Until Kelly by Vera Quinn

Chapter Twenty-Six

Kelly

My testimony took longer than expected. It was three days instead of one, and it was grueling. I was surprised when I had seen Sage and Jax Mayson sitting in the back of the courtroom. They were the only ones in the courtroom that I knew besides the attorney who prepped me and Special Agents Torres and Kace.

I’ve done my part now to put away the men that organized the human trafficking ring. I could go back to my life in Tennessee now or even Alabama, but I would always be looking over my shoulder and everyone I know there would be in jeopardy. Ginny may not have been a good mother, but she is all I had at one time. I don’t want any harm to come to her. Then there is Kim, and I have brought enough grief into her life. I know Sage loves her and will always protect her. The way his eyes light up every time he mentions her name is something that I long for from Trask.

I keep going over everything that Sage and Jax told me about Trask. I want to believe that Trask loves me. I mean, I know he loves the Kelly he met that day in the diner, but can he love the real me with all my flaws? Will he trust me to never touch the drugs that my body still craves on my worst days? Can he still touch my body since he knows the many men I let touch my body for the drugs my body craved? Sage Mayson gave me hope that day in my hotel room and it’s all I have hung onto since that day. It’s been my lifeline.

I’ve also been thinking about what Haddie told me when I was running from that ugly confrontation in her den. She told me I had to forgive and love myself before anyone else could. Is that my problem? It has been driving me crazy. Forgive myself? Can I forgive myself? Have I forgiven myself? I don’t think I have, and I don’t know if I can. I let myself get into this mess. I watched my mom as she drug me from place to place and went through men like they were disposable. She used people, and I swore I would never be like her. I was going to do better. I would never be dependent on drugs or a man to take care of me but instead of doing the opposite, I became a carbon copy of her. If I had stayed on that road, I would have continued the line of a dysfunctional family. I have my second chance. I want it and I will make the most of it. I am going to work on forgiving myself. This last year, I have done my best to make myself a better a person. Not for a man, not for anyone but me. I wanted to be a better person. I am a better person. Now I just need to forgive myself for the way I was before. I need to look in the mirror every morning and say I love you and mean it. I can work on that. I might not be able to do it today or tomorrow but one day.

I was told I need to stay in Tennessee until the trial is over just in case I get recalled back to the stand. Then I am going back to Comfort.

If Trask is going to walk away from me, then he is going to tell me face-to-face. I’m not running anymore. I love Trask and that man owns my heart. If he doesn’t love me, then I will walk away and wish him the best, but I can’t just walk away and never know what his feelings for me are. He deserves closure with me, and I deserve closure with him.

I just need to work up the courage to face the people I left behind. They have made my life better and I need to say goodbye if I am leaving.