Never Mine by Clare Connelly
Chapter 13
“NOAH? WHAT ARE YOU doing here?”
“We need to talk.” Noah’s voice was gruff, probably owing to the fact he’d barely slept in the last forty eight hours.
“I’m on my way out –,”
“It won’t take long.”
Gray Fortescue sent his old friend a look of impatience then nodded curtly. “Fine. Come in.”
Noah had been to Gray’s townhouse enough times to be comfortable there. He strode through the entrance way, into the lounge area, then pressed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.
“What’s up?”
Gray’s voice held an edge of wariness.
“It’s about Max.”
“I gathered,” Gray drawled.
“The thing is, you were right. There was something going on between us, but I ended it. Your opinion matters to me. Our friendship matters to me.”
Gray was silent.
“Relationships, women, love, all that crap, it’s never been my bag. You know that, I know that. I get why you freaked out when you saw us together.”
“Did I freak out?”
“Yeah.”
“Fine. She’s my sister.”
“I know that. But if Max wants to be with me, that’s not really any of your business.”
Gray glowered.
“But at the same time, you’re my friend, and I wanted to do you the courtesy of telling you I love her. That I’m going to tell her I love her, and if she’s crazy enough to love me back then I want to make a life with her, because the truth is, I can’t imagine mine without her in it.”
Gray stood very still for a long moment, then turned and moved to the fridge, pulling out a mineral water and a beer. He cracked the tops then slid the mineral water across the counter towards Noah.
“So what? Are you asking me for my permission to date her or something?”
Noah let out a rough belly laugh. “I think we both know she’d kill us for having that conversation about her, right?”
Gray grinned. “Sounds about right.”
“This isn’t about your permission. I’m going to tell her I love her. But I’m here as a courtesy, because I care about you, and I don’t want anything that happens between her and me to piss you off. I love her, man. I’ve never said those words to anyone before, but I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t tell her how I feel. Enough’s enough.”
Gray’s lips tugged downwards in a tight frown. “Have you spoken to her since you left?”
“No.” Noah threw back half the mineral water. “I needed some time to sort my head out. I don’t want to feel this way about her. I’ve fought it basically since I first met her. But I love her, and apparently that’s not something I have any say in.”
Gray considered that.
“You don’t approve?”
“It’s not that,” he said heavily. “It’s just –,”
“What?”
“She’s pretty pissed at you.”
Noah’s gut twisted. He was at the edge of the ravine again, a steep, impossible fall right before him. “Yeah?”
“Furious. I don’t think you’re going to find it easy to get her to listen to you.”
Noah finished his drink. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I mean it, Noah. She felt like you pulled the rug out from under her.”
“And I guess you haven’t enlightened her as to our conversation?”
“I know you. If you’d loved her, or wanted to be with her, you’d have stayed, no matter what I said.”
“I was an idiot,” Noah growled. “I didn’t have any idea how I felt. I didn’t know what the weight pressing against my chest meant, but hell, I’ve realized since. I have thought about her every hour of every day since I left.”
“Then you’d better go try your luck.”
Noah nodded, tension radiating through him. What if Max didn’t want him? What if she told him to go to hell?
Then at least he’d know. He had to do this. There was never an easy way from the earth to the stars…
“I needto go home before the event, Felix.” Max stifled a yawn as she slid into the backseat of her car, scrolling through her emails and flicking aside the ones she could attend to later. She’d been in the office for twelve hours, and the thought of going to a restaurant opening tonight was almost bone-wearying but she didn’t contemplate, even for one moment, backing out. She’d committed to go, for a start, but on top of that, if Max had learned anything in the past two weeks it was that staying busy was the only way to keep sane. If she was home, or alone, without work or distraction, it was too easy for her mind to wander, to focus on memories that brought her no joy. Or perhaps it was that they brought her too much joy and were therefore immensely painful: there was no scope to sink into those reflections and enjoy them as snippets of her past. Too much pain flooded through her whenever she thought of Noah, and so she blocked him from her mind as much as possible.
She leaned back against the luxurious leather seat, forcing herself to focus, forcing herself not to think about Noah when he was everything she saw and thought. As the car turned into her street, she switched off her phone and pushed it into her bag, turning to look out of the window.
Everything at home reminded her of Noah. Everything. And she tormented herself by staying, when it would have been easier to leave, to go to one of her homes that they’d never been to together, to spend the summer in Rome or Berlin, Sydney or Cape Town, anywhere other than Chelsea, where he was in the kitchen, the lounge, her bedroom, everywhere.
A soft moan filled her mouth and she swallowed it back, refusing to let anyone, especially her driver, see what an emotional wreck she was.
The car drew through her gate, and into the garage; Max placed her hand on the door, prepared to step from the car as soon as it was parked. The engine was cut – she pushed open the door, aware of her driver stepping out and coming around. No, she wanted to scream. Leave me alone. She just needed a moment to feel shell-shocked, to be numb, to gather herself back together again before putting her mask on and pretending to all the world that she was the same Max Fortescue she’d always been – untouchable, unaffected, totally fine.
“It’s okay, Felix. I’ve got it.”
She didn’t look at him, wishing she’d pulled on a pair of sunglasses to cover her eyes. She kept her head bent instead, not looking at his face as she made her way through the garage and into the door of her house, upstairs. “I won’t be long,” she called over her shoulder. “I just need to have a shower and get changed.” Damn it, her voice wobbled a little, emotions clear in every syllable. She swallowed hard, bee-lining to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and stared aimlessly at the display before shutting it again, turning around just as someone stepped into the living room.
Her lips parted on a gasp of confusion. It wasn’t Felix who followed, but Noah Bloody Storm, dressed in the same clothes as her driver – wait. “You drove me here,” she murmured, numb, holding her arms around her torso, unprepared for this, not ready, not sure of anything except her body’s immediate response – to run towards him and throw herself at his chest, to feel his arms wrap around her, to hear him tell her, one more time, that everything was okay. That everything would be fine.
It was a neediness of which she didn’t approve, a craving she didn’t want to feel.
“Noah?” Her voice was louder than she intended. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.” The words were graveled. She dug her fingernails into her palms, resenting the sensual heat that fired through her at the sound of his voice.
“Why?” She changed her mind on the drink front, turning back to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of wine, pouring a generous measure into a Riedel glass which she slammed a little too heavily onto the counter. “Haven’t we said everything we need to say? Oh, no, that’s right. You left too abruptly for that. So what else is there?”
She threw back a gulp of the wine.
“Or is this less about talking and more about sex? Are you here for a booty call, Noah? Do you want to go upstairs and make love then disappear?” She took another sip. “Not love,” she corrected, with a self-scathing roll of her eyes. “Silly me. There was nothing loving about what we did, was there?”
The side of his jaw clenched. “I realise I hurt you.”
Her eyes flashed. “Hurt me? No. You made a fool of me, that’s not the same thing.”
“A fool of you? How?”
She clamped her lips together. She had no intention of telling him the truth – that she had let herself dream of so much more than he’d ever offered.
“You’re right,” she murmured caustically. “You didn’t make a fool of me; I did that all to myself.”
“How? Why?”
She finished the wine, her throat stinging with the acidity of the drink.
“It doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past, right?”
He came around the kitchen bench, but stilled when Max threw him a warning glance. It was all too familiar, reminding her of their last morning, when she’d come into the kitchen thinking of a future they might share in some way and discovering that he was leaving, with no intention of seeing her ever again.
“If it was in the past, would I be standing here right now?”
“I don’t know why you’re standing here.”
“Don’t you?”
She shook her head slowly, unwilling to even guess.
“There’s no easy way to tell you this.”
Her eyes widened and her heart sunk to her toes. “What?” Panic flooded her. Was he hurt? Sick? Was something wrong? Was it something with Gray? “Just say it, Noah.”
“All I wanted was to keep you safe,” he ground out. “To do a favour for a friend.”
Her stomach rolled. “I know that.”
“And then I met you and everything changed.” A frown caused his brows to knit together, a crease forming on his forehead. “Everything. My world, my life, my priorities, my thoughts on you, the universe, everything I wanted. I met you and all of a sudden, you’re all I can think of.” His throat chorded as he swallowed. “You’re all I want.”
Max sucked in a sharp breath, his confession the complete opposite of anything she might have expected.
“I fell in love with you, Max. Walking out of here and leaving you that morning was the hardest damned thing I’ve ever had to do. I hated every moment of that morning, that argument, of leaving you, but I told myself I had to. That I’d done my job, that you’d get over me. I thought I couldn’t give you what you wanted – what you deserve – a great future with a guy who loves you like you deserve to be loved. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving, but it has been a form of agony every day since. I’m in love with you.”
“You’re in love with me,” she whispered, shutting her eyes.
“And I know I probably ruined any chance with you by walking away. I realise I hurt you, that you trusted me and I betrayed that trust in the worst possible way. I should never have left here. I should never have ignored what you were saying, I should never have fought you, because you were right. What we shared was special and perfect; it was the most beautiful and right relationship I’ve ever known.”
Her lips parted on a soft exhalation.
“I want to be in your life.” He stood with his shoulders braced, looking every inch the confident-bordering-on-arrogant man he was, and yet she saw beneath it, to the uncertainty in his gaze, borne of a fear she might reject him. “I came here tonight to see if there’s any chance you’re okay with that.”
Was that seriously a question?
“Noah,” she sighed, eyes closed as she tried to rally her thoughts.
“As much or as little as you want,” he growled. “We can take it slow, start from scratch. Go on dates – I’d love to date you, Max.”
Something popped in her belly, like little fireworks. She pressed her hand there and spun away, her cheeks overheating.
“Or I can leave, if you’d like, and give you time to think about it. The ball’s in your court.”
She nodded, completely shell-shocked.
“Okay.” His voice was resonant. “You have my number. I’ll be in town indefinitely.”
She spun back to face him. “Why?”
He quirked a brow.
“Do you have a client here?”
“No. I don’t usually do protective details anymore. I’m moving my corporate presence to London for the interim.”
“Because of me?”
His expression was defiant, as though he was scared that if he admitted that to her, he would be too vulnerable. So when he nodded, just once, she knew what that had taken, and her heart swelled to at least twice its original size.
It was almost impossible to know what to say.
“Okay,” he repeated. “I’ll go now.” He hesitated a moment, then moved towards Max, pressing a kiss against her forehead, and up close he smelled so damned good, every part of her exploded. She lifted her hands, curling them in his shirt, holding on as though she were drowning and he alone could save her.
He took a step back, dislodging her hands, then began to move out of the kitchen, towards the front door. She heard his footsteps, and it was like each one was the thundering of a drum, loud and consequential, so before she knew it she was following behind him.
“Noah, wait,” she murmured.
He froze, almost as though bracing for what she was going to say.
“Don’t come here to apologise for walking out on me then walk out on me all over again.”
“I’m giving you space,” he denied. “Do you want me to stay?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “At least until I’ve had a chance to reply. You can’t just walk in here and drop a bombshell like this and then go away again. That’s not fair.”
His expression bore a tight, wary mask. “Then what do you want to say?”
She bit down on her lower lip. “I’m so mad at you.”
He clipped his head once. “You have every right to be.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. I know how I’m allowed to feel.”
He lifted his hands in a conciliatory gesture, not saying anything in reply.
“You broke my heart when you walked out of here, Noah.”
His eyes darkened and she saw the recognition there, the self-directed anger. She understood how much he hated that he’d done that to her.
“You treated me like I was disposable to you, like I meant nothing. You treated me like a client you’d saved, and could move on from and forget.” Emotion made her voice uneven. “I have spent every night since then believing you felt that way about me and I have been so completely, utterly miserable.”
Sympathy softened his features, pain too.
She swallowed past a lump in her throat. “But I just need to understand exactly what you want. I can’t lose you again. I need to know how to protect myself from loving you so completely that I’m torn apart all over again.” She bit down on her lower lip. “I’m scared, Noah.”
“Scared I’ll hurt you?”
“Scared I’ll lose you, yeah.”
“And if I promise you won’t?”
She toyed with her hands, fidgeting from a mix of nerves and excitement.
He closed the gap between them. “I will never hurt you again, Max.”
She stared into his eyes, her heart pounding.
“Can you trust me?”
“You know I trust you.”
He moved his head closer, his eyes boring into hers. “And do you think you could love me?”
She glanced up at him. “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have felt like a part of me was missing since you left.”
“You’ve felt that too?” For the first time since he arrived, his lips half-smiled.
Her heart stammered. “Yep. A lot.”
She looked up at him and her stomach clenched. He brushed his lips over hers. “I love you. I love you in a total, overwhelming, forever kind of way. I always will.”
Her laugh was unsteady. “Forever, huh? I thought we were just talking about dating.”
“To start with, sure.”
“And then what?”
“Well, I thought we could spend a week on the boat,” he suggested, dropping his mouth once more, nipping at her lower lip.
She smiled. “Just a week?”
“Forever?”
“Forever sounds about right.”
“I could honestly live here,you know,” she stretched her arms over her head, smiling as the water bobbed beneath the boat.
“We might need a bigger boat,” Noah grinned ruefully, looking around at the mix of books, laptops and clothes that were strewn across the bedroom.
“Fine by me.” Max flipped onto her stomach, running a hand over his naked chest before pressing a kiss to his chest.
Three months after Noah’s return to London, they’d been on the boat almost nonstop. Max had started to lose track of time and days.
“I think your tattoo is wrong, my love.” She propped her chin on his chest. “It turns out, the path to the stars is easy after all. It starts with love.”
Later that night, beneath stars that were twinkling against a velvet black sky, the night turning cool as the seasons changed, Noah waited until they’d eaten dinner before reaching into his pocket and removing a small, black velvet box.
“You’re the meaning to my life, Max. I didn’t know until I met you that I was incomplete, but now that I know you, I can’t imagine ever spending another day without you.” He crouched down on one knee, the boat’s gentle rocking adding to Max’s shifting heart.
“What’s that?” She blinked at the box, her pulse racing.
He cracked the lid open to reveal a diamond solitaire ring. “A promise.”
“Oh?”
“To love you for every single day, for as long as we both shall live; if you’ll let me.”
Her fingers trembled as she held out her hand to him. He slid the ring onto her finger and stood, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her into the air.
And Max believed him. With all of her heart, soul, body and mind, she knew that Noah Storm was her life and future, and always, always would be.
THE END
I hope you loved Max and Noah’s story! Grayson’s book is #2 in THE RICH LIST, and is available for pre-order now.
