Camden by Shey Stahl

 

“Do you even know who the dad is?”

Her eyes are locked on mine when she breathes out, “No.”

No?

The words, the confession, it burns deep. It ignites fears of doubt that she’d slept with someone else.

I repeat the words back in my head. Over and over again.

No.

I heard that correctly, right? She doesn’t know who the father is?

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit. I know by one look in her eyes, the one before I leave the room; that one tells me she knows. She fucking knows.

My thoughts spin back around to her being pregnant. How can she be fucking pregnant? I used a condom, didn’t I? All four times? I mean, I think we did, but fuck, I had been a caught up in everything and I did stick it in once, but then put one on. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Did I forget? How could I have?

I picture her face in my head and the way she looked at me before she said no. Vindictive. She did that to get back at me. I know it. I know her.

I’ve always loved the rush being thirty feet in the air gives me but there’s nothing like a botched landing to remind you dying is a very real possibility.

That’s what loving River is like.

Being thirty feet in the air and fearing the landing.

And this one, I botched completely because the only reason she said that lie was to hurt me.

I wait an hour, after she’s seen the surgeon for her leg, her forehead stitched up. She’s alone for the first time, Amberly waiting outside the room. Tiller went back to the hotel and everyone else is with the kids.

I wrap my arms around Amberly, pull her into my chest and whisper in her ear, “She’s gonna be okay.”

She nods, holding me closer. “Talk to her for me. She won’t listen to me.”

Amberly’s right. She won’t. River’s hardheaded, just like Tiller. “What do you want me to say?”

“I’m not an idiot, Camden,” she breathes, pulling back. She knows. But she doesn’t say it out loud. My body stiffens in anticipation. She holds back and when I shift my stance and lean into the wall, her eyes meet mine. “She’s like Tiller. Quick to spiral out of control and I don’t want this going further than tonight. She needs to see this too is okay. We’re going to be okay.”

I nod, though I’m not so convinced. With another sigh, I roll my shoulder off the wall and turn to the door. Inside, River is sitting up, her face in her palms.

Do you see her there? Broken. Confused. She’s sobbing so hard she’s hyperventilating.

Sighing, I move forward and lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her toward me. Her head rests on my chest. I can’t, won’t, let her be alone in this.

How could this have happened? I thought, I mean, I know we used a condom.

“Whose is it?”

She shifts, winces at her leg that’s splinted and stabilized by pillows. She looks up at me but I’m not given an answer. Just a defiant stare she’s perfected over the years.

“Who the fuck is the father, River?” I whisper, keeping my eyes locked on hers.

She holds too, because like I said, when she wants to hurt you, she will. “You made it clear you and me were a mistake. Why should I tell you anything?”

I snort, shaking my head. I run my hand over my face and groan. “I have a right to know.” I look over at her again. “And you sound like a fucking child at the moment, you know that, right?”

Her eyebrows pull together and tug on the bandage on her forehead. There’s bruising below it like she’s been punched and I hate the reminder that I could have lost her tonight and we’re here fighting over this. “Do you have the right to know? You’re just assuming it’s yours, aren’t you? You were gone a month. Could be anyone’s baby.”

That one earns a laugh from me. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and try again. I lean in, so close my nose brushes hers. “The look on your face tells me it is.”

She inhales sharply. “I’m on pain medication. It’s my I’m-fucked-up face.”

I scowl deeper, my voice low and raw from the restrained emotion I’ve desperately been trying to hold back. “Cut the crap.”

“What crap? You said I wasn’t the one, so why are we even having this conversation?”

The feelings I’m trying to shove aside surface. They boil over and everything I’m trying to keep bottled up fizzes and wants to let go. My chest tightens. “Why can’t you just admit it?”

“Admit what?” she asks quietly.

I touch her cheek and she flinches away from me. “The way you flush every time I’m in the room.”

“So? That doesn’t mean shit. Just because you get a reaction out of me, doesn’t mean this kid is yours. Could be Jonah’s… or….” She pauses and my heart thumps wildly. “Maverick.”

I’m out of the bed, distancing myself from her. She wanted to hurt me, well, she did. Maybe even worse than anyone ever has before. “You know, fuck this bullshit, Riv.” I slam my fist into the wall and throw the door open. “Let me know when you’re ready to have an adult conversation.”