The Singing Trees by Boo Walker
Chapter 31
KNOCKED DOWN LIKE BOWLING PINS
Thomas finally wrote in September, and Annalisa let herself breathe again. Her belly had swollen, and the Mancusos all knew of the pregnancy, each of them trying desperately to lure her back home. She appreciated very much that she was still welcomed with such open arms, despite her sins.
I’m coming home to you December 3, can you believe it? It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve made it and I’m coming home.
She read the date again: December 3.
A tear dropped on the 3, spreading out and soaking into the paper. As excited as she was, it was a terrifying notion, a few more months. Surely, he’d be super vigilant and not try to be a hero. She thought of Michael, who was just shipping out to Vietnam for his tour after extensive training as a medic.
Sorry I haven’t written. I barely have time to even write this note now. But know that I’m healthy and ready to make a life with you. I’ve written my family to let them know that I’ll be moving to Portland and attending UMPG as soon as I’m done with my commitment next summer.
Annalisa could only imagine how his family was taking the news about going to Portland—especially Emma and Mrs. Barnes, who knew of the engagement. If they knew she was pregnant, it would be even worse.
As his DEROS approached, Annalisa kept her own head down, working as much as her body would allow. She was coming to grips with her new reality, knowing that even if she could get back to painting like before, the next year or two would certainly hamper her career. And yet, not only was she becoming comfortable with the being inside of her, but she’d started feeling excited about what was to come.
She’d climb in bed and talk to her baby and tell him all about the world and how his daddy was coming home soon. She didn’t know the baby would be a boy, but that was what she wanted. As much as men drove her mad, she couldn’t imagine putting a girl out there to fight the same battles she had; it was tough for a woman.
She played him Elvis, Aretha, the Jackson 5, and all the records she’d bought from Recordland since moving here. She told him that their new life would begin on December third, when his dad came home from the war. She told her son that she’d never loved anyone more than she loved Thomas, but she promised her baby that she’d love him just as much.
At Nino’s urging, Annalisa drove up for the Spartans–Eagles game on the second Friday in September. She was now into her sixteenth week but wasn’t showing much at all. A light jacket covered the very tiny bump. Knowing the clock to being a mother was ticking, she wanted to feel young again for just a little while.
After the game, Annalisa walked with Nino back to the parking lot where he had parked his red Ford Mustang, a far cry from the beater of the old days. While she had started her new life in Portland, Nino had taken a job at the mill and was making decent money, considering he was still living with his parents. He had his arm around her and was telling her about his latest ex-girlfriend when Annalisa noticed Emma with a few friends. She was thrilled to see her away from the grips of her parents.
Annalisa broke away from Nino and caught up with her. “Emma! I’m so happy to see you! I hoped you’d visit me this summer.”
“Yeah, sorry,” Emma said, breaking away from her friends. “Been busy.”
“Well, you have to come to Portland soon,” she said, before thinking that soon her belly would be showing. She added, “Before it gets too cold.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” Emma couldn’t have been much more rude.
“Listen,” she said, reaching out to touch the girl’s arm. “I want to find a way for us to work things out. We’re going to be family soon, and I care about you. We’re going to be sisters. I miss you.”
Emma tilted her head and looked down at Annalisa’s hand on her arm. “I have no interest in a relationship with you. Will you just stop?”
Annalisa’s heart hit the ground as she pulled her hand back. “Why would you do this? C’mon, Emma. We had so much fun. Let’s work through this. I want to be friends. Sisters.” She wanted to say that her son would need an aunt, his only one.
For a flash, Annalisa thought Emma might come around, but no, she didn’t. “Please stop bothering me.”
Annalisa sighed, feeling like she’d lost Emma forever. But she said, “I hope one day we can get past it; I’m not going to stop loving you. Take care, Emma.”
She returned to Nino with her head down. “Sorry, that was Thomas’s sister. I don’t know what else to do with her.”
He put his arm around her shoulders. “You know, I told you to find someone rich, but damn, cuz . . .”
She glanced back and saw Emma watching her. “I know; believe me. But you can’t pick who you love, can you?”
“Shoot,” he said, “I love ’em all.”
Fall was here. October 15. With the watermelon now in her belly, Annalisa had moved her entire summer wardrobe into boxes. Not that she could have worn any of it anyway with the extra weight. She’d done her best to stay fashionable as her body changed, but there were the occasional days like today when she’d shaken her head angrily at the mirror, thrown on one of her larger dresses, and gone to work.
Thomas had written only once more, and it had been a brief and unsatisfying letter. She wished she knew more of what he was going through. Was he safe? As excited as she was about his return, she was worried too. The explosion and misfiring of hormones weren’t helping at all. Annalisa’s letters to him were brief, too, so she totally understood. It was all lies anyway, her not telling him about the baby, him not speaking of the war. Maybe she should have told him but felt like it was too late now. Surely, he wouldn’t be that upset. She had her reasons, namely that she didn’t want to throw anything more on the plate of a soldier who was trying to survive the last months of his tour.
It was all good, she kept telling herself. She was doing what she had to do—painting as best and as much as she could while taking care of their baby and her body—and he was doing what he had to do, which was make it out alive. Only two more months and she could surprise him with the news that he was getting what he wanted after all, not only her but a child as well.
“How many days until he comes home?” Walt asked from his desk as Annalisa said goodbye for the day.
She didn’t need to look at the calendar to answer. “Forty-eight.”
“Forty-eight days,” Walt echoed. “That’ll go by in a flash.”
“I hope so. Can I do anything else before I go put my feet up?” Her brain was fried from looking at numbers all day with their new employee. The business of pregnancy was not for the faint of heart. Though she was still dragging herself to art classes, focusing on the lessons was increasingly more difficult.
“No, no,” he said. “Go take care of yourself.”
“I’m bringing you dinner down later, okay?”
He removed his glasses. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I think I do,” she insisted. “You keep coming in here skinnier and skinnier. You’ll vanish if I don’t look out for you.” With a particularly decisive shrug, she said firmly, “I’m not asking. Listen for a knock around seven. I’m making sausage and peppers.”
“Thank you.” He slipped his glasses back onto his wrinkled nose. “Sounds delicious.”
On the way up, Annalisa found a letter from Mrs. Barnes, which was rather shocking. It was the first time the woman had written her in their entire relationship. She couldn’t even imagine what its purpose would be. Talk of a wedding? Or was it something worse? Had Mr. Barnes found out about their engagement? Maybe it was good news—perhaps Emma was ready to visit.
Upstairs and out of breath, Annalisa sat at the table, or more like plopped down, as was the case these days, and she carefully opened the envelope.
A photograph spilled out, and her heart froze. It depicted Thomas in his jungle fatigues kissing a Vietnamese woman on the lips. They were sitting next to each other in white plastic chairs and leaning toward one another. He looked happy, a smile pulling away from where their lips met.
Everything she’d let herself believe about love shattered all at once. To think she’d given him a chance, finally letting him in. She instantly saw him on his knees at the sushi restaurant, offering the gold band that now wrapped around her finger. The ring felt like a serpent strangling her, and she pulled it off as quickly as she could.
Annalisa’s fists tightened, and she would have punched him had he been standing there. She stared at the picture for a long time, feeling love crumbling to dust in her hands. There was a letter in the envelope, too, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to read it. Truthfully, she didn’t have to. The look on Thomas’s face said it all.
Annalisa wasn’t stupid. She’d heard the stories of soldiers finding lovers in Vietnam. Some women were okay with it and had accepted their men back. Bile crept up Annalisa’s throat at the idea of Thomas cheating on her with this woman. Even before she read the letter, Annalisa felt herself falling back to the person she used to be, the girl who didn’t believe in love.
This was exactly why. The hollowness she felt inside as her eyes glazed over was numbing, like everything that she’d worked toward had been a waste. As she came to grips with what might happen now, especially with her baby, Annalisa began to hate him. Before she even read the letter, she hated him.
As a chilly numbness spread over her, she finally unfolded the letter and flattened it on the table.
Dear Annalisa,
I know I’ve been hard to deal with lately, and I’m sorry for that. Thomas being gone has not been easy. We all should have done better to be kind to you. But the past is the past. Thomas has fallen in love with a young woman from Vietnam. Her name is Linh, and he’s bringing her home. I figured you should see this photo he sent recently. Anyway, good luck to you. You’re a pretty girl. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.
Kind regards,
Elizabeth Barnes
As numb as she was, she could still think. Now it made sense why he hadn’t contacted her as often. And even why Emma was still avoiding her and had reacted in such a way at the game.
Moments passed and she felt so empty. The numbness passed, too, and she felt her heart aching in ways she’d never known, as if it might give out on her. A terrible sadness rushed over her, and as she considered her baby, their baby, she hated that this precious being had to endure life on earth.
It made her retch to think about how she’d given Thomas her virginity while he was already very possibly sleeping with this woman. Once again, Nonna had been right all along. Screw him, she thought, for tricking her into loving him and for destroying her dreams and for painting a big stroke of black across her whole life.
Utterly devastated and mad as hell, she flung the letter, the photograph, and the envelope onto the floor and dropped her head onto the table and cried. How dare she believe in love. Hadn’t she learned anything from her parents’ relationship? What a fool she was . . .
It made no sense. They’d connected so deeply in Hawaii, and he’d been so incredibly in love . . . or at least he’d acted superbly well. Was she nothing more than another girl? Nothing more than this fling he was having between battles? Annalisa didn’t want to believe it.
Wanting a better explanation, she decided to call Mrs. Barnes. Sitting on the edge of the couch, she dialed their number, and the line was answered after one ring.
“Hello?” It was Emma.
“Hey, Emma, it’s Anna.” Her voice shook over the syllables. She didn’t know what Emma might know about the letter. “How are you?”
“I’m fine. And you?”
“I’m . . .” She swallowed past a thick throat. “I’m looking for your mom. Is she around?”
“Yeah, but . . . are you okay?”
Emma’s kind question touched Annalisa’s heart, but how was she to answer it? “I’m miserable, to be honest.”
Emma took a breath. “Yeah, I bet. I guess you got my mom’s letter?”
So she did know. Annalisa could barely get out, “Yes, just a minute ago.”
“I’m sorry,” Emma said compassionately. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Then her tone changed. “My mom thought you might call and told me to tell you that it’s best you don’t reach out anymore.”
“What?” Annalisa started to cry.
“Look, I’m really sorry. Apparently, he’s very much in love and bringing her home and all that.” With a hint of kindness, she added, “And I’m sorry that I haven’t been nice to you. Or thanked you for what you did.”
Annalisa shook her head, still so incredibly baffled that this was happening, that her soul mate had fallen in love with another. How could he have found anything like what the two of them had?
Annalisa pinched the bridge of her nose. “Thanks for saying that, but I don’t understand. How long has this been going on?” She couldn’t stop herself from crying.
Emma sounded equally upset as she said, “I’m going to hang up now. Please don’t call here anymore. Goodbye.” Then a click.
Annalisa dialed back but no one answered. She tried three more times before realizing that she’d been cut out of the family like a cancerous tumor.