An Unexpected Kind of Love by Hayden Stone

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next day mercifully brings more work to occupy me in the shop with getting ready to reopen. There are more books on shelves than not. Everything’s starting to look very promising, even better than pre-filming. I suppose the fresh paint and new floors were worth it. We stand by the broad front window, having just put the curtain rod back up again. I climb down the ladder. Hanging curtain rods is about the extent of my DIY expertise.

DIY makes me think of Blake, and I sigh.

Meanwhile, Gemma thinks I’m sighing over decor, which is probably for the best. Less explanations that way.

“I can even sew new curtains for the window, if you want,” Gemma muses, holding the old fabric curtains over her arm.

“You can sew?”

“I’m a woman of many talents,” Gemma informs me breezily. She grins.

“It might be time for a new look, I suppose.” I consider the old curtains in her arms. They’ve been up for at least ten years. At the very least, they could use a wash.

“Let’s take some measurements. I can go get some fabric samples and we can pick something out. Or look at fabric online.”

“’Kay.”

Gemma looks dead impressed. “Wow.”

“Don’t go wild with ruffles. Just promise me.”

“No ruffles, no valances, no blinds,” she promises, counting them off on her fingers.

“Do you mind putting the curtains in the kitchen so I can do the wash later?”

“No problem.” She goes off.

Relieved, I go back to shelving in the J section. There’s comfort in the familiar routine as I lose myself again in Blake-related thoughts. Rash thoughts, if I’m honest. My furtive peeks at his Instagram have only escalated from that lapse after leaving the pub. I’ve had several looks today at that sunrise and Blake’s words.

What if I went to America to find him? To tell him how I feel?

I can’t decide if that’s terribly romantic or terribly creepy. Probably terribly creepy. Let the poor man put his life back in order with his family. Obviously, they’re the most important people in his life. He has to put them first. And audition for his breakout role.

Plus, going after Blake means taking a very long flight and I nearly died from nerves on the plane last year going to Berlin from London. Shit, I barely made it onto the plane. Going to New York or wherever Blake might be would be the end of me.

His life’s in America, Aubrey. Sometimes you just have to learn to let go.

As the afternoon stretches on, I continue shelving books in the Classics and Collectibles section. Gemma’s tackling Young Adult two bookcases over. The curtains whir away in the washer in the kitchen. I continue to torture myself over Blake. If only I had a magic bean to bring him back.

The things you do to yourself.

“Knock knock,” calls yet another familiar male voice from the cordoned doorway, once more open to the bright day outside for a breeze.

It’s not Eli or Blake, but Ryan.

Ryan?

It’s been a while since my friend’s been by the shop on his own. My stomach tightens as I think back on the awkwardness in the pub with Eli last night. It feels like a lifetime ago.

As I turn, it’s definitely Ryan in his wheelchair at the door. He’s all dark hair and friendly smile. His arms are well-muscled, as evidenced by that form-fitting white T-shirt, from wheeling himself around London, which he says is a good workout and that he’s still getting around on wheels like he did before.

“Hey!” I say with surprise.

He peers curiously into the shop. “I was hoping to buy a book but I see you’re still closed.”

“For you, anything. Though I still have plenty of inventory in boxes and I can’t guarantee that I’ll have what you’re after right away. But I’ll find it,” I assure him with a grin, opening the cordon and waving him in. “Sorry for the treachery of boxes and books everywhere. I wasn’t thinking about making this shop accessible while we put everything back on the shelves from the filming.”

“Heard about that,” Ryan says. “Things are coming together well?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “Maybe.”

He chuckles. “Don’t worry if you can’t find the book right away, either.”

“What’re you after?”

“Something hopeful.”

“Hopeful… What sort of hopeful?”

“Something to restore my faith in humanity.” Ryan grins, a familiar and warm sight. “Surprise me.”

I purse my lips, looking at him thoughtfully. “How do you feel about queer romance? I’ve been reading some interesting stuff lately.”

“Go on.” Ryan perks up. “That’s outside my usual. Exactly what I need. And they’re good?”

“They’re fab,” I assure Ryan, with a smile that comes from I don’t know where. “How about Red, White & Royal Blue and Boyfriend Material? A couple of recent queer romances.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Gemma’s broad grin as she pretends not to listen to our exchange, while I likewise pretend not to notice her. I go to the shelf and retrieve a copy of each. I pass them to Ryan.

“How much do I owe you?” he asks.

I wave him off. “Nothing. Honestly. Consider it part of your birthday gift.”

“Aubrey, how can you run a business like this?” Ryan chastises me good-naturedly.

“Ugh. Let’s not even go there.” He’s got a point and it stings.

I think of Blake then. Of his talk of sales strategies and the nonsense I’ve never thought of. Which leads me straight into other memories. Is he missing the bean of the day? Missing me?

A sigh escapes me. I focus back on Ryan as Gemma returns to shelving books. “Thanks for stopping in, by the way.”

“Well, I was in the neighborhood. Thought to check in. I’m going later to meet up with Eli,” Ryan explains.

“Yeah?” I give him a curious look. Now that’s interesting.

“I need a couple of things from the flat. And to talk.”

I redden. “I’m, er, very sorry if I’ve come between you at all.”

Ryan gazes at me. “I think it’s less the real you than the fantasy version of you that Eli had in his head. He was never a hundred percent in, you know? Kind of like he was holding out some hope you’d come back.”

That I’d come back? He left me.

I shake my head. “That’s not going to happen.” I’m certain of it, part of my realization after drinks with Eli. At long last, I’m letting go. There’ll be a part of me that’ll always love Eli, pain in the arse that he is, because he was my first love, my first long-term boyfriend as an adult. “He’ll always be important to me, but I don’t see a future together. Just history, I guess. And history sometimes makes people foolishly nostalgic, remembering only the good bits and glossing over the bad.”

Ryan chuckles at that. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“Not at all. Honestly, you can ask me anything at this point,” I say.

“What happened to the man you brought to my birthday?”

My shoulders sag. “He’s gone home. To America.”

Thousands of miles away, and part of me was still hoping that it was him who turned up earlier on my doorstep unannounced.

“And…are you still seeing each other?”

I shake my head as loss washes over me, too close and uncomfortable. What to say? “I don’t think he was ready.”

Ryan gives me a curious look. “I saw the way he looked at you, though.”

I blink. “The way he looked at me?”

“Like you were the only person there.” Ryan considers me thoughtfully. “Like you were the only person that mattered.”

I gulp. “Well, I’m sure you saw the papers.”

“I did.”

“That complicated things. Made things more real, and harder for various reasons. Mainly for him. I don’t really care what the media says about me. I’m terribly boring and won’t hold their interest for long. But Blake’s a different story. He has a lot more riding on his public image.”

Ryan nods as he listens. “As an actor, right?”

“Apparently he’s a hit on Instagram too.”

“Like an influencer?”

I give a helpless shrug. “That’s well beyond me, I’m afraid. I just know that he wanted to be the one to control what was being put out there about him, rather than it being done on his behalf.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Ryan gazes at me. “What do you want?”

“Want?” Normally, I’m a reasonably literate person and words are up my street. A simple word like “want” shouldn’t be such a shock to my system, like he’s speaking another language. It’s like ice water to the face. The idea of “want” is an unthinkable shock.

He nods. “Want.”

I open my mouth and redden. God. The thought of Blake is dizzying, something much greater than want. That feeling of something more.

And I need him. As much as any person can need another.

He gives me a smile. “You know it’s all right to pursue what you want?”

I blink again.

“Truly,” says Ryan.

“I suppose…I haven’t thought of things like that before.” And it’s well past time that I did, to be fair. Like I’ve been hiding out in my own head to try to keep from living with my heart. From getting hurt again. I’ve been trying to protect myself from feeling too much, expecting things not to work out. Despite my best efforts, I feel everything for Blake, regardless of things working out. Or not. Apparently, heart wins out.

“Maybe,” he offers, “you should.”

Ryan’s right. Since I feel everything already, I should tell Blake. Maybe he feels the same and maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’ll be worth him fighting to keep his career alive and maybe it’s not. And what about Blake’s family back home, and coming out to his dad? There’s so much on the line, but I couldn’t imagine trying to keep a huge part of my life secret. What will Blake do? Will he dare? But I’m already in so deep, I need to take the risk of telling him how I feel about him, about how much I want him, about how important he is to me. Because if there’s a chance that he feels the same way, there might be hope for a future together. If I don’t take that chance, there’s no hope.

My stomach does flips in response. Flips of longing and need and desire. Things that I might have written off a month ago.

“Gemma?” I call out.

“Right here.” She emerges from between the oak stacks where she’s been working—the occasional thump of books as testament—but she’s obviously also listening to our conversation. Which would be difficult to avoid overhearing in the front room of the shop. Her hair’s knotted up in a bun and she’s wearing a Kelly-green blouse that flows over her jeans.

Gemma grins at us. “You should totally listen to Ryan.”

Ryan laughs, pleased. “Thanks. I’ve done my part here.”

I look intently at her. “I might need you to mind the shop for a couple of days at least. There’s something important that I need to do.”

“Of course,” Gemma agrees and salutes. “Reporting for duty.”

“Promise me you won’t rearrange any furniture while I’m away or sign any more agreements?”

“Scout’s honor.”

My shoulders relax, tension ebbing. “I’ll hold you to that.” Relieved, I nod. “Brilliant. I’ll need you both to excuse me.” I need to call Lily and come up with a plan.

“Good luck.” Ryan winks, then turns his chair to go. “And thanks for the books.”

“Of course.”

“Let us know how you get on?” he calls over his shoulder.

“I will.”

What I want is so clear: Blake. Because, against all odds, I’ve fallen in love. And God help me, I’m going to America to find Blake and tell him that.