Maid for the Alien General by Athena Storm
Kavan
Ten days on this planet, and no one has even tried to assassinate me. There are no riots, no fires or explosions, and the sound of gunfire is nonexistent.
Whoever said humans were a war-loving species clearly had no fucking idea what they were talking about.
We’ve seized their cities, had them scurrying into these camps out of town, and no one has even tried to throw a rock at me. I thought that my nomination as District Chief would be an interesting change of pace, but I might have to put a bounty on my own head just so I don’t die of boredom.
You’d think that the IHC or the Alliance would have sent a few battle cruisers and Ravagers our way by now, but the only thing I got from them was a strongly-worded letter condemning Luvon’s occupation.
How these pants-pissers ever expect to beat the Coalition, I have no idea.
Standing on the balcony of the Main Chambers, I place my hands on the railings and look up at the night sky. Somewhere up above is The Red Blade, patrolling Luvon’s orbit in case anyone decides to take a swing at us.
Fuck, I miss it.
Leaving Rakov as acting-captain aboard The Red Blade was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve basically gave him free rein to fuck shit up in orbit, while I slowly wither away under a mountain of paperwork.
And to think that, instead of being stationed in the Garda moons, I was sent here. I could be bashing skulls and breaking kneecaps right now, but no. Instead, I have to sit here and shepherd the docile humans.
Next time there’s an Assembly, I’m going to motion for the entire planet to be bulldozed and turned into a landing pad.
“Sir,” I hear someone croak behind me, and I turn around to find Talik standing on the balcony’s entrance. He has his blue cloak—the mark of a pussy that prefers to handle a pencil instead of a hand grenade—wrapped tightly around his torso, but even that isn’t enough for him to hide his diminutive size. A head shorter than me, he has an emaciated appearance that makes him look as if he’s sick. Even his silvery skin seems pale and frail. “There has been a situation.”
“A situation?” I echo, my heart kicking it up a notch. Could something interesting be finally happening? Maybe the humans are trying to storm the building, or maybe a Coalition battle cruiser has broken through the blockade. “Spit it out, Talik. What’s going on?”
“Patrol 47, the ones in charge of human camp CB, were performing their daily duties when—”
“Cut to the fucking chase already,” I growl, impatience getting the best of me. Somehow, I resist the urge to tie Talik’s cloak on the railings and push him off the balcony. Although that would probably make him speak faster, it’s probably better not to antagonize my second-in-command here that much.
Clearing his throat, Talik bows his head in a respectful manner. What a groveling little creature. I might have to requisition The Red Blade to go find me a spine I can install on this guy.
“Patrol 47 has arrested a human female,” he finally says, his head still bowed.
“Is that it?” What a load of bullshit. Here I was, expecting total mayhem, and the best Talik can come up with it is this?
“She’s a doctor,” he continues. “The people in camp CB aren’t that happy, sir.”
“So? How’s that my concern?”
If anyone wants to rise up and overthrow the evil Kraaj over some doctor, be my fucking guest. I might even pay any prospective rebels for giving me the chance to bash their heads in.
“I think it’d be in the District’s best interest to schedule a public execution.” Standing tall now, Talik looks into my eyes as a smile spreads across his lips. Clearly, he’s proud of his brilliant and nuanced political advice. Yawn. “Just to remind the humans they better not have any ideas.”
“What has she even done?” I ask him, the wind picking up and whipping my crimson cloak back.
“She knocked out two of the soldiers in Patrol 47, sir.” Well, now that is interesting. I doubt even an elite Luvon soldier would be able to knock out a Kraaj soldier in hand-to-hand combat, so the fact that a woman has managed to kick the shit out of two of our guys is impressive. “She stole one of their tasers before attacking them.”
“And Patrol 47 has filed a report on this?”
“Yes, sir.”
I’m surrounded by fucking idiots. Who in their right mind would submit a report saying ‘I’ve had my ass handed to me by some human female’? If that happened to me, I’d just head to the highest building I could find and dive head first into the pavement. Talik wants me to execute this woman? Maybe I should execute the soldiers and hire the woman instead.
“Have Patrol 47 assigned to latrine duty.” Walking past Talik, I step into the Main Chambers. A sumptuous room covered with tapestries and all the fancy bullshit a human needs, it’s from here that I conduct official business and lead the entire District. My desk, a massive beast made of native wood, sits atop a raised dais; behind it there’s a floor-to-ceiling glass wall providing an expansive view of Hela, the District’s capital city.
“Are you sure?” Scurrying after me, the hem of his cloak dragging across the marble floor, Talik seems to be having doubts about my decision. One good stare at him and he quickly straightens his back and bows his head. “It’ll be done, sir. What about the woman? Shall I order for her to be executed?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“A public flogging then?”
“No.”
“Trial by combat?”
“Are you even listening to yourself?” By the ancestor’s bloody face, is this guy really talking about a woman as if she were some major operative? Soon enough he’s going to suggest we invite the entire Council into Luvon just so we can drag her across the city’s streets in chains. “We’re going to do no such thing.”
I enjoy a good public execution as much as the next guy, but let’s be real for a moment—I’d rather commend this woman for her guts than to punish her. There aren’t a lot like her around, and I don’t want to be laying waste to those few that can make life interesting on this planet. At least not right away.
“Then what do you suggest, sir?”
Sitting behind my desk, I take my time as I think of an answer. It doesn’t come easy. Annoyed, I rake one hand over my face and purse my lips. I should be aboard The Red Blade, using it as a knife to cut through Coalition space, but here I am—thinking about how to punish some misbehaving kid as if I were a school director. Luvon is supposed to be a fucking military outpost on the Coalition border, not a playground where bureaucratic assholes like Talik can feel like they’re an important piece of the Kraaj military.
But here we are.
“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,” I say, drumming my fingers against the desk. “I want you to send patrols all over the city to round up suitable females. Smart, young, and beautiful. Then, once you have at least seven of them, have our troublemaker join that group.”
“Are you trying to say that we should hold an—”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” For fuck’s sake, do I have to spell it out for him? Again, the urge to throw Talik off the balcony returns. If anything, the five seconds it would take him to reach the ground would be some sorely needed entertainment. “Clear the main hall for tomorrow, and send invitations to all high-ranking officials you deem appropriate.”
“Right away, sir.” With one final bow, Talik walks out from the chambers, almost tripping on his oversized cloak as he goes. Awkwardly regaining his balance, he pulls on the hem of the cloak and finally makes its way past the double doors at the end of the room. Shaking my head, I wonder about how someone as weak as Talik has made it this far. He has never seen a battlefield, hasn’t earned a single blood mark, and he prefers to tinker with administrative procedures instead of a good brawl. The little rat has probably spent his whole career greasing elbows and kissing asses. Unfortunately for him, I’m not someone whose ass you can kiss. I hope he manages to wrap his head around that, or else he’d better grow some wings.
Suddenly, my computer terminal wakes up, a red blinking light signaling I just got a message. Pulling up the holo-screen, I let a satisfied smile take over my lips as I read the message in there. For all his faults, Tarik’s fast when it comes to following orders.
Under the authority of District Chief Kavan, the message reads, Luvon will host its first Auction on the Chief’s Residence Main Hall.
