Home for the Holidays by Brenda Novak

Five

“What’s wrong? You tired?”

Natasha blinked and straightened. After attending classes and studying all day, it could get difficult to remain as alert as she needed to be at the hospital, especially if it was slow. She knew she wasn’t getting enough sleep. But that wasn’t what was weighing her down tonight. “Not really,” she lied.

Leanne Luttges, one of the nurses she liked best, touched her arm. “You look wiped out. You really need to take better care of yourself.”

“You know what med school is like.”

“It’ll eat you alive if you let it.”

Natasha managed a smile to cover the anguish she was feeling inside and headed down the hall. Fortunately, she was about to go on break. She could go outside and sit in her car, where she could eat alone and wouldn’t have to worry about anyone remarking on the blank expression on her face or how quiet she’d become. She hadn’t heard from Mack for several days. Right after she got home, he’d called her often, but now that it’d been six weeks, that was already changing. She could feel him slipping away from her again. The last time they’d talked, things had seemed pretty much like they’d been before their night at Hotel Whiskey Creek.

They were returning to their old lives, lives that didn’t intersect very often, and she didn’t know what to do about it. Although he remained as polite, supportive and kind as ever, and she could tell they’d always mean something to each other, he was retreating, which indicated he wasn’t going to tell his brothers about the time they’d spent together, wasn’t going to pursue the relationship.

For once in her life, Anya had been right.

And it had to be about this...

As she sat in her rattletrap Honda, which was all she could afford, staring glumly at the people coming and going in the parking lot, she checked her phone again, hoping for a missed call from him or maybe a text. She wanted to believe she was wrong about what was happening. But she’d still received nothing, and even if she had, she knew in her heart that it was over—already. All she could do was try to throw up some kind of defense so the disappointment wouldn’t crush her.

Her phone rang. She grabbed it, but it wasn’t Mack. It was her mother.

Closing her eyes, she dropped the hand that held her phone in her lap while trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She couldn’t talk to Anya right now. That would just make everything worse. Her mother was sure to ask about Mack, which would just bring it all up again.

Instead, she sent a text. Can’t talk. At work. Everything okay?

Fine. Just missing you. Any word from Mack?

Damn it.That was the first thing Anya went to? Even in a text?

We talk every few days. She hoped her mother would leave it at that, but, of course, she didn’t.

And? How’s it going between you two?

Apparently, her answer wasn’t obvious enough. Was she willing to openly admit it?

She may as well, she decided. She had to face the truth. What good did it do to pretend?

She’d been a fool to think one night in that motel would change anything. We’re just friends. Like before.

You’ve always been more than friends, but I know what you’re saying, and I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, he’s making a big mistake.

I’ll be fine, she insisted. But she had no idea if that was true. She didn’t think she could feel any more pain than she did. It seemed as though she was moving through a red haze, one in which she could scarcely breathe. But she’d given him all she had that night, offered her heart to him on a silver platter, and, apparently, he didn’t want it badly enough.

Ace, the man she’d been dating before, had been asking her out, and she’d been putting him off, claiming she was too busy with school and work. Now, feeling like a fool for almost blowing up their relationship over Mack, she sent him a text. How’s it going?

She chewed her peanut butter and jelly sandwich as she awaited his response, but she couldn’t taste it. There was no enjoyment to be found in any aspect of life right now, even in her studies. Especially in her studies. It was so difficult to concentrate, she had to reread everything just to gather a small portion of its meaning. Work wasn’t any easier. She could barely force herself to show up at the hospital, where her shifts suddenly seemed interminable.

She shoved her sandwich back into the sack only half-eaten. She didn’t have the stomach for it, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.

This is pathetic.She had to create some handholds—fast—or she wasn’t going to make it out of the hole she’d fallen into.

Her phone dinged. Ace had responded.

I miss you. When can I see you?

She stared at those words. She had to go on living, couldn’t allow Mack or anything else to destroy her. If she’d learned anything from her mother’s example, it was that life wasn’t for sissies.

I’m off tomorrow night, she wrote back.

Awesome. Let’s build a bonfire on the beach.

She sent a smiley face and hoped she’d be able to gather the interest and the energy to go out with him tomorrow night.

She ended up canceling, but they got together the following week and the week after that. At least Ace made it clear that he wanted her. And he lived in the same area she did.

She needed to forget Mack once and for all. She was determined to patch up her stubborn heart and recover. Soldier on. After all, she was no stranger to pain and difficulty.

But then she realized that might not be so simple. Although she’d been too stressed and busy to notice, something important finally occurred to her—she’d missed her period at least twice.