Then You Saw Me by Carrie Aarons

8

Taya

The thought, you’ve got to be kidding me, nearly leaves my lips as I walk out the front door.

Because out of the only two people home right now, I’m the one who is blocked in. By Austin.

I was going to head to campus to study in the library since my brain won’t properly digest Mandarin prepositions in the warmth of my bed. That is, until I walked outside and saw that Austin’s shiny, beautiful car was blocking in my hand-me-down, sputtering mess of a truck.

The last thing I want to do is ask him to move it. But I know that I won’t learn this information if I don’t go to the library. And I have an oral exam coming up in my Mandarin course, one I need to prepare for. Some languages are easy for me, and I pick them up with no problem. Mandarin isn’t one of them.

It’s been a busy week with classes, trying to craft the perfect application for the UN internship, and just general college student living. We had our dryer break, so wet clothes have been hung over every surface of the first floor as we wait on the maintenance guy. Our landlord is a prick, and Bevan threw a fit when one of her favorite black sweaters was damaged right before the dryer went kaput.

And now this? Is mercury in retrograde or something?

I realize I’ll have to ask him anyway since I planned to go get groceries after the library.

With shaky legs, I walk all the way up the stairs to the attic. I’ve been up here plenty of times, since the boys used to play video games in Gannon’s room. Am and Gannon would hang out up here all the time, and I don’t know why it became a hangout spot. We have a full living room downstairs. But that’s Gannon for you, bringing the attention around like he was the sun and we were all orbiting him.

It’s no wonder my hometown friend was selected to be on a reality show, he has the perfect personality for it. There’s no doubt that the boy will be famous, and we’ve all known it from an early age.

My fist raised, I knock, and my heart stutters as my knuckles tap the wood of the door.

“Yeah?” comes from inside.

With a deep breath, I enter his space.

The large attic room, which is probably the size of my normal living room at home, still looks like Gannon’s. Not much has changed aside from a Blink 182 poster and the stack of textbooks on the desk. Gannon wouldn’t have been caught dead studying or working on something, which is what Austin is doing on the large cream-colored hand-me-down couch in the center of the room. His bedspread is also different, a hunter green where Gannon used to have tie-dye blue.

“I think you parked me in.” I don’t bother with small talk.

Honestly, I don’t think this guy even wants to talk to me. Because, well, he hasn’t in over four days. We see each other in the house, smile or nod, and then move on. He never meets my eyes and barely strikes up a conversation, so I’ve put a safeguard on my heart.

I shouldn’t have expected anything to change. We lived in the same town for years and he never cared to notice me. Now, we’ve gone to the same college for two years and have never crossed paths. Living in the same house shouldn’t change his blissful ignorance of me. I am the dumb one that thought it would have meant something.

Austin begins to rise, patting his sweatpants pockets for his keys. “Oh, shit, sorry. Yeah, I’ll come down and move it.”

I nod, saying nothing else, and turn on my heel to go. The guy doesn’t want to talk to me? Fine. But I’m not getting my hopes up by forming some kind of acquaintance-ship with him.

Footsteps sound on the stairs behind me as we descend together, about five or so stairs apart. I feel Austin’s heat behind me, or maybe I just imagine it because the sexual tension that invades my space when I’m near him is palpable. Though, there is no way he’s reciprocating that or feeling it, too.

Jesus, I need to move on. I’m going out this weekend and bringing the first boy I’m interested in home with me. Seriously, I need to bang these feelings away. I was fine; I was good. Until the guy moved into my damn house. I’ve been with other people since getting over my crush on him years ago.

Once we’re in the kitchen, I twiddle my thumbs, waiting for Austin to put his stuff on and grab his keys. I should have just studied in my room. This whole experience is too long and too awkward, especially because I’m pretty sure we’re both aware he blew me off at that party.

“Where you headed off to?” he asks as he sits down to put his sneakers on.

I stand awkwardly on the other side of the kitchen, by the side door that leads down to the driveway outside.

“To the library. I need to study for my Mandarin course, and unfortunately if I do that here I’ll only end up watching another episode of Succession.”

“I love that show.” His head whips up from his shoelaces. “What season are you on?”

“Halfway through season two,” I tell him, unsure why I opened this door to conversation in the first place.

“Oh, man, such a great show. Fucked-up family, but great show.” He chuckles and shakes his head as he stands and grabs his coat.

“Isn’t everyone’s family fucked up?” I crack the joke, but it sounds too bitter.

I’ve been in a funk since that phone call with my family.

Austin stops in his tracks and turns with his hand on the doorknob. “Actually, yeah.”

We’re too close, and he’s staring at me. The house is too quiet. Something is about to happen, and I duck under his arm and wedge my way out the door. I will not read into things with this guy any longer.

We move toward our cars, and I’m about to open my driver’s side door when Austin stops me.

“You know, I’m trying to avoid studying.” He shuffles a foot on the ground in almost a shy manner.

Shy? Austin Van Hewitt? Who would have thought? It strikes me as a background thought in my mind that I don’t actually know much about the guy’s personality. I only know the larger-than-life hometown celebrity version of him.

He’s not moving toward his car, and I’m too sensitive right now to stand here and do this. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I just don’t feel like doing this.

“Okay? Well, I’m trying to actually do it, which is why I need you to move your car so I can go to the library.”

My voice is pretty bitchy, and I’d like to blame it on the guy leading me on. But he’s not doing that, I’m just the one who feels like he is. Which pisses me off even more.

“Taya, I think that …” Austin seems like he’s going to say something heartfelt because he looks down and glances back up.

And when he does, I can see a million emotions running through those mocha eyes. But that changes, and he extends his hand like he’s trying to make some point. Whether it’s to make a point to himself, or to me, I’m not sure.

“I’d love to spend more time with you. How about I grab us coffees and we go to the library together?”

I’m shocked into silence at the fact that he wants to spend time with me. And suddenly, everything I’ve been trying to tell myself since the morning after the party just evaporates.

Austin will always be that guy for me. The one who can make me weak with one look, who I will throw away all my strength for. We all have that guy, the one who makes us look crazy and desperate and can have us doing headstands when we said we were going to sleep. Each girl has been there in their life, and if you say you haven’t, you’re lying. I’m not certain what power they wield, these guys, but he has it over me, and I can’t say no. Even though I seriously want to.

“Okay. Sure.” I shrug before I know what I’m doing.

He flashes me a smile and holds a finger as if to say, one second.

While he goes to get his backpack and textbooks, I wait in the driveway, hopelessly trying not to read into what is about to happen and make it a coffee and study date with Austin Van Hewitt.