Trained by Sansa Rayne

Chapter 18

I wake up sore all over; the Novocaine has worn off and my body aches. I don’t mind it though, not one bit. It’s a sign that I’m free — Anton can’t track me anymore. He can’t speak one word and kill me. I’m curious what word was mine. Did he pick something special for me, or would that have been too sentimental? Too irrational?

The sensations lingering in my body aren’t all bad: the pleasure Ingram gave me yesterday still reverberates. I wish we could have done more, if time and my surgical recovery had allowed. At least it won’t take long for me to be whole again. Dr. Grenoble did a fantastic job; I would expect to be in much more pain after what she did, even with medication. According to notes she left for me, I’ll have to wait a couple of days before I can shower to keep the stitches dry. It’s not the end of the world — I don’t plan on going anywhere.

In fact, considering it’s a Monday I should be at the LPN studio preparing for today’s show. Are they wondering where I am, or did Anton’s people provide an excuse? Will they speculate that my disappearance has something to do with yesterday’s attack in New Jersey? Or perhaps they’ll surmise that I’m back in rehab when I don’t show up tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that. Let them say whatever they want — I’m long past caring.

If I never see that studio again, I will die happy. For months I’ve hosted one idiot after another, letting them spout their terrible, uninformed opinions; I’ve made LPN a laughingstock and destroyed the Atwood name. I’m done pretending to be a crank for Anton’s amusement.

What am I going to do, though? Pretend to be dead? Change my name and start a new life somewhere? That won’t be easy; I’m a bit too famous to assume a new identity. Am I supposed to just live in hiding forever? If we’re not going to make the world think I’m dead, will I film some kind of hostage video for Anarchy, Inc.? Will I go to the authorities?

Is it better for Anton to think I’m dead, or to fear what I’ll do if I’m alive? I honestly have no idea. There’s a chance it won’t even matter. Ingram could kill him first. That depends on how soon we can take down the Masters once and for all.

I’m still relaxing in bed when Ingram arrives with breakfast: massive stacks of pancakes, eggs and breakfast sausages with plenty of butter and syrup, as well as a pot of hot coffee.

“Hungry?” he asks.

“I am going to eat all of that,” I say. “I hope you’re aware.”

He laughs.

“By all means,” he says, setting the tray down on the bed.

I tear into the food, savoring every flavor I’ve missed for way, way too long. Every bite awakens a surge of pleasure.

“So what’s the plan for today?” I ask, spreading the butter over my pancakes.

“This is it,” Ingram says. “You should rest and relax — you need to heal, physically and mentally. I was thinking we could watch some TV and movies, we could also just talk, or if there’s a book you’d like… I can send people out to get anything you need. Later we can have a fancy dinner. Candlelight, music…”

“That sounds perfect. But I do want to talk about what comes next.”

Ingram sips his coffee and then leans back on the bed.

“It’s up to you. Where do you want to go from here? We can let the world think you’re dead and I will keep you far from the conflict with Anton. Or, we could reveal that you’re alive and use your influence as an asset. We don’t need to though; whatever you’re comfortable with.”

I don’t know how I could possibly make that decision. While I trust that Ingram will keep me safe either way, I’m definitely not ready to face the world. How can I explain everything I’ve done without it sounding totally crazy? Who will believe me? John? Brendan? After I’ve been forced to cut them out of my life?

“I need time to think about it.”

“Oh, of course,” Ingram says.

“It depends a bit on what you want to do when this is all over. How are you hoping this ends? Like, where will you be once Anton’s dead?”

He smiles, eyes drifting to a place far away.

“I’m not sure. Part of me wants to retire on a private island, somewhere I can leave the world behind. I was a heartbeat away from effectively ruling the world, and it didn’t make me happy. Getting far away from that life could be what I need. I would fish and swim every day. If you were there we could make out under the stars. No one would be trying to kill us, no one would bother us. It would be paradise.”

That all sounds pretty good, of course.

“On the other hand, I think I should perform some form of penance for the things I’ve done. I have an organization capable of doing a lot of good in the world. Eyal is a loyal man, but he’s not the most benevolent. If he was, he never would have worked for me in the first place. But as long as he’s getting paid and can do the work he enjoys, he’ll use his skills for a good purpose. The others will follow suit. Fighting people like the Masters could be how I make up for my past.”

Is it, though? I haven’t given the matter much thought. He’s committed more crimes than I’ll likely ever know. He’s murdered people — he abducted me. Some of it he had good reasons to do, but it doesn’t change the fact he worked at the behest of some truly terrible people. I don’t want to lose him, though I don’t know if what he’s done to help me absolves him of his past. Depending on who’s judging him, he could already have paid his debt or he could spend his life trying and never succeed. I’m too biased to say which it is, if I’m being honest with myself. The decision shouldn’t be up to me.

“I wish I could tell you which was right,” I say.

He smiles.

“Whichever it is, I’ll be happy as long as I’m with you. But I’d like to do the right thing. What about you? If you could hit the reset button on your life, what would you want to do?”

That’s easy.

“I want to get back to work,” I say. “I loved my job. Exposing corruption and standing up to the powerful… there’s no higher calling. That’s why I was willing to put my life on the line. I didn’t just want to live up to my father’s name and make him proud; my goal was to go beyond him, and show everyone that I got to the top of my field on my own, not because of his name.”

Ingram takes my hand in his.

“I’m sure Walter would have wanted that for you.”

I nod. Maybe. I think Dad just wanted me to be happy, whatever that meant.

“Ingram, if I’m being truthful, I don’t think I can live on a tropical island, not after the time I spent at the Enclave. A beach wouldn’t bother me, but an island… I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable.”

“That’s understandable,” Ingram replies.

“I just don’t know if it’s possible for me to have the life I want anymore. What if the world doesn’t understand what happened in the last year? I could spend years explaining that it was all an act, that I was forced into doing it by a psychopath. Would they accept it? I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t care what the rest of the world thinks, but I do. It matters, because it’s the truth. I’d like for you to be a part of that, because I want you in my life.”

“You want it all,” he says, chuckling.

“Yes, I do.”

And after what I’ve been through, I fucking deserve it.

Ingram sets aside the breakfast tray and pulls me into his lap.

“I’m going to give you everything. It’s going to be my life’s mission,” he says.

He kisses me, brushing my cheek with his hand. His promise opens a valve in my heart, and tears begin to flow. A lifetime ago he assured me I would someday be free and that the Masters would pay; he warned me that it could take some time, and that life would be hell for a while. He wasn’t wrong. And now he’s living up to his word. I’m closer to the end of this ordeal than the beginning.

“Are you okay?” Ingram asks.

“Yeah. This is just… still hard to believe it’s real.”

“I can help with that.”

He sets me down on the bed and draws down my pajama bottoms. The motion elicits a twinge of pain from the stitches in my thigh, but my pussy throbs.

“Just lie back. I’ll take care of you.”

“Yes, sir,” I groan.

Gently, he spreads my legs until he has easy access to my aching warmth. His tongue laps my sodden folds like an artist paints a canvas: soft, easy strokes — deliberate and tantalizing in the creation of a masterpiece. Every touch makes me want more; I have to fight to keep my hands flat on the bed and not stroke myself. His pace serves as a delectable form of torture, but one I know will end pleasantly.

His firm grip on my calves stirs my hunger, while his warm breath teases my clit. Toes curling in my socks, I mewl from the growing euphoria. My chest heaves as the excitement threatens to overwhelm me. I want it to last, but after so long going without, I don’t think I can hold back the orgasm rising within. The one outside the barn yesterday was never meant to be more than an appetizer of what’s to come.

“Ingram, I can’t… I’m going to…”

“Not yet, Kate. Hold it.”

I whine, tossing my head back and forth as he speeds up his motion, shifting to caressing my clit with his tongue. My entire body wants to erupt; the bliss boiling over in my pussy yearns to break free. For Ingram, I do my best, resorting to pinching my nipple through my shirt. The sting stems the flow of ecstasy, but only for a few moments. Wrenching against invisible bonds, I bite my lip and writhe.

“Please! I need to come!”

He speeds up even more, sucking my clit between hard licks.

It’s too much. I can’t hold out.

“Please!”

“Okay, Kate. You may come,” he says at last.

I let out an ear-splitting shriek, blasted by the rapture of Ingram’s tongue. Filled by light, I gasp for breath, lost in the joy of his touch. Our love for each other might never have faltered since we’ve been apart, but its physical expression has been missing for too long — and we’ve only just started making up for it.

Ingram gathers me in his arms and holds me until I come down from the orgasm. Idly brushing my hair, he hugs me close; it feels heavenly all by itself. It’s such a simple thing, but it’s so easily missed.

“That was amazing,” I say.

“Good.”

“Do you want me to-”

“Not right now,” he replies. “I want you to rest.”

“Ingram, I’m not broken. I miss pleasuring you. I’d enjoy sucking your cock.”

He smirks.

“I know, Kate. It’s okay.”

What kind of man turns down oral?

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” he says. “I’m just thinking of the future. About what would happen if you went public with the truth.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs, setting me down on the bed so he can get up.

“Let’s say we take down the Masters, and every single one of them ends up dead or in jail,” he says, pacing across the room. “There will still be corrupt men in the world — powerful ones who weren’t part of our organization but could have been. Won’t they see you as a threat the same way we did? Won’t they try to have you eliminated?”

I see his point. My life would still be endangered.

“You could protect me,” I say. “I trust you, Ingram. And I’m not going to let evil men dictate how I live my life. If they want to take a shot, they won’t live long enough to regret it.”

“What if they succeed, Kate? I could never forgive myself.”

He has to be kidding. What about him? He has the most dangerous job in the world. I’ll be worried about him too but I’m not going to tell him to get a new profession.

“So, what? Am I supposed to just bury the truth? I can’t do that, Ingram. But we can make it clear to corrupt men that coming after me doesn’t end well. They all remember Victor Sovereign.”

“It’s risky,” he replies. “There’s no getting past that.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Ingram stops and turns to look at me.

“What if we took down Anton and then made peace with the other Masters? Jamison could take over again in the interim, and eventually I would be in control. In exchange for the others living, you would have their protection. Anyone looking to move against you would face an enemy they could never imagine.”

My lip nearly rises in a sharp sneer, like I’d smelled something rotten, but I keep my face neutral. That is not going to fucking happen. I’d like to think that this idea comes from wanting to keep me safe, rather than helping out his old friends.

“And what about the crimes they’ve committed?”

“I’d make them clean up their act, just like I said I would back in New York.”

I shake my head.

“No, I don’t think I’m okay with that. They’re responsible for this whole situation, for taking away the life I used to know. They need to face the consequences. You promised they would all pay for hurting me. We can’t just cut a deal now.”

Ingram sits back down and bows his head.

“I don’t want to, Kate. But I’m not sure we have a choice.”