Lyrics of a Small Town by Abbi Glines
Eleven
It was time I did the next item on the list. I wouldn’t get another chance until next Sunday. Besides, Saul would be back and I didn’t want to be here for that. That being the case, it also meant Saul would not be at the Hendrix working and if I stopped by to visit Lily then there would be no chance I would run into him.
The photo album filled with trips Gran had taken with a group of ladies called the Southern Mamas was in my back seat and after I finished visiting Lily, I was to take it to a woman named Wanda. I assumed Wanda was one of the Southern Mamas and Gran wanted her to have the photos. It seemed like an easy enough request.
Getting the visit with Lily done first would ease my guilt of not stopping by sooner, so I chose to get that done. The elevator and hallway leading to her door was as impressive as it had been on my last visit. How my gran had become friends with this lady still baffled me. She was definitely not one of the Southern Mamas. I could not imagine this woman on a bus traveling cross country with women twenty plus years older than her, singing church hymns to pass the time.
I rang the doorbell and waited. At least two minutes passed and I decided to try one more time. After another minute passed, I was ready to leave when the door opened.
“Fuck,” Saul cursed when he saw me standing there. “You’re not her.” He then left the door standing open and turned to walk away, leaving me there.
First of all, I should have been the one cursing. Secondly, what the heck was he doing here? I had come here to avoid him, yet here he was once again. I wasn’t sure if I should leave or wait to see if Lily was here. I didn’t have much more time to figure it out when he stopped and looked at me.
“Do you have a phone on you?” he asked me.
I nodded.
He walked back to me and held out his hand. “Let me see it,” he demanded.
I wouldn’t normally hand over my cell phone, especially to someone demanding I hand it over, but there was a panicked look in his eyes that had me reaching into my pocket, unlocking it and handing it over to him without question.
He dialed a number then put it to his ear while walking away from me again.
“Where are you?”
“Fuck that, Mom! Tell me where you are. I found the empty vodka bottles hidden in the closet.”
“Mom, listen to me. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”
“Okay.”
He hung up the phone and turned back to me. “Thanks,” he said and held the phone back out to me. I walked toward him and took it while so many thoughts were going through my head at one time.
The only thing I could manage to say was “Who is your mom?” Although I was pretty sure I had that one figured out.
He sighed and looked around the room as if he were looking for something. “Lily,” he said then his gaze came back to me. “I gotta go,” he then added. “You need to go too. Today’s not a good day to visit her. Probably need to wait a couple weeks before you try again.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked although I had an idea since I heard him say something about empty vodka bottles in the closet.
“I have to go get her. It’ll be tomorrow before I’m back to finish the lawn,” he said and started walking toward the door.
I followed behind him as I put pieces together the best that I could. “Do you need help?” I asked and he stopped at the door.
He didn’t turn around. “Not from you,” he replied and then walked out into the hallway, leaving me to close the door.
His response stung but getting angry at him for, once again, being rude seemed wrong right now. Lily wasn’t okay and he seemed to expect that. If Lily was an alcoholic and her son had to take care of her, my gran being friends with this woman seemed even more unrealistic than when I thought she was just some rich woman living in a penthouse.
“You had to use my phone for a reason,” I said as the elevator door opened and I followed him inside.
He said nothing.
“She wasn’t answering your calls,” I continued. I wasn’t sure this was the case. Maybe his phone was dead. I was guessing here.
He remained silent and kept his gaze fixed on the now closed elevator doors.
“She may be easier to handle if I am there,” I said. I wasn’t sure of this, but she seemed very fond of my gran and I was thinking like a woman here.
His shoulders rose and fell with another heavy sigh. He hung his head forward and for a moment, he didn’t look like the guy from a coastal vacation commercial. He looked like a guy with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Okay, you’re right.” When he lifted his head, he finally looked at me. There was no gleam in his eyes or smile on his lips. Only fear and weariness. My chest ached and emotion began to stir inside me. This wasn’t new for him and I didn’t know how long he had lived this over and over again. From the look on his face though, I would guess more times than he could count.
I didn’t say anything more. He may not want me to help but he needed me. This wasn’t about his hot and cold behavior toward me. At this moment, I didn’t care about that. He needed help and I was possibly the only person he had that could be of use in this situation.
The elevator doors opened and he held out his hand for me to exit first. I did so then waited for him to join me in the parking deck. “Let’s take my car. There’s more room for all of us,” I said, thinking about his truck.
“I have her keys,” he said and pulled out a key fob. A sleek black Tesla’s headlights came on that was parked in the reserved spot directly to our left. “I can’t trust her with the keys,” he said simply then headed for the car.
I followed him then had to pause when I couldn’t figure out how to open the passenger door. Saul looked at me over his door as it slid up slowly. He said nothing but walked over and opened the door for me. “Get in,” he said and I did as I was told. He closed my door behind me before going back to the driver’s side.
We drove out of the parking deck and out the gate onto the main road. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t ask questions. When he turned right at the light and headed out of town and toward the Florida state line, I wondered exactly how far we were going. Lily didn’t have access to her car so how far could she have gone? Did she have friends that would have come to get her? I wanted to ask, but Saul probably didn’t want to answer my questions at the moment or ever.
“Lily loved Honey,” he said.
I looked at him, waiting to see if he said more but he didn’t.
“How did Gran know Lily?” I asked him since he brought the topic up.
“Honey brought snacks to the local AA meetings. Every other day, she was there with cookies, cupcakes, chips, and lemonade. About five years ago, Lily went on a bender and missed two meetings. Honey showed up at the gate of the Hendrix and I found her trying to talk security into letting her inside. She was there to check on Lily. She went with me to find her.” He stopped and glanced at me a moment. “Like you.”
Of course, my gran would take snacks and drinks to an AA meeting when she had never once needed to go to one herself. That was just like Gran. Always helping others. Always looking for ways to better the world. Always trying to “fix the bullshit.”
My tears stung thinking of Gran, but I blinked them away. Crying was not what Saul needed right now. He needed me to be Gran. I would never be the woman Gran was, but I would do everything in my power to help him and Lily.
“I miss her,” I said.
“Yeah, so do I,” Saul replied.
We may never be friends and tomorrow he could go right back to disliking me and being rude, but right now, none of that mattered. Gran was still here fixing things it seemed. Even from the grave.
Saul crossed the state line and immediately turned left down a narrow street then pulled into the parking lot of a run-down bar. It was built from cement blocks with three flashing beer lights in the windows. The open sign blinked off several seconds then back on as if it wasn’t sure it wanted to work or not. Only three cars were in the parking lot.
Saul glanced over at me. “If you don’t want to go in there I understand,” he said.
“I’m going, I just need you to open my door,” I replied because there was no way I wasn’t going to go inside and help him with Lily. That was why I was here. I just wasn’t going in if he didn’t get me out of this futuristic fancy vehicle.
His smile was grim and didn’t meet his eyes. I waited until my door slid up and opened then climbed out to join him in the heat of the relentless summer sun. I fell in step beside him as we made our way to the solid red door that had Vern’s painted on it in black.
Saul went to open the door then looked at me. “I’ll go in first. Just stay right behind me.”
I nodded, although I didn’t see what kind of danger could come from a bar with only three vehicles outside. The dim lighting made it hard to see after coming from the bright sunlight. I squinted and hoped I didn’t run into Saul or someone else while my eyes adjusted.
“My boy!” Lily’s voice called out loudly over the country music playing on the speakers.
I followed the shadow of Saul’s body as he moved toward the sound of his mother’s voice. Even though I was struggling to see clearly, it was obvious Saul was tense, as if he was preparing for a battle. I did a quick glance around the room, but there was nothing threatening as the place was almost empty.
“Is that Henley?” She asked with a high-pitched slur. “You brought Henley!”
Finally able to see clearly, we came to a stop at the bar and Lily. Her glamorous appearance was gone and her cheeks appeared sunken in. The dark circles under her eyes were joined with bags, making her appear much older. The stench of stale cigarettes and whiskey wafted from her or maybe that was just the bar itself.
“Yeah, she’s here to come bring you home. She came to visit and you weren’t there,” Saul told his mother in a gentle tone.
Lily sat her glass down and looked at me. “I wasn’t there and you came,” she said. “I’m so sorry.” Tears began to well in her eyes and she shifted her gaze to Saul. “I should have been there. Honey would be so disappointed in me.”
Saul put several large bills down on the bar and slid an arm around his mother’s back. “Yeah, she would,” he agreed.
That response caused Lily to break down sobbing and then she started repeating the words, “I’m sorry,” over and over again. I wanted to assure her it was okay, but Saul ignored her and looked at me. “Lead the way,” he said.
I did as he instructed and opened the door so he could walk her out.
“I just wanted a cocktail,” she said to him and leaned heavy against him.
“That’s all you ever want,” he replied, “but you can’t have one. You can’t stop at just one.”
“I didn’t take anything,” she said with a hopeful voice. “I didn’t go looking for any.”
“Good. One less thing to deal with,” he replied.
When we got to the car, I studied the door, wishing I had paid closer attention when he opened it for me.
“Stand back,” he said to me and then he reached forward to open it. He put Lily in the back seat then stepped back, so I could get in the front. Lily lay over in the seat until she was curled up on her side. She closed her eyes and didn’t say anything more.
When Saul was in the driver’s seat and driving back on to the main road, Lily began to lightly snore. “That was easy thanks to you,” he said.
“I didn’t do anything,” I replied, not sure how my opening a few doors helped make it easy.
“You have no idea how ugly that can get. She saw you and she didn’t turn on me. She didn’t want to let you down. You aren’t Honey, but she sees you and remembers.”
I felt tears sting my eyes again. When Gran died, it had hurt. I’d felt completely alone in the world. She had been my rock in this life. What I hadn’t realized was she had been other people’s rock too. Her death had not only been hard on me, but it had been just as hard on others. Especially Lily… and Saul.
“How often does she do this?” I asked him.
“Longest she has gone clean and sober is ten months, three weeks, and a day,” he said. “When I let my guard down and don’t check on her daily, things can get bad. If left without someone to watch over her, she can end up on things worse than liquor. It takes three months or more in rehab when she starts with the pills or worse.”
My chest was tight again with emotion I couldn’t express. I sat there silently until Saul pulled into the parking deck at the Hendrix. After he parked her car, he turned to look at me. “I’ve got it from here. Thanks for your help,” he said, before opening his door and getting out.
I waited until he had mine open and I got out wanting to do something more. Help him get her to the penthouse at least. It felt wrong just leaving him here like this.
When I didn’t walk away, he ran a hand through his messy curls. “I need to do the rest alone,” he said, understanding why I hadn’t moved.
“Why?” I asked him because I disagreed. He needed help.
“Because, Henley. This is what I fucking do. Just go.” It wasn’t the cold pitch in his voice that sent me away; it was the warning glare in his eyes. He did not want me here.
By the time I reached my car, the tears were freely streaming down my face. Not because Saul sent me away but because it was all he knew. He didn’t trust people enough to rely on them. He did it himself. Except when Gran came along. He hadn’t been able to send Gran away.
