Shadows of Discovery by Brenda K. Davies

Chapter Thirty-Three

Lexi didn’t knowif she should follow the lycans out the door or remain inside. What would a completely innocent person do in this situation?

She got her answer when Brokk followed them out the door. Sahira went after him, and Lexi trailed them. She wanted to shove past them and bolt out to the barn to see what the lycans were doing, but she kept herself restrained enough to stroll behind the others.

Or at least she hoped she was strolling; that was the look she was going for anyway. She suspected she looked like a marionette and her puppet master was drunk.

She’d grown up here and was a simple person; she was not an immortal built for a life of crime and fighting.

But that’s exactly what she was now, and she was going to have to figure out how to be a good criminal.

Lifting her chin, she resolved not to focus on her walk and to act completely normal. This was all in her head; she was perfectly fine. They didn’t suspect a thing, or at least that’s what she told herself, and she hoped she was right.

By the time she arrived at the barn, the lycans were already exiting it. Four of them climbed onto their mounts, but the leader hung back to speak with Brokk.

“I heard about your father,” the man said.

Brokk stiffened, and hostility radiated from him. Sahira’s eyebrows lifted as Lexi’s gaze shot between the two men before shifting to the other lycans. These behemoths would take her down with ease, but she wouldn’t let Brokk fight alone.

“King Tove was a good man,” the lycan continued, and Brokk’s hostility ebbed. The lycan pitched his voice low as he kept his gaze on his men. “And I’m sorry for your loss.”

Lexi’s shoulders relaxed as the lycan strode toward his mount. Grasping the reins, he swung himself onto his horse without touching the stirrups.

“It’s only going to get worse,” Sahira said when the riders were out of view. “The Lord has complete control over all the realms, and with the dragons on his side, there’s no way to stop him.”

“Fucking Orin,” Brokk hissed.

“How many times do you think they’ll come back?” Lexi asked.

“They won’t stop until the Lord is convinced he’s crushed the rebellion,” Sahira said.

“He’ll never be convinced of that,” Lexi replied.

“No, he won’t,” Brokk said. “And even if he does crush it, he won’t stop.”

Before either of them could reply, he stalked away. Lexi started to follow him, but Sahira grasped her arm.

“Let him go,” Sahira said.

Brokk stopped at the edge of the lake and stood gazing across the water. Lexi had no idea what to do for him or anyone else. She’d been lucky here today, but how long would that luck last?

* * *

Lexi pacedthe confines of her room until she felt ready to scream. At 3:00 a.m., she wandered over to the window to gaze at the moon.

The bright, full orb lit the night sky as its rays cascaded across the land. Beneath its silvery glow, the world didn’t look as devastated as it did in the daytime. It seemed almost peaceful. She yearned for looks not to be deceiving, but there was no changing the past.

Gazing at the moon reminded her of the time she’d stood in the moon room with Cole. The memory was so vivid she felt his breath on her nape as he introduced her to the four moons of the Gloaming.

She hadn’t known what to make of him then, but he’d awakened something inside her that night, and it refused to be caged again. Then the memory of him vanished, and she was once again alone in her room. And she was colder than she’d ever been in her life.

What would she do if he didn’t return?

Dropping her head into her hands, she rubbed her temples before turning away from the moon. She would survive without him; she had no other choice, but she would make a stand against the Lord.

She may not be a powerful immortal, but she would be another enemy of that madman. And if Cole died, she would find a way to make him pay for his death.

Turning away from the window, she retrieved her thick, white robe from where it lay on the end of her bed and left the room. Lexi had no idea where she was going as she descended the stairs, but she couldn’t stay in her room.

Light filtered out of the library. She was usually the one awake and roaming around in the middle of the night, but when she stepped into the doorway, she spotted Brokk sitting in one of the chairs, staring at the fireplace. She stood uncertainly for a minute before padding toward him.

For a minute, she suspected he’d fallen asleep in the chair, but as she came around the side of it, she saw he was awake. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix sat on his lap.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked.

“No.” She settled onto the cushion of her overstuffed love seat and tucked her feet beneath her. “You couldn’t either?”

“No.”

“He’s been gone for over a week.”

“For all we know, the trials could take a year.”

“A year?” she squeaked.

“They won’t. I’m pretty sure we would have heard if it took my father that long to complete them, but it could still be a while.”

Though he spoke to her, he continued to stare straight ahead.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

A small smile curved his lips before he leaned back in the chair and relaxed a little. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Do you have to feed?”

“I hunted a deer after the lycans left earlier.”

“What about… what about… ah… you know the, ah… dark fae side of you?”

She fought the blush burning its way up her neck as she asked the question. She felt like an idiot for blushing over this conversation, but it wasn’t one she wanted to have with him.

“I mean,” she said, “I don’t know about the dark fae… well, I do know about the dark fae, but I don’t know about you since you’re only half, but it’s been a week… and… and….”

It took everything she had not to bolt from the room as Brokk grinned at her.

“And as a dark fae, I must be ready to go insane?” he asked.

Was her face on fire? It took all she had not to try to cover her burning cheeks.

“I’m fine,” he assured her.

“If you have to… if you have to go somewhere for a little bit, we’ll be fine here.”

“I can control my deviant ways for a little longer.”

His teasing only caused her to blush more, something she wouldn’t have believed possible until her face burned hotter. Shifting her attention to the fireplace, she tried not to think about Orin down there.

She didn’t have many friends, but she considered Brokk one, and she didn’t want to lose him. For a second, the urge to tell him was so strong she almost blurted her secret, but she clamped her lips together.

She couldn’t tell him before Cole. Cole was already going to be pretty pissed at her for this; if she spilled everything to Brokk first, he’d only feel more betrayed. No, her guilt was her penance, and she would have to live with it until she could unburden herself.

“Besides, Cole would kill me if I left you here unprotected,” Brokk said.

“I’m sure he would understand. He is half dark fae himself.”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

Lexi didn’t argue with him, but they both knew he would eventually have to go somewhere for the dark fae to feed.

“How do you like the book?” she asked.

He shrugged and fiddled with the book’s binding. “I haven’t been able to pay much attention to it.”

“You miss your father.”

“I miss my whole family. I once had eight other brothers and my father. Now, it’s just Cole and me.”

She hadn’t lost as much as Brokk and Cole during the war, but she knew what it was like to feel almost entirely alone in this world. Before Cole entered her life, she only had Sahira. And though she tried to remain optimistic he would survive the trials, she couldn’t stop the niggling doubt festering in the back of her mind.

The war had already stripped so much from them; it couldn’t take Cole too.

“He’s coming back,” she whispered.

“He is,” Brokk said. “After my father, he is the most powerful being I know. He killed a dragon, Lexi. By himself and with no weapons. I’ve never heard of anyone accomplishing such a feat.”

“He killed a dragon,” she murmured more to herself than to him.

Right now, she needed the reminder.

“I know this is going to sound cliché, but your father does live on in you,” she said. “He always will. My father lives on in me too. Sometimes, I open my mouth, and my dad comes out. One day, when I have children, the same thing will happen to them. Except, they’ll think it’s me coming out of them, but it’s really my dad. It makes you wonder how many generations of our family, that we never met, influence our lives and actions.”

When Brokk didn’t say anything, the tick of the grandfather clock in the sitting room filled the silence. The passing of those seconds was a constant reminder of time marching steadily onward.

As an immortal, she still had plenty of time left to her, but she also resented those passing seconds. Each one of them was another second without her dad and Cole.

Each one of them was one more tick toward her forgetting more about her dad. And it would happen; she did not doubt it. No matter how many times she replayed her memories of him in her head, it was impossible to remember everything, and some of them were slipping away.

The memory that mattered most, the one of his unconditional, enduring love for her, would never fade. That love lived in the center of her soul and always would.

“It’s an interesting concept,” Brokk finally said. “Some of our habits could be those of a being who lived thousands of years before us, and we don’t even know it.”

“I like to think at least a few of our habits are. We may be immortal, but we can die, and this way, at least a part of us truly does live on forever.”

“I had some insane ancestors then.”

Lexi laughed and rested her head against the back of her chair. “Me too.”

They fell into a companionable silence, and as she listened to the ticking clock, her eyes closed, and she finally slept.