The Devil and I by Kay Alastor
Chapter Eighteen
Lucas
Before Rayna, my world was a dismal place. I spent all my time shifting between my false hero persona and the true devil within. It's easy to drift through life on auto-pilot when there isn't really anything to anchor you. All of that changed the day I found Rayna in the woods, knocking on death's door. I intercepted death himself, pulled her back from the brink, and stole her away to my home in the forest. I had no idea when I was driving her North that she would replace the emptiness in my chest, and become the beating heart I've lived far too long without.
I hold her tightly against me, waiting for the strength to return to my body. I don't want my beautiful girl laying on the cold floor, but fucking her the way I did destroyed the both of us. We were both still trying to calm our breathing and regain some control of our erratic hearts.
Her body is going to bruise, there's nothing I can do to stop that now. I came unhinged, and there is no denying I was hard on her body. I just couldn't stop myself. I was an animal driven to madness by my need to possess her. It would always be this way between us. Passionate, wild, brutal. All I could do was promise to give her the aftercare she deserved once I was done making love to her. My version of love making, anyway. With that thought in my mind, I force myself to get to my feet, bringing her with me.
I lift her into my arms and cradle her against my chest as I walk towards our bedroom. A pained sound slips from her mouth as I shift her in my arms, and part of me feels a twinge of guilt for not being able to be the normal, gentle guy she probably thought she would end up with some day. Though, that man can't make the world safe for her. The devil carrying her in his arms like she's his most prized possession can. I meant every word I said to her. I don't care what it takes. I'll do whatever I need to do to make her safe and keep her for myself. Whatever the cost to have her, I'll pay it.
I step into the bathroom and turn on the light, making my way over to the stand up shower in the far corner opposite the large bath tub. I carefully set her down on her feet, still holding her to my body to stabilize her, while I open the door and turn the water on. I make sure the temperature is perfect before I walk her inside the shower.
Her beautiful dark eyes are heavy with exhaustion and satiation, and when I lean away to grab a bar of soap, she sways gently on her feet. The sight of her, still flushed from her orgasm, makes my cock hard again. Even though I am totally spent, I want her again. I force myself to push thoughts of sex from my mind for now, certain that she won't be able to handle me again so soon. She is so much smaller than me, and her pretty little pussy wasn't built to take a cock like mine. Her body would adjust though. There was no other option for her. She is mine, and there is no going back from that.
“What happens next?” Her voice is so soft, far too quiet. If I wasn't so hyper-focused on her, I may not have heard her at all. I place a kiss on her forehead before guiding her body under the gentle spray of water. A pleased moan escapes her, and the sound makes me feel better about being so rough with her.
“You don't have to worry about anything anymore, baby,” I tell her, letting her rest her forehead against my chest as I lather the bar of soap between my hands. The scent of woodsmoke and berries fills the steamy shower stall, which seems to relax her. A dreamy sigh fills the space between us, and the sound does a better job warming me than the hot water does. “I'm going to love you and take care of you every day for the rest of our lives.”
“How did I get so lucky?” she whispers, and once again I struggle to hear her small voice amid the falling water. A small smile spreads across my face as I begin running my sudsy hands over her body. She moans again, and my smile grows. For as much pain and death as my hands can deliver, I am certain they can provide equal amounts of pleasure. That never mattered to me before, but it does now.
“Let's get us cleaned up so I can grab a couple hours of sleep,” I tell her while I run my hands all over her body, thoroughly cleaning and massaging every single inch. She nods. I don't skip the intimate places I'm confident other men would avoid, and the breathy sounds she makes in response put little cracks in my self-control. I bite my lip as I finish cleaning her, using the sting to keep me focused on getting us out of the shower rather than fucking her all over again.
Once I've finished bathing her, I take care of myself. She's watching the faint swirls of blood where they pool and drain at our feet. I make sure to be thorough, letting the remnants of her past wash away from us forever. She doesn't say a word, but there are a lot of emotions in her tired stare. I don't push for her to talk, that's something we can handle later if she feels she wants to discuss what happened in depth.
With both of us clean, I turn off the water. I step out of the shower first so that I can grab us a set of clean, fluffy towels. I am not satisfied with simply draping the towel around her, I take the time to dry her myself. She stands there patiently, a small smile ghosting across her face every time I glance up at her. Once I'm done with the both of us, I take her hand and lead her to bed.
“I'm not sure if you can sleep, but I'd like to hold you for a while.”
“I'd love that,” she says with a nod, allowing me to get her settled in bed myself. She obviously doesn't need my help, but it's instinctual for me to do this for her. If all of my attention and focus are too much for her, she'll have to find a way to adjust. The strength with which I need to take care of her is beyond my control at this point.
I crawl into bed behind her, tucking her body back against mine and wrapping my arms around her. She settles against me instantly, once again allowing me total control of her body where I hold it tight in my arms. Exhaustion crashes into me in waves, threatening to pull me under almost immediately. I fight it for a while, worried that if I drift off she may disappear, but once her breathing deepens and evens out, I start to relax. Rayna falls asleep almost instantly. And that helps me drift off, too.
***When I finally open my eyes, the sun is starting to drop towards the East. I can barely make out the rays of light as it moves down through the heavy clouds in pursuit of the horizon. The window is slightly ajar, so the sound of the rain outside invades the quiet space of the bedroom. The pinging of each raindrop as it hits the window is soothing. I almost want to stay here in bed. I would stay, if not for the gnawing ache of hunger that woke me up in the first place.
Leaving the window open has the chill of early Autumn seeping in, which makes Rayna shift closer to me for warmth. I love when she does this, but it makes me feel so damn protective of her. I don't ever want her to feel cold, or hungry, or scared. The idea of her suffering even a little bit makes the devil in me rage, moving beneath my skin like a snake covered in razor blades. It cuts me up and drives me to madness. The only thing keeping me from burning the entire world to the ground is knowing she is safe and taken care of.
I wake her up by trailing gentle kisses across her forehead, waiting patiently as she begins to stir against me. A soft little moan escapes her adorable mouth, and her eyes flutter open to gaze up at me. I am struck by the dark urge that rises in me, an urge to bite her beautiful bottom lip until a rivulet of blood trails down her chin. I want to taste her against my tongue, take the very essence of her life into my body, and feed the ravenous monster in me that has fallen madly in love with her.
“Hi,” she says softly, looking far too fragile and small here in my bed. The sight of her doesn't help lessen my hunger for her. I never really had a type until Rayna came into my life, but she is definitely it for me. Small, soft, deliciously curvy and thick all over. She looks like she can handle the brutal way I want to fuck her, and that in itself turns me on.
“Hey baby.”
“What time is it?” she asks, her hand lifting to rub at her eyes. Her beautiful dark hair is sprawled all around us, so I slowly pull some wild strands back away from her face and push them over her shoulder.
“I think it's late afternoon. I should make us something to eat.”
“That's a good idea,” she agrees, shifting away from me so she can sit up in our bed and glance out the rainy window. “Oh. Rain. I love the rain.”
I can't help but ache for her as she turns her face away from me, staring out into the world beyond our bedroom. The rain is coming down steadily now, rattling the leaves of the surrounding trees. The colours are all so intense in this weather, rich emerald and dark brown trees dotted with little gems of colour where the birds flit about, and where the leaves are beginning to change. I cannot wait for her to see this place when the trees are all dressed in Autumnal hues.
She is so beautiful; it makes every inch of my body ache. All the way down to the deepest parts of me that only awakened with this girl's arrival in my life. Her long, dark hair is messy from sleep, sprawled around her pale body like a living shadow. The sheets have slipped down to gather around her wide hips, the tops of her thick thighs peeking out from beneath the bunched up material. And those tits, so goddamn perfect. They overflow in my hands, perfect in all their natural glory. I just can't get over how this girl has such little confidence in her body. She's a goddess.
I can't resist her anymore, so I reach over and snatch her up with ease, pulling her entire luscious body towards me until she is sitting across my lap. The feel of her weight on my cock is fucking divine. I can't help but groan over it.
“Lucas!” she squeals, the sound followed by a gentle giggle. How one woman can be beautiful, sexy and adorable all in one is a little mind boggling. She's it, though. Damnit, she is everything.
I carry her with me as I rise from the bed, shuffling her in my arms so that I can cradle her against my chest. The way she settles against me feels like a sacred display of trust, her eyes drifting closed as she awaits whatever I'm going to do with her next.
“You've lost some weight, baby. I haven't been feeding you well enough,” I tell her, realizing that she's been feeling a little lighter in my arms these last few days.
“That doesn't sound like a bad thing, Lucas,” she says quietly, tucking her head up under my chin and placing one of her hands over my heart.
“Your body was made to handle a man like me, Rayna. We've gotta take good care of it. Nurture all those beautiful curves of yours,” I tell her, contemplating what I can cook for us as I wander over into the closet and grab us some clothes.
“You're sweet, you know.”
I can't help but laugh. “That's the first time anyone has ever called me that.”
I toss the clothes I pulled out for us over my shoulder and head out towards the kitchen. Once we are there, I set her down on the island and offer her one of my shirts. “We need to go get your things from your apartment. As much as I love seeing you in my shirts, I want you to make this place your home, too.”
The look on Rayna's face as she takes the shirt from my hands makes me frown. She looks like she wants to say something, but shakes her head to abandon the thought. “Are you sure you want me to move in already?”
My frown deepens. “You're either moving in with me, or I'm moving in with you. Either way, it's you and I now,” I tell her, watching as she pulls the over sized shirt over her head. I groan again, the sound low and a little pained, as the hemline settles over her gorgeous thighs. It's not fair that such a simple act of watching her get dressed can turn me on this damn much.
“That doesn't sound like a choice,” she says with a light chuckle, her hands settling in her lap.
“It's not,” I say simply.
“You're lucky I love you,” she tells me, watching me closely as I pull on a pair of cargo pants and slip a black long-sleeved shirt over my head. I can tell she's teasing me, but I can't help but see the truth in it all, too.
“I am lucky. It's not often a pretty girl like you falls for a monster like me.”
“You're not evil, Lucas. You're just... morally grey.” She muses, her head tilted slightly as she contemplates what she said.
I can't help but laugh. “Morally grey? Now who sounds philosophical.”
She shakes her head and leans back, her legs swaying slightly. “You may think you're the devil, but you forget the devil was an angel once, too.”
I lean in to give her a kiss on the lips before I turn towards the fridge and start pulling out ingredients for dinner. “You're the one being sweet, now.”
I glance back over my shoulder to see her smiling at me, and I return it with one of my own. She has been smiling so much more lately, and that makes me want to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
While I'm moving around the kitchen getting dinner started, there's a knock at the front door. Rayna startles, but seems to catch herself and settles soon after. A much better response in comparison to the last time someone showed up at the door, I note.
“You're safe, baby. It's just a delivery.”
She nods with a small smile, and I step over to her and give her a kiss before heading towards the front door. When I open it, I use my body to block the delivery man from being able to see into the house. When I take the small package, I give him my signature and shut the door without a word. I make sure to lock it before heading back into the kitchen, depositing the box on the dining room table.
Rayna is staring out the large window when I return to the kitchen, seemingly lost in thought. Although I was only gone for a couple of minutes, she already seemed to be far off somewhere. “What's on your mind?” I ask as I round the island and head back over to continue cooking. Rayna doesn't turn back to look at me, she just stares out of the window and watches the birds as they bounce between the nearly empty feeders, fluttering through the now heavy rain.
“Can I tell you about the day you found me?” she asks, and I am surprised when her voice carries some strength with it. When I first brought her here, Rayna was emotionally delicate. Watching her make an effort to confront difficult things felt like a step in the right direction, a step towards regaining some of her inner strength.
I take a deep breath, one that I make sure isn't audible. I don't want to dissuade her from opening up. I just need to ready myself for the intense emotions I am about to experience when she does. “Of course you can. You can tell me anything.”
She sighs as she watches the rain, and I briefly contemplate going to her to hold her while she speaks. This is a safe opportunity for her to try out some emotional regulation, so for now, I continue to cook. I keep a close eye on her, however, so that I can go to her if I feel like she needs me.
“Mark came to my house. He slipped a note under my door. He warned me he was coming back for me.” Rayna's voice was strangely monotone, and that made my reaction to her words even more intense.
I bit my lip so damn hard I tasted blood, but it was necessary. The pain helped to clear my head, helped me keep my focus on her instead of the chaotic hurricane of emotions slamming into me. Knowing that Mark had every intention of touching her again made the madness in me bubble up and boil, and I found myself wishing I could kill him all over again.
“He was either going to rape me again or kill me, maybe both.” There is a bit more emotion in her voice now, as if the thought of him was breaking down whatever defenses she tried to put up to protect herself from his memory. Her words had my hands frozen in place, the cold seeping into me and colliding with the boiling rage in my gut. It was a brutal mix of emotion. I was clutching the knife in my hand so hard my bones ached, staring down at the cutting board like it was my newest enemy.
“I dropped the note, grabbed a razor, and left. I just couldn't face another day,” she explains sadly, her eyes looking a little glazed over. I wondered then if she was picturing the note in her hand again, reliving the feelings of hopeless and dread that drove her to suicide that day.
“Rayna...” I say darkly, letting all the things I am feeling seep into my words. “No one will ever touch you again. You know that, right?”
I turn away from the cutting board, setting the knife down and stepping over to where she still sits perched on the island counter top. My arms wrap around her, and I pull her in against me at the same time that I move to stand between her legs. She sighs again, but relaxes into my embrace.
“I know. You made the world safe for me again,” she whispers, laying both hands on my chest and dropping her forehead to my shoulder. “For the first time in a really long time, I don't want to die.”
The confession hits me so hard that my breath hitches, but I force myself to regulate the air moving in and out of my lungs. It's hard to do, considering my mind has pulled up images of Rayna in the forest, dying. My heart is beating so hard; I momentarily wonder if it will break through the cage of my ribs.
“I'll do anything to keep you safe and happy, baby. I promise you that,” I tell her as I plant a kiss on the side of her neck, pulling her closer in a tight hug. I don't ever want to let her go.
“I wish I could stay here forever, you know. Just read books, watch the birds, and be with you.”
It takes an immense effort on my part to keep my emotions in check. I don't want to overwhelm her with the madness inside of me. She doesn't quite realize that my obsession goes deeper than anything she can fathom. She knows I'll kill for her, I proved that last night. She doesn't realize that isn't the peak of what I will do.
Most importantly, she doesn't realize that when I say I cannot let her go, I mean it. I think she needs to hear it now. And if it's a stupid decision to tell her, I'll deal with the consequences as they present themselves.
“You need to understand something, Rayna,” I begin, pulling back just enough that I can hold her gaze with my own. “You are staying here forever. Even if you tried to run from me, I would tear this world apart every second of the day until I had you back in my arms. There is nothing in this world that can take you away from me. Nothing.”
I watch Rayna's dark eyes as her pupils constrict and then dilate. A beautiful shade of red spreads across her face and throat as arousal blooms in her.
“Fuck. You're just as sick as me,” I groan, lifting my hand to drag my thumb across her plump bottom lip. Whether she was born this way, or I corrupted her myself, it didn't matter. All that matters now is that we're together, and we belong to each other.
“I want you to chase me, Lucas. It's fucked up, but I need you to re-write what happened to me in your own way.”
Fuck. She's bringing the monster in me to its knees again. I am her god damn servant, desperate to give her all the dark pleasure she's asking me for. I can't help but lean in to her, my mouth brushing against hers. She parts her lips and invites me in, and I take everything she is offering without hesitation, like the monster I am.
My tongue sweeps against hers, and the way she gently teases me back makes my heart race so hard I wonder if I'm about to have a fucking heart attack. She is so damn soft. Every part of me wants to break her in a way that satisfies us both. She sings her siren song and the predator in me answers, craving the hunt, the take down, and the sweetest damn feast her body promises.
I pull away from her, my hand sliding up to grip her hair from behind her head.
“We'll play that game, baby. Your monster will give you what you need,” I promise, placing one last kiss on her lips before pulling back from her. “First, there's some stuff that needs to happen.”
“Oh?” she answers breathlessly, watching me closely as I turn away and move back towards dinner preparations. My pan is hot, the water is boiling, and I should really try not to burn the house down.
As I drop the ingredients into the hot pan and begin cooking in earnest, I pull out my phone and find the number I need. She watches quietly as I multitask, bringing the phone to my ear. I call the moving company I researched earlier in the week, and set up an appointment to have Rayna's apartment cleared out tomorrow. When I chance a glance at her over my shoulder, her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I offer her the most charming smile I can muster as I finish the call.
“Movers will box up your stuff tomorrow and bring it all here in the evening,” I explain as I continue to cook.
“Luckily, I think I forgot to lock my door,” she tells me as she slips down from the counter and steps beside me, a small laugh leaving her as if she finds that thought funny. Her subtle laugh is a little off, though. Understandably so, since the memory attached to that bit of information obviously isn't a pleasant one.
“You did. I had someone check for me,” I explain, but she doesn't seem surprised. “There are benefits to being a cop.”
“Clearly,” she responds with a smirk, and the look on her face has me setting down what I'm holding so I can haul her back up onto the counter behind me. The giggle that leaves her as I lift her up is a much happier sound.
“Sit. Dinner is almost ready.”
Her voice is light, and I can hear the heels of her feet tapping on the cupboard below as she swings them back and forth. “So bossy.”
She has no idea. Yet.
It doesn't take me long to finish dinner, and much to Rayna's surprise, I insist on hand feeding her every single bite of the fettuccine alfredo I cooked for her. She doesn't protest, thankfully. She just eats each bite with a small smile on her face, waiting patiently for me to decide she has eaten enough of the food.
When I'm satisfied that she's eaten enough, I eat the food I set aside for myself. We hang out in the kitchen for quite a while, talking about things from our past, while the sun sets on my warm, secluded home. By the time Rayna lets out a yawn, the sun has set, and I've finished putting the dishes away.
“Let's go to sleep,” I tell her, turning off the lights and leading her back to the bedroom. “We'll need to drive into Toronto tomorrow, and I want to make sure you're well rested.”
Once again, she lets me remove her clothing and get her into bed. I can't help but appreciate her patience as she deals with my overbearing need for control over everything.
“I'm not looking forward to going home,” she explains as she settles under the bed sheets and waits for me to join her.
“This is your home now. We're just going to go check your stuff, stop for dinner, and come back here,” I tell her reassuringly as I lift the sheets and slide in next to her.
“Dinner?” she asks me, her eyes lighting up a little.
“Yeah. What are you in the mood for?” I ask, pulling her body towards me so that I can hold her. She settles her head against my chest, drawing a leg up over mine.
“Sushi,” she says through another yawn.
Sushi it is.