that?”

“It’s fantastic.” Relief rushed through him. Carlyn was holding up her end of the bargain, as they’d agreed. Sure, he’d have to spend a night in her gallery as a result, but it was a small price to pay to see his sister’s beaming smile.

“You haven’t given me your guest list yet. I put six tickets aside for you, but I need to know who they are. Carlyn’s arranging for a security guard at the entrance, and he’ll need names.”

“Well there’s me…”

Belle rolled her eyes. “I know that, dummy. But what about the rest?” She gave him a sly glance. “You’re bringing Meghan, right?”

“I hope so. I need to double check with her.” They’d been too busy, and it had slipped out of his mind.

“I hope she can come. She could bring her daughter, too, if she likes.”

“It’s not a good idea.” There was no way he was having Isla anywhere near Carlyn. And he was almost certain Meghan wouldn’t want to go either. “Isla won’t be coming.”

“Why not?”

He hadn’t told Belle exactly what went down between Carlyn and Isla. He hadn’t wanted to worry her. Or have her cancel her show because of something he’d done.

“Because she’s too young. And there’s a lot of expensive stuff in that gallery, I’d hate for her to pick them up or something.”

“Most of the expensive stuff will be stored while my show is going on.” Belle gave him a strange look. “What’s going on? You haven’t messed things up with her already, have you?”

“What do you mean?” Rich frowned.

“I guess your track record with relationships isn’t great.” Belle gave him a soft smile. “As in you can’t keep one going for love or money.”

“I’m a doctor. I work crazy hours and a lot of women can’t live with that.”

“Can Meghan?” Belle tipped her head to the side.

“Yeah. I think she can.” He blew out a mouthful of air. This wasn’t the conversation he wanted to have with his baby sister. “I’ll come back to you on the list, okay?”

Belle pressed her lips together. There was a strange look on her face, as though she couldn’t decide whether to voice her thoughts or not. The voice finally won. “You’ve been different since you two started dating.”

Now he knew that was bullshit. Because they hadn’t been dating at all when Belle first met Meghan. It was all a lie and only the two of them knew it. “Have I?” he said lightly, sending a silent message for Belle to change the subject.

“Yes. And I saw the way you looked at her when we were at the gallery. You two were so at ease with each other. She’s special, Rich. I know she is. Please don’t mess this up. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy.” He winked at her. “How could I not be with a genius in the family? I’m counting down the time until you sell your first million dollar work and I can retire.”

“Ha. You’ll never retire. I swear you’ll be the oldest doc in the ER. What would you do if you didn’t have work?”

“I’d…” Rich frowned. “Sleep, I guess.”

“And then?”

His lips twitched. “Then I’d call the ER and ask if they had any extra shifts for me.”

Belle laughed. “At least you know yourself. But that’s sad, isn’t it? There has to be more than work.”

He shrugged. “It’s the one thing I’m good at.”

“You could be good at relationships, too, if you weren’t so scared.”

Her words were like a cold bucket of water. “What?” He frowned.

“You like work because you know what you’re doing. Things go wrong, sure, but you’ve learned to live with that. But relationships scare you to death because you can’t control them. Because you’re afraid you’re gonna mess them up, so you avoid them all together. But the stupid thing is, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So you retreat because that’s the only thing you know.”

Rich blinked at her. Her words felt like a rebuke, and they hurt more than he knew she intended. “When did you learn so much about relationships?” he asked, trying to ignore the tightening in his chest.

“I’ve had boyfriends.” Belle shrugged. “I know how these things work. You don’t need to worry about me.”

He exhaled heavily. “You’ll always be my little sister. I can’t help the protective older brother thing.” He’d been doing it for too long to shuck it off now.

“Maybe you could turn it on yourself a little. Give yourself a break.” Belle smiled softly. “Bring Meghan to the show. Do what you need to, just make it work.”

“I’ll ask her.”

“Good. Now let’s go grab a coffee. All this heart to heart stuff is making me thirsty.”

* * *

Sliding his sunglasses over his dark hair, Rich walked into the lobby and called the elevator, his body slumping as he waited for it to come.

He and Belle had gone to the Déjà Brew coffee shop on the boardwalk, then taken a walk along the long concrete path, stopping to look at the displays in the surf shop and the gift shop beyond it. When they passed Meghan’s ice cream shop, they’d stopped to look in but there was no sign of her. Of course Belle had asked one of the assistants where she was, and they’d been told that she was at Isla’s school for a play.

And he’d felt weird, because he should have known that stuff and he didn’t. Maybe if he’d spent less time asking her what she was wearing and more time asking about her life she would have told him about Isla’s play.

What it was, who she was playing in it. Whether she was excited or nervous.

But she hadn’t. And now he felt like an asshole.

The elevator arrived and he stepped in, leaning his head back on the wall. His reflection stared back at him from the mirrored wall opposite, judging him for not being a good friend. Or whatever the heck he was supposed to be to her.

Friends knew stuff about each other. They wished each other luck. They cared enough to ask if everything was okay.

He was a shitty friend, he knew that. Sure, his work was a good excuse. It was almost impossible to be present for people when he wasn’t sure what shift he’d be working. It was easy to let his friends down when they knew he was doing it for a good reason.

But he also wore his job as a shield. It stopped him from getting too involved. Gave him an excuse to be a fuck up at the moments he needed it most.

And it stopped him from getting hurt.

That was the truth of it. His dedication to his career wasn’t completely altruistic. Yes, it was about saving lives, but it was also about saving his own. Because when he dedicated himself to solving other people’s problems, he could ignore the ones that were beating down his brain.

The elevator arrived on the tenth floor, and he walked out, looking down at the pink paper bag he was holding. Belle had helped him pick out a congratulations gift for Isla at the gift shop – a tiny silver necklace with a star and unicorn on it, along with Isla’s initial. He’d even bought a card and written that he was proud of her in it.

And now he was hesitating at leaving it at their door. Because what if it was too much? Damn, his head was all messed up right now, and it was Belle’s fault. She was making him think about things he didn’t have a right to.

Things like happiness. Friendship. Maybe something more.

The same things he’d been avoiding for years.

It was a damn necklace for a child, not an engagement ring for her mother. He shook his head at himself, sliding the paper bag beneath Meghan’s door before he could change his mind, then ran to his own damn apartment.

Friendship. That’s what it was. He could do that, the same way he did with James, and his co workers in the ER.

Yeah, but you don’t fantasize about them every night.

And his inner thoughts could shut the hell up. He turned on his stereo, loud music filling his brain.

Exercise, that’s what he’d do. And after that he’d take a nap.

* * *

“Rich?” Meghan said, wedging her phone between her shoulder and her ear.

“Yeah?” He sounded groggy. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just have a very excited little girl who wants to say thank you for your gift, and unless I put her on the phone she’s probably going to beat down your door.”

He gave a little chuckle, and Meghan tried to ignore the way it made her heart skip a beat. Before she could say anything else, Isla grabbed the phone and started talking excitedly into the mouthpiece.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Isla was breathless. “I love it. It’s so pretty. Everybody’s going to be so jealous when they see it.” There was a pause, and Meghan could hear the low rumble of his voice.

“Yeah, it was good,” Isla replied. “I was Ariel. Everybody kept saying it’s because I have red hair, but we all know that Ella Frances can’t sing a single note.”

Isla’s face was bright with excitement, her brows pulled down as she concentrated on what Rich was saying. “Yep,” she said. “I definitely will. Do you want to speak to Mommy? She’s going to cook my favorite dinner. You should come over and eat with us. Pleeeaase?” Isla lifted the phone from her ear, but didn’t bother to cover the mouthpiece. “Mommy, can Rich come have dinner with us?”

Meghan tried not to laugh. “Sure.”

“Here, you tell him what time we’re eating.” Isla shoved the phone at her and skipped off, pulling at her necklace with gentle fingers. Meghan lifted the phone back to her ear.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. But before I make a real commitment I want to know what you’re cooking.”

“Nuggets and tater tots.”

“Those are my absolute favorite, too.” There was still a thickness to his voice.

“Did we wake you?” Meghan asked.

“Yeah, but I needed to get up. Otherwise I won’t sleep tonight. Can I bring anything with me?”

“Just yourself. It’ll be ready at six.” She tried to ignore the tingling inside of her at the thought of him spending time with them.

“Okay. Tater tots and nuggets at six. I’ve got it.”

She grinned. “See you then.”