Rhythm by Marie Lipscomb
Jordan
She’s a horrible person. The absolute worst.
Sitting in a gorgeous converted barn at a round, lavishly decorated table, listening to heartwarming speeches and already halfway through her third glass of Prosecco, she should be happy. Fairy lights twinkle on the walls, and the warm air is scented with the gentle sweetness of dried flower bouquets. She’s surrounded by friends and one of them—one of her very best friends in fact— just got married to an amazing woman.
But the way Finn smiles, the way his eyes crease as he looks at his new bride, Beth, seeing his broad chest expand with pride and adoration, turns Jordan’s heart hollow.
As she stands for the toast, she smooths her hand over the curve of her hip, pushing a crease out of her dark green velvet gown. She chose the color because it popped with her lavender hair and the cool tone of her pale skin, but now…well, it’s a little too on the nose.
For the past ten years, she has been Vixen’s Wail’s cellist. Throughout all of it, Finn has played his drums behind her. A decade of friendship, of touring the country, and never once has she felt anything like this toward him.
She helped him prepare for the big day, accompanied him to pick out his suit and helped him rehearse his vows. She never expected to feel jealous. Never once did she see what she sees today.
Yes, she had always known Finn was handsome.
Sure, his smile makes her smile.
Okay, she looked forward to each day they’d get to hang out together… but this. This is unexpected. And it’s torture.
She exhales sharply, raising her glass to toast the couple. Regardless of her unwelcome and absurd new feelings, she hopes they have a long and happy life together; she really does.
“It’s so beautiful.” Mia smiles beside her as the guests sit back down. The band’s lead singer sets her glass on the table and reaches beneath to hold her husband’s hand. “Beth’s gown is gorgeous, isn’t it? Let’s get married again.”
August’s eyes soften as he turns to his wife. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“What my queen wants, my queen gets.”
The couple chuckle together and though it’s undeniably sweet, Jordan averts her eyes before they kiss. But of course, since it’s a wedding, there are couples everywhere.
On the next table one of Finn’s cousins sits whispering with his girlfriend, his fingers stroking the underside of her forearm. He’s big and bearded too, a former fire watchman who found his soulmate while she was lost in the forest. Finn had told the band the story one night after practice, his eyes lighting up with a newly cemented belief that no matter the odds, if people are meant for each other, the universe will bring them together.
If only she’d known that maybe the right person was right there, all this time.
“You okay?” Mia places her hand on Jordan’s forearm and gives her a gentle squeeze. “You’re a thousand miles away.”
“Yeah.” Her throat is rough. She tries to clear it without sounding too obvious. “Just… It's been a long day.”
“Weddings always are.” Mia stands. Though her wedding look is a little more toned down than her onstage appearance, she’s still every part the majestic goth queen. Her hair is braided tightly and dyed a vibrant midnight blue, and her black, mermaid-tail dress hugs her figure perfectly. She casts her deep brown eyes over Jordan’s half-empty glass and the empty one beside that. “Don’t forget we’re playing tonight.”
Jordan nods reassuringly, hoping Mia can’t somehow tell that she absolutely did forget. Vixen’s Wail are playing a three-song set after sundown. She reaches for a water jug and fills an empty glass. There’s no way she’s playing this set tipsy, not with emotions running so high.
“Water already, Jordo?”
The voice at her back straightens her spine and sends heat flooding across her skin. Finn stands behind her, embracing Mia.
Okay, she can do this. He’s still just Finn, still her friend. She won’t let misguided desire spoil that.
Despite her nerves and the turmoil raging through her heart, she turns and smiles. “You don’t want me pulling the focus from you by falling off the stage during our set, now do you?”
Finn laughs, an easy, inviting sound which warms her heart. “At this point, we’ll take all the free entertainment we can get.”
“I warned you, weddings are expensive,” Mia smiles.
When Mia steps back and takes her seat once more, Finn glances up at his new wife, as though if he looks away for too long, he’ll find out she was a figment of his imagination.
“It’s worth it,” he says.
Jordan’s eyes begin to burn and her vision blurs. “I’m so happy for you,” she manages to stay before her throat closes. She clears it again and offers Finn a smile. She’s absolutely not doing this.
“Thank you,” Finn says warmly. When he places his hand on her bare shoulder and offers her a friendly squeeze, the warmth of his rough hands on her skin makes her heart flutter. He inhales sharply. “Oh, Mia, before I forget, I placed the ad for the vocalist like we talked about.”
“Thank you.” Mia smiles and raises her glass. “But stop working, enjoy your day.”
“Vocalist?” Cold fear trails down Jordan’s back. Her breath catches in her throat as she turns to face Mia. “You’re leaving?”
“Fuck no,” Mia laughs. “No, we have a few duets written for the new album. We’re just looking for a guest vocalist.”
Jordan breathes a little easier. The last thing she wants is for the band to split. Getting to work with her best friends, following her dreams, it’s more than she ever hoped possible, even if they are still mostly playing venues with leaky ceilings and peeling paint.
Finn stands to his full height. “I’ll catch you later. I want to try and get round to thanking everyone before the set.”
“Yeah, see you later, Finn.” Trying not to watch him leave, Jordan picks up a napkin and distracts herself by folding it into a floppy origami fortune teller.
She hopes it’s a temporary crush, and not something she’ll have to deal with at every rehearsal, every performance, every night she lies alone.
Unwelcome thoughts haunt her. If only she’d realized sooner, before he met Beth. If only there was a way to reboot a heart, to factory reset her feelings. But there isn’t.
Frustrated, she scrunches the napkin origami and raises her eyes. Mia is watching her.
“I need to go to the restroom,” the vocalist says with a smile. “Will you come with me?”
Anything to distract her from these inconvenient, unfair feelings. They head to the bathroom together and it isn’t until the door is closed behind them, and Mia has checked both stalls to make sure no one is there to hear, that Jordan realizes anything’s wrong.
“Something’s upsetting you,” Mia states, folding her arms across her chest.
Jordan leans back against the sink countertop and mirrors Mia’s gesture. “It’s nothing.”
“No, no it’s definitely something, and if it’s what I think it is, you need to put a stop to it now.”
“I—”
“He’s married,” Mia sighs.
She could deny it, but she has never been a convincing liar. Evidently her covert lingering gazes weren’t quite as secretive as she thought. “I know.”
“How long have you felt this way?”
Jordan laughs quietly. “About five hours. I think. Maybe I felt something for longer, but I didn’t know what it was until—” She shakes her head, laughing bitterly. “Until I saw him standing at the end of the aisle and wished, just for a moment, that I was the woman he was waiting for. And now I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Mia exhales heavily, drumming her matte, blood red nails against the warm, deep brown skin of her arm, fixing Jordan in an unwavering stare. “Jord—”
“I just…God, I want someone to look at me the way he looked at Beth when she was walking down the aisle.” Defeated, Jordan sighs and lowers her gaze to the floor. “I know, I’m a shitty person.”
“You’re not. You’re a good person, but your heart is acting like a total jackass.” Mia laughs a little and Jordan can’t help but smile at the absurdity of it. “You can’t have Finn, love.”
“I know. And I’d never try to. It’s not something I have any intention of acting on, but…I didn’t expect it to hurt.”
Mia’s lean arms envelop Jordan, and her senses flood with the gentle honeyed scent of the vocalist’s perfume as she stands there and lets herself be held. It’s been a long time since anyone hugged her. Her touch-starved heart draws on the warmth of Mia’s embrace.
The vocalist releases a heavy sigh. “I hate to bring this up, but you remember you swore never to get involved with another band member. Ever.”
Of course she does. Danny was the love of her life for all of three months almost a decade ago. He was the band’s guitarist, tall and bearded with long silky black hair which he would throw around while he played. Their relationship had been short and scorching, but the intensity of their breakup has almost burned up the whole band. She’d sworn then and there she would never date another musician, especially not a Vixen.
Jordan nods and sighs. “I know.”
“Finn is nothing like him, but this would be even messier. If you want my advice, you need to find a way to forget about these feelings.” Mia steps back and checks her makeup in the mirror above the sink. As always, it’s perfect. “As your friend, I’m telling you this is unhealthy and it’s unfair to both of you.”
“You’re right.”
Mia smiles and holds Jordan’s gaze, her eyes intense. “And as a Vixen, I’m telling you to snap the fuck out of it. Find someone to flirt with, or just hang out with us and try not to dwell on it. If you keep thinking about Finn, at best you’ll torture yourself, at worst you’ll destroy your friendship with him and tear the band apart.”
Jordan nods and pulls in a deep breath, before turning to look at herself in the mirror. She looks good, great, even. The green dress hugs her curves and her long, lavender hair makes her feel like a mermaid. Like a siren.
Rubbing a minuscule speck of mascara from beneath her lower eyelashes, she stands upright, pulls her shoulders back and sets her mind. She’s going to get over Finn, no matter what. Keeping Vixen’s Wail together is far more important than her ill-advised crush.
“You look perfect,” Mia smiles. “Do whatever you’ve got to do to get over this.”