Curvy Girls Can’t Date Soldiers by Kelsie Stelting
Fourteen
Nadira
I awokethe next morning in Des’s bed, hearing her soft snores and the sound of the ocean rolling outside. I’d slept amazingly and felt well-rested, even though we’d been out until midnight and had stayed up talking for a few hours after that.
A glance at my phone told me it was only eight in the morning. Outside of Des’s room, I could hear the sounds of cooking—or maybe cleaning—as pans softly clanged against each other.
The sun coming through her gauzy curtains was bright, and I decided a walk on the beach in the sunshine sounded amazing. After using the bathroom and showering, I walked out of her room while Des slept away, finding food and a note on the countertop.
Have a great breakfast, chicas. – Mama De
I smiled at the note and took one of the burritos from the plate. It was still warm.
As I went outside, the breeze was cooler than the bright sun let on, so I wrapped my jacket more tightly around myself and let my feet sink into the sun-soaked sand. I walked and ate my breakfast, thinking about the night before.
A guy had asked for my number, unprompted. I didn’t even care if he changed his mind the next day and never texted me again. He had known literally nothing about me and had still approached me. That had to mean he liked the way I looked.
A nasty thought in the back of my mind said he probably thought I’d be easy, but I shook it off. If he’d thought I was easy, he would have pressed harder about leaving the party with him. No, he’d said he would text me instead.
I smiled at the thought and got out my phone to see if he had texted me yet. No messages, but since I had my phone out, I took a picture of the beach, of the waves and the sand and the sun glancing off the water.
In the back of my mind, I heard a voice curiously close to Des’s telling me to turn the camera around. Which made sense. I was supposed to be loving myself, not hiding behind a screen. The wind blew through my hair and I smiled at the screen, parting my lips so my gap teeth were visible.
The second I saw the picture, I cringed, but I immediately wiped the expression. If I was going to love myself, I had to set boundaries. Be disciplined, just like I was in school. I sat down in the sand and forced myself to look at the picture. To notice all the white spots on my black skin. To see the dark gap between my two front teeth. To notice the way my full cheekbones pressed into my eyes, making them look squinted with my smile. This was me. And I desperately wanted to like what I saw.
Having had enough, I got out of my photo reel and checked my email instead. My eyes widened as I remembered I’d gotten a message from Apollo the night before. In the excitement of the party, I’d completely forgotten to read it!
I went back to the email and began reading.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dear Nadira,
Did you know that you can actually buy stars? It seems a little silly to me since I’m from Texas and we think any land we buy you should be able to put cows on. But for someone who’s interested in that kind of thing... you could own a giant ball of gas in the sky and name it whatever you want. Here’s the website in case you wanted to check it out.
V/r,
Apollo
My lips parted as I tapped through to the website. Sure enough, there were a selection of stars available to choose from, and you could actually name the one you bought whatever you wanted, as long as the name wasn’t already taken.
I lowered my phone and put my hand over my heart. The very fact that Apollo had seen this and sent it to me meant he’d been thinking of me. That something in his world had reminded him of me.
With my heart melting and a smile on my face, I began typing back an email.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dear Apollo,
I need to save my money so I can buy one for myself. And eventually all the cows here will release enough methane to make the earth a big gas ball anyway.
What are you up to this weekend? You know, other than casual intergalactic window shopping.
Sincerely,
Nadira
I sat in the sand for a moment, looking over the email I sent and smiling to myself. Things were starting to look up. If one person had been interested in me, there were surely more, right? It couldn’t have just been a fluke incident. At least, I hoped not.
A notification for a new email slid down my phone screen, and I tapped it, eagerly reading Apollo’s words.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dear Nadira,
I’m trying to catch up on studying this weekend. I swear my professors got together and decided to torture us all with tests on the same week. I’m a little bummed too because my roommate invited me to a party, but I couldn’t go. I’m sure there will be other parties, though.
What about you?
V/r,
Apollo
I smiled at the email and went to the messaging window. I almost sent him a picture of me on the beach. But the night before was too good. I couldn’t ruin the high I was on yet. So I sent him a picture of just the beach instead.
Apollo: Where’s that? It’s beautiful.
Nadira: By one of my friend’s houses. They live right on the water.
Apollo: Jealous.
Nadira: Same here. At least I can come crash any time I want. Being outside is nice.
Apollo: I know. I’m sitting out in the courtyard with my books for a change of pace.
He sent me a picture of his books spread out on a table on campus. I recognized it as one on the patio area outside the library. I’d been there a few times during finals weeks when I needed somewhere to study.
Nadira: Don’t your classes start Monday? Why do you have homework already?
Apollo: A lot of my professors assigned reading to complete for the first day. I don’t want to get caught unprepared for a pop quiz.
Nadira: That stinks. Well, it looks like you have a reading paradise set up there.
Apollo: You’re the one looking at paradise. :) If I could, I’d put the books away and be at the beach with you in a second.
My heart stalled. Had he just said what I thought he did? That he would rather be with me?
I shook my head. It was about the beach, not me.
“What are you doing out here?” Des called.
I looked up from my phone to see her several feet away. “Went on a walk... and then I got an email from Apollo.”
Her face lit up as she sat in the sand next to me. “Show me, show me, show me.”
I passed my phone over to her, waiting until she saw the last message there. Her mouth fell open. “He wants to be with you!”
I shook my head. “He wants to be with Tatiana.”
“But he knows you.”
“That’s a problem, then, isn’t it?” I said with a sigh. I sent Apollo a message saying I’d talk to him later and put my phone away in my pocket.
Des leaned back, resting her hands in the sand behind her. “When are you going to send him an actual photo of you?”
“I almost did today,” I admitted. “I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t ruin it.”
She stared over the water. “Why does it matter so much what he thinks of you? If he doesn’t think you’re pretty, so what? We’ll both know he’s wrong. And isn’t it better to know now, before your heart gets involved?”
“My hearts already involved.” I let out a shaky breath, following her gaze. I didn’t want to like him, but he was nice, thoughtful. My eyes stung, and my throat felt tight. “I don’t think I can take another rejection.”
Instead of speaking, Des put her arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m going to love you enough for both of us until you learn to love yourself.”
